Title: Virmire Part Eight
Author: DinkyMew
Game: Mass Effect (One)
Disclaimer: Bioware own all characters and content related to the Mass Effect Franchise. Abigail Shepard is my own creation inspired by the character of Jane Shepard created by Bioware. Any original characters contained herein are my own creations and are not necessarily affiliated with Bioware. The story may deviate from the original game and for that I ask your forgiveness, any anomalies are in the pursuit of entertainment and not to offend. **You may not copy, distribute or edit this fan fiction as it stands without my expressed permission**
Characters Featured: Stewart 'Spooner' Cooper; Ashley Williams; Captain Kirrahe; Abigail Shepard; Kaidan Alenko;
"I'm sorry Skipper. I should have told you about me and Mark."
I keep my eyes locked on the window, watching the FTL stream wisp by the glass. I press my back further against the wall, draw my knees to my chest as it aches mournfully.
"I can understand that it was a bit of a shock." Spooner continues, his voice soft and deep in the dim light of my room, my head pulses angrily with each word "I was going to tell you – I just needed time to get Mark used to the idea…"
I turn my eyes to him then and his mouth clicks closed. Something in my look must convey how angry I am because he looks away, to the doorway, perhaps considering retreat? But Spooner is as stubborn as me, turning back he clears his throat.
"I know we were talking about you enlisting." He said carefully, the change of subject clumsy and I scoff – blowing hot air from my nose like an enraged bull as I turn back to the window. "But after… well… the Admiral has decided to inform the Alliance of your biotic ability."
I grind my teeth, my heart sluggishly pumping in my chest.
"He's decided that you are too unpredictable and you don't have enough control over your abilities." He says it softly, but the words are incredibly loud in my head. I don't care. I didn't ask for these stupid powers and I don't want them either – if the Alliance can cure me they would be doing me a huge favour.
"We're looking into a clinic." Spooner adds carefully "A facility called Blue Horizon?" He asks as though I would have heard of it. I decide not to answer him, leaning my forehead against the cold glass. "Well, the Alliance are funding it for biotic training pre-admission to the army." He sighed "I think it would be the best thing for you Skipper… but I can see you don't want to talk to me right now. I'll leave that with you, and when you're ready to talk about it you can come and find me."
I scoff again, because 'finding' him went so well last time didn't it. I throw a glare his way and he pauses, still sat on the edge of my bed, but I can see his own frustration ticking under the surface.
"I don't understand what you want me to say." Spooner says quietly "I should have told you about Mark; I'm sorry. What more can I say?" I stare at him, my face serene and calm but inside I can feel the heat of war raging in my chest. I'm scared that if I open my mouth to speak I won't be able to stop.
"I loved you." I choke out; my face blossoming with heat as the crux of the issue is brought screaming to the fore. I expect him to laugh, to look at me as though I am crazy, but instead he nods sadly.
"I had a suspicion." He says gently "I'm sorry Skipper – I've never had kids I didn't know how to handle that properly. That's on me. But… I'm 26 years old." He smiled "You're 16… surely you could see nothing would have happened between us?"
I reel from him, the mention of age cutting deep as I turn back to the window. "Just get out." I mumble, somewhere I know I am being unreasonable – that he can no more choose his sexuality as I can my past – but I don't care. I just want him gone.
"Alright." He says softly "I'll come by later with something to eat." He adds getting stiffly to his feet "You know, just because I'm in love with someone else Skipper… doesn't mean I don't love you. It's just different – I hope you can see that one day."
I watch his back as he turns to leave, that wolf tattoo on his back grinning at me from the sleeve of his tank top.
"Thank you for speaking with the Krogan." Captain Kirrahe said, picking through some contents strewn on a table in the far corner of what stood as his quarters. As she approached Shepard could see they were weapons, mostly pistols, all in some stage of modification. She recognised a few pieces, but most seemed Salarian by design. She glanced behind her to Ashley and Kaidan who stood uneasily at the entrance to the cab. "The assault on Saren's base will be difficult enough as it is." He added, giving her a small, tired smile.
It looked odd, she thought, to see a Salarian smile. She was reminded of that old Fable of the Princess and the Frog – but there was no way she would be testing that myth out any time soon.
"I assume you've managed to come up with a plan then?" She asked, and at the mention Ashley approached from behind, folding her arms under her breasts as she stared openly at the Salarian.
"Of sorts." Captain Kirrahe said carefully "We can convert our ship's drive system into a 20 Kiloton ordnance." He gave a quick nod "Crude but effective."
Ashley gave a soft chuckle of delight "Nice!" She remarked, nudging Shepard's elbow with her own "We can drop that nuke from orbit and Saren can kiss his Turian ass goodbye."
Abigail shot her a warning glance, gently reminding her to hold her opinions about races in check; it would be an easy mission right enough but she doubted the facility, if it was all the Salarian's described it to be, would be flattened by 20 Kilotons.
Captain Kirrahe shook his head "Unfortunately the facility is too well fortified for that. We'll need to place the bomb at a precise location."
Shepard watched the Salarian carefully, the true scale of the mission finally coming to light. Beside her Kaidan shifted uncomfortably and she glanced his way, just realising he was beside her too.
"Alright." She said firmly "Where do we take the nuke and how do we get there?"
Beside her Kaidan made a noise, a sharp intake of breath as if to say something but Captain Kirrahe beat him to it.
"The bomb must be taken to the far side of the facility." He said with difficulty, as though he knew the danger such a thing entailed "Your ship can drop it off but we'll need to infiltrate the base, disable the AA guns and pacify any ground forces first."
Shepard blinked, smiling humourlessly at the task the Salarian was suggesting.
"Are you suggesting we go in on foot?" Kaidan blurted heatedly beside her "We don't have enough men for that!"
Shepard raised a hand toward him, in an effort to calm him but he was right – it was far too dangerous if there were as many Geth as they claimed inside.
"It does sound a bit risky." She said carefully "Is there no other way?"
The Salarian Captain took a moment to breathe, and then gave a firm shake of his head "No. But I think we can work around your concerns." He added quickly "I'm going to divide my men into three teams and hit the front of the facility; while we have their attention you can sneak your shadow team in the back."
Shepard shook her head, her breath catching in her throat as she let the details of his plan sink in.
"That's a good idea," She said "But your people are going to get slaughtered."
The Commander gave her a sad smile, one that made panic rise in her chest. These men were preparing for a suicide mission and they expected her to sign up beside them. She steeled herself – Saren had to be stopped, if that meant laying her life on the line, then so be it.
"We're tougher than we look Commander." The Captain said hopefully "But it's true I don't expect many of us will make it out alive." He glanced away from her, back along the beach where his men stood solemnly "And that makes what I'm going to ask even more difficult, I need one of your men to accompany me. To help coordinate the teams."
Shepard almost balked, containing herself just enough to give a small nod, running through her team in her mind. She couldn't send an alien with them, it would have to be someone who knew Alliance code – it would have to be an Alliance marine.
"It will have to be someone who knows Alliance communication protocols." She said absently, glancing to the two marines at her side. Both Kaidan and Ashley watched her with a hard determination in their faces; it had to be one of them. But which? How could she send either to almost certain death?
"I volunteer Commander." Kaidan offered, and she swallowed, trying to catch up with her thoughts as she reeled from the expectation the Salarian's were asking of her. These were not just her soldiers – they were her friends. With a sudden, cold realisation she took a careful breath. Stopping Saren was the only thing that mattered here – they were all expendable in the wake of this mission.
"Just a sec LT!" Ashley cried, "You'll be needed to arm the nuke – I'll go with the Salarians."
"With all due respect Chief it's not your decision to make." Kaidan added under his breath.
"Look." Shepard cut in, turning to face them both "I'm not volunteering anyone for this lightly – you know that. But the Salarians are going to be under heavy fire; I think…" She swallowed as her chest tightened painfully "I think it would be best if Kaidan went with the Salarians, they might need some first aid and his barriers could come in useful in the thick of a fight."
Kaidan gave her a nod, his expression unreadable "Aye aye ma'am."
"Very well," Captain Kirrahe said behind her "I will have the ordnance loaded onto the Normandy and brief your gunnery Chief on its detonation sequencing."
Shepard nodded, all the while watching Kaidan as he turned his back on them, folding his arms. "I'm ready when you are Captain." She whispered.
"Excellent, well if you will excuse me I must prepare my men." He cleared his throat eagerly "I suggest you do the same."
Ashley smiled, giving a heavy sigh as the three of them came together "Well, this is it." She said shivering "Good luck in there LT."
Kaidan nodded silently, his eyes dark as he cleared his throat "We'll get it done." He said firmly.
"Just because we're not doing this side by side doesn't mean we're not a team." Shepard said, looking at them both carefully "Keep comms up and watch each other's backs – we'll get through this fine. You'll see." She willed confidence into her voice, but even it was quaking with doubt. The odds were stacked against them.
"Absolutely." Kaidan swallowed "I better go and get ready… have a look at the teams."
"Be careful LT." Ashley said briefly, avoiding both their eyes as she cleared her throat "I'm going to go and get the briefing about this nuke… I'll see you before we head out Commander."
Shepard watched her leave, she looked troubled, but then she supposed they all had that pensive look. Even her. This mission was not going to be an easy one.
She glanced to Kaidan, expecting him to be on the move but he wasn't, he was simply watching her, his expression unsure as he opened his mouth to speak, then closed it, rubbing the back of his neck nervously.
"Something to add Lieutenant?" She asked, raising her eyebrows at him quizzically.
He shifted, clearly he had something to say, and she held back a huff of annoyance; she had no time for this.
"Can I speak to you?" He asked, pinching his bottom lip between his forefinger and thumb.
She smiled playfully "We are talking."
He didn't seem to understand the tone of her voice, instead gesturing behind her to where the erected cabins sat idle "Could we talk in private?" He asked quietly. Shepard glanced to where he was pointing, grimacing inwardly. She didn't really want to talk to him. Being alone with Kaidan would bring on doubts about her decision and she needed to focus, she couldn't be worrying that this might be the last time…
She swallowed, closing the door on that thought as quickly as it came in, turning back to him and giving him a small nod. "If you feel it warrants it?" She asked, hoping he would simply forget about it but whatever had the lieutenant vexed was substantial enough that he moved past her, heading straight for one of the smaller cabins.
He reached the first one before her, opening the door and peering inside. Satisfied it was empty he stepped back waiting for her to enter first, raking a hand through his hair as she stepped up and into the small room. It was surprisingly bright inside, and obviously a room used for storage. Crates of rations and supplies were pushed to the far side, a few tarps were bundled in the corner but other than that there was a small clearing of floor and Shepard immediately began pacing it – feeling the tension hitch up a notch as she rolled her neck and shoulders.
"Alright." He said, closing the door "I don't disagree with your plan Shepard, I want to make that clear." He took a step into the room and she paused, squaring off against him as they met gazes and the heat in the room shot to boiling point "I didn't want to make public just how ridiculous this plan is. It's a goddamned suicide mission Commander!" He blurted heatedly throwing his arms up in exasperation "I have no qualms dying in the line of duty – but we're not even looking for alternatives here."
"you don't know that." She bit back "No one needs to die here Kaidan, you work with the Salarian teams, we plant that nuke and we all get out here alive." She ground out between her teeth – but it felt false even as she spoke the words.
"You believe that?" He asked, his tone daring, bordering on insubordination as he pressed closer to her "A 20 kiloton ordnance Shepard." He said flatly "That's 1.7 miles of blast radius to outrun with… very little time to do it in."
She snorted, turning from him as she threw her hands up, letting them slap to her side "I never took you for a coward Kaidan." She objected pointedly, turning to fix him with a steady, blazing glare "If you are so worried about saving your ass I'll go with the damned Salarians."
He blinked at her, as though confused, stunned out of the stupor of anger momentarily as he drank in her words carefully. "You don't understand." He said quietly "It's not me I'm worried about."
"Kaidan. Don't." She blurted, raising a hand to stop him, but it was too late. The thoughts permeated her mind like osmosis, impossible to keep out as they diffused as easily as air. The thought that this could be the last time she spoke to him, ever. That this mission could end with all their deaths – at the least some and the odds were stacked against them this time. She had to stay focused, she had to put her concern for him from her mind – in order to do what had to be done she had to be willing to lose it all.
"Don't what?" He asked, shaking his head at her, she could see he was almost beyond reason – his anger at being assigned to the most dangerous area of the mission bubbling over; but then she caught his eyes, expecting to see a fire of rage within she was surprised. There was no anger there, only fear. Fear and worry and genuine concern.
For her.
"Shepard… I'll follow you to the end you know that." He said thickly, "I just… there are things I want to say… in case…"
"Kaidan." She breathed "Don't… don't say anything." She swallowed as her eyes began to ache with unshed tears "We're going to be fine."
"Alright." He nodded, slowly "No words."
She blinked, willing her eyes to remain dry, but as she opened them again her vision was filled with Kaidan as he pressed against her swiftly, the motion knocking the breath from her and her feet as they crashed against the wall of the cabin together. His mouth pressed to hers, an urgency there that stirred the same fear within her; rising in her chest like some coiled beast it gripped her heart in its frozen talons, the thought of him dying flooding her senses and rendering her helpless, clutching at his shoulders in desperation as she kissed him back with a matching passion.
She felt hot tears on her cheeks, her own she realised, as she sucked in a breath between feverish kisses, pulling him against her, the air filled with their heavy panting, the scrape of their armour against each other, the thundering of her heart against her ribs.
"Kaidan…" She murmured against his mouth and he drew her into a tight embrace, kissing her forehead, her hair as he shook his head, crushing together as tightly as they could.
"it's going to be fine." He whispered "I'm sorry. I was just… I'm sorry Abigail, it's going to be fine."
She nodded, holding onto him, needing him near, just for a moment. Just a moment.
"We should go." He whispered against her hair, but he made no move to release her, and she was unwilling to let him go either just yet. Slowly she nodded.
Gently he pulled back from her, smoothing her hair gently as he cupped her face with his gloved hand "I'll see you when this is all over." He said thickly. She didn't dare speak for fear her voice would betray her and so could only nod as he turned, opening the door to the cabin once more.
She stood a moment longer, composing herself slowly, swiping at her eyes angrily as she regained control of her emotions. Her heart was still thundering as she approached the doorway, glimpsing the storm clouds gathering in the distance.
"You owe me one." She said bitterly to them "Don't fuck me around. Keep him safe." She whispered watching Kaidan's retreating figure as he headed toward the Salarian STG team.
"Please."