AN: This is a heavier chapter, I was going to put another filler chapter, but I wanted to clear up any confusion that you all might have had from that last chapter. This chapter, as well as the one before it, is set about three to five months after graduation. James and Lily are both eighteen.

She kept the secret as long as she could. One thing she did not anticipate, though, was Remus and his unusual habit of reading people like a book. James was gone on an extended mission with both Prewett twins. Remus had said he needed a place to stay, but she suspected that James wanted to make sure she was alright.

The were sitting down at the kitchen table for breakfast. Remus had offered to make it, after a bit of an argument they did it together. Lily stared down at her plate, hunger gnawed at her stomach, but she was scared to eat. It wasn't much, just eggs, toast, and tea, but for the past few days she had managed to stave off morning sickness with plenty of water and crackers.

"Is something the matter?"

"No." She took a tentative bite, her stomach seemed fine, but when she reached for a second her stomach protested and she dropped her fork.

"Lily, I hope you know that I am not as oblivious as your charming husband."

"What's that supposed to mean?"

"You claim to be feeling fine, but you haven't done any active field work that puts you into any real danger. Which leads me to believe that Dumbledore suspects something. Also, every time I'm here for breakfast you never eat more than a few bites and you always claim you're tired. Not only that, but you've been married since Christmas."

"Don't tell James, please," she said. "I'm waiting until I'm twelve weeks along."

"Fine, but you can't exactly hide it from him for ten months, go missing for a day or so then come home with a baby."

"I wasn't exactly planning on that.

"Lily, I respect your decision, but it's James we're talking about."

"I know." She rolled her eyes and then they set to work, busy themselves with making potions. As they spent time brewing, they poured over maps and old magic books, strategizing for the order. As the minutes, then hours, passed by they said little to each other and did not stop working. At one they took a break where they set out bread, cold cuts and cheese along with pumpkin juice.

Lily made a sandwich, eating as fast as possible, hungry now that nausea had subsided. When she reached for her pumpkin juice the glass slipped from her hand as she was about take a drink.

"I'll get a rag." Remus jumped to his feet. "Still feeling sick?"

Lily's back was bent into the shape of a question mark as a hand clutched her stomach, face knitted together into pain. "No…" She bit her lip, her hand clenching as another wave of pain shot through her abdomen. "I think I have a cramp." Stumbling to her feet, she pushed past Remus, and walked to the bathroom.

Ten minutes, passed then fifteen before he heard from her again. "I need James."

"What's wrong?" he asked when she appeared again. Her skin was eerily pale, hands trembling as she stood in front of him. "Are you alright?"

"I think I should go to the Healer's." She walked toward him, hand grasping as his shoulders. "Can you apparate with someone?"

"Someone injured?" he asked. "Yeah, I learned to, come on."

James pushed through the glass doors and ran to the front desk a while later. "Can I help you sir?" the receptionist asked as she took him. James looked extraordinarily young with his too long hair, ripped jeans, and faded shirt under a worn flannel shirt. Not even the stubble added enough years to his appearance to make it look like he was in sixth year at Hogwarts, let alone a graduate of the school.

"My wife, I got a message saying she's here, but they didn't say why."

"Name?"

"Lily Potter," he said, leaning across the desk. "Where is she?"

"Calm down, please."

"I don't even know if she's alive, do you understand that?"

"She is." The woman looked up at him. "Why don't you go down to room 234? Her Healer should be there and you can direct any questions to her."

He mumbled a response and hurried through the halls. As rushed through the hallways he tried to block out all the other times he had come here to see his father after a bad mission. Finally he came to an open room where a woman in a white jacket was arguing with Sirius and Remus, the latter had his arm on the former's shoulder.

"Why can't I go in there? I'm practically her brother in law, isn't that immediate enough for you?" Sirius shouted.

"Padfoot, mate, please…" James said stepping forward. "Healer…" He looked at her nametag. "Matson, I'm Lily Potter's husband. I was at work I didn't know…" Words tumbled out of his mouth, but then he didn't know what else to say. "Can you tell me what happened?"

"You have my condolences-"

"Condolences? The receptionist said that she was alive!"

"James, Lily is...she's doing well enough," Remus said.

"Bloody hell! Will someone tell me what happened?"

"James?" a voice called out. "Charles…" The door, which was previously ajar, opened up and there was Lily standing in a shift dress. Her hair was messily piled atop her head, eyes rimmed in red, and skin strikingly light.

"Love…" He opened his arms and she stepped into them. "Merlin...Lily, I…"

"I'm sorry, I'm so sorry James." She sobbed into his chest, arms tightly around him grasping fistfuls of his thin t-shirt. "I should have told you, but I didn't want...I thought…"

"Please, just tell me what happened." He kissed the top of her head. When he looked up he saw his father there. "Why is dad here?"

"I needed someone and they wouldn't let Remus or Sirius in, he was the only one I could think of that could get here that they would let in."

James took in his father's face. In the past few months it had aged considerably, the sorrow in his eyes had mostly left. After more than twenty five years of marriage losing Agatha was the worst thing he could go through, but somehow he had made it. Now, though, there was a renewed sadness in his eyes. "Son, I don't know what to say besides that I know how much it hurts to be in your shoes."

"What are you talking about? Lily…"

"I killed him, didn't I?"

"Who?"

"Our baby…" she sobbed, her head momentarily lifted to stare at James before she buryed her head into his chest yet again.

"Baby?" He looked over at his friends, Sirius looked just as confused and heartbroken as James.

"I found out earlier today," Remus replied softly.

"We should leave them alone," Charles spoke, stepping forward to stand in between Remus and Sirius, a hand landing on each of their respective shoulders.

"That's not-" the Healer began.

"I said we should leave them alone." Charles narrowed his eyes at the Healer, looking every bit the head of Magical Law Enforcement. The Healer shrunk and nodded, gesturing them towards a waiting area.

James guided Lily back into the room. She pulled away and led him towards the cot so they could both sit beside each other. "Godric...James, I wanted to tell you, but…"

"But?" he encouraged, a hand rubbing her back. "You can tell me anything, especially something that important."

"I was scared that this would happen." Lily shook her head. "My mum had trouble and I thought that most purebloods have trouble too since they usually don't have more than one child."

"We're in this together, alright?"

"Godric! Why are you so nice? Why aren't you angry at me for lying to you? For killing our baby?"

"You didn't kill it." James leaned forward to envelope her, but she pushed away.

"I didn't want it!" Lily shouted. "Not now, we're in the middle of a war, James. I was just so scared that something would happen to you more than usual, but then I had to worry about this other tiny human growing inside of me..."

"Shh…" James reached for her again and this time she relented. When the words first left her mouth he was a bit shocked, it still hadn't sunk in that Lily was pregnant. They were eighteen, how could they deal with something like this? The prospect of having a child was terrifying enough, but losing a baby at eighteen? "It's not your fault, love. There was nothing you could have done differently."

They sat on the cot in complete silence until they heard a knock at the door. Marlene was standing there, a paper bag in hand as she looked over the couple. "Sorry, do you want me to come back?"

"No."

"Remus sent me message at the prophet asking if I could bring clothes. I had an extra set at my desk, I think they should fit you." She set the bag down on the table next to the bed before taking a few steps back .

"Thanks, Mar," Lily replied pulling away from James. "The Healer said I could leave tonight and I didn't want to go in this." She lifts the hem of her dress and forced a laugh that sounded more like a choking sob.

"It was nothing, Lil. I better go back, make sure Sirius isn't-" Marlene didn't bother to finish the sentence, just scurried out of the room quickly.

James reached down for the bag and pulled out a blouse followed by a casual skirt. He was about to open his mouth to comment when she ripped them from his hands. "Do you want me to shut the door?"

"Could you leave? See if the discharge papers are all finished?"

"Yeah." He left the room without protest, wandering the halls to find the Healer. He did find her eventually, bent over the counter as she dictated notes to a quill hovering above a clipboard. "Excuse me, Lily wanted me to make sure the discharge papers were ready."

The Healer looked up at him and the quill paused. "Yes, but I'm sure you have other questions."

"Yeah…" He rubbed the back of his neck and looked in the direction he had come from. "Do you know why Lily wouldn't tell me she was pregnant in the first place?"

"She was scared, I recommend just being there for her now." The Healer passed him a sympathetic look. "But don't try to be strong, men often try to ignore their feelings or let them get pushed aside in a situation like this, but you have just as much right to be a sad as anyone else."

"Thanks." James ran a hand through his hair and walked over to the counter to brace himself against. "It hasn't sunk in yet."

The Healer just took him in, knowing that at times it was better to say nothing. Things like this were hard, she knew James and Lily, what they did for a living. Losing a child, though, was hard. Especially when it was a child that never got a chance to truly live. Silently, she stopped the quill from writing mid air and scrawled her name at the bottom of the paper before handing the folder to James. He took it just as quietly, eyes glazed over with unshed tears. When she'd seen him less than an hour ago he looked so young. "Your wife is free to leave whenever. I'd recommend not leaving her alone in case there are any complications. We performed the standard spells for the procedure and gave her potions." The Healer swallowed as she handed him a slip of paper. "If she needs a pain potion, here's the prescription for it. Owl me any time of the day or night if either of you has questions and they don't solely have to be for a physical reason."

"Thanks," James mumbled againn when he turned around he saw Lily slowly heading toward him. Instead of rushing toward her and wrapping her in his arms he placed a gentle hand on her elbow. She shrugged it off and took hold of his entire arm, rested her head on his shoulder. "Let's go home."

Lily didn't say a word in response, just moved his arm so she was underneath it, burying her head into the side of his shoulder.