Chapter 58- My Memories- Arisa

The exorcists were celebrating that night. They were celebrating for the fact that we had two more exorcists, and that Kanda came. Truthfully, I thought that General Tiedol was celebrating for the fact that Kanda actually smiled and showed happiness. It was because of Alma why that had happened. No one mentioned the fact that we hand another enemy on out hands.

The only one who wasn't celebrating was Lenalee. She had found a corner, curled up, and started to cry. She was asleep now. Someone had put a blanket around her. I wondered just how close she had been to that Allen kid.

I saw Alma and Kanda talking on the balcony outside. They were both smiling and laughing. I decided to go out to talk to them.

Alma looked at me as I approached. "Getting to wild in there?" He asked,

I nodded. "I don't get how Lenalee can sleep with all the noise."

"When Lenalee's upset, she can sleep no matter the range of noise or activity around her," Kanda explained. "Alma, do you mind if I talk to this girl alone for a few minutes?"

Alma tensed. He didn't answer at first, but then nodded. "Tell me when you're done." He walked away.

"What's up?" I asked. I walked to edge of the balcony, and sat on the railing. Kanda sat next to me.

"You're the girl who doesn't remember anything, right?" He asked.

I nodded. "Why do you ask?"

"I've met a few people who have lost their memory before," He explained. "My friend Daisya lost his memory for a while, and he didn't know how to get it back. However, after a while, we found out how to help him. He was being his usual afraid self, and was too afraid to remember everything. He explained that it was like he had locked his old self up inside of a room with only one door. However, the door would always move when he approached it."

I got the feeling that that was a lie. From what Lenalee had said about Daisya, he never lost his memory. I didn't point that out, though. Kanda's voice was like velvet, and I wanted to hear him speak more. I didn't want to say something to upset him because I figured he'd stop talking.

"He went into a meditation state," Kanda said. "He said that as long as he was focusing on something that made him feel safe, he was able to open that door that contained his memories, and he got them back."

"What did he think about?" I asked.

Kanda shrugged. "He never told me. However, I think it was Lenalee. He'd always loved her."

"Are you suggesting I try this?" I asked.

"Yes," He said. "If you really are the Arisa that we know, then remembering your past is going to be important."

I stayed quiet for a minute. "Do you think I'm really stopping myself from remembering everything?"

Another shrug. "I can't say. But if you are Arisa, then that makes sense. The life we live in the Order's a scary one. Arisa was here for some of the calmer years, but she died pretty badly."

I remembered the scene of falling off the cliff. "So I've heard," I muttered. "Were you there for that?"

He slowly nodded, but didn't say anything.

I took a deep breath. "I'll do it."

Kanda looked at me. "What?"

"I'll try it," I said. "I'll try to get my memories back."

I thought I saw Kanda smile. He hopped off the railing, and turned to me. "Do you know how to meditate?"

I nodded. "I learned it from Mother."

"Good," He said. "Now, once you go into a mediation state, think of something that makes you feel safe. If you're lucky, you'll be able to get your memories back."

I got off the railing, sat on the ground, and closed my eyes. I took a few deep breaths, and I let myself slip into a meditation state.

I was surrounded by darkness. I thought for a moment about what made me feel safe. Kanda was the first thing that popped into my mind.

Suddenly, I saw him standing there in front of me. He wasn't wearing his black and read uniform, though. Instead, it was black and white. He rolled his eyes, and started to walk away. I followed him to a door.

Kanda walked through it. I tried to, but hit it. I grabbed the handle, and tried to open it, but it was locked. Out of frustration, I kicked the door open. It fell off its hinges, and fell to the ground. I stepped into the room.

There was a single light on a girl in the middle of the room. She was on the ground, crying into her hands. She wore the same black and white outfit that I had on, and she had purple and pink hair.

"Are you all right?" I asked, kneeling in front of her.

Her head shot up, and she looked at me with blue-gray eyes. "Who- who are you?"

"You're Arisa Lane, right?" I asked.

The girl nodded. "Where are we?"

"I don't know," I said. "But I do know one thing. Arisa, you're free."

"What do you mean?" She asked.

I stood, and held my hand out to her. She took it, and I pulled her to her feet. "You're free."

Arisa looked at the door, and her eyes widened. "How did that happen?"

"I broke it down," I said. "It won't stop you anymore."

She looked at me. "Who are you?"

I smiled. "I'm you, just two years older."

Arisa looked back at the door. "Am I really free?"

"Yes," I said. "Don't back down now, girl. You're only a few steps away from freedom."

She smiled. "Thank you."

I nodded, and followed her out of the room. Arisa turned to me. "What's going to happen to you?"

I shrugged. "I guess one of us will become part of the other."

"What do you mean?"

"You'll see," I said.

I walked over to her, and grabbed her hand. I felt my smile widen as I pulled her into a hug. Suddenly, she was gone. It was like she had disappeared in my arms. I felt all of her memories leap into my mind, one at a time. I laughed as I saw them again. They weren't just her memories anymore they were mine as well.

My eyes flung open, to find Kanda standing in front of me, his strong arms crossed. "Well?" He asked. "What happened, Ari?"
"Aren't you going to call me Circus Freak or some lame nickname like that?" I asked.

Kanda smiled. "I guessed it worked."

I nodded. "I guess it did." I stood. "Ask me a question that I'll only know the answer to."

Kanda seemed to be thinking for a moment. "What happened the day everyone thought you died?"

"We were fighting with each other," I explained. "It was worse than most of our other fights. I…" I started to blush. "I wasn't thinking, and I kissed you. It started to rain, and you pushed me away. You screamed that I really was a freak. I took a step backwards, shocked by your outburst, and fell."

"Yeah, sorry about that," He said.

I laughed. "It wasn't your fault. I probably would have fallen anyways. Besides, I lived."
"How did you live?" He asked.

"I have no clue," I said. "But I'm glad I did. By the looks of it, Lenalee needs a girl friend to be there for her. I think it was because of her why I survived. I didn't want to leave her alone with all of you boys."

Kanda rolled his eyes. "Why don't you go wake her up and tell her that you remember everything, Freak."

"Fine," I said. "I will, Gloomy-head."

I walked past him. He caught up to me.

"What did you just call me?" He asked.

"You know exactly what I called you, Yuu."

I ran away from him at that moment. I heard him behind me, yelling insults. I ran into the room, and hid behind Alma.

"He's going to hurt me," I said, laughing."
"Why?" Alma asked.

"I called him by his first name," I said.

Kanda was coming towards us at a slow pace. When he got close enough, I pushed Alma towards him and yelled, "Sacrifice!" I continued to run. Everyone was laughing.

After a little game of chase, I finally decided to call it off, and wake Lenalee up. I knelt down in front of the younger girl. Her hair was in her face. I truthfully wished it were longer. I loved to play with here hair, and there wasn't much there to play with now.

I didn't think it was possible, but Lenalee had become even more beautiful than she had been two years ago. I wondered how Komui was going to keep the boys away from his little sister with looks like that.

I pushed Lenalee's hair behind her ear, and put my hand on her shoulder. "Lenalee, time to wake up."

Lenalee let out a little moan, and shifted. She opened her eyes, and stared at me. "What's going on?"

"It's time to wake up, Little Lee," I said, using the nickname that I had given her the first year I was at the Order."

Lenalee rubbed her eyes. "What did you just call me?"

"You're my Little Lee, remember?" I asked.

"How do you remember that?" She asked.

I hugged her. "I remember everything," I whispered. "I'm back, Lenalee. Arisa Lane is back."