CHAPTER 18: THE BATHCHAMBER OF SECRETS
America was feeling pretty good. He and Canada had learned a bit about the Chamber of Secrets, he'd made major progress on the whole broom-upgrade plan, and now he could have his revenge for Harry, Ron and Hermione leaving him out of the loop. He was pretty much over it, but it still bothered him a bit.
Speaking of those three, America spotted them walking through the corridor. Harry and Ron seemed to be practically dragging Hermione somewhere. "But, the library!" she cried. "I need to- the books! I can't-"
"Hermione, it's the weekend!" said Ron. "You need to take a break from studying! Get some fresh air! Feel the sun on your face!"
"YO, DUDES, SUP?" The three humans flinched at the sound and looked over.
"Oh, hello, Alfred," said Harry. His eyes shifted to the chainsaw America was carrying, and then to the bisected broomstick Canada was holding. "Oh, did you find out anything about how brooms work?"
"Yup! It was great! D'you think duct tape will work to fix it? I need to try out some spells and stuff."
Ron stared at him incredulously. "Tape? There's no way tape's gonna work on a broomstick!"
"Then you, my friend, have never seen the wonders of duct tape. OW! What was that for?" Canada had elbowed him rather painfully in the ribs, giving him a meaningful look. "Oh! Right! We found out some stuff about the Chamber of Secrets!"
The three of them stared at him weird. Hermione spoke first, saying, "How? I've been looking through the library, but I couldn't find anything! Did you bring a copy of Hogwarts: A History?"
America shook his head. "Nah. We just sent a letter to Iggy, he knows a lot about stuff like this. Though the response we got was actually from his brother, who didn't know as much, but apparently Iggy couldn't tell us anyway, and it's kinda complicated."
"His brother?" asked Hermione. "Is this the same brother that sent you a chainsaw?"
"Nope, that was Patrick, I'm talking about Alistair."
"So?" said Harry. "What did you learn?"
America looked at Canada. "Bro, you're the one who always seems to be explaining things! Mattie, I choose you!" He pushed Canada forward.
Canada took a moment to regain his balance, then said, "According to Alistair, the Chamber of Secrets is, well, a secret chamber that was created by Salazar Slytherin when Hogwarts was built. He left the school after a huge fight with Godric Gryffindor about whether or not Muggle-borns should be allowed to attend, but before he left he sealed the Chamber and the monster that was inside it. Only his Heir can open it and unleash the monster to purge the school. That's pretty much it, eh."
Harry, Ron and Hermione were all silent for a few moments. Then they seemed to regain their voices and used them to ask a deluge of questions.
"What sort of monster?"
"Who is his Heir?"
"Why don't I remember reading this in Hogwarts: A History?"
America held up his hands. "Whoa, whoa, whoa, easy there, dudes. Harry, we have no idea what kind of monster it is. All we know about it is that it can somehow Petrify people. Ron, we have no idea who the Heir is. It's probably a Slytherin, though, being his Heir and all. And Hermione, all of that stuff is pretty much pure rumour and legend. From the paragraph of Hogwarts: A History I read, it's based on facts. But there don't really seem to be many proven facts about the Chamber, so we'll have to settle for rumours."
What followed was a long conversation about what the monster might be ("Maybe that's what you've been hearing, Harry?" "Then why can only I hear it? And it must be invisible, since I wasn't able to see it…"), who the Heir might be ("It's gotta be someone in Slytherin, right? I mean, if someone was a relative of the founder, wouldn't they be put in that house?" "There's no guarantee… but Slytherin does seem the most likely place…"), and other things related to the Chamber of Secrets. At some point they started walking, maybe hoping that the movement would help them think.
America remembered that other factoid he and Canada had agreed to bring up. "Hey, you dudes don't think Moldyshorts is behind this, do you?"
"Moldy- Oh, right, him." Harry shook his head. "No, I don't think so. When Dobby warned me about something happening at Hogwarts, You-Know-Who was the first culprit I thought of. Dobby said it wasn't him, though, and since that was just about the only thing he could tell me without hitting himself on the head with a lamp, I think he was being honest. He was being kind of weird about it, though."
Ron rolled his eyes. "That could have just been him being kind of weird period."
"All right… so Moldyshorts isn't behind it…" It looked like Scotland had been wrong. If Moldyshorts had been the Heir to open the Chamber last time, who could it be this time? It had to be a relative, surely… did he have some secret child attending Hogwarts right at this very moment, a child who wanted to make Daddy proud? Or maybe it was just a distant cousin or something…
While America was lost in thought, they turned the corner and found themselves in the corridor where the attack had happened. All that had changed since Halloween was that Mrs. Norris wasn't hanging from the torch holder-thingy, and there was an empty chair sitting beneath the blood-red message. "That's where Filch has been keeping guard," Ron muttered.
America grinned. "Dudes, it's a sign! A sign that we need to investigate!" He put down the chainsaw and reached for his bag. Unfortunately, it seemed he'd left it back in Gryffindor tower. Damn it. Looks like I won't be able to use my trusty magnifying glass…
Harry shrugged. "Can't hurt to have a poke around." He dropped his bag and got on his hands and knees so that he could crawl along, searching for clues. America followed suit.
They didn't find that much. America found some scorch marks ("Dudes, maybe it's a dragon!" "I think we'd notice a dragon in the castle, Alfred."), and Hermione spotted some spiders struggling to get outside, which lead to them finding out Ron suffered from arachnophobia. Then Harry said, "Remember all that water on the floor? Where did that come from? Someone's mopped it up."
"It was about here," said Ron, recovering himself to walk a few paces past Filch's chair and pointing. "Level with this door." He reached for the brass doorknob but suddenly withdrew his hand as though he'd been burned.
"Whoa, dude, did someone sear the doorknob?" gasped America.
"Can't go in there," said Ron gruffly. "That's a girl's toilet."
"Oh, Ron, there won't be anyone in there," said Hermione, standing up and coming over. "That's Moaning Myrtle's place. Come on, let's have a look."
"All right! I'll take the lead! CHAARRGGEEE!" And so, ignoring the large 'Out of Order' sign, America charged into the bathroom. It was the single gloomiest, most depressing bathroom America had ever set foot in, and he'd set foot in a lot of bathrooms. The mirror was cracked and dirty, the sinks were chipped, the floor was damp and reflected the half-hearted light given off by the dying stubs of a few ancient candles, and the wooden doors to the cubicles were flaking and scratched and one of them was dangling off its hinges. Well, at least there isn't vomit anywhere. Actually, now that he thought of it, he had come across more depressing bathrooms.
Hermione put her fingers to her lips and set off towards the end cubicle. When she reached it she said, "Hello, Myrtle, how are you?"
America went over to see who Hermione was talking to (he hadn't met anyone by the name of Myrtle yet), and stopped dead in his tracks when his eyes fell on her. Myrtle had one of the glummest faces America had ever seen, hidden by lank hair and pearly glasses. Then he realized that it wasn't just the glasses that were pearly. "AAAAAAAHHH GHOOOOOOST WHY WOULD YOU DO THIS HERMIONE WHYYYYY YOU'RE A HORRIBLE FRIEND! STRATEGIC RETREEEEEEAAAAAAT!" America valiantly sprinted all the way back to Gryffindor tower, just barely remembering to pick up his chainsaw along the way.
When he arrived in front of the Fat Lady she gave him a very strange look. "Why is it that you can never make a normal entrance?" she asked.
America felt much better now that he was away from any ghosts. He grinned and hefted the chainsaw heroically. "Because I'm the hero!"
A/N: Meh, I don't feel super great about this chapter. Ah, well. HUGS FOR EVERYONE! \(^-^)/ Now for Q&A. To Actual God: That could be fun. America may get most of the attention, but Canada is strong when he needs to be. I'd just have to think of an insult that would really hit home for America without triggering his 'IMMA BEAT YOUR FACE IN' response. To Natekleh: I don't think so. America and Canada are heading home for the holidays to catch up on things and go to the Nation Christmas party. To MissAmerica13: Pretty sure I didn't write that. It can be a bit confusing to keep things straight when you read a lot of similar fanfics. I was thinking of having England be a Parseltongue (he's very gifted with the Dark Arts, and talking to snakes is generally considered Dark), but apart from that I don't think anyone else is. To RussianMochi: Pictonian Voldemort... I think that if someone did a spontaneous musical number in front of Moldyshorts, he would either kill them instantly or just be so confused that they had time to run away. And Canada getting Petrified? That would be really sad, and would definitely give America some motivation, but I've got my own ideas on what happens when a Nation looks a Basilisk in the eye... *evil snicker*. To Berlin: OH GOD THAT IS SO SAD ROMANO NOOO IT'S YOUR LITTLE BROTHER DON'T DO IT! I've never actually read Hunger Games or seen the movies, and I don't think I will any time soon, since my Mom and sister have pretty much completely spoiled it for me. You'll have to forgive me if I don't read your fic... the feels would just be too much... It would be like that time I watched a playthrough of HetaOni all over again... Anyways, underwater or in the skies... hmm... that just makes me think of the BioShock series... Rapture or Columbia... I think I'd go with the place in the sky, because PEGASUS! Plus Columbia is slightly less dystopian than Rapture. Yes... Christmas break is almost here... happiness and cheer... NO NO MUSICAL NUMBERS! BAD ME, BAD! *whacks self with lamp* And yes, I think America will figure it out. He's pretty smart about these sorts of things, or at least in my headcanon he is. NEXT CHAPTER: America upgrades a broom. See you all next time!