CHAPTER 17: LET'S SEE WHAT YER INNARDS LOOK LIKE

Canada was delighted when he received a response the very next day at breakfast. The owl had circled the Great Hall a bit before seeing where he was, but once it did it dropped the letter in front of him. He barely managed to move his plate in time. Maple syrup-covered pancakes didn't make very good landing pads for letters if you wanted them to be legible. Slitting it open and reading it, however, Canada knew that his hopes had been too high.

Dear Mattie,

Alistair here. Arthur had to go to work, so I got stuck writing this. Not that I mind, of course. It's been too long since we last talked. Really, you're in my territory, you could at least have the decency to write. I'd love to ask you how you're liking it at Hogwarts and all that, but I get the feeling this is supposed to be a 'serious' letter, so let me tell you a little story that dates back to around the time we were all at Hogwarts.

You know the four founders, right? This story is mostly about Slytherin. He was never happy with how the other founders welcomed Muggle-born students with open arms. He didn't trust them, and not a single one ended up in his house while he was a teacher. Eventually he and Gryffindor had a huge row about it, and he stormed off and never returned to Hogwarts again. That's all the facts we know. From here on out I'm going into rumours. Rumour has it that during the construction of the castle, Slytherin added in a chamber the other founders never knew about – the Chamber of Secrets. I heard all sorts of stuff about it while I was studying – that Slytherin would take his students there to teach them the Dark Arts, that if you really pissed him off he'd throw you in there, lock the door, and let you starve to death, that the Slytherins would throw the wildest parties in there… And, most prominently, that Slytherin had hidden some sort of monster within, a monster that could only be controlled by him or his Heir. Once he left, those same rumours said that he'd sealed the Chamber on his way out, and that monster was locked up as well, waiting for the day Slytherin's Heir came to unleash it and purge the school of Muggle blood.

I always figured that was all a load of rubbish made up by Slytherins who wanted to make themselves seem scary. That is, until the Chamber of Secrets was opened about fifty years ago. It was a nightmare. Muggle-borns were being Petrified left and right, and the last one actually got killed. Hogwarts would have been shut down if a Prefect hadn't claimed to have caught the culprit – Rubeus Hagrid. I've met Hagrid once or twice, and while I still hold a bit of a grudge against him for trying to take away my Nessie, there's no way he is Slytherin's Heir. And considering that the student who caught him was a young He-Who-Must-Not-Be-Named, I think we can safely assume he is innocent.

So, to summarize: This has happened before, it's being done by some kind of monster, and You-Know-Who is probably involved somehow. I know Arthur knows more than that, but every time I ask he just says, 'I'd like to tell you, but I can't.' Either he's being a complete arse, or Slytherin swore him to secrecy. Either way, I don't think we're getting any answers from him.

Sorry I couldn't be of more help. Now, if you'll excuse me, Dylan is still asleep, so I'm going to go practise my bagpipes in his room to wake him up.

Love, Alistair.

Canada sighed, folding up the letter. "Well, it's better than nothing," he whispered to himself. He looked over at the Slytherin table. Could one of them be the Heir of their house's founder? He saw Draco Malfoy talking to Crabbe and Goyle with that smug expression that made Canada understand why America seemed to punch him every time they interacted. It's certainly a possibility… He turned his gaze towards the Gryffindor table. Ron was talking to a pale-looking Ginny, Harry and America were chatting about something, and Hermione was already getting up from the table. Canada checked his watch. That's odd… it's the weekend, and even if it were a school-day, classes wouldn't be starting for a while. She's probably going to the library to research something... Ah, well, I'll just focus on finishing my breakfast for now. And so he did.

He'd started walking towards the Gryffindor table to talk to the others when America saw him, and the letter in his hand, sprung up, and ran over. "Heeeey bro, I'mgonnadothatthingwiththebroomstickcomewithmenow!" Canada barely had time to register amazement at how he'd said all that in one breath before America had grabbed him by the shoulder and started dragging him away. Why is it that he always literally drags me into these things? Kumajekyll followed them, looking vaguely interested.

Canada didn't even bother complaining as he was dragged towards Gryffindor tower. It never did him any good. Once they were out of earshot of the Great Hall he said, "So you want to know what the letter said, eh?"

"Yup! Plus, the broomstick thing. So what'd Iggy say?"

"Well, Arthur didn't actually say anything. Alistair did."

"Really? Why? Is Iggy sick?"

"No, he had to go to work and Alistair was at the house, I guess. You can just read it for yourself." Canada handed over the letter. America read it while he walked, and it was only because of Canada's subtle steering that they didn't crash into any walls.

When he finished, America exclaimed, "Well, that's not much help!"

"It's better than nothing, eh," said Canada.

"I guess… hold on, I need to fetch my stuff." They'd arrived at the portrait of the Fat Lady. Canada plugged his ears while America gave the password and entered the common-room.

Once again it was just Canada and the Fat Lady. "Hello, again," he said.

The Fat Lady nodded. "Hello. Does he ever have any respect for what you might want to be doing instead of going along with him?"

"None whatsoever." Canada picked up Kumanano and hugged him against his chest. Sometimes he just felt the urge to hug something, and Kuma rarely complained.

The Fat Lady rolled her eyes. "Really, from what I've seen of him, he seems to think the whole world revolves around him."

Canada let out a chuckle. "It's sad how close to the truth that is, eh." Their conversation ended abruptly when America came back out, carrying a broomstick over one shoulder and a chainsaw under the other arm. Canada gulped. He got the feeling this was going to be a very one-sided conversation.

"C'mon, bro, let's go chop up a broomstick!" It took all of Canada's bravery not to run for it right then.

Thankfully they didn't run into anyone on the way outside. America decided to set up on the lawn near the Quidditch pitch, out of sight of the castle. Canada decided it was best to have this conversation before America was wielding a chainsaw. "We should tell the others about this too, eh," he said, as America worked to balance the Cleansweep on two large rocks he'd found somewhere.

America glanced up at him. "I guess… but…"

"But what? You know that they're so nosy it's bordering on suicidal, they'll just find out anyway."

"Exactly! So why tell them at all? Serves them right for keeping us out of the loop last year!"

Canada blinked. "Are you still upset about that? I thought you'd gotten over it, eh."

America shrugged, and let out a sigh as the broomstick fell from its careful perch. "Yeah, but still… Maybe we just don't tell them everything?"

Canada sat down on the grass, resting his chin on the top of Kuma's head. "Hmm… well, it's not like we have that much to work with, after all. Pass me the letter?" America complied and continued his attempted balancing act while Canada read through it again. "All right… well, we know Hagrid would never open the Chamber, so maybe we should leave that out… it would just make them suspicious… maybe we should just leave out the whole part about this having happened before."

"So, just tell them that Slytherin was a crazy guy who left a monster in the school to kill a percentage of the students? Oh, come on, I had it that time!" The broom had once again fallen to the ground.

"That seems fair, eh. And it wouldn't be too out of character to theorize that You-Know-Who is involved, would it?"

"Not you too! Why does nobody call Moldyshorts by his name? It's not that hard to say! And, yeah, it wouldn't be too much of a jump, considering what happened last year. GRRRAAAAHH THIS BROOM IS-"

"Alfred, you're twelve, watch your language." America rolled his eyes, but contented himself to unintelligible mutterings as he glared at the broom. Canada continued, "I'm still not sure about this, but I suppose we're giving them the necessary information…"

"Mattie, it'll be fine. VICTORY!" He'd finally managed to balance the broom. He picked up the chainsaw, and the way the sunlight glinted off his glasses made Canada hug Kumakoala much tighter. "Now, then… let's see what you're hiding, broom…" He turned on the chainsaw, and Canada spent the next several minutes struggling not to faint.

A/N: I'm sorry this chapter is late! I got some serious writer's block yesterday, so I just restarted the chapter and managed to finish it. HUGS FOR EVERYONE! \(^-^)/ Onto Q&A! To 95Jezzica: I dunno. I guess England's too proud to admit it or something. That seems in-character. And thank you! To RussianMochi: WA WA WA! SORE SORE SORE! IT'S STUCK IN MY HEAD NOW GAH WHAT HAVE YOU DOOONE?! That might be fun... can't promise anything! To SilentMoonlace13: It's fine! I'm just glad you're reviewing now! Hmm... I'd have to think of a natural way to do it... it's a possibility! I do love Italy. Also, social lives are overrated. To Berlin: That sucks. Ah, well, there are plenty of games for computers you can get! Umm... I guess blue lips? People would just think I was wearing lipstick, maybe. And for some reason that question made me think of something kind of funny I'm going to talk about now: I always laugh whenever those commercials for teeth-whitening products show up, because the person using them seems to have perfectly white teeth already, and using the product just seems to make them a very pale blue. That's it for now! I need to stop before I start rambling even more. NEXT CHAPTER: America and friends go into a girl's bathroom. See you all next time!