John paced the trailer the next morning, Dean could tell he was trying not to yell, he'd done a lot of yelling since they'd woken up, but both boys knew that John wasn't done being mad, he was never done being mad.
"I gotta gig in New Haven, Connecticut and I'm taking those boys," John said.
"You'll be fine without them," Bobby replied. "You've done it without them before."
"It's a long job," John sighed. "Gonna take at least a month. I'm not letting them stay here."
"When Sam's done with school," Bobby said calmly. "I'll take 'em north."
"I want Dean as back up," John said. "And I ain't leavin' Sammy alone. Sammy can't be trusted."
"From what I understand," Bobby said. "You think Dean's the worst hunter you've been with. What's it worth having back up you can't trust? You can take it alone, John. I'll be here with the boys. You've taken on bigger cases."
"I want my boys with me," John demanded. "They ain't yours. You don't make decisions for them."
"Maybe you shoulda thought about that before you wacked Dean's head off the side of your truck and gave him a concussion," Bobby replied. "Maybe you shoulda thought about that before you made a nineteen year old boy feel like he was a worthless piece of shit because your fifteen year old ran away to play house with his girlfriend for a week. What Sam did was Sam's fault, not Dean's and until you get that, those boys ain't going nowhere alone with you. And you ain't pulling Sammy outta school. Go take care of your job in Connecticut. Meet us back at my place when you're done. I can take care of these boys, I've done it before."
"This is bull," John slammed his hand on the counter. "I can take care of my boys without you."
"If Mary was here," Bobby said standing up and turning toward John. "If their mom was here, would you treat these boys like you do now? Would Mary let you treat Dean like a piece of garage? Cuz from what I've heard about her, she'd kill ya if she knew how you treat these boys. So you go, shoot something in Connecticut, cool off, and then meet me and those boys back in North Dakota."
"Those boys do as I say," John yelled.
"You don't intimidate me John," Bobby said. "I'm not a scared kid. I see right through you. Go cool off. I'll take care of your boys."
Dean kept his eyes glued to the floor, knowing that his dad would be looking to him to come to his defense. Dean didn't want to be part of this. He finally looked up when the door slammed. His dad was gone and Bobby was leaning against the kitchen counter, looking as exhausted as Dean felt.
"How's your head?" Bobby asked.
"I still gotta headache," Dean mumbled. "But my ears aren't ringing, so I guess it's better."
"Good," Bobby nodded. "How about you get Sammy, I'll make ya some breakfast."
"I don't think he wants to talk to me," Dean mumbled. "I mean, like, I think he's still mad at me."
"He'll get over it," Bobby nodded. So Dean followed his orders, like he was supposed to.
Sam had his nose in a book as like usual, trying his best to block out everything. Dean stood in the doorway, leaning against the frame for minute or so before Sam decided to respond.
"Where's dad?" Sam asked not looking up from his book.
"Left," Dean answered.
"But I can't leave?" Sam chuckled. "Seems far."
"He wanted to take you with him," Dean sighed. "Bobby's here so that you can stay here til school gets out, then were going to his place. Dad's gonna meet us there. Come out to the kitchen, Bobby's make us breakfast."
"Not hungry," Sam replied.
"Just," Dean closed his eyes and let out a long exhale. "Just come out and eat breakfast. Bobby probably wants to talk to you. Just… just do what he says."
"You're not the boss of me, Dean," Sam spat, finally lowering his book. "You don't get to tell me what do to, and neither does Bobby."
"Look, Sammy," Dean said running a hand down his face. "Sam, just… just stop. Stop being a pain in the ass for twenty minutes and sit out there and eat breakfast with me and Bobby. Let's just try and get past this. Okay?"
"Whatever," Sam rolled his eyes as he got up and pushed passed Dean into the living room.
Bobby made French toast; put a small pile in front of each of the boys before sitting down himself.
"Can I go to my friend's house?" Sam asked.
"Fuck no," Dean replied glaring at his brother. "You just spent two weeks playing house with your lab partner. You're not going anywhere."
Sam rolled his eyes and looked to Bobby. "I don't wanna be here. I don't want to be in this stupid trailer."
"What did I do to you?" Dean slammed his fist on the table. "I didn't… I was just being a good brother. I was looking out for you."
"You're a dick, Dean," Sam rolled his eyes hard again. "You know what you did. You didn't have to do what you did."
"I opened the door while you were making out with a girl," Dean sighed. "How many times have you walked in on me with a girl? You've seen a whole hell of a lot more of me than I saw."
"You're missing the whole fuckin' point," Sam sighed. "It's the principle, Dean. You knew I was doing and ruined it."
"I didn't ruin it," Dean sighed. "And I said I was fucking sorry man. Alright? I said I was sorry."
"You tellin' me," Bobby interjected. "That you decided to take off because Dean spied on you kissin' a girl? Instead of punchin' him or yellin' or givin' him the silent treatment like you did when you were little you ran away? "
"When you say it like that it sounds dumb," Sam answered. "There was more to it. Dad was being a dick, he thinks he can hold me under this thumb, and Dean doesn't, like, give a shit about privacy, and I'm trapped. Can I go to my friend's house?"
"If you leave," Bobby said with a mouth full of French toast, "You are to be back here at five o'clock. You any later than five, I will find ya and hand cuff you to the trailer. And I will drive you back and forth to school, and I will wait outside for ya all day. I ain't your Daddy, so I can't say no, but I'm the closest thing you got right now. If you fuck this up, Sammy, you'll regret it. Understand me?"
"Bobby you can't just…" Dean interjected but Bobby held a hand up to stop him.
"You understand, Sam?" Bobby asked.
"Yeah," Sam nodded. "I understand."
"Eat your breakfast," Bobby said. "Then you can go out."
"The fuck," Dean said the second the door slammed behind his brother. "We're never gonna see him again. I sent a week and a half lookin' for him got my ass reamed out, was told I was less than shit because I let him walk out the door and you're just… you're… you…"
"Dean," Bobby said calmly. "If you don't give him a little bit of rope, he'll end up hating ya. You want Sam to hate ya?"
"No, but I want him to come back," Dean felt those tears coming back, those tears he wasn't supposed to cry. "What if you just let him walk out that door and he doesn't come back? That's my brother, Bobby. I can't… I can't just let him walk away."
"He'll be back," Bobby said knowingly. "He knows he did wrong. He knows that if your daddy was here, he'd be locked in that bed room, or in the back of that car driving to Connecticut. He ain't about to yank my chain til it breaks."
"But what if he does?" Dean asked. "What if he…"
"Don't 'what if' it, Boy," Bobby said, placing a hand on Dean's shoulder. "He'll be home."
Dean nodded and pushed back his chair. He collected the plates of the table and washed the dishes, cleaned the counters, put away the milk and eggs, then sat down on the couch. He ran his fingers down the remote but didn't turn on the TV, just stared at the blank screen.
Bobby sat down in the recliner next to him; put his feet up on the coffee table.
"How you doing?" Bobby asked.
"I told you," Dean sighed. "Still gotta headache, but my ears stopped ringing. You sure you didn't hit your head?"
"That's not what I mean," Bobby said. "I don't know what your Dad said to you when I wasn't here, but I doubt it was very nice."
"You wanna have a feelings talk?" Dean sighed. "Is that why you let Sammy take off?"
"Dean," Bobby sighed.
"I don't wanna do this," Dean shook his head. "I'm not playing some touchy-feely you know you're old man was just mad, didn't mean what he said. Cuz he did. I know he did, you know he did, everyone knows he did. You don't gotta sit there and lie to me and try to tell me I'm some secret genius trapped by a disability. Cuz that ain't true. I couldn't hack high school cuz I'm stupid. I only stayed as long as I did for Sammy. I wanted to be a good example, but… but apparently he doesn't care about me either."
"You're not stupid, Dean." Bobby replied. "You're the only one who has ever thought you were. You're smarter than most people I know. It just takes you a little bit longer to get it. You've got something, Dean. Something a lotta people don't got."
"What?" Dean huffed a laugh. "You say heart, Bobby, I swear to God."
"There's…" Bobby sighed. "There's a school up by my place, community college…"
"You can't go to college if you don't graduated high school," Dean interrupted.
"There's this community college in Sioux Falls," Bobby said forcefully. "Has GED classes over the summer. You can take the test, get your equivalency."
"That cost money," Dean said. "Money something I don't got."
"I can take care of it," Bobby said. "You're a kid, you don't need to worry about money. You can do some jobs for me 'round the yard if you're that's concerned about it. You want your dad to hold the fact you didn't graduate over your head your whole life? Or you wanna do something about it?"
"Do something about it," Dean mumbled.
"Right, so instead of hunting over the summer, why don't you take the classes?" Bobby suggested. "It won't be all day you'll have time to hang out with whatever friends you got or just be a kid in town or whatever it is you do when you're livin' with me. I've looked into it; they can modify the test to fit with dyslexia."
"So they have a retard test?" Dean chuckled. "Just what I need, Bobby, the dumbed down version of a test for people who were too stupid to finish high school in the first place."
"No, Dean," Bobby sighed. Dean could tell he was trying not to get mad, trying not to yell at him. "That's not what I said. You're not stupid, you learn differently."
"You know," Dean shook his head. "I'm too old to believe all those lies you tell kids to make them feel better. Santa Claus and the Easter Bunny didn't forget that we moved, babies don't come from seeds, I didn't get held back in fourth grade because we move around too much, and I'm not some genius trapped in my own head by a learning disability. I don't learn differently. I'm a glorified idiot, Bobby, just like I've been told every day of my life. What's the point of trying to fix it now?"
"You're a nineteen year old kid with his whole life ahead of him," Bobby said patiently. "You don't gotta be trapped in what your daddy thinks you can do. Cuz your daddy, as good a man as he is, don't know what he's doin' to you boys. He's got Sam so wrapped up that he can't stand to be in the same room as him. He's got you so convinced you're worthless you won't try. You're not worthless, Dean. You're not. You're… you can do great things. Whether you decided to stay a hunter or you move on and do your own thing, you'll be great at it."
"You don't know what you're talking about," Dean laughed sadly.
"Dean," Bobby said seriously. "If your mother was sitting in this room asking you to suck it up and take the GED test would you do it?"
"Yeah," Dean nodded.
"If your mom told you what I just told you would you believe her?" Bobby continued.
"My mom isn't here," Dean replied. "She's never going to be here. If she was I wouldn't in this stupid situation in the first place. Sam wouldn't have run off, Dad wouldn't be a revenge driven crazy person, it would be different Bobby. So imagining her here is pointless, you change that one event, you change everything."
"You're missing my point, Dean," Bobby sighed.
"Then say it real slow," Dean kicked the coffee table. "So maybe I can get it this time."
"What I'm saying," Bobby sighed. "Is live your life to make her proud. Do what you'd think would make her proud of you. Do you think she'd be proud of you right now? I think she'd smack in the back of the head and tell you to stop bein' such an idjit and get your equivalency. She'd tell you to stop blaming yourself for everything cuz not everythin' in your fault. You don't gotta carry it all, Dean. And your Dad shouldn't be makin' you feel like it is."
"I'll take the stupid test," Dean sighed. "But I'm only takin' it once. If I fail it, I get to just be stupid. It's not like I'm going to get a real job or nothing. I just wanna be a hunter. I want to find what got mom."
"I understand that," Bobby nodded. "I'll only press for you to try it once, but I want you to try. I want to see you studying. I want to see you trying. If you gotta ask your brother for help with something, I'm sure he will. If you don't want Sam's help, you ask me. You can do this, Dean. You're a bright kid. Even if you can't see it yourself."
"I'll try," Dean said. "I'll do my best."
"That's all I'm asking for," Bobby smiled.
Dean leaned back and turned on the TV. Dean and Bobby turned back to watch the baseball game Dean settled on. It wouldn't be the last time Dean had this fight with someone, he knew that. But maybe if he had that piece of paper he wouldn't feel quite so useless. Bobby usually knew what he was talking about. Dean knew it wasn't good to feel so horrible about himself, wasn't healthy, but when that's all he really heard, it was hard to be in any other head space. Dean was going to try. He would make someone proud of him. He'd be someone worth being proud of.