As Lily stood in front of the mirror, James lounged on his bed. She was trying on her fifth outfit in the past twenty minutes and his glasses were slipping down his nose as he poured over Quidditch plays.
"Does this look too posh?" She pushed her loose hair atop her head, extending her leg to look at the heels.
"You look lovely," he muttered, dropping his quill to look up at her through his lashes. "Are those even your clothes?"
"No, well the shirt is. I borrowed the shoes from Marlene, the skirt from Alice and the necklace from Athena." Lily's hand went up to play with the single strand of pearls. In less than a week it would have her interview with the Director of Admissions for St. Mungo's training program.
"Stop worrying, if they don't love you because you wear pearls instead of diamonds or a skirt instead of trousers, then it's their loss."
"Easy for you to say," she muttered. "All you have to do is make sure you ace your NEWTs and now that you actually study."
"Relax," he said softly.
"Maybe you should take your own advice." Lily nodded towards his playbook as she let her clothes fall to the floor. The Quidditch game had thankfully been pushed back a week due to inclement weather, but James was a bundle of nerves. It was Saturday, the day he was supposed to be playing a brutal game against Ravenclaw. Instead he poured over his playbook and every Quidditch related book he could.
"I managed to book the pitch today," he said.
"Is that why you're in your Quidditch gear?" Lily questioned, by now she was back in her uniform, despite it being Saturday. Walking over to her trunk she dug out the jacket of James she stole along with crimson scarf. "Here, you're going to need this under practice robes."
"Thanks." Getting off the bed he walked over and kissed her on the cheek. "Do you have something to go to?"
"I'm supposed to lead a study group for a few third years, but I'm heading to the library to finish the essay for History of Magic."
"Well, I'll take the long way to the pitch and go down with you." James slipped the coat over his practice clothes and knotted his scarf around his neck before grabbing Lily's satchel. With a smirk Lily grabbed his playbook and pressed it tightly against her chest. The pair left their room and walked down the hall, so close that when they turned corners their shoulders bumped together.
At the library they exchanged items, Lily giving him a smile as James ran a hand through her hair. They promised to meet up at dinner because, knowing James, he would run his team into the ground and stay out longer despite the snow. And, knowing Lily, she would stay late to not only help the third years she promised, but also a panicking fourth year or a fifth year boy who clearly wasn't interested in studying, just the girl doing the tutoring.
Nonetheless, Lily set up shop at one of the larger tables in the back of the library. She spread out the history textbooks, a long roll of parchment, fresh quill and a large pot of her favorite ink. With a deep breath she opened a book and continued the essay she had only gotten paragraph into it on Thursday when James distracted her.
She didn't know how much time had elapsed when she heard footsteps come up to her table and someone clear their throat. "Just a moment," she replied, not even looking up as continued she continued, using two more sentences to complete her thought. Brushing her hair out of her face she looked up, expecting to see one of the Penelope, the small third year girl who was always early. She couldn't have been more wrong. "Sev." Lily looked over her once friend. She had avoided him as much as possible, only getting glimpses of him in their shared classes. He looked better than when they were friends. His hair was pulled back, a touch shorter and the grease removed. The robes he wore were neat and pressed, the black not looking as harsh, as his skin wasn't as sallow as it used to be.
"I know you want to throw those books at him or perhaps begin a shouting match, but I only came to ask a question."
"What?" She tried to keep her voice cool and detached, but by now her anger had subsided to a dull ache, craving the friendship she once had.
"Is it true? You married him." He gestured to the ring on her finger.
"Yes." Lily gripped the quill tightly, biting her lip. James and her hadn't exactly announced it to the world, but all it took was one gossipy student that took a long look at his left hand and in less than a day it would spread like wildfire throughout the school.
A look crossed Severus' face, one she could not quite identify. A look of regret, of sorrow…"I really was sorry," he said.
"You say that, but...Sev, you chose them over me." She didn't clarify the pronouns, but he knew who she was referring to. "I know it's selfish to ask you to choose, but it's what we stand for."
"Lily…"
"No." She shook her head. "You were my best friend, losing you and then losing my parents was the hardest thing I've ever went through. James was there the entire time."
"He was the one-"
"He changed," she snapped quickly. "Can't you see that all of us have changed? I'm not angry at you anymore, but I am hurt." She slapped her quill down on the table and pushed her free from her face to buy her time to gather her thoughts. "Everyone has to make decisions, Sev, but the thing is, we don't all have to walk down each other's paths. So, I promise to stop judging you, can you do the same for me?"
"Of course." His voice comes out soft, his eyes side as he looks her over. "You'll always be a part of me."
Lily squeezes her eyes shut and when she opens them Severus is gone. Clenching her fists tightly, she tries to push all thoughts of him out of her mind. After all this time, she still sees that scared little boy who sought refuge in the park when his father got too belligerent. He needed someone to care, she used to be that person. That day by the tree, though, changed everything. Lily knew she had to stick to her convictions, no matter how remorseful he looked, deep down he believed she was worthless. He had shown her his true colors...Looking down at her hand she smiled. James had eventually shown her his. Her husband was no longer that bully by the tree, he had grown up in a matter of a few months.
"Lily? Are you ready to start?" a small voice inquired. In front of her Penelope had finally arrived. She set her stuff on the table and took in the Head Girl. "Are you alright?"
"Fine," she answered, taking a deep breath and pulling a hair tie from her bag. Placing a fake-cheery smile on her face, she hoped she could deceive the young Hufflepuff. "Let me put away my essay, by then the others should be here."
By the end of the week, Lily was a bundle of nerves. The conversation with Severus flitted around her mind as she tried to concentrate on her upcoming uniform. Friday afternoon she was excused a few minutes early from her last class of the day. She changed quickly and then rushed to the Headmaster's office. "Peppermint Imps," she stated and then entered the room. Professor Dumbledore was sitting at his desk
"Ah, Miss Evans or are you going by Mrs. Potter now?" he asked, his eyes twinkling.
"Either is fine," she responds, cheeks tinged pink.
"Well, we shouldn't keep your interviewer waiting, should we?" he questioned. "You know how to use the floo." He gestured to the fireplace. "Best of luck, but do try to remember that while we have control of our lives, sometimes we try to conform to a destiny that is not befitting to us."
"What are you saying?" Lily asked. "Are you talking about-"
"You and Mr. Potter? No, no!" He laughed loudly. "I'm just giving you a bit of unsolicited advice, that's all."
With a smile Lily stepped into the fire-place and said her destination as green flames swallowed her. It was a matter of seconds before she stumbled into St. Mungo's hospital, the receptionist not even giving the fireplace a glance. Stepping up the desk she brushed off the ashes and smoothed her hair before speaking. "I'm looking for a Madame Doge."
"Here for your interview?" She asked in a bored tone, but doesn't wait for an answer. "Walk down that hallway, you'll find it eventually."
Following the direction of the woman's gesture, Lily searched for the room, reading the name plates as she went. As she stopped in front of them, her hand lingered in the air over the doorknob, trying to clear her mind. A million things cluttered her thoughts, but she had to concentrate on this if she actually wanted a future.
"Good day, I take it you are Lily Potter?" the woman questioned, a quill poised over a piece of parchment before Lily could even take a step forward
"Yes," she replied, holding a hand out. "It's a pleasure to meet you."
"Well, let's begin this interview. You're a student at Hogwarts?"
Lily gave a nod in response.
"Your house?"
"Gryffindor."
"I see...you were Prefect for two years before you became Head Girl." The woman smiled at her. "You have near perfect OWL scores….Why do you want to become a Healer? Your file shows great strength in many areas."
"Honestly, I've always pictured myself doing it. My mother was a nurse and loved her job. She always said that each day was a challenge that she embraced wholeheartedly." Lily looked down at her lap, biting her lap. "Last year she died, I want to become a person that she can be proud of. Becoming a Healer is something I know I can do. Charms is what I'm best at, but I love Potions and Herbology. I love being around people, helping them."
"Very admirable," Madame Doge murmured. "But you said your mother was a nurse?"
"Yes."
"I take it that Potter is not your maiden name?"
"No…" Lily wanted to avoid this topic. "I just recently changed it."
"We charm the records so when things get updated at the Ministry or at the schools we know automatically." She set down the quill, folding her hands on the desk. "You do know that we're not allowed to ask blood status on applications, right?"
Lily nodded.
"I'm going to leave out what you said about your mother being a nurse, because after reading your file with the recommendations and even the copies of the essays provided by your teacher I know you are a qualified candidate. One that St. Mungo's would be fortunate to have in their program."
"I'm not ashamed to be muggle born, I'm proud of it," she said. "My parents were good people, but they never got a chance to finish out their life because of the Dark Lord." Lily's hands were balling into fists, her nails digging into her skin. "Write down that both my parents were muggles. That my dad was an accountant, my mum a nurse."
The woman looked taken aback as she slowly picked up the quill. "Do you realizing what you're asking me to do? St. Mungo's may technically be a separate entity from the Ministry, but we're still monitored. Everyone we admit has to pass through a check by someone at the department that regulates the training programs and universities."
"So be it." Lily unclenched her fists, turning them over so her palms rested face up on her knees. "All my life I've had a plan for myself, when I went to Hogwarts it didn't change drastically. When I was younger I used to be terrified of veering off the path I'd set for myself, but not anymore." She flipped her hands over and looked at the ring on her finger. "If I don't get admitted because I'm a mudblood," Lily spat the word out, then looked at the woman, daring her to object, but she didn't even flinch. "Then I in no way want to be trained by St. Mungo's."
"Your passion is admirable," the woman whispers. "If I write this down you will not be accepted for early admittance, only the….well, the ones' that we determine the most qualified. Students with high grades, positions of leadership, glowing recommendations…"
Lily knew what she was saying, students like her. Students that had the same qualifications, but "pure" blood. "Then I want to withdraw my application now."
"Just wait and see, perhaps with a name like Potter and her application then they'll just skim over my interview notes."
"Why do you care?"
The woman bit her lip, sighing before dropping the quill and folding her hands neatly again. "I was a lot like you. Getting a position like I have now, here, with muggle parents is difficult. I thought things had changed from twenty years ago, but we're just falling into the same old pattern. Someone, though, made a point of looking through the rejected applications when I applied. He contacted each one of us that had gotten rejected because of blood status and made it possible for us to be admitted."
Lily didn't say any more, just murmured a thank you before rising to her feet and exiting the room. Where did that pride come from? Perhaps, James had been rubbing off on her, but she didn't want someone rejecting her because of her blood status, it was a part of her. A part that she would not deny.
She lied through her teeth when she returned and people asked her about the interview. If she told James it would make him angry and he wouldn't be able to focus for the Quidditch game. The next day he left her room early, most likely heading to the Gryffindor Common Room, then ushering his team towards the Dining Hall before rushing them towards the Quidditch pitch.
When she woke up Saturday morning, his side of the bed was empty and cold. Pulling the covers around her shoulders she walked to her room where she grabbed her robe, throwing it over her nightgown before grabbing clothes and heading to the girls' dorm. In their Athena and Marlene were busy painting their faces and twining red and gold ribbons through their hair. Alice was nursing a glass of pumpkin juice, a plate of eggs and sausages sitting on her lap.
"How did your interview go? You never did say anything?"
"It went fine."
"Did it now?" she murmured, no hint of accusation in her voice. "I was speaking to Frank, he let it slip what you asked him last year."
"I can do both."
"And run yourself ragged. Frank barely has time to eat, let alone sleep or bathe. Between Auror and Order duties he's nearly killing himself."
"That'll be James."
"And me," she whispered. "I got my letter too," she said.
Lily looked at her friend. Delicate, soft-spoken Alice was going to be an Auror. It was a profession she could see James and Frank entering, but not her. Although, Lily knew she was quick witted and it was painful to be at the end of her defensive spells.
"What about you?" she asked.
"The interview was fine," Lily emphasized.
"Someone let it slip that the Ministry has more control over St. Mungo's than before, that their reinstating old hiring practices."
Lily drew her knees up to her chest, resting her chin on top of them. She wondered if she could do it. From across the room Athena and Marlene giggled, unintentional fingerprints of paint smudged on exposed skin. "We have to be on the pitch in fifteen!" Marlene yelled. "Come on, Lily, you don't even look like a Gryffindor, might as well be a snake."
Lily didn't say anything, but slowly unfolded herself, sitting up straight before reaching into her bag to pull out the jeans, red sweater and canvas jacket she stole from James. Silently she walked to the bathroom, getting dressed and braiding her hair into two tight French braids, golden ribbons woven through them and tied securely with smaller red ribbons. She sat silently as Athena did her makeup. Before long her and Alice were lead out to the field.
Silently she stood against the door to the locker room, waiting to hear silence before knocking. When James opened the door she wrapped her arms around his neck and kiss him long and hard. "Win," she whispered.
"I will, for you." He tugged on a braid. "Lil, I gotta go...but are you alright? You've seemed off since yesterday."
"Don't worry about me, focus on the game." She smiled at him so widely, daring him to say anything contrary.
In the stands though, Lily attempted to focus, but no matter how exciting the game was it didn't capture her attention. Sure, she cheered loudly at all the proper times, but her mind wandered consistently. Marlene had gripped her arm, pulled her close. "Lily!"
James was standing in front of her, broom in one hand, his other extended towards her. "Told you," he said as she pulled her free from Marlene. "We're going to the finals, we're unbeatable."
Lily just smiled and embraced him tightly, wishing what he said was true. She wished he really was unbeatable.