I was rudely awoken to a very loud banging on my door 'Bang! Bang! Bang!' as the locks on my door were being tested "hmmm maybe I shouldn't have locked the door" I
mused, but whoever this person was, they weren't happy, and so I become more reluctant to open, but I had to admit they were bloody persistent. So eventually after what felt
like hours of banging and both of us becoming more and more pissed off, this person didn't look like they were going to leave, and so I didn't really have a choice but to open the
door. The banging stopped as the 'visitor' heard my footsteps, and waited for the locks to be unlocked. I groggily made my way to the door; although I didn't have THE
nightmare, I still didn't sleep easily because there will still an underlining of uneasiness, and so let's just say I wasn't in the best of moods especially after being woken up so
rudely. My hand reached for the key and in one swift movement the door was unlocked, and I threw my door open letting the visitor know I wasn't happy, But I was honestly
surprised to who I saw.
There standing at my door was Alberta. Now normally seeing Alberta wasn't usually a surprise but she has been so busy lately. There have been reports on mass numbers of
strigoi around the globe and so all head of guardians or schools, courts, hospitals, and any other place where large numbers of moroi and dhampire's live surrounded by the
protection of wards, would meet with their guardian teams and are trying to figure out a solution, or at least some sort of protection to us, but with dhampire numbers falling and
strigoi numbers rising it was defiantly going to be a challenge. And by the look on Alberta's face it is showing that it is a lot easier said than done. To me Alberta has always been
fairly good looking, but at the moment she looked like a mess, her hair –although its short- looked a mess and had piles of hair sticking out everywhere, and dark circles under
her eyes, which much like me showed she wasn't sleeping well, but I highly doubt it was for the same reasons as mine. Her posture also normally made her look important and
confident in a –I can break your face any minute- way but at the moment she looked worn out and defeated. Apart from the fact Alberta didn't know about me and him, this was
another reason why I couldn't talk to her, she was already stressed and didn't need me adding more, so I keep my problems to myself ad deal with them by myself, I don't need
anyone.
Alberta just stood there looking at me, she looked like she wanted to tell me off but just didn't have the energy, and so I just stepped aside and let her into my very messy room
(not that I cared, no one normally came to my room anymore). She looked at me and raised an eyebrow, but said nothing about the state of my room. Instead she went and sat
on the chair at my desk, and made myself comfy on my messy bed. "I love you like a daughter Rose, you know that don't you?" she asked me, I could still read her emotions
through her guardian mask and it showed sadness, love and understanding. "You know you can always trust me with anything good... or bad, if you asked me not to tell I
wouldn't. I could never do that to you" now I felt really guilty she want to know why I have been acting strange lately, and I just knew I couldn't tell her I still feel as if I owe it
to him, even though I know I don't "you know I love you to, just like the mum I never had, but what are you getting at Alberta?" I asked knowing full well where this
conversation is going. She sighed. "Rose I know something's up I'm not stupid and not being rude but you look like crap. You have very dark circles under your eyes, paler skin
and god knows how many dress sizes you've dropped, in the past month and a bit. And I've wanted to come and talk to you for a long time, but you know how things have been,
and I'm sure you can tell their not going good just from looking at me, I just haven't been able to get away, but I'm here now so please talk to me". I looked away knowing I was
at my breaking point, Alberta knows I care about her a lot but I just can't talk about it, I can't bare admitting it to myself let alone anyone else. I was in denial. HE left me. I'm
alone so I'm going to deal with it on my own, but I knew Alberta wasn't going to give up easily, so I said "Alberta I'm fine honestly I'm just not sleeping well recently, I think the
atmosphere around here is getting to me, everyone is so hyped up about the strigoi I think it's just put everyone on edge" obviously I lied. "don't lie to me Rose, I have known
you for thirteen years, I can tell when you're lying. It kills me to see you like this, tell me what's happened, please?" I looked up in to Alberta's eyes to see tears forming, she
looked hurt, betrayed, and a little bit angry, I couldn't say anything to that, what was I suppose to say? "Hey yeah Alberta I've been having a relationship with my ex-mentor, we
slept together right under your nose and you didn't know then he left me and all I feel is cheap and used" 'pffft' yeah right get real, so instead I settled for saying nothing, ad
when Alberta realised this nothing more was going to be said she sighed and got up "okay Rose I get it you don't want to talk, but I know you wouldn't skip class for no good
reason, especially when you're on the road to becoming a great guardian, so please just go back to class. I need to get back to the meetings, now that Dimitri has gone we need
to find a replacement but that's proving to be difficult" she said to me. I flinched, especially at the last part, I have been trying to block him out, and now hearing his name just
brought it all back, the dormant feelings of pain, loneliness, isolation, anger but I couldn't help it, I loved him. Alberta was studying me closely, not letting any emotions through
her guardian mask but the moment only lasted a few seconds though because after that she hastily turned around and left my room, looking kind of angry.
I figured seemed Alberta only asked me to go to class, that I didn't have to go, after all Alberta didn't order me to. So I stayed in my room, and unfortunately I was
unsuccessfully trying not to think of him, but it was so hard everything reminded me of him, and thinking of all that we had and how complete I felt, to now. I think I'm
depressed. I needed to talk to someone but I can't let it out, it's just not me I' strong, I'm independent, I'm Rose Hathaway, letting it out would be showing I'm weak, and I'm
defiantly not weak, but oh how I long for out old practise sessions, even a punch from him made me weak at the knees and longing for more, and the way he looked at me, he
really did love me "God get a hold of yourself women he never loved you" I chased myself, I shouldn't be thinking like this. Suddenly I couldn't stand it anymore, hiding my
feelings, keeping secretes, being so isolated and distant to everyone, I just wasn't me. I didn't deserve this! So off I stormed to Alberta's office. I was going to pour my heart out
to her and hopefully she would understand and comfort me, and not leave me like he did. I know she said she was busy, but I really needed my mum right now, and she is the
closest I can get to one.
As I got down to Alberta's office her door was slightly ajar and a voice was coming from inside, I peaked inside, just in case I was interrupting something important (if it was
Kirova it would have been a different story, but this is Alberta and I knew she was under stress so I wasn't going to cause any trouble) but all I heard was Alberta's voice. She
was frustrated that I could easily tell from her voice, but as I came closer to the door, and looked inside and I gasped. She was on the phone, but that's not what surprised me, it
was what she said that did. "I know Dimitri but she's a mess" she paused for a minute "oh screw you Belikov!" she shouted down the phone.