CHAPTER 15: POSTSCRIPT

As soon as they all woke up the next day, America had Harry, Ron and Hermione tell him everything he'd missed. Apparently they'd be able to use the Mandrakes to cure Mrs. Norris, but on the bright side it would take a while for the plant babies to mature, so they'd have a while without having to deal with that blasted cat. Also, Filch was not a squid. America was glad they could clear that up. He'd been very confused.

Once he'd been satisfied by their responses and gotten the freshly developed moving photos from Colin Creevey, he sat down to write his letters. He decided to start with Northern Ireland's, since it would most likely be shorter.

Dear Patrick,

Thanks, dude! You're the best! There are some things I like about Hogwarts, and some things I really don't like. I like my friends, and some of the magic we learn is pretty awesome. And there are so many adventures you can have around here! Last year my friends and I fought a troll and stopped Moldyshorts from returning to power! And things are looking up for this year, because apparently some Chamber of Secrets or something has opened and the caretaker's cat has been Petrified with a capital P. Nobody's that upset about it, though, because we all hate that cat.

What I really don't like is pretty much the entire Slytherin house, especially this snotty brat called Draco Malfoy (I know, unbelievably stupid name), and some of the teachers. Potions is taught by this super creepy guy called Snape, though I usually just call him the bat-dude because he's more like a big-nosed, greasy-haired bat than a normal human being. And I've already told you about what they've done to hero class. But, apart from that, things are pretty okay. The food's much better than I was expecting. As in, I haven't passed out from it yet. No offense, but food really isn't a British specialty.

Thanks again for the broomstick and chainsaw! I'll use them this weekend.

Love, Alfred.

That seemed satisfactory. America put the letter aside and took out another roll of parchment, dipped his quill in his inkpot, and began writing his letter to Ireland (Republic of).

Dear Erin,

Thanks for the idea! I was just going to use the chainsaw on the broomstick, but your idea was WAY better! I'm including some of the pictures I got a first year to take for me. It was HILARIOUS!

Apart from Slytherin house and the Potions and hero class teachers, I'm liking it here. You know me so well, I totally got Sorted into Gryffindor! You were a Hufflepuff? That's kind of surprising. Dylan doesn't surprise me, but I'd have thought you'd be a Gryffindor. Mattie ended up in Hufflepuff, too, so maybe you can talk about that or something. And, yup, they're using a hat now. How did they pick students back when you were here? I think I heard somewhere, but I forgot the details. I think it was in the Sorting Hat's song. Yeah, it sings. Kinda weird, I know, but it's already a talking hat. The way it works is that you put it on, it reads your mind and talks to you a bit, then it yells out which house you belong in. Then everyone cheers.

It's good to hear Patrick feels that way. I think Iggy does, too, but then again he's never been one to deal with his feelings well. I hope they work things out already, it's been years. And, yes, Glinda the Sparkly Wizard is absolutely ruining hero class. Everyone thinks the job is cursed, since nobody's lasted over a year for a while now, so I guess there aren't that many applicants anymore. I'm glad you hate him, too, I was worried you'd be like all the girls in my class swooning over him. He made the entire student body buy all his books, so I think that's increased his sales considerably. Seriously, why is it that Hogwarts never supplies its students with anything? We have to buy our own EVERYTHING. Back to Glinda, his lessons are pretty awful. The first one where he unleashed a bunch of pixies on us was kind of fun, but since then it's just been him re-enacting stuff from his books. All I've learned is that my friend Harry isn't very good at role-playing and that I would probably make a good pixie wrangler.

About the paperwork, I'm not sure you'd be able to pull it off. While my constitution or whatever was being written, my bosses made it specifically so that the government can function without my input. I'm not sure why, I was out in the woods trying to make friends with a bear at the time. My boss sends me the occasional form to fill out when he really needs to, but apart from that things are going fine without me. I don't think any of you old folks have that luxury, so it looks like you'll have to just work through that hangover.

I hope the pictures give you a good laugh, because the kid really deserved it.

Love, Alfred.

P.S. Oh, I should probably also mention that something called the Chamber of Secrets has been opened and a super mean cat got Petrified. It seems like an adventure waiting to happen!

America used a paperclip to attach the photos, folded up the letters, and set off for the Owlery at a brisk pace. He had classes today, so he needed to hurry if he didn't want to be late.

When he arrived he saw Canada looking out the window at a departing owl. "YO, CANADIA, 'SUP?" Canada and all the assembled owls gave a jump of surprise and turned to look at him.

Canada was looking as angry as America had ever seen him, which wasn't much. "Don't call me that! We're only supposed to use our human names, remember?"

America rolled his eyes. "C'mon, bro, it's just the two of us! There's nobody around!"

"We don't know that!" Canada tried to yell, but it came out as more of a stage-whisper. "Somebody could be hiding, or our voices could carry. We can't risk that. As long as we're in this castle, we're just Alfred and Matthew, all right?"

America sighed. "Fiiine, no need to get so upset. You really can't pull of anger very well, Mattie."

Canada deflated somewhat. "I know. I'm sorry for snapping at you. I'm still not feeling a hundred percent after all those ghosts used me as a shortcut."

"Man, that sounds kinda terrifying, bro." America shuddered. "If it was me, I never would have even entered that room." Canada suddenly smirked. "What? What's that look for?"

Canada's smirk grew into a smile that America definitely didn't like. "So you're saying I'm braver than you, eh?"

"What- NO! I never said that! The hero is braver than anybody!"

"You just said you didn't have the balls to even go into a room when I was perfectly capable of walking into it."

"NO! I didn't say that! Stop putting words in my mouth!"

"Why would I need to do that when the words that fall out of it are so easy to use, eh."

"STOP IT! YOU'RE SUPPOSED TO BE THE NICE ONE!"

"Look out, I think I see a ghost. oooOOOOOOoooOOOOOh!"

"I HATE YOU!"

A/N: HUGS FOR EVERYONE! \(^-^)/ Short chapter today, but, look, an explanation for why America and Canada call each other by their human names even when they're alone! Now to Q&A! To Natekleh: I like questions! 1) I honestly have no idea. I'm making things up as I go along for the most part. 2) I'm planning to! My future self will hate me for saying it, but I plan to do all seven books! To Ahdaze (not really a question): Aww, what do you feel stupid about? Was it something I did? Did I forget something? I'M SORRY! PLEASE DON'T BE SAD YOU'RE WONDERFUL! To Berlin: Random ideas are the best ideas. I'd rather read books. I'm pretty sure I've mentioned this before, but Hetalia is the only anime I've ever really watched, while I have read WAAAAAY too many books than is probably good for me. To SilentMoonlace13: France is probably going to show up again before the fourth book, but I'm planning on him having a pretty major part in Goblet of Fire, so you can look forward to that! No need to apologize. To MissAmerica13: I'm not planning on having any nations get petrified at the moment, but that could easily change as I'm writing. And America is a parselmouth? 0.o When did that happen? That could throw a kink into my plans. NEXT CHAPTER: England receives a nasty surprise. See you all next time!