Author: Winged Knight
{oOo}
"Greetings, remembrancer! Come, sit and drink with me! This is the finest Fenrisian ale!"
The small man jumped at the sound of Russ's booming voice, barely managing to compose himself before sitting down at the long table where Russ and his wife sat ready. Thora gently batted him on the arm, a small reminder about how loud he could get. He smiled sheepishly and took a swig from the large flagon in front of him.
"Uh, thank you, my lord, but no. I have a job to do and it's best to do it with a clear head."
"Ah," Russ said in a significantly more reasonable voice. "Tis a shame, but I can appreciate a man dedicated to duty! Still, sit down. It wouldn't be right to leave you standing."
"My thanks, Lord Russ."
The man sat down and brought out a small recording device from his travel bag, setting it on the wooden surface. He clicked it on, and a small light shown green that it was recording.
"Lord Russ, as you know the people across the Imperium are curious as to the history of the Primarchs. Now, tales have been told, of course, but our organization felt it might be best to hear it from the mouths of those who lived it, so to speak. I was hoping you'd honor me with an interview."
Russ's smile widened, showing off his sharp canines. "Why, I would be happy to! Before we begin in earnest, I'll start with a brief synopsis."
Born from the Emperor!
LIKE A KING!
Kidnapped by Chaos!
LIKE A KING!
Raised by wolves!
LIKE A KING!
Accepted by the Russ Clan!
LIKE A KING!
Meet my wife!
LIKE A KING!
She's very beautiful!
There was a brief pause where the Senshi Thora kissed Leman, allowing the startled remembrancer a moment to gather his thoughts. What was the Primarch doing? He knew the lot of them were all larger than life, with their own eccentricities, but this was more than he expected. He didn't have much time to think of the matter, however. Soon enough Leman turned back to him and continued.
Kill a mammoth for her!
LIKE A KING!
Get married!
LIKE A KING!
Lead the Clan!
LIKE A KING!
Have a daughter!
LIKE A KING!
I thought it was going to be a boy!
LIKE A KING!
It freaked me out!
LIKE A KING!
Meet my father!
LIKE A KING!
And my sister!
LIKE A KING!
THE GREAT CRUSADE!
Go off on wars!
LIKE A KING!
Kill aliens!
LIKE A KING!
Defend humanity!
LIKE A KING!
Piss off The Lion!
LIKE A KING!
Man needs to loosen up!
LIKE A KING!
Maybe get a girlfriend!
LIKE A KING!
AGE OF HERESY!
Betrayed by Lorgar!
LIKE A KING!
Tricked into attacking Magnus!
LIKE A KING!
I was gonna punch him!
LIKE A KING!
A lot!
LIKE A KING!
Serenity stopped me!
LIKE A KING!
I tried to anyway!
LIKE A KING!
She beat me up!
LIKE A KING!
Thora helped!
LIKE A KING!
"Hold it!" an imperious voice called out, punctuated by a sword crashing into the long table and slicing it in two. Russ was on his feet in an instant, rune sword ready and crackling with power. The remembrancer grabbed his equipment before hundreds of pounds of wood smashed it to pieces and stumbled back, looking everywhere at once for the source of the attack.
From the door came a tall man in garish golden armor. He strode in like he owned the place, pausing only once to brush some snow out of his slicked back blond hair.
"What have I told you, barbarian? I do not appreciate thieves who steal the ideas of my august self. Cease your inane caterwauls at once before I cease them for you!"
"Oh?" Russ snarled. "And how are you gonna do that, you wee little dandy? Don't you have a little girl to play servant to?"
"Insolence! How dare you speak to the King of Heroes such? I'll have to show you your proper station!"
"Methinks you didn't get enough spankings as a child. Come over here and I'll fix that for you!"
The man's sneer grew into an mask of rage, and he charged the primarch, swords appearing all around him. Russ, in response, howled and rushed him. Soon enough they were in the thick of what could only be a bar brawl.
"Is this…" The remembrancer swallowed to work some liquid into his dry throat. "Is this normal?"
"Don't mind them," Thora said as he pulled another flagon of ale from another a table. "Gilgamesh just shows up every now and then looking for a tussle, and my husband is happy to oblige him. Nothing too damaging ever comes from it. Leman knows if he wrecks the hall he's sleeping outside, and Gil knows if he does the same he gets no more meals from me."
The poor man could only blink as Leman Russ and the strange warrior continued to go at it, and he wondered if his compatriots were suffering similar problems with the other Primarchs.
{oOo}
AN: Something of a shout out to another fic hosted on SpaceBattles (though more serious than you would think from looking at this). Like A King, by Icura.