CHAPTER 21: SOME GOOD NEWS AND MUCH MORE BAD NEWS

England was at work when the owl arrived. He was just going through a bit of paperwork when he heard a tap at the window. He looked over to see a handsome tawny perched outside, carrying a letter. It looked like one of the Hogwarts ones… Please just be America asking for a new cauldron, please just be America asking for a new cauldron… England went over, opened the window, and took the letter from the bird. It decided to hang around, probably in case he wanted to write back. It was quite well-behaved, as owls go, just perching on a cabinet and watching him.

England looked at the letter. Judging from the handwriting (or lack of it, he still seemed to prefer printing) it was from America. Taking a deep breath to steady himself, England opened it and began reading. His heart began plummeting almost immediately.

Iggy,

Okay, I've got some good news and some bad news. Let's start with the good news. Did I mention I was planning on upgrading the Gryffindor Quidditch team's brooms? Because I was. And I succeeded! Well, I wasn't able to upgrade Harry's, but his is already really fast. And because of me, they were able to win their first match against Slytherin, even though they all had Nimbus 2001's! Harry kinda got his arm broken by a crazy bludger and Glinda the Sparkly Wizard liquefied it trying to help, but that didn't have anything to do with the brooms, so if that's not a success, I don't know what is!

And now for the bad news. There's been another attack, this time an actual human. It was a Gryffindor first year called Collin Creevey. It's too bad, really, he took some pictures for me during Halloween. Because of the whole arm thing, Harry was there when they brought him into the hospital wing. He also got visited by that crazy house elf from the summer. Turns out, Dobby was the one who stopped him and Ron from getting through the barrier at the train station in September. And then he enchanted that Bludger to focus on him like a crazy stalker. He's not very good at the whole 'helping' thing. He was trying to get Harry to go back home because apparently he's in danger because of this whole Chamber of Secrets thing. So it looks like you were right about him needing protection. I guess that's more good news, right? Right! Then Dumbledore was really cryptic. Nothing unusual there.

Anyways, as usual, Harry, Ron and Hermione are sticking their noses into danger. We think Draco Malfoy could be the Heir of Slytherin, and we want to get a confession out of him, so we've got a plan. Hermione's making a potion that is basically one of those Mission Impossible masks, but a potion, so that we can impersonate Malfoy's friends and see if we can get him to out himself. It looks like it's not going to be finished until Christmas break, though, so Mattie and I won't be using it. All for the best, probably, since they're brewing it in a haunted bathroom. Mattie has to blindfold me every time we want to go in there.

You know, this would be a lot simpler if you just told us the answers. You know them, right? Who the Heir is, what the monster is, where the Chamber is. According to Mattie, Alistair says you can't tell us. Can you at least tell us why? People are starting to get hurt now.

Sincerely,

Alfred.

England buried his face in his hands. He really, really, really felt like hurting someone badly right now. He should really get on the phone with Scotland to talk about this. It was his territory, after all. But right at that moment, England knew that if he called his brother now it would just end in a screaming match that got them nowhere. He needed to vent. His eyes fell on a name in the current tricky piece of paperwork he was working on. France. Perfect.

He pulled a red envelope out of a drawer, made sure there was nobody outside the door, and started composing a Howler. It took a while. England had a lot of frustration, and France was the perfect person to vent it at. By the time he sealed the envelope, he was feeling much better. He tried to send it using the Hogwarts owl, but as soon as it heard that it wouldn't be returning home it refused. I guess they train them to only take letters to and from the school… fine, then. England opened the window and called out, "Flying Mint Bunny!"

The magical creature flew up to him, flying around his head. "Hi, England! What do you need?"

England held up the Howler. "Would you please take this to France? The owl refuses to."

Flying Mint Bunny gave the closest thing it could to a smile. "Okay! See you when I get back, England!" It took the red envelope in its teeth and flew off.

England waved goodbye. "Safe journey!" Then, feeling as if he might just be able to have a civil conversation with him, England picked up the phone and dialed Scotland's number.

It took about three rings for him to pick up. "Scotland speakin'."

It took a second for England to recover from hearing a friendly tone in his brother's voice. Clearly he doesn't know it's me. "Hello, Scotland, it's-"

"Ach, it's ye? What do ye want?"

Ah, that was more like the Scotland he knew. "I just wanted to inform you that there's been another attack at Hogwarts."

Scotland swore and said, "Who was it and are they still alive?"

"A first year named Collin Creevey, and he was only Petrified."

"Weell, at least he's no' dead…" There was a pause. "All righ', I just checked, and he's one o' yours. So it looks like ye can keep yer kneecaps in one piece." A nation could always remember the name of each and every one of their citizens if they concentrated.

"Thank you. I am rather attached to my knees." England tried to think of something else to say. He succeeded. "Do you think I should tell the others about this?"

"What, the other Nations? I mean, if ye really want tae, I'm not gonnae stop ye."

"No, that's not what I mean and you know it. The other Nations aren't going to care what's going on at the local boarding school, even if it is a magical one. Especially if it's a magical one, actually. Most of them have very minimal involvement in their wizarding communities. I meant Wales and the twins." The last word felt a bit odd. It had been a while since he'd said it in this context. For decades now he usually would have said 'Wales and Northern Ireland'. But even if she'd left the United Kingdom, Ireland still hadn't started up her own school of magic, so young Irish wizards went to Hogwarts just like young English, Scottish and Welsh ones. She was just as involved in Hogwarts as her brothers.

"Weell, the twins already know aboot it. America told 'em. They called while ye were at work the day the Chamber opened."

England felt all that frustration he'd vented start to return. "And you didn't even bother to tell me?"

"Why would I? They just wanted tae confirm it, and I'm better suited tae to that than ye. So, really, the only one ye'd have tae tell would be Wales." Scotland let out a low whistle. "Ach, he is not gonnae be happy aboot being the last one tae hear aboot it."

England rubbed his forehead. "No, he won't, will he… Well, thanks for the chat. Goodbye, Scotland."

"See ye, England." Scotland hung up first.

England stared at the phone. It made sense that America would have told the twins, of course. They'd been pretty close ever since the whole famine thing. So he should really tell Wales about it… boy, he was going to be pissed at being the last to hear about it. England had wanted to call him first just to avoid this. But thanks to America, it seemed that that plan was scuppered. Might as well get it over with quickly. He dialed Wales' number and waited in dread for him to pick up.

It only took two rings. "Who is it? I'm, like, in the middle of something."

England took a deep breath and said, "Sorry to interrupt, Wales."

"Oh, it's you. What do you want?"

England sighed. I was hoping he might be in a good mood today… "Why is it that everyone's saying that to me today?"

"Because you always want something. Now hurry it up, there's rugby on."

Oh, so I'm interrupting rugby, too. It took just about all of England's willpower not to hang up right then and there. "Hurry it up? All right. The Chamber of Secrets has opened." He quickly pulled the phone away from his ear.

It was a good thing he did. "WHAT?! WHAT THE HELL DO YOU MEAN, THE CHAMBER OF SECRETS HAS OPENED?! THAT'S, LIKE, REALLY BAD, MUN!"

England put the phone back to his ear. "Thank you for your insightful comment, Wales. Truly, it is appreciated." He immediately berated himself. Come on, he's going to be mad enough, stop antagonizing him.

"Oh, shut it." Wales' deep breaths crackled over the line in a rush of static. "So… the Chamber is open, is it. Who's been attacked so far?"

"A cat and a first year. One of mine, not yours, by the way," England quickly added. "No deaths so far."

"Good." Wales was silent for a moment, then he asked the question England had really been hoping he wouldn't. "Do the others know about this?"

"Er… well…" England really hoped his hesitation didn't give it away.

It did. "Oh. My. God. You have got to be kidding me."

"Wales-"

"No, no, it's fine," said Wales, in a high-pitched voice that said it was anything but fine. "I get it. You'd rather talk to Ireland than me. It's good. It's… all good…" England held the phone away from his ear just in time. "YOU STUPID JERKFACE I HATE YOU!" There was the sound of the phone being slammed down, followed by a tone that meant the call had ended.

England sighed, hanging up the phone on his end. "Well, that could have gone better," he said to himself. "Could have gone worse, I suppose. He's probably crying and drinking beer and ranting about how I don't appreciate him now… I should probably send him a gift basket or something… And now I'm monologuing. Great." The owl perched on the cabinet hooted. "Oh, right, I should probably write America back. And also stop talking to myself. That would be a good thing to stop doing."

A/N: I think I'm finally back in the swing of things! Yay! HUGS FOR EVERYONE! \(^-^)/ From the very small amount of research I've done on Welsh accents, apparently they say 'like' a lot? I don't know. If anyone knows more about any of these accents, please tell me. Have you guys seen the drawing of England's brothers Himaruya put up? If you haven't, you should. In this fic, at least, Scotland is the smiling red-haired one (he's been described as friendly, after all), Wales is the scowling brown-haired one who is definitely a tsundere, and Northern Ireland is the neutral-looking blond-haired one who is described as cunning. I feel like North has a sweet face, but his accent and demeanor is rather threatening even when he doesn't mean it. He's kind of like Sweden in that way, I guess. NEXT CHAPTER: America goes to Dueling Club. See you all next time!