Title: Virmire Part Three
Author: DinkyMew
Game: Mass Effect (One)
Disclaimer: Bioware own all content and characters related to the Mass Effect Franchise. Abigail Shepard is my own creation inspired by the character Jane Shepard created by Bioware. All original characters contained herein are my own creations and are not necessarily affiliated with Bioware. While I do not profit from this in any way I would like to reserve the use of my work; you may not copy or distribute without my permission. The story may deviate from the original and for this I ask your forgiveness; any digression is intended for entertainment purposes and not to offend.
Characters: Abigail Shepard (F); Ashley Williams (F); Jeff 'Joker' Moreau (M); Kaidan Alenko (M); Captain David Anderson (M); Original Character Stewart 'Spooner' Cooper (M) Character Pairings suggested in the writing: Abigail Shepard & Kaidan Alenko; mild Ashley Williams & Jeff Moreau
Spooner wants to be my guardian.
That thought swirls around my head incessantly as I watch them convert the small storage room into a bedroom for me. I'm going to live on this ship; amongst these marines and the Admiral has even promised me a place in the ranks when I reach 18. I don't think I could have asked for more if I had tried.
The storage room is small, barely big enough to wedge a bed inside, but I like it. It's dark and secluded and I've convinced them to leave a shelf up which runs parallel to my bed, under a window. It means when I'm in there I can sit on that shelf and watch out the window – not that there is much to see in space; stars and the occasional planet – but I like to watch the FTL stream. I like to know we are moving, constantly, moving. It's the only time I feel safe.
Stuffing my hands into the pockets of my Alliance jogging bottoms I approach my new room, smiling shyly at the marines who are manhandling the metal frame of a bunk into the tiny space, panting with effort trying to get it to fit.
"Can I help?" I ask and the one nearest the doorway turns; dark eyes squinting at me in humour.
"You're a'ight." He breathes, giving me a kind smile "We'll get it in one way or the other." He pauses as though thinking and then adds "You know I saw Spooner in the Mess, why don't you go get yourself something to eat. You look like you could stand to gain a little weight."
I watch them a moment longer, trying to decide whether I am offended by that statement or not before I decide not and begin the walk through the narrow halls to the Mess. I pass the crew quarters, which are rarely empty – there is always someone trying to catch a few hours after their shift, so I move quietly, rounding the corner where left will take me to the Mess and right to cockpit.
I turn left; as much as I love the cockpit that tends to be the Admiral's domain and I would rather avoid him if I can. It's not that I don't like the guy – he's done nothing but try to help me since I was rescued from Mindoir, but he wears authority with such a casual manner I never know when he is joking or being serious; when to call him 'sir' and salute or when to smile and talk informally. Some people call him Johnson, which I assume is a surname, but I wouldn't dare.
I enter the mess, which is warm and humming situated next to the engine room. The tables are rectangular, chrome and scrubbed clean after each meal by Adria – the only other female on board. I wish I could speak more to her, but she's an incredibly distant character and she hates the sight of me I'm sure. Often you can hear her complain that I eat the same as a grown marine and she has no idea where it goes. Neither do I, but I am always hungry.
Spooner is sat at one of the tables, a book – an actual book – splayed out in front of him. He looks up as I come in, gives me what looks like an awkward smile and turns back to what he was doing. I hesitate – he hasn't really spoken to me since our meeting with the Admiral, and I have kept my promise, helping around the ship where I am allowed. The engineers have banned me from their engine room though – apparently they don't trust me tinkering with the drives.
"Whatcha reading?" I ask him, drawing the sleeves of my hooded top over my hands. I take a seat across from him, tucking my knees up under my chin and gripping the toes of my sneakers with my fingertips.
"A book." Spooner smiles, his eyes still on the pages in front of him.
I wait a moment to see if he is going to elaborate and when he doesn't I persist "What book?"
He glances up at me this time and I catch my breath. His green eyes hold mine a moment – but it feels like forever, it feels like I could spend forever just gazing into his emerald eyes and I would be so blissfully happy. His mouth curves up into that lopsided smile, that carefree, kind smile that digs right under my skin. He's in his uniform today, the Alliance shirt straining to cover the sculpted muscle of his chest and shoulders. The sleeves cut off at the shoulder joint, his arms too large to fit apparently.
"It's an old book." He says, smoothing a hand down his stubbled jaw "One my great grandpap had kept." He clears his throat and looks to me "Want something to eat?"
I do, but the thought of eating in front of him makes me nervous and I know I wouldn't be able to keep anything down so I shake my head, giving him a smile.
"You settling into your room?" He asks and I move my shoulders.
"They're still setting it up." I say, and I watch him as he marks his place in the book and sets it aside. "Why did you want to be my guardian?" I ask and the moment I do I wish I could take it back. The words spill out my mouth unbidden, almost unthought – just a reaction to the situation and I kick myself. Spooner sighs, leaning back in his chair as he looks at me seriously. The intensity in his eyes makes my skin burn.
"I don't know." He says honestly "You ask anyone on here, they'll tell you I hate kids. Hate them." He smiles, his face blossoming pink as he talks candidly with me "When I saw what had happened to Mindoir, and then I found you – I made a promise to myself I would get you off that planet alive. I had no idea it was you that would save us both Abigail." He pauses, leaning forward and folding his hands on the tabletop "When I heard they were shipping you to an orphanage…" He shakes his head "I've lived in one, I'm damn lucky that someone saw potential in me as a young 'un and took me in. Would never have made it to the military otherwise. You saved my life – I guess I wanted to return the favour. I wanted to be that person for you, that could see your potential and give you a chance."
My eyes sting with tears as I listen to his words; I wish I could kiss him. I wish I could stay by his side forever and ever. I nod, turning my eyes from him for fear I will start crying. I don't want him to see me cry, I want him to think I am the strongest person alive, I want to show him I can do this.
"Does that make sense Skipper?" He asks and I nod, it makes perfect sense.
I love him too.
The bar at Flux was too busy – the heavy drum of the bass and the noise of the patrons swirled and danced into a cacophony that drilled out almost everything else. So when Kaidan spoke to her, at first she didn't hear him. Watching Ashley's mouth, trying to decipher her words, Abigail Shepard took from her glass and nodded in response, hoping it conveyed she was listening and agreeing to whatever the other woman was saying. She didn't have a hope in hell of hearing her. She smiled ruefully; too many battles had worn her hearing apparently.
Fingers touched her elbow and she flinched, jumping a little as she turned to see Kaidan and Joker, both dressed down surprisingly and holding a drink each. Ashley gave a cry, loud enough that she did hear it and threw her arms around the Lieutenant; neither of them had thought he would actually come.
"I can't believe you actually left the Mess!" Ashley beamed at him, and Abigail smiled, watching her friend moon over Alenko was possibly the highlight of the evening. She was so painfully obvious. For his part Kaidan stood rigid, looking as out of place as ever as he glanced around the floor, his head bobbing a little as he nodded some agreement. Joker wedged himself onto a stool next to her, and Abigail gave him a warm smile – he had come a long way in her eyes since she had met him. At least he had stopped trying to hit on her.
"Want a drink?" He yelled to her and Abigail shook her head, holding her glass up for him to see. He smiled, as if to say 'you'll need more than that' and ordered her one anyway.
"I want to dance!" Ashley called, gripping Kaidan's arm.
In that moment he looked as though he wanted to die. The colour drained from his face as he looked sharply to Ashley, realising her intent and began to shake his head, his excuses too fast and quiet for Abigail to hear from where she sat. He tried to shake his arm free, but Ashley had him in a vice grip, her smile and her eyes telling him he was going nowhere but the dance-floor. Abigail watched them go; feeling her heart flutter weakly. She cared for Kaidan; hell she might even love him, but she would never stand in the way of Ashley; she deserved someone like the Lieutenant in her life, and she would just have to come to terms with it. Besides, he was her subordinate, she wasn't supposed to see him in any kind of sexual way – but oh… wasn't that a struggle?
Even now, as he stepped awkwardly from one foot to the other, glancing around him for any escape as Ashley wiggled beside him – just a little too close to be friendly – Abigail couldn't help but imagine him in some state of undress. He looked good dressed down too, which was of no help, in black old style denim jeans and a white shirt open over a white tank top.
"Here you go Commander." Joker said beside her, snapping her out of her reverie as she turned away from the scene, back to the bar and accepted the drink Joker offered.
"Thanks." She smiled and he nodded, tipping his cap a little with his finger – the mannerism somehow comforting.
"She really likes him." Abigail said after a moment, more to remind herself why she abstained rather than pursued Kaidan than anything else. Beside her Joker nodded sagely.
"Yep." He sighed "Ashley's a great woman too – Kaidan would be lucky to get her." He gave her a sidelong glance and cleared his throat "You wouldn't have a problem with that? On your ship I mean? Aren't there regs against fraternisation?"
Abigail swallowed a mouthful of her drink, feeling it burn all the way to her gut. Stifling a short cough she shook her head "We're not on the ship Joker." She swallowed "And as long as it stays professional on board… what's the harm?"
"Huh." Joker nodded, downing his drink in one before slamming the glass on the counter "I never had you pinned for that sort of Commander." He said at last "I thought you were a hard-ass."
Abigail smiled, finishing her drink and copying his gesture, slamming the glass on to the counter "When I need to be Joker – when I need to be."
"Another?" He asked, raising a challenging eyebrow to her. Abigail swithered, there were very clear guidelines about alcohol consumption and biotics, but on the other hand she deserved to be a little reckless; these last few months she had been to hell and back and to top that off she had just discovered a man she had spent years thinking had simply forgotten about her after promising to never do so had in fact been killed in action and had left his worldly possessions to her. She had spent years hating him, years resenting him and it was completely undeserved. Slowly she nodded, watching as Joker ordered them another round.
Kaidan didn't dance. Not socially anyway.
Alone, in the crew quarters if he fancied a bit of music he might shimmy here and there, he might even be adventurous and give a foot tap – but never dancing. Certainly not in public; and definitely not in front of Shepard.
Beside him Ashley moved, her body rocking to the music against him, one arm on his shoulder more to keep him there he was sure than anything else. Around them other bodies pressed in, the heat and the noise almost unbearable as he struggled to breathe. He peered over the heads, glimpsing Abigail sitting at the bar with Joker; she was laughing, pressing a gentle hand on Joker's shoulder as she shook her head, dark hair shivering delightfully under the strobe lighting. He wished he could be there.
"LT." Ashley's voice brought him back and he looked down at her, smiling woodenly. She laid a hand on his chest, pushing up onto her toes and pressing her lips to his in such a rush he was completely caught off guard. Gently he pushed her back, his hands on her shoulders, already shaking his head.
"Ashley!" He said, loud enough for her to hear over the music, but not enough to draw attention "Ashley, no." He said gently "You're… you're my friend."
She looked up at him, her dark eyes playful as she rolled a shoulder "Come on LT, we've only got one night of shore leave."
He watched her, knowing with certainty that he did not have feelings that way for her. That to capitalise on her affections would be wrong, it would be a vile and horrible thing to do to her. He felt panicky, suddenly bereft as he watched her helplessly, unsure of what to say or do – this was completely out of nowhere and it made him feel incredibly lonely.
"I…" He shook his head "No Ash, I don't want that." He said thickly, seeing the playfulness leave her eyes to be replaced by mistrust and hurt "I'm sorry." He added, taking her hands in his and placing them at her sides "I had no idea you… I mean… I would have said – I would never have let you-"
"Embarrass myself?" She asked sharply and he swallowed, expecting her to start ranting any moment. Instead she broke into a smile, shaking her head "You know something Alenko?" She asked him, ruffling his hair "You are a complete mystery." She sighed "Let's not make a big thing out of this ok? I don't want it to change our friendship."
Kaidan watched her, perplexed – it was not the reaction he had expected but he nodded anyway "Absolutely." He said firmly. She made to turn from him and he caught her arm, halting her "Are we… ok?"
She smiled, but he could see the shadow of hurt in her eyes and it killed him a little "Absolutely." She said.
With that she pushed away from him, milling through the writhe of bodies toward the bar once more. He followed, feeling hot and uncomfortable and trapped. Joker spun in the stool to greet him, his face a myriad of amusement, delight and feigned concern. Kaidan glanced to Abigail who was talking with Ashley, quietly and he felt his face flush with heat. She was going to tell Shepard what an ass he was – if there ever was a chance, however slim, he felt it slipping from his fingers as he sank to sit on a stool beside his friend.
"Everything ok?" Joker asked, raising his eyebrows at him in an inconspicuous manner.
Kaidan gave him a withering look; he obviously knew about Ashley and hadn't told him. Typical Joker.
"I think I'm going to head in." Abigail smiled, patting Ashley's shoulder gently as she hopped off her stool "Too much alcohol for me in one night. Besides unlike the rest of you slackers I need to be up at the crack of dawn."
"Seriously?" Joker pressed, his eyebrows arching as he watched her "Shore leave?"
She smiled "Yeah, for the crew. Unfortunately Shore Leave isn't as long for the CO. I need to report to Captain Anderson tomorrow."
"I think I'll join you." Kaidan jumped in, avoiding Joker's gaze as he stood uneasily "I could use some quiet for a while. My apartment is on the way back to the Normandy, I'll walk you part way."