Title: Virmire Part Fourteen
Author: DinkyMew
Game: Mass Effect (one)
Disclaimer: Bioware owns all characters and content related to the Mass Effect franchise. Abigail Shepard is my own creation inspired by the character of Jane Shepard created by Bioware. Any original characters contained herein are my own creations and are not necessarily affiliated with Bioware. **You may not copy, distribute or edit this fanfiction as it stands without my expressed permission – thank you **
Characters Featured: Kaidan Alenko (M); Abigail Shepard (F); Argyle Hobbins 'Hobbs' (M); Liara T'Soni
Extra Note: I do not own the song mentioned in this chapter. The song is 'find me' by the wonderful Boyce Avenue and so all right etc belong to them. You can listen here: watch?v=7_nJQlMlbYg – I highly recommend you give it a listen after reading as it will allow you to appreciate the chapter better – thank you!
Abigail Shepard stepped out of the flightcab, her breath taken from her instantly by the view. There was nothing but ocean – shining white and wonderful under the sunlight, the waves cresting the white sand gently as her heels pressed into the soft terrain. Turning to look for Kaidan she saw him swiping his card for payment and beyond him the grandest house she had ever seen.
It seemed to tower above them, built and kept in a traditional fashion. The porch and boards were painted white, as was the garage to the left of the house. She caught her breath as Kaidan came up beside her, the hum of the flightcab filling the silence as it took off once more.
"Is this your home?" she asked, her eyes widening at the prospect. She had known Kaidan's parents served in the Alliance; that they had some wealth, but standing before the beautiful property she realised just how she had underestimated the scale.
"This is my parent's house." He said firmly, leaving no doubt in her mind that he did not consider this home – at least not any more. "They're not here though – they spend the summer at my aunt's in Alaska."
Before she could respond he started toward the house and numbly she followed not knowing what to expect. He took the porch steps quickly, with a familiarity that made her ache a little, she could just imagine him growing up here – a skinny little boy running around the beach all day long, his skin kissed to a golden tan under the summer suns.
She followed him up the weathered wooden steps that creaked under her heels, glancing first left to the swing bench suspended from the porch ceiling, an old blanket abandoned on its seat and then glancing right to see an impressive array of greenery on display in beautiful clay pots. By the time she turned back to Kaidan he had the door open, and was already inside the house.
She paused on the threshold, greeted by the smell of sandalwood and jasmine as she peered inside as though through an invisible barrier. The entrance foyer was wide; the floor polished wood and ahead of her she could see a carpeted staircase leading to a second floor. It looked homely, decorated with love and care, a table at the foot of the stairs held a blossoming jasmine plant and a large silver photo frame – the characters within too far away for her to tell who it was.
To her right she could see an open doorway that seemed to lead to a parlour, or a living room, from this vantage point only the corner of a blue leather sofa visible. To her left a closed door and straight ahead, beyond the stairwell she could see a kitchen, the green countertops glinting off the sun that streamed through the net curtains there.
"Shepard?" Kaidan prompted and she flinched, realising she had been standing there some time just looking. He took a step toward her, smiling "I told you – they're not here. Come in."
"Sorry." She said quietly, stepping inside, hesitating as she wondered whether she should have removed her shoes. She glanced to Kaidan's feet, seeing he was still in his boots she decided to leave her heels on for now, the door closing behind her quietly. "I feel…" she gave a breathless laugh, shaking her head at him "I feel strange. Like we're naughty teenagers skipping school or something." She admitted, chewing her lip uncomfortably.
"Oh." Kaidan blinked, his face falling "oh." He stumbled over his words as his hand wrapped around the banister of the stairwell "I didn't mean… I only thought it would be a break from the Normandy. To let you have a break from… well from everything. This was a bad idea wasn't it?"
She blushed, truly, feeling the heat soar from within as it burned her cheeks and she stammered a reply "No!" She cried "I didn't mean… I understand what you were trying to do. I'm sure once we've settled in I'll feel better." She assured him but he narrowed his eyes at her unconvinced.
"Well," He relented a little "Come on, I'll make us something to eat."
-xx—O—xx-
As the sun set on Vancouver Hobbs waited on the Normandy for Shepard to return.
The rest of the crew had made it back, some worse for wear, reporting that Shepard had wandered off with the lieutenant and no one had seen her since. She had given them all two days of shore leave while docked at Earth, so it wasn't a breach of protocol for her to go missing for a while – she was entitled to time off too – it was the company she had chosen that irked Hobbs.
He had commandeered the cockpit, sending Joker to the mess to spend time with the rest of the crew. As reluctant as he had been the pilot needed the company, better company than Hobbs whose mood felt sour now he sat alone, nursing a glass of brandy in his lap.
His feet were up on the dash of the Normandy, crossed at the ankles and idly he flexed the muscles in his thighs waking them from sleep gently. He had lost count of the hours he had been sitting and his body was beginning to feel stiff.
With a flurry of movement his omnitool blazed into life, the orange glow casting his pensive features in stark relief as he browsed through his personal files. Idly he selected one that he had seen a thousand times before; slowly the image shivered as a video began to buffer, the same video he had watched before each and every suicide mission he had been sent on in the last 10 years.
"Haha!" A voice, female and bright sounded before the picture focused, the camera dotting at grass then up at bright sky and finally to his own face, only much younger – leaner and with a few less lines. Bronzed by the sun, his hair was a little longer, bleached light brown and hanging in his eyes as he smiled coyly at the camera, waving a hand at it playfully.
"Put that down Tempy before you hurt yourself." He joked and he heard her laugh, like music as the camera wobble again barely holding on to his face as she stepped back, the picture bouncing with each movement.
"Shut up." She complained, turning the camera awkwardly to face herself, blue eyes filled the screen, eyes he knew he would never forget "I want something nice to watch while you're gone." She added, the camera swinging back round to him.
"I'm not dancing." He said firmly and again that laughter peeled into the afternoon sky; this time he smiled, wedging himself onto a low wall as he watched her. He remembered they were at a library on Arcturus, she had insisted on making a recording before he had been sent on his first mission.
"Alright." She said, "Tell me about yourself Hobbs." The camera zoomed into his face as he shook his head, looking away off to the distance, and then it zoomed out again, grazing his torso and his hips before focusing back on him as a whole "Tell me something I've not heard before – something new, for the video."
He watched himself hesitating, almost feeling that same overwhelming panic he had felt that day when she had asked that. It was difficult to watch; seeing his mistakes as clear as day, reliving them in painful clarity before his eyes.
"Uh…" In the video he moved his shoulders, his shirt wrinkling as he moved "I've won sixteen all you can eat hotdog competitions in my life – two of them on this very station." He smiled playfully at the camera – at her – as she giggled "I've… never ate haggis… don't like the stuff." Again his pauses were punctuated with more giggling, the camera shaking unsteadily as she took a step toward him. He sighed, hesitating, as if searching for more information. He remembered it had been hard – by then they had known a lot about each other, and almost nothing at the same time.
"Do you love me?" She asked, and as his video-self froze he felt it still him in the moment too, blue-green eyes coming sharply to the camera as he cleared his throat with a half cough half groan.
"I don't mean to put you on the spot-" She rushed, her voice gentle and probing "But I wanted to ask before you go… you know…"
He rubbed the back of his neck, looking out toward the great lakes of Arcturus, chewing his lip as he ran over his thoughts. "Do I love you?" He asked, the words suspended in time still as he watched the moment pass before him.
"Let me think…" He cleared his throat "Every night I go to bed and I think about you." He stopped, coming toward the camera until his body blackened the screen with its proximity; the glare of the artificial sun hit the lens as the camera was turned this way and that, finally resting on the wall where he sat it, the angle was off – but he could still see himself and Abigail at the left corner – saw himself move to her, cup her face in both his hands gently as he ran his fingers through the silken softness of her long dark hair.
"Every morning I wake up and I can't wait to see you." He added, kissing the cherry of her lips gently "Yeah." He nodded "I love you. Probably more than you can love a person – or should love a person Tempy."
She grinned, pressing her forehead to his as she drew teeth back over her lip "And how do you think I feel about you?" She asked coyly.
"I think you're excited about the hot dog thing." He grinned "And I think you've also been dying to spend the night with me for some time now."
Scolding she shook her head "It's daytime." She mumbled, and he kissed her again, a little more hungrily this time.
"No, t'was no lark you heard m'love – t'was the owl." He whispered, quoting Shakespeare as she giggled, her arms coming around his neck as he pressed his mouth to her throat. "Come on, let's go and get some lunch. We can do this video thing later."
He kissed her again, letting her out of his arms for her to go and collect the camera. It turned up to her beautiful face – upside down as she pressed the button – the screen going black in an instant.
He closed his eyes, leaning his head back against the headrest as he let those memories wash over him. They never had done more video, by the time night fell they had been preoccupied with… other things to worry about besides a video. He had found the recording in a box of belongings she had dropped off at his apartment when everything was said and done – he had never let it go since.
He wasn't hanging on to the past; not really. He knew that Shepard was bound to move on, had moved on, and he accepted that – or at least some part of him did. After all he had plenty – probably more – company over the years. He smiled knowing too well that just because he didn't spend a night alone didn't mean he wasn't lonely.
No one had filled his arms like Abigail Shepard had.
Movement behind him caught his attention and he drew his feet down expecting to see the Commander in the doorway. Instead Liara – the Asari doctor – hesitated unsure on the threshold.
"I wasn't sure if you were alone." She said quietly "I thought you might appreciate some company."
Awkwardly Hobbs gestured to the co-pilot seat, finishing his drink before setting the glass on the dash. "Sure." He shrugged "Why not?"
Gingerly she sat, and he relaxed back into the seat again, watching her from the corners of his eyes. He didn't like Asari as a rule – there was something unusual about them that was unsettling; so close to being human and yet so far apart from them – and they tended to have a superiority that got his back up.
"You seem close to the Commander…" She said openly "If you don't mind me saying. Did you know her before the Normandy?"
Hobbs narrowed his eyes at her, the question too direct and specific to be random. He rolled the words over in his head. The tone used was friendly – but too friendly, applied friendliness. Gently probing; which appeared to be her nature – but there was an undertone of something else there – genuine curiosity and interest – yes, interest. Romantic interest.
Blinking he smiled, the ways of Asari were no news to him so he was unsurprised the doctor found the Commander attractive; she seemed the impressionable sort and Shepard could leave quite a lasting one on even the hardiest of hearts.
"I did." He said gently, watching her face carefully as her brow furrowed in mutual disappointment and frustration. "We… we knew each other very well at one time." He said, unable despite trying hard, to keep the melancholy from his voice.
"What happened?" Liara asked, her large blue eyes resting on his and he shrugged, not wanting to get into it with a stranger, but at the same time realising this could be an opportunity to purge the memories from him; like venom from a wound.
"It's a bit of a story." He said quietly, picking at the material of his jeans. "I met her when she was on Arcturus." He said carefully, grinding each word out of him like flour from a mill; rubbed to dust between the beats of his heart as he recalled each detail of their painful history "She had just graduated from the Biotic Academy… I think they were celebrating that – I can't be sure. I just remember seeing her." He smiled "She was a bit different then; feistier. Wild."
He cleared his throat, sitting straighter in the chair as he remembered who he was talking to "I took a job – well a mission. One I was given the opportunity to select my own team; of course by then Shepard and I were almost inseparable and so she was my first choice, before I even knew the details I had chosen Shepard as my first in line. She wanted it too – she wanted to serve and it smacked of promise, getting in on missions like that was a sure-fire way to climb ranks and she was eager in those early days. She wanted to succeed."
He paused smiling as he remembered that fire in her, that passion "It was then I found out the details. Our life expectancy was below 20% - I know you're not Alliance but generally most missions have a survival rate of about 75-90%, so below 20%... well you're talking a suicide mission."
He looked to her seriously "I made a mistake. Well, not really, I told Shepard she was off the team. Half way to the rendezvous point I set her down on a planet and told her to make her way back to Arcturus. I never did give her a reason, I guess in my absence she invented her own – but it was to protect her. I couldn't go through her dying…" He shook his head "I left her credits enough to get back… but something went wrong."
He smiled "I survived the mission – the only survivor I might add – and got a call from Anderson to say she had ran into some trouble. That she was stranded on some kind of island somewhere and he wanted me to move in and pull her out. I still don't know what happened to her, she never would tell me what happened. I had told her she probably wouldn't see me again, when I pulled her out of that island she was surprised to see me but by then…" He moved his shoulders "By then we were both very different people. And Shepard doesn't forgive easily. Being cut from the team, being cast aside – those were things she couldn't just forget about… I guess I didn't think about it like that until… well until recently actually. Makes a lot more sense when I see it like that."
"You don't seem too crushed about it though?" Liara smiled, watching him carefully.
"I have no reason to be." He said simply "For the time she was mine she gave me so much to my life, I can't be anything but grateful. Bitterness has a way of eating a person, leaving only a shell in its wake, and I could never be bitter about what we had." They shared a smile as he explained his reasoning. He was right though, he knew that in his heart. There was no point in wallowing in a fit of depression about what he'd lost. He would always love Shepard; he could feel it like fire inside himself.
"Well" Liara noted with a glint in her eyes "That is a rather refreshing perspective." He was grateful for her kindness. She didn't seem as bad as his impression of Asari but then again that wasn't such a surprise. The Alien races represented on this ship were breaking down the negative stigma that had been attached to them block by block. He shrugged.
"Way it is, is the way it is. She's moved on and I can respect that…"he flashed a grin "Can't say her taste in men has improved though."
"Hmm." Liara agreed precociously "I always thought Alenko was… well… I thought his interest moved more toward men than women."
Hobbs chuckled "I know right?" He shook his head "Glad I wasn't the only one that thought that."
They shared a quiet laugh together before Liara got to her feet "Would you like to join us all in the mess? I think you would be quite welcome."
He considered the offer and inclined his head "I think I'm going to wait here." He said, but the thanks was in his eyes as she smiled "In case Shepard staggers in. I'll be by in a little while." He promised, musing over how quickly the ship had grown on him. It felt almost like a family.
Almost like a home.
-xx—O—xx-
Kaidan watched her as she barrelled forward, laughing uncontrollably as she tried to keep her wine glass turned in the right direction. Her giggling tapered into an ungainly snort that had him laughing alongside her, so hard in fact he felt his eyes sting with tears as he held his ribs, leaning back into the sofa.
The sound was melodious to him; more wonderful than any other he had ever heard. She tried to speak, her mouth opening and closing as her breath hitched and squeaked through shuddering breaths. That wine glass wobbled profusely as she pressed a hand to her abdomen, still the laughter coming from her in great waves.
As it died down and she finally gained some measure of control again she shook her head, wiping her eyes dry as she took a drink of her wine "I remember that." She said dangerously close to fits of laughter again "Was it really that long ago?" She asked, her voice wavering and thick as she fought to dispel any humour from it that threatened to overwhelm her once more.
"We had just set off for Dr T'Soni. I think it was only Tali and Garrus on board with us." Kaidan said, leaning his head back into the couch as she brought her feet up onto his legs. She had winched down the sofa a bit so her backside rested against his thigh – something he found mildly distracting, but even more so with her feet in his lap.
"And Wrex." Shepard added with a bemused smile "He didn't get it." She moved her shoulders "The whole thing was Ashley's idea though – there was no way we were letting you turn 32 without some kind of shenanigans. I was on board for the whole stealing your towel business – the jamming the lock on the crew door and hiding your clothes? All Ashley."
Kaidan smiled, remembering the gunnery chief's face filled with exuberant delight as she had come across him with nothing but a commandeered cap and datapad to cover his extremities. It had been a birthday best forgotten to be sure.
"God I miss her." He said, unable to keep the melancholy from his voice as he glanced to Shepard's blue eyes. They were watching her glass, misting briefly with fond memories as she nodded her agreement.
"To Ash." She said, raising the glass. He inclined his head, tapping the stem with his own glass of Canadian Lager.
"To Ash." He repeated, and they both took a long, silent drink in contemplation.
She leaned to the side, setting her glass precariously on the small round coffee table before running her hands through the lengths of her dark hair. She had unpinned it since the ceremony and the wind outside had buffeted it into smooth curves that fell around her in waves. In this light he could see the honey-gold highlights and the darker, almost red hues that ran deep.
She had removed her Alliance jacket, it lay crushed beneath her back against the armrest of the sofa and she sat now in a thin blouse, the Alliance logo sewed into the breast pocket in blue thread. Her heels lay abandoned under the table, and her feet in his lap he noticed were without stockings, which meant her legs – as he allowed his eyes to wander over their length – were bare too.
"So," He said, tearing his eyes from her body to look at her face as she regarded him with a small smile "There is one room I haven't shown you yet." He said, uneasiness creeping into his voice and he cleared his throat trying to quell the anxiousness he felt.
"Your bedroom?" She asked, raising an eyebrow at him in a manner that set his heart thundering in his chest.
"My bedroom." He confirmed with a lopsided smile "Now, I can show you it… but remember I was a teenager when I was last here – so some of the stuff… ask me questions." He said finally "Don't assume anything while we're in there."
She laughed at his bashfulness and it made his blush deepen, it was true he had not seen his room for years – much of his time visiting was spent in Alaska with his whole family; it was rare for him to be in Vancouver long enough to pay his parent's a personal visit to their home. For all he knew his room could now be a gym – but he liked to think he knew his mother better than that.
It went back to his days at BAaT training when she promised him he would always have a room to come home to if he needed it – it was a solemn promise she still kept apparently. Shepard moved eagerly from her seat, getting to her feet and adjusting her blouse, unbuttoning the first few buttons and pulling it down for comfort – but it was the sudden appearance and swell of her bosom through that thin material that gave him pause and try as he might to be a gentleman about the moment he knew he was staring, and was vaguely aware that his mouth was open.
"You need a stim there Kaidan?" She asked, and he pulled his eyes back to hers as he got to his feet, she was smiling though and so seemed to have taken his preoccupation with her assets as a compliment. Something he was grateful for.
"No." He said, coughing to hide his awkwardness "Just… no – I was…" He decided to let it go, smiling instead as he gestured toward the living room door that led back out into the main foyer of the house. She smiled, moving back into the hallway before him and starting the stairs.
As he followed her he watched her hips swaying under the blue skirt, wondered briefly if it was an exaggerated movement to catch his attention – if it was it worked, and not only had his attention but had his blood rising too.
She stopped at the peak of the stairs, glancing over her shoulder to him as he came up behind her.
"It's the door on the right." He said quietly and following his instruction she approached the door gingerly.
The internal doors were old fashioned, much like his parents, and she seemed to pause momentarily wondering what to do with it. Slowly she turned the handle, pushing the door inward as she craned her head inside before her body with eager confidence.
He moved in behind her, breathing a sigh of relief as he noticed immediately his mother had cleaned and rearranged some of his belongings – it looked less like a geek's den and more like a studiously, clean academics room; he wondered briefly which Shepard would have preferred.
She moved into the room, turning in a small circle as she took in everything.
The double bed was to the far wall, running under a row of windows all of which still had security mesh on them that glinted through the glass like thin green capillaries. His desk was cluttered with stacks of books, old stickers from comics, his various awards and accolades from school and beyond.
His wardrobe was built into the wall beside the bed and he moved to it, jamming the door open a little to peer inside. It was still full of his old clothes that he had left behind, the helmet of his football gear sat on the top shelf and he smiled fondly as he ran his fingers along the face guard. He felt Shepard behind him as she peered beyond him to the contents.
Pulling an old hooded sweatshirt free and some jeans he tossed them to the bed, glancing at her as she reached forward, running her fingers through the clothing.
"Can I borrow this?" She asked, pulling free his old high school jersey – the Vancouver Vipers logo emblazoned over the grey front. "Just… you know, so I can get out of this get up?"
He smiled, "Sure, you can have it. Be lucky if it would fit me now anyway."
She seemed pleased, turning the jersey to look at the logo on the front with glee. "You were into football?" She asked, her eyebrows rising in surprise "I did not expect that from you."
He smiled, turning to the clothes on his bed as he glanced gingerly behind him before unbuttoning the shirt quickly. Swapping in favour of the jersey he immediately felt better – more relaxed; more himself as he dropped his smart trousers and took up the jeans instead.
When he turned Shepard was in his sweatshirt, her back to him she was still picking through the contents of his wardrobe. He tried to hide the swell of pride he felt seeing her in his clothes – it was almost as though she were making a statement; that she was with him. As much of a public acknowledgement he had had from her so far.
"What's that?" She asked and he flinched startled out of his thoughts as he came to her side and looked to where she was pointing.
"Oh." He grimaced "That's my guitar…"
She looked to him, her hand flapping his shoulder "You play guitar?" She asked, shaking her head "How do I not know that about you?"
He moved his shoulders "It's a thing I picked up in BAaT," He admitted "They used to make us attend these group sessions once a week and it was something I was never great at – so instead they encouraged me to write it all down; to make it music – to get it out… it's stupid…" He sighed, feeling his face colour as she watched him carefully "And I just.. kept it going."
She smiled "I've never seen you play on the Normandy." She said frowning.
"I never play publicly." He said with dramatic reverence "No way. I dabble a bit on my downtime, when the crew quarters are empty." He shrugged "Come here, I want to show you the best place in the house."
She turned with him and he crossed the room to the only window on the west side of the house. Jimmying it open he clambered out carefully onto the porch roof, turning to take her hand and help her out beside him.
He could see the wonder spread over her face as she smiled, taking in the ocean beyond. The wind caught her hair as she grinned, reaching over to touch his face absently. He kissed the heel of her hand gently, taking her fingers in his own as he gathered her into his arms and holding her there they leaned back against the frame of the house, watching the sun slowly sink lower in the sky.
-xx—O—xx-
The sun had long ago gone down and now the stars were out winking down on her as she watched them with envy. With her knees tucked inside the sweater she had stolen from Kaidan's wardrobe she sat on the porch roof, the balmy breeze lifting her hair off her neck as she watched the waves undulate under moonlight.
The light behind her came from his bedroom window, and it darkened briefly as he reappeared, more drinks in hand. He handed them to her and she set them down carefully as he climbed back out beside her.
"It really is a beautiful place." She said as he settled once again "How can you leave this behind?"
He moved his shoulders, his expression unreadable as he set about opening the liquor tubes for them "This isn't my home anymore." He said carefully "It's where my parents are… but it's not my home."
"Your home is the apartment on the Citadel?" She asked, accepting the drink with gratitude.
He shook his head, which surprised her as he took a long drink "Nope." He shrugged "I consider my home to be the Normandy."
She smiled, shaking her head "That is a nice sentiment, but it's not really your home is it? Not like it is mine…" She continued quickly as his eyes came to hers, worried he would read meaning into the words – meaning she didn't want to discuss "I mean you have family here. Isn't that where your home is?"
"The Normandy is the only place I can relate that feeling to; you know, the feeling of coming home." He moved his shoulders "My family will always be here, but that's not my life anymore."
"You're very lucky." She said thickly, trying to keep her voice devoid of emotion "To have that choice." She must have failed because he smiled painfully at her, picking at the hem of his jeans as he worked over what to say next. She could almost hear the gears grinding. Grasping for a way to lighten the mood she raised her hands letting them slap on her legs again as they dropped.
"Play me something." She said and the suddenness of the statement made him jerk.
"What?" He asked, genuinely confused.
"Play me something." She said again, this time with a smile "On your guitar."
He immediately shook his head, taking another drink "I don't… I think bringing you here has been a big enough mistake never mind adding my wailing to the mix." He chuckled.
"Come on," She badgered "please?"
Reluctantly he sat his drink down and disappeared once more through the window returning a few moments later with his guitar in one hand. Settling himself cross-legged he strummed gently on the strings, grimacing at the sound that filtered into the night air. He paused, turning and twisting tuning knobs at the head of the guitar as he tested each string individually.
"I'll play you something." He said idly as he worked "Something I wrote only a few weeks ago – but…" He hesitated, looking at her carefully "You have to promise not to laugh at me."
Despite the seriousness in his look she found herself giggling at him and he narrowed his eyes at her "I will." She promised "I mean I won't laugh. I promise."
"You better not." He chuckled, running his fingers over the stings again, this time the noise was melodic and sweet and he paused, ceasing the strings by placing his palm over the sound hole. "Please don't laugh." He said again, this time a little more sheepish and she wrestled the grin down to put him more at ease.
"I won't." She said sincerely this time, managing to keep the humour from her face.
He looked at her almost suspiciously, before wriggling to get comfortable, the fretboard resting on his knee as he positioned his fingers along the starting notes.
"Ok." He breathed and began, strumming gently as he tested the tune – it sounded slow, beautiful and then stopped abruptly as he made a mistake, cursing himself as he caught his breath; but he wouldn't meet her eyes she noticed. "Alright." He tried again, the music starting once more.
This time it gained a little speed, a little rhythm as he relaxed, his shoulders dropping as he watched his fingers on the fretboard move with each chord. The sound was beautiful, buffeted by the roar of the surf in the background. When he did start to sing she was unprepared for how good it sounded; his rough tone lent itself well to the acoustic accompaniment, but still he kept his eyes downcast, colour blossoming on the apples of his cheeks as he started the first verse:
"So many nights trying to hide it
But now I stay awake just pleading for more…
To think this heart was divided
I'm losing sleep 'cause I can't ignore
Hearing your voice all around
The last place we are going is down
I'll gladly follow
knowing you're leading the way"
He glanced to her taking a deep breath for the chorus:
"Find me, here in your arms
Now I'm wondering where you've always been
Blindly, I came to you
Knowing you'd breathe new life from within
I can't get enough of you"
She felt herself blush as his eyes finally did come to hers, the music filling the silence as he continued to play, but the sincerity in his eyes was overwhelming and she felt every word as he smiled briefly.
"With you in time
There's nothing else
My life stands still
You are the will that makes me strong
Make me strong
If ever alone in this world I know I'll always…
Find me, here in your arms
Now I'm wondering where you've always been
Blindly, I came to you
Knowing you'd breathe new life from within
You sleep, here in my arms
Where the world just shuts down for a while
Blindly, you came to me
Finding peace and belief in this smile
Find some peace and belief in this smile
Find some peace and belief in this smile"
The music tapered off, the last few chords slow and beautiful as he turned his eyes back to the guitar
"Can't get enough of you"
As he whispered the last line he leaned into her, pressing his lips to hers gently and she could barely contain the swell of emotions that bubbled inside her, threatening to spill out.
She heard the clunk of the guitar as it slid from his lap, his body turning toward hers as his hand slid into her hair. His other hand pressed into the curve of her waist, even through the thick cotton of his jersey she could feel the heat of him, and gently he coaxed her body down leaning above her on one elbow.
"I've waited a long time to get to you like this." He said quietly, his dark eyes glittering with mischief as he gave her a playful smile.
"Oh really?" She teased, her fingers twirling around the lace tie from inside the lining of his hooded jersey "To get me like what?" She prodded gently.
He smiled, his face colouring a little as he cleared his throat and avoided her gaze "I… I'm not so great at this Shepard…" He mumbled "I'm a little out of practice."
She gave a throaty laugh "I think you could have had more practice if you were paying attention." She said gently "There are a lot of ladies with broken hearts tonight."
"Only one heart I care about." He countered smoothly, kissing her gently "I don't… it's not something I get into lightly." He gave her a lopsided smile, sweeping her hair from her eyes "If I play Shepard, I play for keeps."
Shepard took a deep breath "It's a good thing I aim to fall then."
He paused, regarding her carefully, but his expression was unreadable. At last he looked to the roof just beside her head, just enough to avoid her gaze as he nodded.
"I'll be honest that Hobbs makes me nervous." He said gently "I'm not… bursting with charm here Abigail… not like he is anyway – and I know you two have history. I get that. I just need to be sur-"
"Kaidan." She said firmly, drawing those dark orbs back to her as she shook her head gently "I had history with Hobbs. Had." She took a careful breath, steadying her emotions as she tried to express as much honesty in her voice as she could muster "You're right. I loved him once; crazy in love. But Hobbs broke my trust, and I can never go back on something like that – you of all people should know that about me."
He looked at her for a long time before nodding slowly "Do you want to tell me what happened?"
Abigail shook her head "It doesn't matter what happened now. I can't regret any of it – it brought me to the Normandy. To this mission." She caught her breath "To you." Sliding her fingers up his neck she grazed the implant port at the base of his skull and gripped his hair at the crown, relishing the way it felt in her hands "I love you Kaidan." She blurted, altogether terrified by the moment.
She had thrust herself out there, open and vulnerable she stood naked in front of him and waited, holding her breath as he blinked mutely at her.
He didn't say anything; instead he leaned into her, pressing his mouth to hers gently as he coaxed her lips apart teasingly. Almost instantly the kiss intensified, his tongue darting into her mouth as she clung to him. Her heart began to race wildly, the blood rushing through her head making her feel dizzy with excitement and anticipation.
With a noise of – she couldn't be sure, a groan mixed with some kind of desperate plea – Kaidan crashed against her, planting wet, sucking kisses on her throat and shoulders. His hand, at the bottom of her jersey began to move lower, grazing her knee, fingers tucking under the hem of her skirt and then slowly, inexorably they began to flutter up her thigh.
"Oh." She whispered, and his mouth came back to hers, the feverish kisses becoming almost unbearable as his fingers graced the line of her briefs. She crushed her eyes closed, holding onto him, inwardly cursing herself for wearing such big underwear – but then she had not been expecting this when she got dressed this morning. Pressing herself toward him she whispered his name against his hot lips and he responded with a groan, pulling back gently as his hand slid round to her hip, anchoring her lower half away from his.
"Wait." He said softly, but his voice was strained and husky and when she pulled back to look in his eyes they looked pained "Wait a sec." He said again taking a deep breath.
She wriggled under him, pressing her hand to the side of his face as she smiled "What's wrong?" She asked genuinely confused. He was roasting hot to touch and judging by his breathing and the tenseness against her she knew he was as ready as she was to tear her clothes off – and yet when she looked at him his expression said otherwise.
"Nothing." He swallowed "Nothing's wrong Abigail… I really want to do this… but…" He closed his eyes "I think we should wait." He said at last.
Abigail blinked "Wait for what?"
At that he smiled, kissing her gently "We've had a fair bit to drink tonight." He said quietly, gently "and while I want nothing more than to lie here with you all night there is two distinct problems with that plan." He smiled playfully as he propped himself on one elbow again over her "Firstly, we are on the roof – not an ideal place for that kind of thing."
She gave a breathless laugh as she considered his reasoning. It could make for interesting neighbour talk.
"Secondly," He continued "when that moment comes Shepard I want us both to be clear headed. I just feel… I want you to be sure – because I want to go for it; I'm ready for everything…. But I need to be sure you are too." He paused a moment "I want us to be thinking clearly for that – I want to give you the night you deserve rather than a half drowsy attempt."
With the last he gave her a slow smile, dipping his head and kissing her deeply again.
"I love you, Abigail."