Hello my wonderful readers!
I am so so so sorry about the wait for this chapter! Real life got in the way to the point where I almost wasn't able to watch Criminal Minds, let alone write it. I can't make any promises about when the next chapter will be up, but I hope that it's soon.
Let me also say THANK YOU THANK YOU THANK YOU to anyone who nominated BAU High School for a Profiler's Choice Award! I never thought it would get this kind of reception, but it's nominated for Best Alternate Universe. THANK YOU SO MUCH! I have an idea for another tie in one-shot for that, so be on the look out. =)
One more thing: I realized I screwed up my time lines for this story. Last chapter Reid mentioned how Hotch once ran into a burning building. That was in season 6, "Devil's Night." By this time in the show, JJ was gone. I just decided that because it's an alternate universe, she didn't leave the BAU. Also, Rossi and Hotch were Jack's soccer coach way before they were in the show (you'll understand later).
Anyway, enjoy the chapter and let me know what you thought at the end! =)
"Hotch?"
He frowned in confusion for a moment before his eyes widened. He quickly glanced around to see if she was alone before dragging her inside. She had barely stumbled over the threshold when he slammed the door behind her and locked it.
Emily let her eyes adjust before looking around. She was standing in a living room with a worn couch, small coffee table, and a floor lamp. A hallway led off to the right at the back of the room, and she knew it led to his bedroom. To the left was a kitchen complete with a table, stove, cabinets, and refrigerator. A chipped countertop surrounded that area. A bay window across from where she was standing provided a view of the lake behind the cabin, though she could only see half of it through the blinds.
Turning back around, she saw that Hotch was watching her closely. He leaned against the door and tilted his head to the side.
"I don't believe it," he said. Emily's heart thumped faster at the sound of his voice. She'd missed it.
"I don't believe it," she said quietly. "I can't believe I found you, Hotch."
"You weren't supposed to."
Emily blinked and took a step back. "Excuse me?"
"I left for a reason, Emily. It wasn't safe for me anymore."
"Why didn't you tell us? The team, I mean. We would have done anything to keep you safe." She stepped closer. "We still would."
Hotch shook his head. "Go home."
"What?"
"I said, go home." His voice hardened into the Unit Chief voice she knew all too well.
She stood up straight and stared at him. "You're not the boss of me, sir. I came here on my own, and I'm going to do what I came here to do."
"If you came to bring me home you might as well give up now," he spat. He pushed past her and stomped into the kitchen. Emily followed.
"When have you known me to give up?" His back was to her as he gripped the edge of the countertop, and Emily knew she had to try another tactic.
Sliding out one of the chairs at the table, she sat down and took a deep breath. "Alright. I understand why you don't want to come home. I know about Damian Finch."
Hotch's shoulders tensed, and he turned his head to the side a bit. "You don't know any of it."
"Then explain it to me!" she snapped. "I think you owe me that! I was the last person you talked to before everything fell to shit. I had to tell the team what I heard. I had to put up with their endless questions and their tears and their devestated looks." She paused. "I had to hear what I thought was the death of the man I love."
It'd been months, so she didn't even know if he still felt the same way. But if he did, that could be her way in.
Hotch remained silent, and Emily could feel her heart breaking with every second that passed. Shaking her head, she said, "Jack's doing great, you know. Jessica makes sure we see him because she knows that's what you would have wanted. She regrets threatening to take him away from you. He loves seeing his aunts and uncles when she brings him by." She licked her lips nervously. "He really misses you. He doesn't understand why you're not there, and he certainly doesn't understand what they're saying about you. I suppose that's better. He doesn't need to know. You're still his hero."
"Enough!" he yelled, leaning over the countertop. Emily jumped. Silence fell over the cabin again for a moment before she heard it. She'd only heard it once before, but that was enough for it to be permanently etched into her brain. It was so heartbreaking to hear the sobs fill the room.
Hesitantly, she stood up and crept over to him. His shoulders shook as she wrapped his arms around his torso. Closing her eyes, she rested her head on his shoulder and just held him.
She was expecting him to push her away, to order her to leave. She was not expecting him to turn in her arms and pull her close. His chin sat on her shoulder as he allowed himself to break down completely.
She was surprised to say the least, but she just held him tighter. These last few months for him must have been hell. All alone in a new place, not knowing whether his family was okay, whether his son was okay. It took a lot to break Aaron Hotchner, and this had.
Emily guided him over to the couch on the other side of the room. As soon as she sat him down, he pulled himself out of his grasp and leaned up against the back of the couch. He pressed the heels of his hands into his eyes, wiping away the tears. Taking a deep breath, he let his hands drop onto his lap, and Emily resisted the urge to hold one.
"I'm sorry," he said hoarsely. He cleared his throat. "You shouldn't have to comfort me. I can take care of myself."
"I know you can," she said. "But it's okay to break down and cry sometimes, especially after what you've been going through." She hesitated for a moment. "What have you been going through?" When Hotch closed his eyes she leaned forward and laid her hand over his. "Please tell me Hotch. I won't say anything. I'll just listen."
He bit his lip as he thought it over. Looking at Emily, he sighed.
"Will you tell me what's happened since I left? About the team and… And Jack?"
"Of course. After you explain."
Hotch was silent for a long time, and after a while Emily was afraid he'd lost the courage to tell her. She was about to say something when he cleared his throat.
"After Haley died, I was in a bad place. I didn't know if I had would it takes to raise my son, and I was afraid of… I guess I was afraid of messing Jack up in some way. Of screwing up what Haley had managed to do.
"That fear was what kept me from reaching out to anyone. I know that's not a good reason, but I didn't want to seem weak. I just tried to go on myself."
He paused for a second and rubbed his eyes again.
"Eventually Jessica saw I was struggling and started to take Jack more often. On those nights, I drove to an old bar I once went to with my brother when he was in town. That was my place to relax and unwind. I know it wasn't the best place in town, but no one bothered me. At least until…"
"Finch," Emily said softly.
"I should have left," he whispered. "I should have gone home and fought for my son. That was the day Jessica really threatened to take Jack out of my custody. After she left, I sat there for who knows how long. And instead of going to get my son, I went to a bar." He let out a bitter laugh. "Maybe Jack's better off without me."
"Don't say that," Emily said immediately. "You're his father. He still needs you. Now go on with your story."
Hotch shrugged. "I bet you know the whole story. Finch saw me, needed another person for the game, and dragged me in."
"Why didn't you leave? You're stronger than that, Hotch."
"I was tired! I'd already had a few beers in me, plus something harder. I figured only one game couldn't hurt."
"Still…"
"They threatened me, Emily," he said bluntly. "I didn't have my gun on me, so there was nothing I could do. I played."
"And won."
"I didn't mean to win so much," he argued. "They got mad, and when they shoved me a bit, my credentials fell out of my pocket."
"So you remember to bring that," she muttered.
"Not helping." He glared at her. "I'm not proud of that night."
"I never said you were. Then what happened?"
He shifted in his seat. "I got the hell out of there. They let me go once they saw the badge, but I knew they weren't done with me. I had just hoped I had more time to figure things out.
"I made it all the way home before I realized I didn't have my badge. Someone must've grabbed it. Either way, I still thought I would be able to think of something."
He pinched the bridge of his nose.
"That Tuesday, after you all went to lunch, I got a call. I don't know how he got my number, but it was Finch. He told me… He told me he had Jack."
Emily gasped. "Did he?"
"No, and I should have known that. He was with Jessica. But I was so scared and she wasn't picking up her phone, and I listened to him. I followed his instructions and went to the location he told me. I'd barely been there a minute when one of Finch's men came out of nowhere and attacked me. He just punched me over and over, and eventually I started punching back. It was self-defense."
Emily's eyes widened. "Did you kill him?"
"No!" he said, his mouth falling open slightly. "I told you I didn't!"
"I know, I know," she said softly. "I'm sorry."
Hotch leaned back in his seat, still looking upset. "At some point I was pulled off of that guy. At first I thought it was a cop, but it was another one of Finch's buddies. I had to watch as someone beat that first guy into a pulp. It didn't help that he was already injured because of me."
"But your DNA was the only one they found."
"He wore gloves."
"Oh."
Hotch's hand was shaking. Emily could feel it trembling, and she gave it a gentle squeeze. His hand stilled.
"I could hear the police sirens, and suddenly I was all alone. I was going to be charged for murder if I stayed, so I ran. I called Jessica before turning my phone off and confirmed what I should have realized earlier: That Jack was okay and safe. Once I knew that, I was all set to get away."
"What about the team?" she asked. "You just thought you could leave us?"
"Not for a second," he admitted. "But I also knew you would be asked in on this case, and that it wouldn't be safe for me to contact any of you. You'd be considered accessories to murder."
"So that's it then? You were just going to let us investigate without letting us know you were okay?"
"No," he said firmly. "I was going to contact you in some way when the time was right, but I was planning on doing that after I left DC. That was before you were at my apartment."
"How did you even know I was there?" She glanced at him out of the corner of his eye and saw he had become very still. She held her breath.
"I didn't," he said finally. "I only figured it out once you said I wasn't there."
"Then why did you call me in the first place?"
Hotch took another long pause, as if to gather his thoughts.
"When I was in the car, I kept flashing back to the last time I was driving too fast, trying to get somewhere before something happened," he said slowly. Emily didn't have to try to know he was talking about the day Haley died. "I had been running out of time, and that was where I had to say my last goodbyes to… her. I knew then I needed to say goodbye to the other woman in my life."
Emily didn't know what to say. Her heart was thudding madly, and suddenly she was hyper-aware of his hand under hers. She was trying to decide whether to move it or not when Hotch gave it a squeeze. Emily let out a breath and closed her eyes.
"Hotch…"
"Let me finish my story," he said gently. She nodded.
"I knew Finch was tailing me, and I knew it wouldn't be long until he tracked me down. I had to convince him something had happened to me, so before I left the state, I crashed my car. I managed to angle it so I wouldn't die, but it wasn't pretty. I just managed to pull myself out and stumble into the woods when another car pulled up. I didn't stay to see who it was. I just ran as fast as I possibly could, which wasn't incredibly fast to be honest."
"I thought you were dead."
He gazed at her sympathetically. "I know. And I'm so sorry. But if you knew the truth…" His voice trailed off when he saw her avert her eyes. Sucking in his lips briefly, he continued.
"Once I was sure no one was following me, I headed back to the road. Once I could see it, I stayed far away so no one would see me, yet close enough to follow it. Eventually I reached a gas station. I had cuts on my face and a massive limp, so I couldn't walk in, but there was a pay phone. I used it to call my brother, Sean. Someone must've been looking out for me up there," he glanced at the ceiling, "because he wasn't far from Virginia. He came to pick me up that night."
"I never pegged you as a religious man," Emily said with a shaky laugh. Hotch's lips turned up slightly.
"Haven't been able to rely on much else lately. Anyway, Sean brought me to his apartment and cleaned me up. He offered up his guest room, but I pointed out that someone would check it. He's my brother after all. I only stayed long enough to ensure I had a place. Found this cabin online, bought it with Sean's help, and moved up here about two months ago. I've been here ever since."
"Wow," Emily said.
"I know." His gaze slid to their hands, still resting on Hotch's knee. He knew they needed to discuss their last words to each other, but first he had to know some things. "How did you find me? This place isn't in my name. I didn't leave a trail."
"JJ found a report of a man who ran into a burning building nearby here. Fits your description."
He let out a dry chuckle. "Of course that would be how you found me." He sobered quickly. "How is everyone?"
"Okay. Still struggling to deal with everything. None of us lost hope, Hotch. We never stopped looking for you."
"I can see that."
Emily rolled her eyes. "Well, duh. Morgan's Unit Chief now."
"How's he doing?"
"Fine," she said, leaning back on the couch. Hotch followed suit. "Like I said, everyone's fine. They just miss you."
"And Jack?" This was why he'd had so many sleepless nights. This was what he wanted to hear about the most: His son.
Emily began to explain everything that had happened to the little boy in the past few months. He'd mourned the loss of his father, but still managed to thrive and be happy. Rossi was still his soccer coach, and JJ made sure he and Henry had play-dates. Jack was doing great in school, and his teacher was very impressed. He'd participated in the school spelling bee a few weeks ago, and the whole team was there to watch.
At some point Emily looked over at Hotch to see tears streaming down his face. When he saw her looking he wrenched his hand away from hers and wiped his face furiously.
"Hotch, it's okay to cry!" She grabbed both of his hands and tugged them away from his face. He stared at her for the longest time before leaning forward and kissing her.
It was brief, and he pulled away far too soon. They both gazed at each other for a moment before Emily moved closer to him on the couch. She licked her lips nervously before putting his hands down. Very slowly, she reached one hand up and cupped his faced gently. He leaned into it and closed his eyes.
"I've missed you," he whispered.
"I've missed you, too," she breathed. Hotch reached up and removed her hand from his face. Pulling on it gently, he brought her closer so she was leaning up against him. He wrapped his arm around her and held her tight, pressing a kiss to her temple.
"You never got to hear my say it," she said nervously, breaking the quiet. He tightened his grip on her.
"You still feel that way?"
"Of course I do." She looked up at him. "Do you?"
He brought his head down to meet hers and kissed her again, this time with more passion. This kiss was longer and more desperate, filled with need and want.
"I love you," he gasped when they broke apart. "I'm sorry for everything you went through."
Emily could feel the tears pooling up in her eyes. "I love you too. I'm so happy you're okay."
She knew they still had tons to talk about, but for now she was happy to be in his arms, where she felt safe. She never wanted that to be taken away from her again.