John didn't come back until the first weekend of December, limping and grumpy like he always was when he came back from a long hunt. Dean and Sam walked eggshells and did the best they could to stay out of the way until their dad felt like talking about it. They spent a lot of time during the week after their father's return in the library downtown, pretty much from the end of school until it closed at eight. Dean spent the weekend at Janie's, watching horror movies while laying across her bed. Dean liked that her parents trusted her, let her close the door while he was in there. Janie told him he was getting better when they fooled around, was quite so awkward and confused now.
As she pulled her jeep into the trailer park to drop him off Saturday, Dean reached over and turned down the horrible pop music pouring from the radio.
"What?" Janie laughed. "I mean I know you don't like the music but you can deal for another half mile."
"I love you," Dean blurted, that wasn't what he was planning on saying, it just happened. He looked down at floorboards, feeling his face turn a deep shade of red.
"Yeah, okay," he could hear her eyes rolling. "You're already in my pants Deano you don't gotta say shit like that."
"It's true though," Dean mumbled. "I do."
She pulled the jeep into his driveway behind the Impala. She placed a hand on the side of his face softly.
"You're sweet," she smiled before kissing him on the cheek. "I'll call you tomorrow, after church. Alright?"
"My dad making Sam and I do a thing tomorrow," Dean replied, popping open the door. "So I'll just see you Monday, I guess."
"Alright," Janie nodded. "Have fun."
Dean huffed a laugh; he doubted Janie would think that running tactical drills and working on bow skills wasn't something that Janie would consider fun.
A fog horn sounded in the room at 4:45 am. Dean was waiting for it, had been half awake since three, just waiting. For the first time, it was Sammy that complained the whole time. Dean kept nudging him in the shoulder was they ran, trying to tell him to shut up, that Dad didn't care that he was cold or tired.
"Levi's parents rented out the indoor soccer field for his birthday," Sam whined as John handed him a bow and pushed him toward the targets he'd set up in a big vacant lot on the outskirts of town. "This is stupid. I just wanna hang out with my friends."
"Hung out with your friends all week, kiddo," John sighed. "It's family time today. You can deal with one day a week being with your family."
"But it's Levi's birthday," Sam stomped his feet.
"Sammy," Dean grabbed his brother and turning him away from their dad. "Just do as he says, the sooner we get this over with you'll be able to go to your party alright?"
"No I won't," Sam scoffed. "You know that. This is stupid! When am I ever gonna have to know how to shoot a bow?"
"Bow hunting is a very important skill, Sam," John said seriously. "Just do as I say."
Sam had been becoming a real pain lately, complained about pretty everything their dad wanted them to do. Dean remember that eleven wasn't exactly the easiest age, but Sam was beyond regular cranky. Dean had always wanted to do what his dad did. He had that memory of their mom they night she died. He'd do anything to try to get her back. He half figured that maybe since Sam didn't know that he had a harder time just sucking it up and doing things that sucked because their dad said so. But he wanted so badly for his brother to just listen, just shut up and listen, because nothing was worse than when their father started to yell.
"Suck it up," John warned. "The longer you stall, the longer we'll be out here. You'll see your friends tomorrow. Dean's not complaining. He spends every waking moment with his girlfriend and he can take a break. He's not being a whiney brat."
"Dad," Dean said. "Give the kid a break."
John threw his hands up and stalked off toward the other end of the field where the targets were. "You get five minutes then I better see some arrows flying."
"This is stupid," Sam huffed the moment John was out of ear shot.
"Stop being a baby," Dean warned. "Just do what Dad wants and it will be over and he'll leave you alone for the rest of the day."
"Yeah, but I still won't be able to hang out with my friends," Sam rolled his eyes. "He's gonna keep us under house arrest all day."
"Well," Dean reasoned. "He was pissed about the mess in the house when he got home. We both should have been better about cleaning up. Now we gotta do what he says. That's how it works. That's how it's been your whole life. It's not changing, get used to it."
"But I don't need to know any of this stupid stuff," Sam growled. "I'm not gonna use it. I'm not going on hunts."
"You'll need it someday," Dean said turning and walking toward the targets, hoping his brother would give up and follow.
"What if I don't want to," Sam sighed. "I don't want to do this."
"Well," Dean shrugged, pulling an arrow out and aiming. "Too bad. This is our life. Deal with it."
"This life is stupid," Sam mumbled.
"Suck it up," Dean said, doing his best to sound like John. "It's the only one we got."
Dean lined up and let an arrow fly before his dad started yelling. He watched out of the corner of his eye as Sam let out a deep full body sigh and copied him.
On Tuesday at school, Dean sat across from Janie and Steve in the lunch room, making fun of their math teacher, and laughing, when Janie squealed and jumped up, nearly knocking her chair she over backward.
"What's going on?" Dean asked as Janie ran toward someone standing in the doorway.
"Must be the start of winter break for Boise State," Steve answered. "That's last year's seniors."
"Oh," Dean nodded. "You guys were all friends?"
"Yeah," Steve replied. "That guy, Taylor, and Janie went to prom together last year. There were together for a while."
"That's the old boyfriend she was talking about a while back?" Dean said. "The one that dumped her when he went to school?"
"If you had been here at the beginning of the year, man," Steve shook his head. "She was a mess. You were like a God send getting her outta that funk."
Dean smiled to himself, but he didn't really like how this Taylor guy was looking at his girl, or touching her. He could feel himself getting angry, the anger that Bobby and his dad had done everything they could to teach him to control. He didn't need to punch this guy, he didn't need to get suspended from another school especially a little over a week before winter break. His dad would kill him. Janie pulled Taylor over to the table. Steve smiled halfheartedly, Dean shook his hand.
"Nice to meet you," Taylor smiled taking a seat. "Heard you're the new kid in the group."
"Yeah," Dean nodded. "Something like that."
Taylor smiled over at Steve; "Taking care of my Janie?"
"She's not yours," Steve rolled his eyes. "But yeah, I mopped up the mess you left."
"Don't be like that," Janie said under her breath.
This Taylor kid didn't seem like the kind of guy Janie would be hanging around with, in Dean's opinion anyway. He didn't seem anything like Dean. He was very clean cut, and apparently, from the direction of the conversation, a catcher on the baseball team, or at least was in high school. He was that kind of kid that everyone knew in high school. Janie and Steve didn't seem like those kinds of kids to Dean. Not that they were outcasts exactly, just the kind of students that blended in, Taylor definitely stood out.
Dean decided he didn't like Taylor at all, and from the looks Steve kept flashing over at him, he wasn't a fan either.
"So, wanna split for the rest of the day, Babe?" Taylor asked, sliding a hand around the back of Janie's chair.
Janie squirmed and turned a light shade of red; Dean stared at Taylor, nostrils flaring in rage as he balled his fists at his sides.
"I drive Steve and Dean home after school," Janie answered. "Can't cut out."
"I can have you back to drive the kiddies home," Taylor flashed what Dean figured was his prize winning smile a year ago. Girls probably fell all over themselves to get someone to smile at them like that.
"Don't," Steve whispered, grabbing Dean's forearm. "Not worth it."
"Nah," Janie smiled over at Taylor. "Gotta paper due in my seventh period, don't wanna lose a letter grade."
"What happened to you?" Taylor laughed. "You're always up for cutting out after lunch?"
"Maybe I grew up a little," Janie shrugged, smirking over at Dean.
"Whatever," Taylor shrugged. "Wanna hear about the college life kiddos?"
Janie nodded enthusiastically, Steve rolled his eyes, and Taylor started spewing stories about beer and girls that if any other guy flapping his mouth, Dean would be hanging on every word.
Sam was spending the afternoon at Levi's. John could only handle so much whining before he just gave in. Their dad was going to pick Sam up on the way home from working at a little garage downtown where he'd been catching a few shifts when he wasn't off hunting, enough to make rent on the trailer and keep food in the fridge.
"Come on," Dean pleaded. "My dad won't be home until after seven. I don't gotta make dinner, he promised to pick something up on the way home tonight. We'll have the house to ourselves for a few hours. We can watch a movie, hang out, do whatever."
"I don't know," Janie sighed. "Not today."
"You gotta go hang out with Taylor?" Dean rolled his eyes. "He really seemed to miss ya while he was at school."
"It's not like that anymore," Janie spat. "He's my friend."
"Okay," Dean shrugged popping open the door. "I'll see you tomorrow then."
"Wait," Janie said. "I don't want you to be mad. I can hang out for a while I guess."
"You don't have to," Dean answered, closing the door before walking toward the front door.
But Janie was right behind him when he opened the door. She made herself at home like she usually did, flicking on the TV and looking through the meager tape collection.
"If you don't want to be here," Dean said, pulling two cans of soda out of the fridge. "You don't have to be. I'm not going to hold it against you if you have other things to do, other friends."
"No," Janie half smiled, taking the can that was offered to her. "I wanna be here, with you. But you really need some more movies. I mean, you can only watch the same six horror movies over and over before it get a little bit boring."
"You don't like horror movies?" Dean chuckled sitting down next to her on the sofa.
"Not really," Janie answered.
Dean was on his back on the sofa, Janie wasn't wearing a shirt, making out. Neither heard the front door close or the keys hit the dish in the kitchen, or John clearing his throat several times.
"Where's your brother?" John asked loudly.
"Levi's," Dean answered, taking a breath long enough to answer. "Fucking shit, Dad you're not supposed to be home for, like, two hours."
Dean almost dumped Janie off him was he scrambled to find her shirt on the floor and cover her up.
"Why didn't you bring Sam home?" John asked.
"You were supposed to pick him out on the way by," Dean answered while Janie buttoned her shirt back up.
"It's Tuesday ain't it," John groaned.
"Yeah," Dean answered.
"I'm gonna head home," Janie mumbled awkwardly. "I'll see ya tomorrow."
"Yeah, tomorrow," Dean nodded. "I love you."
Janie nodded and tip-toed around John and out there door.
"You know I don't like it when she's here and I'm not," John said when the door closed behind her. "I don't appreciate you sneaking around behind my back like that."
"We weren't," Dean defended. "We were watching a movie."
"That wasn't any kind of movie I'd want you watching," John sighed. "I'm gonna go get your brother. I'll pick up pizzas on the way back?"
"Yeah, cool," Dean nodded.
Something seemed off in Geometry the next morning, but Dean figured getting caught by his dad half naked on a couch would have the kind of effect on a person. Janie couldn't look at him while they chatted before the bell. It wasn't until study hall that he found out what was wrong.
"Look," Janie said seriously sitting down across from him. "Taylor called me yesterday when I got home."
"Alright," Dean said slowly looking up from his book. "And?"
"He wants to get back together," Janie replied softly.
"And you said no because you already have a boyfriend?" Dean retorted.
Janie shook her head, looking down at the table. "No, look Dean, I really like you and everything, but me and Taylor… we're like… I don't know meant to be."
Dean just stared at her blankly.
"I'm sorry," Janie said chewing on her lip.
"That's it?" Dean felt completely empty, broken.
"Yeah, I guess," Janie answered. "I mean what else is there?"
"I love you," Dean whispered.
"No you don't," Janie sighed. "Stop freaking saying that. You don't know what you're talking about."
"Yeah, actually I do," Dean replied.
"Dean," Janie rolled her eyes.
"Just don't okay," Dean sighed, standing up and packing up his bag. "Just, I don't know, just leave me alone I guess."
"Dean," Janie pleaded reaching out for him as he turned to walk out of the library.
He just walked out, left school without a care, walked home. Sam would take the bus, he didn't need to worry about him. He pulled up the fridge; his dad had most of a twelve pack in there. He didn't even hesitate before grabbing one and popping the top. He didn't care about being yelled at, he'd just had his heart ripped out in a school library, nothing could be worse than that.
"Are you freakin' drunk?" Sam sighed when got home a few hours later. Dean shrugged in response. "That's dad's beer. Did you not learn your lesson the first time? Did you skip school to get drunk on the couch? Dad's gonna murder you."
"Don't care," Dean slurred, the fourth one tasted better than the previous three.
"Whatever," Sam sighed deeply. "Don't go into the room. I don't wanna deal with you."
"Fine," Dean shook his head, slowly falling sideways so his head was resting on the arm the couch. Sam stormed into their room and slammed the door loudly. "Don't care anyway."
Dean didn't even react when John got home a few hours later, just laid on the couch staring at the dark television.
"What's going on here?" John boomed. "What the fuck do you think you're doing?"
"I think I made a mistake," Dean mumbled.
"You fucking think?" John said standing over him, surveying the scene: the empty beer cans lined along the coffee table, the teenager drunkenly draped over the arm of the sofa.
"You think that mistake might be drinking all the beer?" John yelled. "Where's Sammy?"
Dean pointed in the general direction of the bedroom door.
"Not all the beer," Dean slurred. "Just half."
"You're a fucking moron," John sighed as he sat down in the recliner.
"I made a mistake," Dean repeated.
"What else did you do?" John demanded.
"I loved her," Dean answered, dramatically throwing his arms open. "I love her, and she… she just broke me."
"You're girlfriend?" John asked.
"Ex-girlfriend, apparently," Dean replied. "She just dumped me, and doesn't even care that I love her. Another guy gives her a little bit of attention and she just breaks up with me like I'm nothing."
"I'm sorry about your girlfriend," John sighed. "But what you did, that's stupid."
"I didn't know what else to do," Dean said, trying his best not to cry. "It hurts."
John let out a sigh, staring at his son, this mess that he couldn't help feeling like he was more than a little bit responsible for his current state.
"We, like, did it and stuff," Dean blurted.
"I figured," John mumbled.
"You don't just do stuff like that unless you love someone," Dean continued. "I just don't understand."
"Sounds like you cared more about her than she cared about you," John reasoned. "It happens, kiddo, happens more often than you think. You're just a kid, you got a life time of heartbreak ahead of you."
"But she, like, put her mouth-"
"I don't need the details Dean," John said cutting him off.
"Why would you do that to someone if you don't love them?" Dean asked. "I don't get it. You're supposed to love someone before you have sex with them. That's what you said."
"I remember," John nodded.
"I'm broken," Dean declared. "When are we getting outta here? I don't wanna be here anymore."
"We're leaving when break starts," John answered. "We gotta week and a half left. I'm not listening to your brother bitch about missing school the whole drive to Bobby's. You just gotta suck it up and make it a week and half."
"Can I just skip school?" Dean asked. "I can't deal with this."
"No," John answered seriously. "You'll be at school. And if I find out otherwise, I'll skin ya."
"It hurts, Dad," Dean said pointing at his chest. "It hurts so much, right here."
"I know, Buddy," John answered. "I'm going to make up some dinner. I need you to eat. Then you're gonna go to sleep. It'll get better. I promise."
Dean rolled so he was facing the back of the couch so his dad wouldn't see him cry, because that would make this worse.
AN: 4/7/13: VampireCari I can't thank you privately because you're a guest, but Thank you so much for your kind words about my story. You're so nice. Thank you very much!