Warnings are as expected, given the episode this is based off of.
When they arrive in glee, Ryder and Jake don't sit together. They're trying to prove to everyone that they're not attached at the hip. It's kinda ridiculous, Ryder knows, since they just walked in holding hands. But even still, Ryder searches out a seat off to the side while Jake goes to sit with Marley.
He's kinda surprised to see Coach there, but he doesn't think too much of it, as Mr Schue is about to start the lesson.
When he claps his hands, the noise seems to echo around the room. But, shit, no, that was a gunshot. Instantly, Ryder can feel his heart begin to hammer violently in his chest. He can barely hear anything beyond the pounding of blood in his ears.
He needs to take cover. The thought hasn't even formed properly when he finds himself already wedged in the corner. Unique is next to him, barely breathing as she battles with her fear.
He looks around. Everyone seems to be over the other side of the room. He spots Jake cowering behind the drum kit, Marley and Kitty beside him. Ryder can see there are tears on his face. It makes him realise that he's crying too.
His breaths are still coming in ragged gasps, but when he hears a noise outside they instantly become shallower. Is that the killer? The shooter? His mind conjures an image of a dark figure. As he hears the door handle jiggle, he finds himself wondering if he's about to die. He begins to panic again, unable to suck in a proper breath.
He's about to die. He's sure of it. Suddenly, all he wants is to be next to Jake. He needs him. Needs to hold him. Needs to feel his presence next to him. If he dies, he wants to die next to Jake. If he's gonna get through this ordeal, he needs Jake right here with him.
He wants to crawl across the classroom, slither over to Jake so he can be held in his strong arms. He considers it for a moment, starts to prepare himself to go. He can't do it though. He can't leave Unique here by herself. It wouldn't be fair. It wouldn't be fair to make her go through this on her own.
He lets himself collapse back against the wall, finds that his muscles are no longer able to hold him up. As he sits there, tears still rolling down his cheeks, he finds himself willing someone to come over here. Marley maybe. Or Kitty. Anyone to come be with Unique. Because he needs to get to Jake.
He looks back over to Jake, realises that he's watching him. Ryder can see the fear in Jake's expression, and suddenly he looks so young. After a moment, Jake turns away, whispers something to Marley. He detangles himself from her, and he crouches up. Ryder watches as he takes in a deep breath, shoulders shuddering slightly with the force of it. Suddenly, he's propelling himself forward, landing on his hands as he hurries across the room.
Ryder can hardly believe it when Jake is crashing into the wall next to him, sinking down to the floor. He feels his tears renew themselves, but this time, he thinks they might be from relief.
Jake's reaching a hand out now, fumbling with Ryder's thigh. It's this that makes Ryder realise how firmly he was gripping his leg. He watches as Jake pries his hand away, clasping it in his own. Their hold on each other is tight, painful even, and Ryder can feel the gouge marks from Jake's nails. But finally, finally, he realises that Jake is right here with him.
He's able to breathe easier now, Jake's presence calming him. His heart is still pounding though, and he doesn't think it'll ever return to its normal rhythm. He glances over at Jake, whose face is screwed up tightly, eyes still glassy with tears. He can't bear to look, so he turns away, just looks straight ahead.
It must be decided that he's getting too complacent, because suddenly, he's sure he hears another gunshot. Panic rises like bile in his throat, and he grips tighter at Jake's hand.
'I love you,' he tells him, voice sounding constricted as it fights past the fear.
Jake squeezes his hand briefly. 'I love you too.'
Suddenly, they're in each other's arms. Ryder is gripping at Jake's back, and the pads of Jake's fingers dig into his biceps. They just cling to each other, unable to let go. It feels as if every muscle is clenched tightly, every part of his body. Especially his windpipe.
Ryder opens his eyes. He hadn't even realised they were closed. Over Jake's shoulder, he spots Unique, looking so scared. And alone. He reaches an arm out to her, inviting her into the hug. She rushes forward gladly, pressing in tightly against Jake's back. Ryder feels her hands, soft and reassuring, on his own back.
And that's the position that they're in when they finally hear the all clear. Slowly, they detangle themselves, make their way over to the rest of the group. Gradually, Ryder can feel his whole body relax, feels the tension drain away.
But he has a hold of Jake's hand again, reassuring finger running over the marks he left. And he's not letting go for anything.
Xxx
It's a week after the shooting, and it seems to Ryder that he's barely left Jake's side that whole time. At least while at school.
For what feels like the first time, though, he's allowed himself to walk down the hallway alone, needing to get a book from his locker before glee. It feels weird, being on his own. In this past week he'd have had at least one member of New Directions with him.
'Child, I need to talk to you.' Ryder looks around wildly, trying to work out who Unique is talking to. But since she's fallen in step with him, she must be speaking to him too. Even though he's pretty sure he's older than her. 'Now, normally, I try to keep out of your mess of a love life, but this time you need Unique's help.'
Ryder feels bewildered, unsure why this conversation is even happening. 'My love life isn't a mess.'
'Mhmm, sure. Anyway, during lockdown, you told Jake you love him.' It isn't a question.
Ryder has to rack his mind for a moment. It's kinda painful, sifting through those memories. But he can dimly remember saying it, the words slipping out of their own accord. 'Yea, I-I did.'
'Had you told him that before?'
'No.' Unique's eyebrow quirks up at this.
'Have you told him since?'
'No.' There's a bit of a question in it. He really has no idea where this is going.
Her hands are on her hips now. It's kinda intimidating. 'Well, did you actually mean it?'
'Of course.' His tone is indignant; it's a ridiculous question.
'Well, it kinda seems like you were just saying it because of the situation. And Jake's probably thinking that. You need to tell him again.' Ryder is relieved that she's taken on a motherly tone now.
'I do?'
'Mhmm. Otherwise he'll be thinking that you don't really love him.'
'But I do,' he implores. He thinks for a moment. 'How am I supposed to do it?'
The impatient tone is back momentarily. 'Hell if I know. It needs to be deliberate though. You already did spur of the moment once. This time he needs to know it's intentional.'
'So what should I do?'
'I told you, I don't know. How do you expect me to know what guys like?' And suddenly she's flouncing off.
Xxx
'So what's happening?' It's Saturday, and Ryder's just picked Jake up, about to put his plan in action.
'Nah-uh, it's a surprise babe. Remember?'
Jake just grumbles in response, but it's only a few moments before Ryder is parking the car. They're at the park around the corner from Jake's house again. Ryder knows they could have just walked, but he wanted to keep this a surprise for as long as possible.
'Will you tell me now?' Jake's tugging at his arm as he tries to open the trunk of his car. 'Wait, are we going for a picnic?'
'Yea,' Ryder replies as he hands Jake the blanket. 'Is that ok?'
'Definitely.' Ryder takes Jake's hands, leading him over to the line of trees where they'd shared their first dance. He notices Jake's eyes light up when he realises the significance.
They lay the blanket out, and settle themselves down, Ryder pulling out all the food that he'd bought. They talk and laugh as they eat, sharing long looks and stealing kisses. Ryder is pretty sure this is the best date he's ever been on, even if he says so himself.
'This was so sweet of you, baby.' Jake tells him as he finishes the last donut.
'Well, that's not quite everything. Can you get the last of the stuff out of the basket?' He's lying down now, head pillowed on Jake's knees, so he can't really reach.
Jake leans over, hand that had been in Ryder's hair now searching through the basket. He pulls out a tray of chocolates, but then he's turning back to Ryder, confused. 'Why are there speakers in here?'
'I, um, wanted to serenade you.' He sits up now, leaning over to take the speakers from Jake. Jake's watching him, intrigued, as he sets the music playing. As the track for Your Song begins, Ryder looks deep into Jake's eyes, and sings to him. By the time the song finishes, he thinks Jake might be tearing up.
When Jake doesn't say anything, Ryder begins to explain. 'I-I wanted to make today special. Because I want to tell you something, and I wanted every moment to lead up to this.' He takes a deep breath, trying to calm himself. 'Jake, I love you.'
'I love you too.' Jake's smiling broadly now, leaning forward to pull him into a tight hug. When he eventually lets go, he places a kiss on Ryder's cheek, before sitting back. 'This, everything today, it was just – wow. It was perfect. Amazing. And I just – I love you so much, Ryder.'
All Ryder can do is smile in response. He doesn't think he's ever been this happy before.
So I know the speakers in the picnic basket was a bit cheesy, but I just wanted to include Your Song in this chapter.
I just want to take this opportunity to thank everyone again for reading this. Also big thanks for those who have favourited or followed. And to those of you who have reviewed, it means so much to me. I love hearing what you think of this. Checking to see if I have new reviews is a great reward system for getting up in the early mornings or writing assignments etc. So thanks for helping me with that!
And I think, hopefully, that I've worked out what I'm doing for the next two chapters. I think. Hopefully. But at least at the moment I have a plan for including the storyline I mentioned. So hopefully I won't need to stress too much.