AN: So I just noticed that this site doesn't add the page breaks I thought it did. I'm working to fix that now. Sorry about that. :/
They didn't get to say goodbye to anyone, left before the sun rose the next morning. Dean pressed his face against the window and tried not to cry. It was pointless, the crying. It wouldn't change anything. The few friends he made would probably forget about him soon enough anyway, it would be like he never existed in that small town on the Gulf of Mexico. Sometimes Dean thought that his whole life was going to be like that, he'd be a ghost in the background of some people's stories, but never have a chance to be the main character in anything.
They only stopped to eat and sleep on the way east. Apparently, John half explained while Sam slept wrapped in a blanket in the backseat, his dad had a lead on the thing that killed their mom, and he had to track it down. Dean couldn't help but think that they would have been just fine staying in Mississippi while his dad did what he had to do, but there was no arguing with him once John made up his mind. The boys spend Thanksgiving keeping quiet while their dad slept off the lead that went nowhere squatting in an abandoned house in Iowa and Christmas alone in a no name motel where Dean explained that monsters were real to his terrified and confused little brother.
The boys hadn't seen their dad since he dropped them off at Bobby's right after the New Year. Bobby had gotten the boys enrolled in school, but Dean had stopped really caring about it. He figured there wasn't really a point if no matter how well he fit in he'd just be ripped out at his father's will. Sam had become a real pain in his ass since he pinched Dad's journal and figured it all out. Kid couldn't sleep through the night without waking up screaming. It didn't matter how many times Dean swore the safest place they could ever be was Bobby's house, Sam couldn't shake that something was coming for them. It made sense really, Dean remembered being afraid when Dad first explained what really happened to their mom, but he knew Dad would do anything to protect them. Sam, it seemed, couldn't trust Dad that much. Dean did his best to comfort him, let Sam slide into his bed when he got too scared, even though they were both way too old for that kind of thing.
Sam had a routine now a nightly check of the room before bed: triple checking the closet, under the beds and dresser. The Thursday before Dean's thirteenth birthday Sam lay flat belly on his on the floor by the bed checking under the bed when he let out a loud high pitched scream.
"There is something under there Dean!" Sam yelled jumping up onto Dean's bed and backing against the wall.
"It's probably a pair of pants, Sam," Dean sighed. "There's no monster, Sammy. It's fine, just go to bed."
"It has eyes, Dean" Sam said seriously. "Pants don't have eyes. Get Bobby. Make him kill it."
"Don't be a baby."
"I'm not a baby!" Sam protested. "There's something under there. I swear!"
Bobby pushed the door open slowly and stuck his head in curiously.
"What's going on?"
"There's a monster," Sam said quickly. "A big monster with teeth and eyes. I saw it. It's not pants. It's real Uncle Bobby. I swear. I said that something was gonna get me and now it's here. I saw it!"
"Want me to check it out?" Bobby asked. Sam nodded.
The boys watched as Bobby crawled under Sam's bed and pulled something out. Sam slid down the wall to sit on the bed as Bobby turned and showed them what had crawled under Sammy's bed: a very angry, old, fluffy, white cat.
"She's kinda like a demon," Bobby chuckled, letting the cat go and watching her take off out of the room. "But she's not gonna eat you in your sleep. Worse she can do is jump on ya. Ya ain't got nothing to worry about."
"See Sam," Dean said. "It's just Jewels. Bobby's is the safest place in the world. I promise."
"Can I…" Sam sighed squirming in his seat, clearly still startled. "Can I…"
"Yeah," Dean nodded flipping his sheets open. "You can sleep here."
"Good night, boys," Bobby smiled shutting off the light and closing the door.
Dean started to drift off, listening to his brother's shallow breathing in the dark.
"How long have you known?" Sam's voice seemed so tiny and scared like he was that little kid afraid to sleep in his own room again. "About the stuff that Dad does?"
"I was, like, five," Dean answered sleepily. "Wasn't too long after we left Kanas. Dad knew I saw something when Mom died. I guess he decided it was best if I knew why he was doing what he was doing."
"You saw what happened to her?" Sam whispered. "Was she really on the ceiling like Dad said?"
"I didn't see that much, kiddo," Dean answered. "I just always thought a monster took her. I mean, I was four, so I guess that's how any little kid would explain something like that, "Monster took her." Dad thought it was best if I knew it really was a monster."
"How come you got to know and I didn't?" Sam asked.
"I didn't wanna scare you," Dean said. "Knew it would freak you out. You're just a kid."
"Oh," Sam sighed pressing his nose into Dean's side. "I'm sorry I stole Dad's book and ruined everything."
"You would have figured it out eventually," Dean shrugged.
"Have you seen things?" Sam asked softly. "The monsters and stuff?"
"Werewolf broke my arm," Dean smiled.
Sam sat up quickly and looked down at his big brother.
"You said you fell shooting." Sam said through gritted teeth. "You lied to me?"
"Yeah," Dean answered. "I mean not like I could tell you the truth."
"Does Dad get hurt?" Sam asked hurriedly. "What if he's hurt real bad now and that's why we haven't seen him."
Dean sighed. "Calm down, Sammy, I mean, like, he's gotten scratched and stuff, nothing bad, and he's always fine. He's on a big job in Montana, that's why we haven't seen him."
Sam lay back down and snuggled back into Dean's side.
"Why would he take you with him if he knew you could get hurt?"
"I wouldn't have gotten hurt if I listened to him," Dean explained. "I didn't follow directions, got hurt. It's not Dad's fault."
"Does Uncle Bobby hunt with Dad?" Sam asked.
"Maybe… a couple times, I guess," Dean shook his head. "Not all the time. Bobby's got that phone set up in the kitchen for other hunters. He's like the hunter boss."
"What if something bad happens again?" Sam sighed. "What if you get hurt worse? What if it's really bad and Dad can't just lie to the doctors and they think something really bad happened to you and they take us away?"
"That's never gonna happen."
"I saw it on TV." Sam said. "This guy he hit his kids and the police came and took them away."
"Dad doesn't hit us," Dean answered. "No one's gonna take you away from me. Never. You understand."
"But what if the monster hits you," Sam reasoned. "Or worse. What if a monster eats you? Or kills you like Mom?"
"I'm not gonna get hurt," Dean said seriously. "No one's gonna get hurt. No one's gonna get taken away. Alright, Sammy. Nothing bad is gonna happen. Dad's not gonna let anything happen to you."
"But the bad thing got Mom," Sam said.
"We weren't prepared," Dean said softly. "We didn't know what was out there, now we do. Okay? Now we can get it before it gets us."
"You promise?" Sam asked. Dean could feel his brother crying through his shirt.
"I swear," Dean said letting one of his hands roam through Sam's hair. "Dad's one of the best. Uncle Bobby says so. We're ready if anything comes. Nothing bad is ever gonna happen to you. I'll protect you from everything. Even if it's just Bobby's cat."
Sam smiled and tried to snuggle closer, like he was trying to crawl into Dean's skin. Dean hoped that tonight would be the night that Sam would sleep through. All Dean wanted was keep his little brother safe and in the dark just for a little bit longer, but, like Dad liked to say: you only get one wish in life, and Dean used that wish on wanting a little brother in the first place, the rest of it was up to him.
Dean found himself exhausted the next day, just as he had been every day since Sam found out. Their little talk did nothing to stop whatever was hunting Sam in his sleep. Dean crashed on the couch with is shoes still on after school, dead to the world for hours.
John had finally gotten back from the big hunt in Montana as Bobby finished dinner. Bobby was fine with letting the kid sleep; it was hard to ignore the blood curdling screams that echoed through the silent house in of middle of the night. John, on the other hand, saw laziness in the napping teenager.
"Hey, Dean, Buddy, you gotta get up, dinner's almost ready," John's deep voice wasn't made for whispering but he tried his best. "Big birthday weekend ahead of ya."
"Go away," Dean mumbled, rolling over so his nose pressed into the back of the sofa. "I'm tired."
"Dinner's ready," John said placing a hand on Dean's back.
"Not hungry," Dean whined. "Leave me alone, Uncle Bobby, I'm tired."
"Fine," John said standing up. "I was gonna take you with me on a big hunt up in Fargo this weekend now that you're thirteen, but if you'd rather sleep the days away, fine then. I'll go alone."
Dean turned his head and opened one eye slowly, catching a glimpse of his father standing over him.
"When'd you get here?" Dean asked as he rolled onto his back.
"Bout and hour ago," John tapped Dean on the leg. "Dinner's ready, go grab something to eat."
"I'm really not hungry though," Dean yawned. "Just tired. I can't go if I'm tired."
"Humor me," John said over his shoulder as he walked toward the kitchen. "Sit at the table and pretend. Bobby slaved away cooking you a birthday meal."
"I wouldn't call it slavin'." Bobby chuckled.
"He like that all the time?" John asked seriously. "Since I been gone, just sleeps all the time?"
Dean sat up and rubbed some of the sleep out of his eyes. He stretched and pushed himself up as Sam came flying down the stairs before Bobby had a chance to answer.
"Dad!" Sam screeched sliding in stocking feet across the kitchen. "When you'd get in?"
Bobby placed the casserole dish of lasagna on to the table as everyone found their places.
"I got in about an hour ago," John answered. "What you been up to?"
Sam shrugged. "Homework."
"I haven't seen you in over two weeks and all you've done is homework?" John smiled.
Sam grabbed a piece of garlic bread shoved it into his mouth and nodded. "Pretty much."
"Huh," John met Bobby's eyes across the table. Bobby shrugged. "What did you do to my kids?"
Bobby let out a long slow sigh.
"We run in the mornin' and Bobby took us shootin' on the weekends. Just like you asked," Dean yawned. "We didn't get lazy."
"Good to know," John half smiled reaching over and trying to ruffle Dean's hair.
"It's just been a regular boring couple weeks," Dean said pulling away from his dad. "Don't do that." He ran his fingers through his hair, putting it back in place. "You didn't miss much."
John smiled sadly, knowing that not missing much was missing too much: Sam grew at least two inches and lost another tooth, Dean became a teenager while he wasn't looking.
Dinner was weirdly quiet, even for the Winchesters. Sam had made Dean promise not to tell Dad about the nightmares and since that was the main thing in their lives right now there wasn't much else to talk about.
"Think you'll be up to heading to Fargo with me this weekend?" John asked trying to break the awkwardness.
"If you want me to," Dean shrugged. "What's up there?"
"Looks like a vengeful spirit," John said eyeing Sam. It was still new being about the talk in front on the kid, still didn't feel right. "Should be an easy thing to deal with."
"Okay," Dean nodded. "When are you leavin'?"
"Not til the mornin'," John smiled. "So you'll be able to get some sleep."
Dean chuckled and looked across the table to his brother knowing there was probably another sleepless night ahead of them.
"You really gonna go?" Sam whispered while they sat on the couch after dinner watching TV. Their dad and Bobby were still in the kitchen discussing the finer details of the last case and the one laying ahead.
"I think so," Dean answered. "I want to. It's fun, hunting. It's… I don't think I can explain it. It's cool, knowing that you're saving people."
"What if something bad happens?" Sam worried.
Dean rolled his eyes. "Nothing bad is gonna happen."
"You don't know the future," Sam protested. "You can't know. I don't want you to go. I want you to stay here with me and be safe. Who's gonna keep me safe at night?"
"Nothing. Is. Going. To. Get. You." Dean said teeth clenched tight. "And Bobby's gonna be here. He wouldn't let anything happen to you. Bobby knows what's there; knows how to keep it out. You'll be fine for one night without me holding your hand like a girl."
"I'm…" Sam stuttered. "I'm… I'm just scared. Okay? I'm allowed to be scared."
"Yeah, Sammy," Dean nodded. "You're allowed to be scared, but you gotta trust us. No one's gonna let anything bad happen. Dad knows what he's doing. He knows how to be safe; he's been doing it your whole life. Bobby's been doing it longer. Just freakin' trust us."
Sam shifted on the couch, Dean pulled him in close.
"It's okay to be scared, but you shouldn't be," Dean said softly to the top of Sam's head.
Dean knew as he drove off at dawn with his dad in the Impala that Sam would be okay. Not today, or any time in the near future, but he'd be okay. Learn to sleep through the night again. It was going to take time, lots of time, but he'd get used to it. Dean wasn't going to pass up a chance to hang out with his dad; to make up for messing up last time he got to go out with him. Dad was going to be proud this time. Dean would prove himself and everything would be good, he'd show Dad he could do the job and Sammy that no one was going to get hurt while they did it. Everything was going to work out this time. It had to. It just had to.