Chapter Seven

The room was filled with light when Lisbon awoke and it took a moment to readjust. Her head ached in that way it sometimes did if she slept for too long on a boiling hot summer's day. When she rolled onto her side, pain spread through her thigh and she yelped out.

'It's okay.'

Lisbon jumped at the feel of a hand on her shoulder, she hoped it belonged to the voice but the pounding in her head was knocking her sick - or perhaps it was the pain in her leg - and she couldn't quite make sense of the situation.

'You're okay,' Jane said, his hand moving back to her shoulder and she relaxed into his touch.

'What happened?' she asked, though her throat hurt as a voice she barely recognised croaked out.

'You've been shot, you lost a lot of blood but the doctors think you're going to be okay.'

She managed to force a weak smile in return for Jane's but the lack of strength she felt made her want to cry. Lisbon chewed on her dry lip and closed her eyes again. If he thought she was asleep, maybe he'd go away. If she closed her eyes, maybe she'd fall asleep anyway. She couldn't remember much from the shooting but she could definitely remember what happened before then and she didn't have the energy to fight any more. Nor did she have the energy to pretend that everything was okay when it was anything but.

When Lisbon woke once more, Jane was still sat beside her bed looking a little worse for wear. His hair was a mess of curls atop his head; his shirt was unbuttoned in the same way it had been before they'd gone to Tanya Goodwin's house.

'Did we get her?' said Lisbon.

Jane smiled and stood up, leaning over the bed with an onslaught of attention. 'You got her, she's dead. Unfortunately, so is Doctor Stone, her body was in the basement. Helena Briggs and her unborn child are both safe and well, though I don't think that's something Helena is entirely happy about.'

'I don't remember,' Lisbon whispered, facing away from Jane. Just because she desired some human connection didn't mean that she'd forgiven him.

Their friendship had become so fragile, it had stretched the boundaries of friendship and had definitely crossed over into something more. The last few years had shown signs of a deeper relationship, something which she'd cherished in many ways. What she hadn't realised was how quickly her feelings for Jane had progressed from unknown to blinding obvious. She only hoped it wasn't obvious to those on the outside.

'That's okay, there's time,' said Jane.

'You smell.'

'That's your fault for being unconscious for three days,' said Jane, a bittersweet chuckle escaping as he reached a hand out to her forehead. Lisbon allowed him to rest his fingers against her skin, even closed her eyes as she tried to fight the urge to accept his non-existent apology.

'Three days? You've been here,' she began.

'Every minute,' he interrupted. 'Except the occasional trip to the nurse's lounge for a cup of tea.'

Typical Jane, he couldn't just use the canteen or the coffee machines like everybody else. Lisbon closed her eyes as a wave of sleepiness seeped back through her bones.

'The team…' she whispered.

'They're fine,' said Jane. 'Cho's in charge. He's worse than you, you know?'

'I know. Be nice.'

'When am I not?'

'You know what I mean.'

'I do.'

'You should go home.'

'I can't.'

'Why not?'

'Because I love you.'

'Jane…' said Lisbon, her energy level only dropping further. She wasn't ready for Jane to announce his undying love, whether she'd suspected it or not, her emotional wellbeing was second only to her physical health. Considering her current predicament, her physical health had to take precedent.

'I don't expect you to say it back right now, you're injured and that's the most important thing. That we get you better. I've got the best specialist making sure that you'll be back at work in no time, my treat.'

A lump filled Lisbon's throat and she fought with herself not to cry, the lack of energy matched with the additional energy it took to fight with her emotions made it all the harder. She turned to face him, to show him just how much she couldn't handle him at that moment in time. Instead, he leant down and placed the briefest of kisses upon her lips.

'No,' Lisbon cried. 'Don't.'

'Teresa.'

'Lisbon,' she said sternly as her eyes fluttered closed again.

'Why are you being like this?'

'This doesn't change anything,' said Lisbon, her eyes filling with tears. 'I'm too tired to fight.'

'Then don't fight.'

'Please. Go.'

'I want to stay.'

The first time in a long while she could hear the emotion in his voice, the desperation that she'd not heard him express since hopes of catching Red John. Lisbon could feel the tears falling from her eyes and there was little she could do but give in.

'Fine. Whatever. Go make yourself some tea.'

Another brief kiss, this time on her cheek signalled his departure and Lisbon finally allowed herself to drift back off to sleep.

x

It took another couple of days for Lisbon to have enough energy to sit up in bed and share conversation. Jane only left her room when the doctors or nurses demanded it and during the briefest of visits from the rest of the team. Her dignity vanished with the daily bed baths and the morphine to keep the pain at bay fought her constantly for control over her ability to function.

'I have an update on your condition,' the doctor said as he entered the room during his daily rounds. Jane perked up beside her but Lisbon only pushed him back down.

'Alone,' said Lisbon, staring at him until he left the room. He didn't move from the small window where he watched carefully. She imagined he would probably get the gist of the conversation from his spot outside the door and even though she was less than happy with that, at least she didn't have to deal with him sat beside her.

'The tests we've been doing over the last few days have been to assess your mobility and the severity of the damage. Whilst the injury is still relatively new it's not always easy to tell how much lasting damage there may be. However, I'd like to stress to you, Miss Lisbon, that the damage to the muscle in your thigh is excessive.'

'What does that mean?' said Lisbon, her hands shaking as the doctor's words filled her mind. 'Am I going to be able to walk again?'

'I have faith that with a course of physiotherapy and some time you will be able to walk.'

With some time. Lisbon considered his prognosis carefully, what he was saying and what he wasn't saying. She had many questions, each of which more extreme and pointless as the next. There was only one question that she knew she had to ask.

'Will I be able to return to my work?'

He paused, a sign that Lisbon took to be a bad thing. Before he even explained that the damage would most likely cause long term mobility issues, Lisbon's attention had moved elsewhere. To the job that she had loved more than anyone or anything in a long time. For years she'd imagined her life would go in one direction and as each of her goals were met and her success preceded itself, she expected a level of achievement.

Ten years at the CBI, ten whole years of achievements should have been something to be grateful for and in many ways, Lisbon was grateful for every second of it. But there were regrets, also. Red John had continued to slip through her fingers; he still remained a threat to the people of California and specifically to her team. The Bureau were bound to offer her an office job, perhaps a position higher than her current – recent – position as lead agent of the SCU. Naturally, she was thrilled that Cho would finally be given the opportunity to lead his own unit. Van Pelt had reached a stage in her career where she could easily get a position in any number of teams and that made Lisbon prouder than any mother sending their child off to college. Rigsby was perhaps a little too fresh to be second in command, but with Cho as his first, they were bound to make a fantastic team.

But no amount of promotion offers, or reassurance that her team would be okay without her, was going to fix the state of devastation that Lisbon felt.

The Academy warned them from her first day training to be a cop that a life changing – if not fatal – injury could potentially end their career. One false move, one misfired shot, one case too many could be the reason her life would change forever. She'd taken it on board, like anyone else in her class, but the idea that it could be a reality was far from her mind. After all, things like that always happened to someone else. She'd had enough bad luck in life what with her parents dying before she'd even become an adult, she didn't expect (and actively assumed otherwise) to have her career ended prematurely. The chance of promotion to an office position didn't suffice; after all, Lisbon had turned down many opportunities over the last few years for one reason alone; she didn't want to be a paper pusher for those doing the job she loved. She was meant to be the one out in the field and that was where her career had and would end.

She hadn't noticed the tears streaming down her face, or the fact her shoulders shook with the emotional pain of losing something so dear to her, until she felt Jane's arms wrap around her shoulders and she gave in to her anger towards him. She needed someone, anyone, to be there for her and he wasn't a bad choice.

'It'll be okay,' he whispered, his breath warm against her ear. She clung to his shirt and pushed her face into the crook of his neck. 'I'm here, I'll look after you, I promise.'