Chapter Five
The bed sheets were wrapped tightly around Lisbon's body, twisted and tangled up in her limbs as she stretched and yawned. She couldn't remember the last time she'd had such a good sleep, so deep and dreamless that her body was aching from being so relaxed. Lisbon rolled onto her front and glanced across the bed, her eyebrows furrowed at the empty space beside her. When did Jane leave? She didn't remember any movement or noise and she certainly didn't hear him wishing her farewell either.
The whole situation appeared to be typical Jane; of course he was going to leave her in her bed. It wasn't like the night before was unexpected, though they had waited several years to finally reach this point.
Jane had only slept with two other women his whole life; the wife he buried nine years ago and the woman who tried to pull him into a serial killer's dangerous world. They were both dead. The rarity of the act alone gave Lisbon enough cause for concern.
She wished that Jane's problems were the only cause for concern, but it was new for her too. She'd slept with countless men over the course of her adult life. Most of which had been one-night stands or brief flings, She didn't want to pick up men in bars or fall into bed with an ex-colleague who came to visit her, these things just happened. She had needs, desires like any other man or woman in the world. Her Catholic upbringing mattered to her in many ways, but sex before marriage was something she had no time for.
Why Jane had left her in her bed mattered even less, to an extent. What bothered her more was the way she felt about it. There had been an underlying pattern of emotions slowly building up over the course of the last decade that she'd barely acknowledged it.
The root of the problem was not sleeping with a man, whether he was Patrick Jane or a stranger. The problem was that she didn't know if she could commit the time and attention needed to such a relationship. And perhaps Jane's departure meant that he felt the very same way.
Regardless of this, Lisbon felt like an emotional wreck. The night had swung out of left field, the moment at the office was barely an indication of what could happen next and she had purposefully avoided it at all costs.
So why did she feel so emotional? Jane's absence stabbed her in the heart. The number of times she'd woken up to find the bed empty when previously it had been filled was more than she could count on her fingers. It was never quite as many as the number of times she'd vacated a bed long before the man she'd slept with had even woken.
She was an old pro at the disappointments that came with an unexpected night with a man. But this time, with Patrick Jane as her partner, it made the situation unique. The last time she felt such pain was the night that she left Greg on the eve of their wedding. Her mistake had been massive, something which she now knew he had never gotten over.
The sheer thought of never seeing Jane again only reminded her of what she'd put Greg through. Feeling it only made the reality of her past so much worse.
x
The walk from the car to the office became a juggling act as Lisbon attempted to keep hold of her coffee, place her car keys back into her purse and retrieve her ringing cell phone. She caught the answer button just in time and greeted the caller with a tone she specifically saved for her bad days.
'Ian, what are you...I mean, I thought I wasn't going to hear from you.'
'And give up on a chance to see a woman as beautiful and as smart as you again?'
Lisbon groaned, then coughed to disguise her disapproval. He'd behaved very differently the night they slept together; she'd been attracted to his personality as well as his dashing looks. She had no burning desire to see him again.
'I'm joking,' he laughed and Lisbon felt a little uncomfortable as he explained his hopes to see her again. Jokes or not, he'd taken their night together a step in the wrong direction. Besides, she'd already slept with someone else. The mess she'd created was a product of her own making, even so, that didn't make it any easier to know what to do about it.
'Can I get back to you on that?' she asked, balancing the phone between her ear and shoulder as she pressed the elevator button. 'I'm a little busy at work today.'
'No problem beautiful, give me a call, any time.'
Beautiful? She'd known the man for a few hours and he was already using terms of endearment. She'd made the right decision avoiding any contact with him and she knew that no amount of time would change her mind.
'Okay, bye.'
The office was already buzzing with activity when Lisbon entered, a rare occurrence as she was usually the first one there. With Jane's sudden departure from her bed in the middle of the night, the last place she expected to find him was lying on his couch staring up at the ceiling.
She got a brief update from Cho on the Red John and Palms cases before checking her email and phone messages. Work took priority, despite the fact she longed to drag Jane off of his couch for a stern talking to.
Finally, as if on cue, Jane appeared at her office door with a slight smile on his face. He went to close the door, but Lisbon was already on her feet.
'Come with me,' she demanded, half dragging him up to the attic. He followed like a lost puppy until the door had been securely closed. Then he lunged at her, his mouth quickly finding hers.
'No,' Lisbon shouted, pressing her hands against his chest and pushing him back with as much force as she deemed necessary. 'We are in a workplace.
'So?'
'So, you left me in my bed.'
'That's what this is about?' he asked, barely fazed by the concept. Lisbon scowled and slapped him hard across the cheek.
'That's what this is about?' she echoed, her eyes wide with anger and frustration. She wanted to do more than slap him, but that level of violence was already too much for a boss and her subordinate. 'You left me, you just upped and left me without so much as a fucking word.'
'I'm sorry about that, Lisbon,' said Jane, a brief shrug in his shoulders.
'Yeah, right,' she rolled her eyes and slammed the door of the attic room behind her before shouting a final word of instruction. 'I don't want to see you for the rest of the day.'
x
They spent the day following up various leads in the Palms case and a couple of probable dead ends in Lorelei Martins' murder. Lisbon sat behind her desk for the rest of it staring at paperwork. Though she attempted to remain focused, Jane's presence in the building rattled her. She knew he was probably still up there in the attic. If she'd had her way, she'd have sent him home.
By late evening, Rigsby, Cho and Van Pelt had left and Lisbon had hoped that Jane had followed them, much to her disappointment as he turned up in the threshold of her office.
'I thought I told you I didn't want,' Lisbon began, but Jane cut her off.
Lisbon tried to be mad, but there was something in the way he looked at her, with that cautious and apologetic smile that made her wish their roles at the CBI didn't impact on personal relationships.
'You said the rest of the day,' he replied, sitting down on her couch. 'The day's over.'
'I guess so.'
Lisbon returned her attention to the paperwork on her desk, the amount created by cases always left her feeling a little stressed, particularly when they had a couple of cases running alongside each other. The next case had usually come through before she even had chance to finish up, leaving her with little choice but to multi-task.
'I didn't mean to hurt you,' said Jane.
His words surprised Lisbon; she looked up at him, his soft features curved into a smile. Despite the difficulties that Jane brought to the team, Lisbon couldn't help but feel the truth in his words. He was genuinely sorry.
'Then why did you leave?' she asked, resting her pen on top of the files and sitting back in her chair, her arms folded across her chest. Contrary to her emotions accepting Jane's almost-apology, she couldn't quite bring her mind up to speed.
'I don't know.'
'You don't know?'
'No.'
Lisbon let out a breath, tidied up her belongings and slung her purse over her shoulder. Whether her anger dissipated or not, what mattered most was that Jane couldn't quite be honest with her. It was hard enough trying to be honest with herself, without having to maintain Jane's honesty as well. There was a reason co-workers weren't allowed to date and she imagined the mess they were now in was probably a very valid reason alone.