Author: Bloody Mary
{oOo}
The whole mess started roughly two year ago. The high command had gotten into their heads that the Imperial Guard could do with a fresh image that would appeal to the younger generations. After a brain-storming session they finally arrived to the conclusion that a holo-series for children would be just the thing.
Most suspected it had something to do with the fact that the Lord General had a thing for a young cartoonist. It certainly didn't help that said cartoonist had been among the hired chosen. Her work had been mediocre at best, but netted her a few dinners with the Lord General, before she was cast aside for an exotic dancer.
However, this was only prelude to the difficulties that befall the all-female Cadian 1006th Regiment and their Commissar, one Tiberius Kirkley. The same studio that hired the Lord General's ex-girlfriend, had also hired a certain reclusive young man, known under the pseudonym Kemas. His works targeted mostly frustrated teenage boys and apparently the idea of an all-female regiment with only one male in sight had fueled the elusive Kemas to produce another series.
The fact that he neglected to even ask the regiment in question had clearly not bothered him in presenting Colonel Valeria as a feisty and temperamental creature, who nevertheless harbored hopes of marrying and bringing up a score of children (when the Colonel actually was married and had a son back on Cadia) or in assuming that the senior Techpriestess—Luecelle-wasn't simply uninterested in organic things like other people and presenting her as harboring a deeply hidden warm core.
Then there was of course Tiberius himself, who was definitely not meant to be a hero of such a series…
{oOo}
Colonel Mira Valeria eyed Commissar Tiberius. The man's eyes was twitching so hard, she was starting to worry his eyelid was going to fly away soon. Mira glanced at the holo.
There was a bright picture of a group of busty women, one of which looked a bit like Mira, if you squinted enough. She was far better endowed, her uniform looked more like cocktail dress and showed far too much body. Oh, and she only had one thin scar accross her eye, when Mira was missing the eye and half her face was covered by metal.
Was that... thing in the corner Luecelle? She supposed it had to be, given the fact it was wearing red robes or at least a few red scraps. Still Luecelle had only one mechandrite and it certainly didn't end in that.
In the middle, there was a man in the uniform of a Commissar. He appeared to look rather close to panic (possibly, because the amount of bodies pressing on him should have long ago strangled him).
"I can shoot you?" Mira suggested after a moment.
The Commissar twitched a few more times, before groaning. "But I'm gay!"
{oOo}