"I was in the Winter of my life… and the men I met along the road were my only Summer. At night, I fell asleep with visions of myself, dancing and laughing and crying with them." Ride- Lana Del Rey
(~ ~ ~ ~ ~)
Isabella awoke the next morning, Sunday morning, at 6am. With a frown at the clock, she sat up and shook it. She never woke up at 8am on a Sunday. She was allowed to sleep in for awhile on Sundays before getting ready for church.
She turned to shake the sleep out of her brain when she caught the faint scent of smoke.. Where on earth was it coming from? She searched her entire apartment to no avail. She opened the doors and poked her head out her windows and door.. Still nothing..
Until she turned her head again and noticed that the smell was coming FROM HER HAIR!
"UGH!"
She took a whiff again and then held it away from her like a woman holding the tail end of a dead rat. Her mother would be appalled at her hygiene. She then noticed that not only did her hair smell of a smoke-house, but her nails were chipped and grungy. Had they been like that last night? How on EARTH did her hair smell of smoke?
She pushed the thought to the back of her mind as she began to gather clothes in an urgent way to get into the shower. She washed her hair thrice, hoping to certainly remove the smell. She scrubbed her nails with vigor until they shone red with cleanliness. She scrubbed and scrubbed until all her nose could smell was STRAWBERRIES.
She dried and straightened her hair before applying her make up to perfection, just as she was taught. She dressed in her best baby-blue church dress and matching wedges, because heels were for hookers if unmarried. She put on her single strand of pearls, simple stud earrings and a white woven watch-bracelet, because modesty was best for church.
She was putting her items into her clutch designated for church days when there was a knock at her door. She waited the appropriate amount of time before opening her door. Edward was standing on her stoop, dressed cleanly for church. He smiled a crooked smile, ran a hand through his perfect mess of copper hair before offering her his arm.
"Are you ready to go to church, love?"
"Of course, Edward. Let me lock-up."
She turned and locked her door before taking his arm. The chapel wasn't far from Bella's residence so they walked arm in arm at an appropriate pace. They met with their parents on the front lawn and they walked in together.
They sat together as a sort of familial group in the second pew because "the first pew is for sinners waiting to be noticed, trying to hide their dirty deeds." The second pew was the most respectful and appropriate and therefore, that is where they sat. Isabella read the passages that the pastor called out and sang at a perfectly normal volume with the rest of the congregation for each hymn.
Inside, she was screaming.
She wanted to be enjoying a day doing nothing. Her body was aching for something she didn't quite understand and had no business thinking of. She wanted to know why she smelled of smoke and why her mouth had tasted abnormal this morning. Why did she have a slight headache? She pushed these thoughts into the cracks of her mind. They weren't proper.
She often had dreams of going out and being wild. Of dancing inappropriately with men, of riding motorcycles and being held in tattooed arms.. Of smoking cigarettes and dodging those who would try to plaster her face on newspapers and reputation.. Who would out her to her parents. She had dreams of being Izzy.. But that's all they were.. Dreams to be pushed in her cracks..
(~ ~ ~ ~ ~)
At the end of church, they walked to the diner across the way as usual. Bella sat in the chair closest to the window and across from her mother, as usual. She ordered the same lunch she always did- A turkey club sandwich without bacon, low-carb mayo and extra tomatoes. She had a side salad with dressing and croutons in a separate cup and a sweet tea. She replied when spoken to, but otherwise maintained a polite and defined silence.
She was perfect..
For a while, she thought she was being stared at. She spared a glance out the window and saw a rather handsome and tan man walking away shaking his head. Perhaps in another life, she would have been with that man.. But she was Isabella Marie Swan and no amount of wishing would give her the life she wanted to have.. A life she had dreamed of but stuck in the cracks of her mind.
She never had fear that one days those cracks would simply shatter.
After lunch, she bid goodbye to her parents and Edward's. He dutifully walked her home and left her at her door with a kiss on the forehead. She went inside to study for her Latin final.
She went to bed promptly at 8:30pm and set her alarm for 6:30am. Her modest attire for the next day was laid out, jewelry and all. Her homework was complete and filed. Her notes were organized and ready, even with color-coordinated hi-lighted streaks and neat marginal notes..
Isabella was perfect on the outside. But she had nothing to stop her inside from falling apart.