Another thing Kurt discovers about courage is that there are many different types. Between confronting bullies and confronting friends; to walking the halls of McKinley dressed in fabulous, yet less socially acceptable clothing; to talking to a boy. A boy who Kurt really likes. A boy who likes Kurt in return.
It should be easy, really. In theory, Kurt would profess his feelings to Blaine and they would live happily ever after. But it isn't some teen rom-com, it's his life.
He goes to bed that night feeling uneasy. Any possible chance of feeling elated by the news that oh my god, this gorgeous boy actually likes me, is cancelled out by guilt.
Kurt avoids Tumblr the next day. He runs through rehearsal on autopilot and ignores Rachel's attempts at an apology without feeling any anger or resentment towards her. He just feels... helpless. It's even worse because he isn't helpless, not really. He could easily pick up his phone or sign into Skype and apologize to Blaine and tell him that he's just scared, and that he likes him back.
But he can't.
On Sunday morning, Kurt finally checks his phone. He has lots of texts, mostly from Rachel, some from Mercedes and a few from Brittany. None from Blaine.
He ignores the sickly feeling that settles in his stomach and reads his emails. There's nothing important, mostly from Tumblr alerting him of new followers and messages; none of which are from Blaine.
A message from Mia catches his eye, and he needs to talk to someone so he opens his text messages.
to Mia:
Mia... I screwed up. Can I call you?
He's on the verge of biting his nails while waiting for a reply; he breathes a sigh of relief when his phone vibrates in his hand.
Mia is calling
"Hey, thanks," he says after answering the phone.
"Kurt! Where have you been? I don't think I've ever gone a whole day without seeing you on my dash before. What's up?"
"It's about Blaine..." he answers quietly, biting his lip to keep from crying; he just feels so awful.
"Have you two not got your shit together yet? People are getting impatient."
Confused, he replies, "Um, what?"
"Surely you've noticed how much people ship you together?" she says flippantly, as if Kurt should already know this.
"I-I mean, sure some anons have asked what's going on between us, but people ship us?" He's getting flustered and he's not entirely sure why. The fact that people ship him and Blaine is just... he knows how crazy people on Tumblr can get.
"Are you by your laptop?" Mia asks.
"Yeah, why?"
"Great. Load up your browser and type in k and b, hypen, klaine -" Mia starts but Kurt interrupts.
"Wait, Klaine?"
"Kurt and Blaine, Klaine, it's your ship name. Shush, it's cute," she says when Kurt tries to speak again. "So, it's k and b - one word - hypen klaine dot tumblr dot com."
Kurt puts Mia on speakerphone and places his phone beside his laptop. He hesitantly types in the URL and hits enter, a little scared of what he might find. "Wow," he breathes out as he looks at the website. The Tumblr is mainly a compiled archive of all of his and Blaine's interactions with various comments attached, they are so cute together!, they are so secretly dating!.
He scrolls down further and gasps when he notices the word 'fic.' Fic rec: Kurt + Blaine | NC-17 | ~1000 | Blaine calls Kurt to help him take care of a... problem he's having. "Oh my god!" he whispers, scandalized.
"What?" Kurt jumps at the sound of Mia's voice, the call completely forgotten.
"There's fanfiction about us?"
"Oh honey, how have you not seen any of this?"
"I... I don't know, I've been busy I guess, maybe I just don't follow the right people?" He doesn't know how he's missed the blogs that are dedicated to him and Blaine, and fanfiction.
"Busy with Blaine, yeah I get it. What is going on there?"
Kurt sighs, blogs and everything else forgotten. "I messed up," he admits quietly.
"Kurt? Are you okay?" Mia asks, sounding concerned.
"No, no I -" Kurt cuts himself off, shaking his head. "Blaine likes me," he says instead.
"...Okay?"
"Regardless of what everyone thinks, we were just friends. Sure I like him, but I didn't think anything would ever happen, I mean with the distance and everything. But then he told me he liked me and I just... I freaked out a little."
"Oh, Kurt," Mia says sympathetically. "What did you say?"
"I... Um. Nothing. I said nothing," he rushes out, ashamed. He can only imagine how Blaine must have felt after he logged out.
"What do you mean?"
"I kind of logged out after he said it. I know, I'm a terrible person but I got scared, Mia, I can't handle that," Kurt admits meekly.
Mia sighs through the phone. "Kurt, you know I love you, but why? He likes you - that's a good thing and you deserve a good thing. I know the amount of shit you go through day in and day out, why can't you just accept that a guy you like likes you back?"
A lot happens the next day. Kurt makes up with Rachel but he doesn't win the student elections, losing out to Brittany and her over the top, idealistic promises. He also opens up Tumblr.
He doesn't post for a while; he looks over his dash to see if there's anything important he's missed, saving some things in his drafts so he can reblog them later, and he answers his many messages that have seemed to have piled up over the weekend. They're mostly enquiries as to why he hasn't been online and he replies with a generic Sorry, I've been busy.
After a few reassuring breaths, Kurt finally gathers the courage to look at Blaine's Tumblr. He types in w and hits enter, his browser filling out the address as he's visited the web page so many times.
Blaine has posted a few times over the weekend, but not as much as he usually does; there's only a page and a half worth of reblogs since Friday night and none of them are personal. Biting his lip, Kurt closes Blaine's Tumblr and decides to stop being a coward and starts posting.
He doesn't see Blaine online until an hour later when Kurt notices he's reblogged him. You have reblogged warblerbda: "Shit," he mutters, realizing his mistake. He knows this isn't fair to Blaine, so with shaking hands he opens Blaine's ask.
Hi Blaine... he types lamely, I just wanted to say I'm sorry. He closes his eyes against the hot shame he feels inside of him and clicks send. It's nowhere near the apology Blaine deserves, but Kurt doesn't know what else to say.
He goes back to his dashboard and sees he has a message, he rationalizes that it can't be Blaine - he has only just sent the ask, but it doesn't stop him from holding his breath as he checks his messages.
warblerbda asked you:
Can we talk?
It's not a reply to the message he sent, Blaine must have sent one at the same time and Kurt replies with a quick Of course, it's the least you deserve.
Blaine requests for him to go on Skype because it's easier and nervously, Kurt complies.
Kurt [9:13] Hi
Blaine [9:15] Kurt. Hi.
Kurt [9:15] Hi...
Blaine [9:16] ...
[9:16] God I messed everything up.
Kurt [9:17] What?
Blaine [9:19] I just wanted to apologize.
Kurt [9:21] You want to apologize? What do you have to be sorry for?
Blaine [9:23] I'm sorry for telling you I like you. I'm sorry for spoiling our friendship like that and making things awkward between us... I shouldn't have said anything.
Kurt [9:24] You really meant it?
Blaine [9:26] Mean what?
Kurt [9:27] That you like me?
Blaine [9:29] Of course I did. I'm sorry.
Kurt [9:31] You don't have to be sorry, I'm the one who should be sorry, for logging out and ignoring you like that. I just... I freaked out a little.
Blaine [9:33] I get it, it's fine... God I'm such a jerk for ruining our friendship like that.
Kurt [9:35] You haven't ruined anything. I can't believe you actually like me.
Blaine [9:37] What's not to like? You're the most interesting guy I've ever met, you're so compassionate and strong and... you're just amazing.
[9:38] You still want to be my friend? Even though I told you I like you?
Kurt [9:39] Blaine...
Blaine [9:41] Kurt?
Kurt [9:42] Of course I want to be your friend.
Closing his eyes tightly shut, Kurt quickly hits enter before he can stop himself.
Kurt [9:43] and I like you too.
Blaine doesn't reply for too long and Kurt panics - oh my god what if he didn't mean it and he was just saying that but Blaine would never do that… but -
Blaine [9:47] Wait - really?
Kurt [9:48] Of course I like you.
Blaine [9:50] Why didn't you tell me? Kurt, you really scared me, I thought I messed everything up when you logged out like that.
[9:51] Wait, I don't care. I'm smiling so hard right now.
Kurt [9:52] I am so sorry about that, Blaine. I wish I could take it back, I felt so guilty.
Blaine [9:53] You like me.
Kurt shakes his head fondly, his face starting to hurt from how wide he's smiling.
Kurt [9:54] You're such a dork.
Blaine [9:56] Ah, but, you like me!
He laughs out loud, the boy he likes (who likes him back!) is ridiculous. Not wanting to spoil the mood, but needing to know Kurt types, Where does that leave us..?, but just before he presses send, a new IM comes through.
Blaine [9:59] Kurt Hummel, would you do me the honor of being my boyfriend?
[10:00] I'm sorry if that was too forward of me again, you just make me so happy Kurt, you move me, and I know we need to talk about this more, especially with the distance and everything, but I just want to be able to call you mine.
Kurt [10:02] Of course I will, Blaine.
"Oh my god," Kurt whispers, shocked, stunned, elated. He has a boyfriend. He has Blaine. Mia was right; he does deserve a good thing.