CHAPTER 16: A NOT-SO UNITED KINGDOM

England's day didn't start well and it went downhill from there. It was November 1st, so of course he woke up with a hangover. It was a Halloween party with France attending, what was he supposed to do, stay completely sober? Well, at least someone had taken him home, and he seemed to be wearing all his clothes, so it could have been worse.

Then he entered the kitchen to get a glass of water and groaned. "Oh, no, I am way too hung-over to deal with this."

Scotland grinned evilly at him, pulling the cigar from between his teeth. "Ach, is that really how ye're goin' tae greet the big brother that dragged yer sorry ass home?"

"Yes. And get your feet off the table." As Scotland rolled his eyes and completely ignored the request, England got himself some water. Once he'd taken a few gulps he turned to glare at the red-headed country. "How is it that you're able to drink enough whisky to kill a mortal and wake up the next day fresh as a daisy?"

Scotland's grin only widened. "Sorry, little brother, but I enjoy watching ye suffer far tae much tae tell ye my secrets."

England opened his mouth to make a retort when something tapped at the window. Both countries looked over to see an owl perched just outside the window, a letter clamped in its beak. England found himself wincing at the light. "Ugh… Scotland, mind getting that?"

Scotland rolled his eyes again. "Ye cannae even get yer own mail noo?" Despite his protests he got up and opened the window. The owl flew inside, dropping the letter on the counter beside England. Scotland pulled some owl treats out of his pocket (England had no idea exactly why he carried owl treats around) and fed the bird. It let out an appreciative hoot, gave his finger an affectionate nip, and flew away again.

England opened the letter and recognized Canada's handwriting. "Oh, it's from-" His voice faltered as he saw the term 'Chamber of Secrets'. Once it returned he let out a swear that made even Scotland jump and stare at him in astonishment.

Dear Arthur,

It looks like you were right. Something bad is happening at Hogwarts. I feel like I'll need to tell you the full story.

Harry, Ron, Hermione and I spent Halloween evening at the Gryffindor ghost's Deathday Party. The ghosts didn't see me and kept walking through me, so I wasn't feeling well and we left early. Then Harry started freaking out because he could hear a voice. He heard the same voice a little while ago while he was in detention. The rest of us couldn't hear anything, but Harry was really getting worked up over it and started following it, so we went with him. Apparently it was talking about killing someone. Eventually we reached a corridor on the second floor and found a message written on the wall in blood. It said 'The Chamber of Secrets has been opened. Enemies of the heir, beware.' And beneath the message the caretaker's cat was hanging from a torch bracket. Apparently she'd been Petrified.

The teachers were all freaking out about it. I vaguely recall maybe reading about something called the Chamber of Secrets, but I can't remember anything specific. Do you know anything about it? Professor Sprout has some Mandrakes, and once they mature Professor Snape will make an antidote for Mrs. Norris (that's the cat), so it's not like it's irreversible, but it's still troubling. A Slytherin called Draco Malfoy seemed to know something about it, because he yelled, 'You'll be next, Mudbloods!' That should tell you a lot about his personality.

Please respond soon.

Love, Matthew.

England threw the letter onto the counter and continued his swearing, his voice growing louder and louder as his panic mounted. The Chamber of Secrets?! First Hogwarts decides to hold the Philosopher's Stone, now the Chamber of Secrets opens? Why does the universe hate me so much?!

Scotland, obviously curious as to what had caused this bout of swearing, picked up the letter and started reading it. As he read his mouth dropped open, the cigar falling out of it and landing on the floor. It might have been comical if England hadn't been in the middle of a meltdown. Once Scotland had finished he joined England in his swearing. This went on for a very long time. Eventually they ran out of English swears and had to switch languages. Scotland went to Gaelic, while England went to an ancient Brythonic language lost to time.

They were just running out of swears in those languages, too, when a huge crash came from upstairs, as if someone had dropped a set of encyclopaedias. An angry voice with a familiar, almost sing-song accent yelled, "WOULD YOU TWO SHUT UP? I'M TRYING TO SLEEP HERE!"

England and Scotland had gone quiet at the large crash. Scotland spoke up first. "Sorry, Wales! We'll try tae keep it doon!"

"You'd better!" They heard a bit of grumbling in Welsh, then silence.

England raised an eyebrow at Scotland. "Why is Wales here?"

"Oh, he got drunk, too. You two are such lightweights, I'm amazed ye even bother drinkin' at all." Scotland rubbed his forehead. "Chamber o' Secrets… ach, this is bad."

"That's an understatement." England sat down in a chair at the table and put his face in his hands. He'd calmed down a bit, but he still felt like grabbing a pillow and screaming into it until his voice broke. He did his best to regain some semblance of composure and looked over at Scotland. "Did you sense anything? Hogwarts is on your territory, after all."

Scotland sat down across from him, Canada's letter still in his hands. Any trace of levity had vanished from his expression. Things had gotten serious. "Noo that I think aboot it, I felt… somethin'… back in September. At the time, I thought it was just somethin' I ate, but lookin' back… I felt somethin' like it the last time the Chamber opened…" Scotland's eyes narrowed at England. "Ye still havnae told me whut's in there."

England stared down at his hands. Blast Slytherin and his paranoia… Of course England knew of the basilisk lurking beneath the castle, waiting for the day she could be unleashed to purge Hogwarts of Muggle blood. He'd sat in that Chamber hundreds of times, along with the rest of his house at the time, as they learned Dark Arts the other founders would never have condoned… But Salazar Slytherin had been nothing if not cunning. On the day they'd watched the birth of his basilisk, he'd made sure each and every student who knew of the serpent forged an Unbreakable Vow to never reveal the existence of the Chamber or its monster.

England could break it and live, of course. He was a nation. But there would be a price. A price he couldn't bring himself to pay at the moment. America and Canada are there, too, and those kids are too nosy for their own good. They'll figure it out. He looked up at Scotland, steeling his expression to make it clear he would brook no argument. "I'll tell you what I told you last time. I wish I could tell you, but I'm afraid I cannot." I just hope there will be a lot of reflective surfaces at Hogwarts this year…

Scotland sighed and pulled a cigar and lighter out of his pocket. "Fine. Be like that. But if it's one o' my people who dies this time, it isnae gonnae be pretty." He stuck the cigarette in his mouth and lit it, the flame making his already threatening expression truly frightening.

England gulped. "U-understood." He checked his watch and nearly jumped out of his skin. "Aw, bollocks, I need to get to work! Mind writing Canada back for me?"

Scotland smiled again. "Sure! Have fun doin' paperwork and goin' tae meetings. I think I'll watch some TV, mebbe read a book. Somethin' not soul-crushin'ly boring."

England stormed out of the room, grumbling under his breath about what Scotland could do for all he cared. He had way too much fun reminding England of how much more fun his life was. Sometimes England was sorely tempted to give Scotland his independence and see how he dealt with the end of his carefree lifestyle. His expression upon seeing the massive amounts of paperwork alone might be worth it.

As he went through a day of paperwork and meetings and other activities that were soul-crushingly boring but necessary for his continued well-being, the Chamber of Secrets ended up being pushed to the back of England's mind. Hogwarts and the wizarding world seemed so far away in this world of legislation and political struggles. It was strange how the Muggle world was at the same time much more complicated and much simpler than the magical one. It seemed that, wizard or Muggle, humans always needed to create problems. Muggles just had to be more creative about it.

A/N: Scotland finally makes an appearance, yay! I based his accent on the Nac Mac Feegle because DISCWORLD IS AWESOME! And Wales' voice makes a cameo. I'm still tweaking his personality a little bit, but in general I think I've got a good idea of what England's family is like. Onto Q&A! To Ahdaze: That's actually kind of hilarious. Maybe I should have America have a dream like that. I think I'm going to give him really weird dreams from now on. To SoulxMakaLover37: 1) Soon, I think. I'm not entirely sure. 2) THAT IS AN AMAZING IDEA! Can't promise anything, but I like it. 3) Yup, they're definitely facing it, and they'll probably be badly affected by it. I'm not sure what their boggarts would be, or what they'd see when facing Dementors... ah, well, we'll cross that bridge when we get to it. 4) I don't know, and EMBRACE THE HERO! 5) At this moment I am incapable of giving a spoiler. 6) Because fish like noodles. 7) Understand or understand not, there is no know. 8) Monkey waffle helicopter. 9) MY CURSE WORKED MWAHAHAHAHAHAHA! 10) I mean a word used to show agreement or acceptance. Bye! To RussianMochi: I'm not entirely sure how I'll handle it yet. I don't think America and Canada will enter, but that could change if I come up with a good idea. And my favourite non-Allies/Axis character would have to be ZE AWESOME PRUSSIA! To Berlin: Uh, calm down there, dudette. I've read the Harry Potter books WAY too much, too. I haven't actually been reading many new books lately. Recently I've been more into video games, especially RPGs. I love me a good story between all the murder. I still get a lot of gift-cards for Chapters, though. For the other question... hmm... I'd say completely purple for a week. I've worked hard to get as pale as I am now. It's taken years of rarely going outside to accomplish this level of pastiness. That's all for now, thank you all for being so wonderful! NEXT CHAPTER: Canada gets Scotland's reply and everyone talks about the Chamber of Secrets. See you all next time!