AN: Please review! I know updates are more spread out, but I want confirmation there's still people reading. Plus tell m. What you think about this chapter, I had to rewrite it several times. And yes, what happens did have to happen.
The owl flew into the Great Hall just as Lily rose from the table, following James who was engrossed in a discussion with Sirius. She had been trying to get them to move for ten minutes and at this rate they were going to be late to potions. With a sigh, she examined the letter and quickly stashed it in her robe pocket when she saw it had the Ministry seal. Instead of reading it, she latched on to James' arm and admonished the two of them for dallying. Sirius ruffled her hair and launched a set of complaints her way as he threw an arm around her shoulder and began to relay the tale he had been telling James. With the two of them on either side of her, they nearly halted to a stop as they descended the staircases down into the dungeons. It seemed to be ages before the finally arrived at the open door of the Potion's classroom.
"I see these two have not had a positive influence on you, Miss Lily," Professor Slughorn said as they walked toward the tables, Lily seated next Remus a row ahead of James and Sirius. Remus laid a hand on her and as she bit back a comment. She may have admired Slughorn as a teacher, but she despised that he called her 'Miss Lily'. Most of the teachers still called her Miss Evans, but Professor Slughorn decided that calling her that just helped her avoid mistakes.
"Well, you see Horace," Sirius began. "Lily makes the mistake of trying to have a positive influence on us."
"You're lucky I'm not deducting points from Gryffindor for your tardiness or cheek, Mr. Black." His tone was one of obvious displeasure, one that he commonly employed when he spoke to him, ever since first year when he was sorted into Gryffindor instead of Slytherin.
The Professor turned on his heel and began to write on the chalkboard before instructing them to copy down the notes on the history and extensive list of usages the Potion they would be brewing was good for. The Professor just told them to get out their Potion Books to annotate the recipe when there was a knock at the door. Every head turned as Professor McGonagall entered, her complexion pallor, eyebrows knitted in worry.
"I need to Mr. Potter, Mr. Black and Miss Evans," she said evenly.
The class turned and stared at them, wondering what trouble James and Sirius had gotten into and why Lily was grouped with them. James and Sirius hopped to their feet, participation in silent discourse as Lily reluctantly stood up.
"You will not be returning," she said softly.
There were murmurs among the class and Slughorn tried to calm them. Confused, Lily neatly arranged everything before putting it in her satchel. "Can you give me the notes tonight?" she murmured to Remus. He just nodded before watching her trail after the other two. Once they were out of the dungeon and in an empty corridor, McGonagall stopped and looked at them. "What's going on Professor?" Lily tried to read her face, wondering how she could look so worried if her voice earlier gave no clue.
"There was an incident at the Ministry."
Sirius immediately stiffened, any trace of mischief in his face gone. James instinctively reached for Lily, his hand tightening around her wrist, as if he had taken an anti-gravity potion and she was the only thing keeping him tethered to the ground. "Is it my father?" The voice James used sharply contrasted his grip. He seemed so much younger, so uncertain, all of his confidence had left him.
"No, he was out of the country, he'll be coming in soon. He wants-"
"Why is he coming?" James looked up at her through his eyelashes, eyebrows furrowed. Lily looked him over doing her best to loosen his grip he had.
"Mr. Potter….James," the Professor said with a shake of her head. "I think it would be better to hear it from-"
"Tell us." Sirius tone was too quiet. Fear welled in Lily's chest at hearing it. She had seen Sirius in all types of grief, from when he was disowned to when his uncle died, but this was different.
"I don't think-"
"Bloody hell! We have the right to know!" Sirius shouted.
"Sirius, just…" Just what? Lily thought, she couldn't tell him to calm down, it wouldn't do any good. Beside her James' hand was like a vise, as he tugged her closer towards him.
"My deepest condolences, your mother, she's….She's gone."
James hand squeezed Lily's wrist so tightly she thought it would snap in two, then all the tension faded from him. releasing her, he stumbled back a step before turning around and resting his head against the wall before sinking to the ground where he turned to face them. Sirius followed his lead, drawing his knees towards his chest as he shook his head.
"Where Charles meeting them?" Lily's words were barely more than a breath, as she tore her eyes away from her husband and his best friend.
"Dumbledore's office." McGonagall's tone was still the same as it had been earlier, but their was a strange look in her eyes and the same emotion was written across her face.
"I'll make sure they are there, will they be leaving?"
"I presume so."
Lily gave her a short nod before going over to the boys before kneeling beside them. Neither of them were crying, Sirius had his hands clenched tightly bracing himself against the wall as he stared straight ahead. James expression was blank, one leg to his chest and the other flat. "Dad will be here soon." She lightly touched James' knees. "You are both going to be gone, so you need to pack."
"Don't patronize me," Sirius muttered as he scrambled to his feet before marching away.
Lily watched as he left before moving closer to James' slipping around his stiff body. "Go to him, I'll pack up your stuff, alright?" She reached up to brush hair out of his eyes. One thing she couldn't comprehend was how his eyes were so dry. Tears were pricking at the corners, her eyes beginning to turn. "James, honey…" She kissed his cheek, the other caressing the side of his face. "Please, talk to me." Grief was different for everyone, but she did not act like this after the death of her parents. This near catatonic state that James was drifting toward terrified her. Not knowing how to handle this she did her best to rest against his side, burying her face in his robes and trying to keep tears from falling.
"Lily, please get off of me."
"James?"
He pushed away from her, getting to his feet. "You're right, I better see how Sirius is..." A dazed look crossed his face.
"Do you want me to pack a bag for you?"
"Yes."
Lily clenched her eyes shut as she watched him walk away. She almost preferred him being unresponsive than being in denial. Looking around the hallway she saw the discarded bags and picked them up along with hers. One of them was Sirius' and it wasn't like he was studying or would be for a while.
When she got back to the Head's quarters she dropped the bags and leaned her back against the door. Images of Agatha flashed through her mind. She took a deep breath and remembered the words she had said to her the day her parents died, I can't promise you everything will be alright, but you'll have a place to stay until it's time to go back to Hogwarts. Agatha had given her so much more than she could have asked. She was a second mother to her.
Choking back a sob she walked over to James' room and folded clothes putting everything into a satchel. As pulled it shut a thought flitted across her mind, as Agatha known something was going to happen. At the train station she had said, I'm glad he has you. She always worried over Charles because of his career, but still...Shaking her head she threw the bag over her shoulder and hurried towards Gryffindor tower. She heard a loud din of voices when she entered the Common room that immediately quieted when they saw her.
Before she could make her way to the boys staircase she saw Remus descending the staircase, shaking his head. "James isn't up there," he said. "Just Sirius." He looked her over and saw the bag in her hands. "What's going on? I've never seen him this bad, I mean he was pretty shoken up after his Uncle Alphred's death, but this...It's like…" He looked her straight in the eye. "Merlin, it's Charles isn't it? Agatha was acting rather peculiar."
"No, Charles is fine."
"Agatha?" he questioned, shaking his head. "Where's James?"
"I don't know, he wouldn't talk to me for the longest time and then said he was going to find Sirius."
"Godric…" he shook his head. "Are you holding up? It can't be easy."
"No, I have to find him. Can you try to get Sirius under control?"
"Why don't I just tame a Mountain Troll?" he replied, but nodded before going up the staircase once more.
Lily found James a while later, sitting in the Quidditch stands with a broom, robe and Quaffle laying beside him. Guessing by the sheen of sweat on his forehead, she guessed he was channeling all of his sadness into anger and all of that anger into physical energy. Despite the cheeks tinged red from exhertion, now the heat had fade and he was shaking from the cold."Here." She pulled his jacket out of the bag, his robe was strewn aside lying on top of his broom.
"Thanks." He shrugged the jacket on as she sat down beside him. "I don't think I can leave, there's too much to do."
"Your dad's probably a mess and will need your help with everything." She had learned long ago the way to make James do something, was to make it seem like others needed his help. As she said this, Lily leaned her head on his shoulder, tucking her arm under his. "It's hard I know, but just trying to move on with your life makes it worse."
"Mum wouldn't want me to sit around and do nothing."
"It's healthy to mourn." She reached up and brushed a lock of hair away from his face. "Believe me, it's easy to deny and pretend that she's still alive, but it's going to catch up with you. It'll hit you harder than a Bludger to your stomach." Her breath hitched as she paused to stop herself from crying. "But all of us do, alright? We know what you're going through." Running her hands through his hair she kissed him gently. James stayed sitting, saying nothing. "I'm not going with the two of you tonight, I'll handle everything here and come as soon as I can."
James said nothing more, but pulled her close to him until she was pressed tightly against his chest. They stayed like that, the pair of them sitting close to stave off the bitter January cold.
Word spread like wildfire throughout the castle. Most of it was speculation, but someone had heard her speaking with Remus in the Common Room. As a result both Olivia and David stepped up to cover the patrol shift along with Prefects from Hufflepuff and even a Slytherin. Lily mainly stayed in her room, forcing herself to eat one of the packages of biscuits that James hoarded in order to avoid going to the Great Hall. By eight, though, she couldn't stand it anymore.
Throwing her school robe over her pyjamas she wondered around the castle until she came to the Astronomy tower, climbing the staircase before settling herself in the windowsill. The night was clear, the moon a fat crescent. Burying her hands in her pockets she felt the stiff texture of the envelope. Biting her lip she withdrew it, breaking the seal with her index finger.
Mrs. Lily Potter
Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizadry
Dear Mrs. Potter,
Thank you for expressing interest in St. Mungo's Healer Academy. The Admissions Committee has given a careful consideration to your application.
The Committee regrets to inform you that we are unable to place you in the summer training session. You have been a competitive applicant, however, we have had many students with similar qualifications applying for admissions this year. Therefore, many desirable candidates have been turned away. You may apply again for regular admission.
We thank you once again for your interest in our Academy and wish you success for all your future endeavors.
Sincerely,
Carlina Trevor
Dean of Students for St. Mungo's Healer Academy
With a scowl she crumpled up the letter and chucked it down below. As she did this the wind blew, knocking a slip of paper loose from the envelope. Do not give up, Lily. I have already sent in your application for the regular session! She shoved the note in her pocket, it not helping in the least bit. Now, though, she wondered if becoming a healer was the right thing for her. So many people she had known had died. She was no longer interested in picking up the pieces, she wanted to do something. It had to be a sign from the universe, hadn't it?
Lily blinked back tears, the rejecting and Agatha's death seeming to bear down harder on her as each moment passed. Why would she come in to her life only to be taken from her? Agatha was right, loving her like a mother didn't make her mum any less important. She thought of James, what Agatha had said to her. As for my son, he hates to admit, but he wears his heart on his sleeve...He acts like everything is insignificant, because he cares too much. All of his jokes, his pranks, his witty remarks and confident attitude is an act.
Tears began to fall as she thought of her, thought of James and Charles and Sirius. She knew how James felt, or at least could imagine as she too had lost her parents. But Charles? If she lost James she would be a wreck. And Sirius? Agatha was the first woman that really acted maternally towards him...
Footsteps echoed through the room and Lily tried to swallow her tears, rubbing furiously at her eyes. "Sorry, I-" She looked up and saw Remus standing there.
"Don't apologize." He walked over and sat next to her in the windowsill. "Why didn't you go?"
"I needed to take care of things and I wanted to give them some time," she replied, still trying to wipe away the tears.
"You weren't at supper." He withdrew a napkin wrapped package from his pocket. "Just got it from the kitchens, don't tell."
Lily laughed as he handed it to her. She peeled back the covering to reveal a hearty sandwich before setting it aside. "Thank you, Remus. I'll eat it later, I'm still not hungry." She sighed.
"Other than the obvious, what's wrong? The Lily I know usually acts much different."
"I just don't know what to do, it's James, you know? He's always been there for him and now I have to do that for him, but-"
"James is good at playing the hero, any other role is rather difficult for him." Remus looked her over, seeing her shoulders begin to tremble and slipped an arm over her shoulder in effort to help with the cold. "I only hope he doesn't make rash decisions, however, he will have you as a Healer if he gets himself into any trouble."
"What if I told you I was thinking about not becoming a healer?"
"What are you talking about? James said that you had an interview for early admissions."
"I did, but I let it slip my parents were muggles. Apparently I inadvertently disqualified myself for a position of early acceptance." She rolled her eyes. "My interviewer already turned in my application for regular admittance, but I think I'll withdraw it."
"Well, if it makes you feel any better I would be rejected straight away." Remus sighed, shaking his head. "Prefecture, test scores, none of those count for me. I'm blacklisted as soon as they find out the truth."
"You're joining the Order, aren't you?"
"Where else would I go?" he sighed.
Lily sighed, resting her head on his shoulder. After that they sat in the complete silence, the only sound being the wind whipping threw the trees. The nice thing about Remus was that he appreciated the silence. The two of them could sit without saying a word and still feel like their conversation was being continued. Some time must of passed because they heard voices whispering and the declaration of prefects. By now Lily was mostly asleep and Remus was contemplating the best way of waking her up.
"Lupin, it's time to head back to the dorms," Olivia said, her eyes assessing the drowsy red head leaning against him. "How is she?"
"As good as can be expected, more than I can say for James and Sirius."
"Well, get her back to the Dormitory, the temperature is dropping as we speak," David said as he appeared. "Come on, Liv, we still have one more place to check before we can go to bed." The pair exited as Remus shook Lily.
"We need to get to bed."
Lily frowned at him. She despised the idea of heading back to the large Head's Quarters alone. The idea of sleeping in the bed without James made her feel uneasy, the only nights they were apart anymore was when it was a full moon. Those nights were filled with fitfull sleeping, most of the time she just stayed up late into the night reading until she fell asleep. James would come in as dawn broke, seeing her still clutching a book, spread out across the bed.
"We have a spare bed in our room, if you get up early tomorrow no one has to know," Remus replied.
She smiled up at him, glad that he could tell what she was thinking. The pair walked to the dorm, quietly slipping into Gryffindor tower. Lily wrinkled her nose at the state of Sirius' bed and grabbed the extra blankets from the bottom of the dresser and curled up on top of the comforter. The last thing she thought of as she fell asleep was that she hoped James was doing alright.