Dean kept checking his phone as he sat shotgun in his dad's truck driving from Eugene toward Palo Alto. John thought it best to just let Dean heal and take one car. They'd left the Impala at a parking garage at the Eugene Airport; figured it was the safest place for it for a few days. The truck was also much less recognizable than the Chevy, just in case Sam decided he still didn't want anything to do with his family. Dean left a message asking Sam if he wanted to meet up, but didn't get anything back. After what happened in the woods three days earlier, he wanted nothing more than to hear his little brother's voice, even if he was just saying he was too busy, he wanted to hear that kid's voice. It was only an eight hour drive, so they'd make it in a day; when the pulled off the high way to get gas, Dean walked around the side of the building to make a last minute phone call to his brother.
"Hey, kid," Dean sighed. "It's Dean again. I'm passing through your neck of the woods here in a few hours and I… look… I know I fucked it up but something bad happened on the last hunt. We're fine now, but I just need to see you Sammy. I mean, if you don't wanna see me, cool, whatever, but just call me back and say so. It would mean a lot to just hear your voice. Please, Sam, just pick up the phone. Just call me back okay. We've gotten past worse, just…" the phone beeped saying he'd used all this time. He closed his eyes and pressed "end," then stuck the phone back into his pocket. Hopefully this little brother would get the point.
He was still paying for Sam's cell, so he knew he still had it. It wasn't like he had that excuse. He just hoped that Sam wouldn't be a total dick and call him back. He knew he fucked everything up when he walked out on that party two years previous, and not replying to messages at came when he walked away, but hopefully this brother was enough of a man to just look past it. There were family after all, and if Sam had been taught one thing, family was the most important thing there was.
It didn't take very much leg work to figure out where Sam lived, mostly because Dean recognized a kid walking down the street as one of Sam's friends from that party a little bit of spying found Sam in a third story apartment, getting ready for the night. They parked in a little alley across the street and watched, made sure that Sam was doing alright.
"You know them kids?" John asked as Sam joked walking down the street oblivious to being watched.
"The blonde dude is Ty Brady? I think," Dean said. "He looks a little different but I think that's Sammy's friend Brady, the dark haired guy is Zach. I met 'em one time. But Sammy would talk about them a lot when he first got here. Went to the blonde kid's house for Christmas freshman year."
"What about the last two?" John asked. "He have a place to go?"
"I haven't talked to him," Dean shook his head. "Not since… not for a while."
"Know what he did over the summer?" John asked solemnly.
Dean shook his head slowly. "No."
"You know that blonde girl?" John asked. "Her and Sam look pretty cozy."
"I'd remember her," Dean answered. "But I didn't meet here when I was here. Definitely not a face I'd forget."
"He looks good," John nodded. "Happy."
"Yeah," Dean replied. "Last time I talked to him, he was… he was doing real good. Ace-ing classes and stuff, you know, the regular Sammy thing. Had a really good roommate, nice group of friends. He seemed well-adjusted, in his element, you know."
"Good for him," John nodded. "He's doing real good for himself."
"Yeah," Dean answered. "Looks real good."
They sat there in silence for a little while, just watching Sam and his friends hang out, laugh at unheard jokes, told unheard stories. They just watched Sam live like they hadn't in far too long.
"I bet you could walk right up to him," John said softly, as the young man Dean thought was Brady passed around shot glasses. Sam pretended to take his, and dropped it down the sink. Words that Sam had said a long time ago about not wanting to end up like dad, not wanting to be that person that drank all the time ringing in his ears.
"He'd punch me in the face," Dean chuckled. "We didn't exactly part on the best of terms."
"Can't be any worse than how I left things," John replied. "There's a lot of things I would change Dean, a whole lot."
"He knows," Dean said. "He knows you didn't mean what you said that night."
"Thing is though," John replied turning toward his eldest son. "At the time I did. I really did mean it. But damn it, biggest regret of a life full of regrets what I did that kid."
"You did your best," Dean said. "We both know that. What happened to mom, I mean, there's a lot worst lives we coulda lived."
"I drive through here all the time," John said, turning back to the little apartment building across the street. "Just hoping he sees me and stops me. I've followed him to classes, he has job at the student union, tends bar at a little place just off campus. He scams the crap out of drunken kids at pool tables and playing poker. He's doing real good for himself. But it's like watchin' a movie."
"I know," Dean nodded. "But he knows you care. Knows you're proud of him. I mean I doubt he brags about what the old man does for a living, but he knows you want what's best for him."
"Just wish I could tell him," John said. He placed a heavy hand on Dean's shoulder before starting the truck back up again. "Let's head back, I gotta time sensitive thing up in Minnesota I gotta take care of."
"Want me to go with you?" Dean asked.
"Nah," John shook his head. "I can take care of it. I'll drop you off at the Impala. Why don't you head over the Maryland, take care of the spirit you were talking about? See if that Walkman thing of yours works. Could be a real good tool if it works."
"What's in Minnesota?" Dean pressed. "You've been heading there a lot lately."
"Nothing," John shook his head. "It just something I gotta take care of myself. Nothing you gotta worry about. Something I've been working on for a while."
"Right," Dean nodded. "Okay sure. You've been there at least ten times in the last two years. Is it something I could give you and hand with? I mean, I might need a couple more days for my shoulder to be a hundred percent but seriously, Dad, I'll help ya take it down."
"Just do your thing in Maryland," John said. "You found that case, might as well take care of it. We'll meet up when you wrap that thing up and move forward. I got the thing in Minnesota, don't worry about it. Why don't you look for something big after Maryland we'll take it down together? Or look for more signs of that thing we just dealt with? Whatever that son of a bitch is, it's looking at a world of hurt when we figure out how to gank it."
"Okay," Dean nodded. "Whatever you want."
"Don't be a wise ass, Dean," John sighed.
"I wasn't," Dean replied. He placed his forehead against the window.
"If I find out you're being a little smart ass and following me around you won't live to regret it, understand?" John asked.
"Yeah," Dean sighed. "I gotta be up front with you, but you can keep whatever weird ass secrets you want in Minnesota. You know if you got a girlfriend or something it's really not that big a deal. I'm twenty five years old; I think I can handle it. I won't accuse you of cheatin' on mom or anything like that. It would probably be good for you, actually."
"Mind your own business," John demanded. "I don't get all up in yours when you gotta girl."
"Really?" Dean shifted so he was facing his father in the small cab of the truck. "The last serious girlfriend I had you made me break up with because you didn't want to stay in Ohio for another day. The one before that you forbid me to see because she was a few years older than me. You told me I couldn't hang out with a girl in Massachusetts because you didn't like the look of her. Want me to keep going? Cuz I got a lot more."
"That says more about you than me, son," John replied. "Just leave it alone. And that little slut in Amherst was a horrible influence and had you doing drugs. So don't tell me that I'm being a big jerk that doesn't want you to be happy, because that's not what I did. I was protecting you."
"She wasn't a slut," Dean sighed. "Why does everyone say shit like that?"
"I'm really not one to listen to rumors," John shook his head but never took his eyes off the road. "But some of the shit I heard while you were in that coma about that girl… I just… I don't know what you saw in her. But she sounded like a little hussy if I've ever heard of one."
Dean rolled his eyes. "She was a nice girl, from a good home with good parents. They had fuckin' Sunday dinner together every week. It was seven years ago, what's the point of arguing about it now?"
"Sometimes it's the nice girls from the respectable families that get themselves knocked up," John shrugged. "Sometimes it's the bad seeds in the good home. I heard it both ways from the nurses sitting in that hospital."
"What?" Dean suddenly felt like he couldn't breathe.
"Last name was Keeton right?" John asked. "Olivia Keeton? Had a friend, Maggie."
Dean nodded. "Yeah." That feeling he had the night he curled around his little brother after Olivia told him what was going on rushed over him again. That feeling of helplessness in a situation he couldn't control.
"Her friend's mom was a nurse," John continued. "One of the nurses that looked after you while you were out. I would hear her gossiping with the night nurse about her daughter's friend Olivia and how she managed to get herself knocked up by some college kid. She apologized that she kept talking about it around me but I told her I'd be hearing the same crap if you were awake so it didn't really bother me."
"A college kid," Dean repeated.
"Yeah, nurse said something like that chick was messing around in an apartment building on the campus or something, like you said it was seven years ago. I don't remember the specifics of the whole thing. Doesn't really matter now does it?"
"No," Dean shook his head. "Course not, why would that matter now?" He did his best not to panic, there could be a little kid back east that looked like him, but didn't know who he was. He knew how horrible it was to grow up like that, with one parent.
"You alright kiddo?" John asked turning to look over a Dean for a second. "You had big plans with her the night we took down that poltergeist right? I seem to remember you bein' real bitchy about not wanting to go after it until after some big date."
"Yeah," Dean nodded. "Yeah but we got in a big fight, like you said she was a bad influence on Sammy… you're sure that that nurse said it was a college guy?"
"Yeah," John nodded. "I remember that part, because I knew you and her were together, and I was about ready to kill ya myself if I found out you knocked up some girl. Never would have let Bobby take to back to his place if I thought you had a kid floating around. I'd like to think that I raised you better than that."
"Sammy made it sound like you didn't stick around too long after I got hurt," Dean said, trying to change the subject. "Said you just went off on some hunt while I was laid up."
"Well, kinda," John nodded. "You weren't exactly getting better in a timely fashion and I had shit to do. And I got kicked out of the ICU for yellin' at a doctor, and what was the point of being in Amherst if you in the hospital and I couldn't see ya. So I took off, couldn't just sit around and do nothin' so went off and did something useful."
"Oh," Dean nodded. "That makes sense I guess."
"But that girl," John replied. "There's no chance that… it' just there's some times that I watch you being you, how you are with girls and I get worried about you."
"I'm smarter than that," Dean nodded. "We only… you know… one time. And I'm not an idiot. This is the first time I'm ever hearing anything about it. If she was… you know… you'd think she might tell me, right?"
"Of course," John nodded. "Good."
Dean stared forward, letting a silence fill the cab of the truck. He was filled with guilt, horrible gut twisting guilt, but he'd done what he could back then. He'd written to her, he'd sent Sam out to talk to her, tell her what happened why he wasn't around like he said he would be. He was a frickin' coma for fucks sake, he'd done what he could it was her fault if she didn't feel the need to say anything back. He couldn't go back and fix it now. It wasn't his place to show up and disturb everything. And Maggie, from what Dean remembered Maggie wasn't exactly fond of him, what reason would she have to lie to her mom about who the father of her friend's baby was. Maggie would have known everything. Maybe he didn't have anything to worry about.
"Dad," Dean sighed. "Hypothetically, if you found out that you had another kid out there, what would you do?"
"Be there," John answered with no hesitation. "If I got a phone call tomorrow telling me I had a six year old kid in Massachusetts, you can bet your ass that I'd be hauling back east. You can't just go and uproot their life, but you can enrich it. Just be there, be a dad, do what's right. I know you don't got the best role motel, but I know you could figure it out. You're a smart kid."
Dean nodded.
"If you got… if you think even a little bit that there's a fraction of a chance that Olivia had your kid, when we get back to that Chevy, you'd better in Amherst hunting her down," John said seriously.
"Yes sir," Dean nodded. "She would have said something to me, though, right? You'd think? I mean I saw her every day at school and stuff. It would have come up."
"At seventeen," John shrugged. "Who knows what would go through a girl's head? Lord knows I wasn't the brightest at seventeen, from what I remember you didn't do much thinking with your brain. Honestly, most of the time, I still think you're not thinking with your brain."
Dean chuckled to himself. "Maybe."
"But when you do," John said. "You do real good, Dean. You do some really, really great things. That Walkman thing, some of the things I've seen you do on hunts… sometimes I think I'm too emotionally involved, but you, kiddo, you can think war strategy like I haven't seen since I was in war. Sometimes I look at you and I just wish I'd done better."
"You don't gotta make this a sappy girl movie, Dad," Dean smirked.
"I'm serious," John replied.
"I know you are," Dean answered. "I know."
Dean and John didn't have heart to hearts very often, never, if Dean remembered correctly, or at least not since he was a little. It was nice to hear his dad say the words, but that didn't make it any less weird.
"If it's cool," Dean said. "I'm gonna take a nap. Wake me when it's my turn to drive."
"Sure thing," John nodded.
Dean shifted down in the seat a little bit, let his head fall against the window and closed his eyes. He had a lot running through his head, the broken relationship with his kid brother, a girl her hadn't thought about for the better part of a decade. He had a lot to figure out in the next three hours while he slept before his dad made them switch off. Was it worth going to Amherst to figure out a part of his life he thought was closed, or should he keep moving like his dad never said anything? He had a lot to think about, choices he could change the course of his life forever.