You turn the TV on, watch it if you dare
You see a politician and you start to pull your hair
But it's all two dimension see there's really nothing there
You wanna tell them what you think you think they fuckin' care

"Why'd You Bring a Shotgun to the Party?" - The Pretty Reckless

(~)(~)(~)(~)(~)(~)(~)(~)

Edward cringed and turned off his television set. He knew for sure Renee would be furious that she had been left, let alone that it had made the news.

He was also sure his little visit to her home would be news to her by now as well.

He turned off his phone to try to avoid her for a bit longer and poured himself a scotch. He had just lifted the glass to his lips when the door to his study was practically kicked in and a very livid, very disheveled Renee stood practically foaming at the mouth.

"You little SHIT! You've ruined it all!"

Edward's hands started to shake and he put the glass down on the small table and turned to face Renee, "I don't know what you mean, Renee. It wasn't I that contacted-"

"This has nothing to do with the news. I know who called them about the divorce. That bitch of a mother of his." Edward could smell the Whiskey rolling off Renee's breath and fought to not cringe, "I'm talking about your little showdown at my daughter's place."

He cleared his throat and crossed the room to sit at his desk, folding his hands together. "How did you know about that?"

"Because! Not only am I fucked, but YOU are fucked. And so is that little bitch Alice. Jasper Whitlock was having you and Alice watched. He'd gotten a tip from his brother who got it from some no-name trash around here that you were up to something. Where you go, that little sheep of your sister goes."

Edward paled, "So Jasper..."

"Knows EVERYTHING. Your services are no longer required. And I'd watch your back because not only am I getting divorced but I'm being removed from my office. Phil has offered to take care of me, if I can tolerate him that long. But YOU! You've got nowhere to hide. Daddy is going to cut you off so fast from EVERYTHING your head will spin. You and Alice will be living together in a cardboard box! You RUINED it!"

She stormed out and slammed the door. Edward immediately grabbed his desk phone and called Alice. She was screaming like a banshee when she picked up. A boulder of dread was in Edward's stomach.

He turned the TV back on. It was all true.

Renee was being removed from office.. Edward and Alice were being publicly disowned. Jasper was announcing the break of his engagement to Alice. Even some sleazy talk show had gotten Emmett to do a guest spot for a tell all!

(~)(~)(~)(~)(~)(~)(~)(~)(~)(~)(~)(~)

Edward slept fitfully that night. Tanya had been ignoring his calls. After the tenth one, she had deigned to text him that she was busy with someone who wasn't a disgrace.

So he was in bed, alone. Even the thoughts of destroying Bella were of no help, because he knew he wouldn't be able to get close without reporters dogging him.

He felt tingling up his leg and scratched it against his sheet, only for it to move and spread even more violently. Soon, the itchy feeling covered his entire body in shock-like spots.

"This is most annoying!" He yelled to no one, throwing his blanket off.. Only to scream like a little girl.

They were all over his bed, creeping along his floor, his skin- Spiders..

He jerked out of bed and shook his whole body, trying to dislodge the little monsters. He ran to his bathroom intending to wash them down the drain, but his tub was full of the furry arachnids. All down his halls, in every room, every bathtub, every shower, every sink. He had stripped down to his boxers in an attempt to get them off every inch of skin.

He couldn't take it anymore. He went screaming out of his house, only to run smack into officer Charles Swan and three of his deputies.

"Ch-Charles?" He stuttered.

Charlie rolled his eyes, "That's Officer Swan. What are you doing Mr. Cullen? We got reports of screaming and I came to investigate personally only to find you are about to go commit acts of public indecency?"

Charlie noted the bruises along Edward's body, "And it seems the rumor that you got into a scuffle at Bella's is also true. Edward Cullen, you are under arrest for public indecency and assault. You have the right to remain silent. Anything you say or do can and WILL be used against you in a court of law. You have the right to an attorney. If you cannot afford an attorney, one will be appointed to you. Do you understand these rights as I have read them to you?"

Edward collapsed to his knees as Charlie cuffed him, saying yes he acknowledged his Miranda rights. He tried to turn away from all the camera flashes, tried to make himself look smaller as his neighbors all gathered to watch.

At the station, he tried to call his father and beg for forgiveness and bail. He was hung up on.

No one was coming. And Edward Cullen had never felt more alone or low in his entire life...

And he could still feel the spiders.

He felt like crying as he rested his body on the jail cell cot. He was not alone, placed with a rather large and greasy man who smelled of body odor and something akin to moldy cheese. This man kept looking at him and rubbing his bloated gut, occasionally stopping to run his finger into his blackened navel, sniff it and then repeat.

"You're very pretty, boy." He rasped out after the clock chimed 8am. Edward squeaked with fear.

"I bet that hair of yours is real soft. Boys like you use a lot of product. Bet your skin is smooth too."

Edward decided that fear would not make this man leave him alone.. Perhaps he should try intimidation?

"A lot smoother than yours, you inbred filth." He snapped, moving to stand by the cell door.

For a fat man, his cell mate moved quick. He had him pressed against the bars faster than he could blink. "Inbred, huh?"

Edward started screaming for help. One of the officers came, asking the man apparently named Otto to step back since Edward had a date with the magistrate.

He'd never been more grateful.

(~)(~)(~)(~)(~)(~)

Due to the nature of Edward's crimes and the small town, Edward was rushed through the court system. He had hoped that Isabella and her group of ruffians would have been hauled in to speak on his case, but forensics turned up blood on his keys and the one he had stabbed had submitted to DNA evidence. With the match, Edward was sentenced to a five year sentence in County Prison.

As he was loaded into the transport vehicle, he heard a familiar laugh and snort. Otto was sitting inside, apparently on his way to County too. Edward was relieved that they were both cuffed and restrained.

The officer driving didn't have the heart to tell him Otto was his cell mate once they arrived as well, Chief's orders.

(~)(~)(~)(~)(~)(~)

Alice Cullen had learned quite easily that while her girl toy Rose had enjoyed being dominated in the bedroom, she did not like it out of it. The blonde had offered the small female refuge since her brother was in jail, Jasper had left her and she was disowned. Alice had taken the offer faster than a starving dog would grab a steak. Things had went quite well for the first few days. But then Rose came home one day and informed Alice she was sick of her being lazy.

Alice honestly didn't know the meaning of the word..

Once it was apparent that Rose expected her to wash dishes, do laundry, take out the trash and act like a NORMAL female, the deal was off. Alice packed her designer clothes and took off stating that sex wasn't worth being a maid and that Isabella Swan was going to pay..

She just didn't know how yet.