Authors Note: OMG! I want to thank everyone for all the reviews! I know we have some SilverXCyan shippers now! Well, whoever wants to think of a name for that is more than welcome! This chapter might be emotional so if you need it grab a tissue! Enjoy!
Chapter Eight: The End of Innocence
I couldn't sleep even if I had wanted to.
My dreams continued to be haunted by images, and not just images of what Gold and I had done. It was far more serious than that.
Every night without fail I would wake up in a cold sweat as images of the past continued to resurface. Even after eleven years I couldn't get over it. I hoped some day I would.
I sat up in my bed, rubbing my eyes, wondering what time it was. It was probably early in the morning, and all throughout the night I had been tossing and turning in my sleep.
Sighing to myself I combed my fingers through my hair, wondering if there would ever be a time I could sleep peacefully through the night. I doubted that.
Memories don't just disappear.
Glancing over at my alarm clock it read the time 8am, once again way too early to be awake.
Grumbling to myself I snuggled into my bed and closed my eyes, attempting to go to sleep again. Of course it was stupid.
The noise from my telephone ringing in the living room made me decide that there was no point in trying to go back to sleep.
Groggily I shuffled out of my bed, stretching my limbs as I made my way into the living room, ready to give whoever was calling a piece of my mind.
When I finally got to the telephone I sighed, wondering if it was Gold ringing me. If it was then I definitely would not be happy.
Sitting down on my sofa I answered the phone.
"Hello?"
"Hey Silver, it's me Crystal!"
I blinked, not quite sure why she was calling me so early in the morning.
"Is there something you want?" I asked coldly.
It was probably about her bicycle... oh shit! The bicycle! How was I going to explain that?!
"Yes there was actually... you see... I need to talk to you, about something important..."
"Can't it wait? It's 8 o'clock in the morning!" I cried out, rubbing my forehead with my other hand in annoyance.
Why did she need to talk to me? I was renowned to be a conversation killer.
"Please Silver... I just think you would be the best person to talk to about this..."
I sighed, knowing for a fact she heard me.
Why couldn't she burden Gold with all her problems? Still, I guess it wouldn't hurt to just talk.
"Go on then..."
"Not over the phone! I need to see you... can you meet me in the café in half an hour?"
I rolled my eyes, not quite believing this.
I had bad enough memories at that God forsaken place! Unless this was a trap to lure me and Gold together?
I wanted to refuse, to just hang up on her, but her voice sounded pretty desperate.
Maybe it was something bad?
"Why the café?"
"Because it's isolated and the best place to talk. Please Silver... I wouldn't ask if it wasn't serious..."
Deep inside I wondered since when did I become a wet lettuce around women?
Then again I did owe her I suppose... after the whole bicycle thing.
"Okay then... see you there..."
I hung up immediately, hating myself for agreeing to this!
I swear to God if Gold was there... I would hit the fucking roof!
But still, it didn't seem like she just wanted a cosy chat, something seemed different about the way she sounded.
She sounded... upset.
Now Crystal never usually got upset over anything, even if I insulted her constantly. Nothing ever seemed to bother her.
Okay, now I needed to find out.
Once I had motivated myself to get dressed into my black attire, and leave my apartment I was running fifteen minutes late.
Oh well, if it was serious she could wait couldn't she? After all, why should I be rushing around for her?
I grumbled to myself all the way to the café, hating how as soon as I set eyes on the place all those memories resurfaced.
The memories of Gold kissing me in the bathroom...
I shook my head, trying to ignore them for once. I wasn't here because of that, I was here because Crystal desperately needed to talk to me about something.
Oh shit.. what if she knew about our 'arrangement'? What if she knew Gold and I were fucking behind her back? Would she be okay with that? Well, I couldn't see why not... it wasn't as if she was Gold's girlfriend or anything.
Taking a deep breath I pushed the large doors open and stepped inside.
The exact same smell as before wafted around the room causing my stomach to growl. I looked around trying to find Crystal.
There weren't many people here, just like the last time, and it was extremely quiet. I was almost frightened to breathe in case I got kicked out.
Then I spotted a flash of blue hair by one of the tables and decided to approach her.
As I walked closer to her I noticed she was on her telephone.
Pausing I watched as her body language signalled something was very wrong. Her arms were raised and her voice got louder.
Was she shouting?
I got closer, wanting to listen to the conversation without being noticed.
"What do you mean, it's over between you two?! You can't do this to us! Mom needs you! You know that! She loves you so much, does that mean anything to you?!"
Slowly and cautiously I sat on a chair beside her, leaning my arms on the table. I continued to listen.
"No! Don't tell me to calm down! You don't care about us! If you did then you wouldn't be leaving us!"
I frowned, having an idea to what she wanted to talk to me about.
Looked to me like her parents were splitting up and of course I would know all about that.
Still... why would she want to bring up all those painful memories?
I glanced over at the azure eyed girl momentarily before she noticed me.
"Look... I'll call you back. Don't think this is over!"
She hung up and sighed as she sat on the chair beside me and placed her head dramatically on the table.
Trailing circles on the surface with my finger aimlessly I decided to speak up.
"Problems?"
"Yeah something like that...and you finally decided to show up huh?"
I glanced at the clock on the wall.
So I was twenty minutes late, so what?
"Be grateful... usually I don't do this sort of thing..." I grumbled.
"Oh right, and am I supposed to ask what's wrong with your face?"
I refused to look at her, knowing she was in one of those argumentative moods right now.
"Nothing is wrong...why would anything be... wrong?"
I could feel my patience slipping for some unknown reason.
"Oh... no reason... just your usual sunny demeanour seems to be dampened" She shot back sarcastically.
I rolled my eyes at the blue haired girl.
Ha, sunny demeanour indeed...
Calmly I responded.
"You have obviously got a lot going on in 'Crystal world', so I wouldn't want to add to your problems..."
Okay maybe that was a little harsh. But still, get over it! So what... her parents were splitting up, at least they still loved her.
She leant over to me, her voice dropping an octave,
"Is that you trying to be funny or something?"
I scoffed at her remark.
"No... that was me being sarcastic if you didn't know..."
I looked at her, watching as the look of disgust smothered her petite features.
She should have known me better by now, being woken up by her stupid telephone call asking me to sort out her family shit, I didn't need this!
"Haven't you got anyone else to bother right now?"
I watched as her eyes widened significantly.
"Is that what you think this is all about? To just bother you?!"
God... this was going to be annoying.
I looked away, not wanting to hearing her scream and shout. Instead her voice sounded pained.
"Do you think that you are the only one that can have a bad day? That you are the only one who can lash out at the world and all is forgiven? Well, let me tell you something Silver... lately every single day is a struggle in 'Crystal world'... just trying to keep everything from falling apart..."
I looked downwards at the scratches on the table, hating how everything just seemed to be about her right now. I know I was here for her, but still.
Things weren't that bad! Now I knew what bad really was. Try growing up in a broken family.
"So what... you paint on a fake smile and pretend everything is rosy?" I enquired.
"Yes... I paint on a smile.. and try to forget about the fact my family is slowly falling apart. That my dad... wants to leave my mother for some... stupid cow! And I can't do anything about it..."
See, what did I tell you? So what, her dad wanted to leave... at least he still loved her, at least he wouldn't ever hurt her. What the hell did I have?
I remained silent as I just watched her, I watched as her face started to crumble in front of me.
"...so you can stop stomping around like you own the place... just because you have had a row with Gold, or because your hair is too fizzy, or because your daddy didn't love you enough... but you have no idea what it feels like to hurt... and I mean really hurt!"
Tears started to form in the corners of her eyes as she attempted to wipe them away.
Oh... I had no idea did I? Of course not, I mean I had the greatest childhood ever. Sense the sarcasm there?
I looked away, diverting my eyes to the ceiling as I felt my heart become as heavy as stone.
Maybe she needed to know more about me, about what I went through?
I wasn't prepared to let her insult me like this, of course I knew how she felt! I knew all too well what it felt like to hurt!
I weakly nodded my head to what she said, preparing myself for what I was about to say. I had never said this to anyone, and now for an odd reason I felt compelled to.
"...when I was eight years old... my 'daddy' physically abused me for the first time..."
I turned to look at her watching at how her eyes widened and her mouth dropped.
Did she really not expect me to say something?
She must have known pieces of my past that I had accidentally dropped out into conversation in the past.
I kept my eyes glued to the table as I literally sprawled myself across it.
"... I used to hear him coming up the stairs after work... there were times when I actually felt safe...when I thought he would just go to bed or have another drink... but then over night... it all changed..."
Crystal stayed quiet, like she had no idea what to say.
Lowering my voice I continued.
"...there were times when... if he was in a foul mood or had a bad day I would... pretend to be asleep...it didn't make a difference. In fact the beatings were usually worse... then...I would just close my eyes and try to block it out... tell myself that it wasn't my fault... over and over again in my head..."
"Oh God..." Crystal murmured quietly as I covered my head with my hands, not wanting her to see me.
Right now I felt so exposed to her, I felt like she was burrowing into the very core of my soul.
But she was just listening, not judging me.
"You didn't... tell anyone about this?" She asked me, large azure eyes looking into my soul.
I shook my head weakly.
How could I have said anything? All along I felt like it was my fault that the beatings happened, that he was angry at me.
"No... in my own head there was nothing to tell... "
I glanced at her for a second, watching as she refused to move from her seat. She was fixated on what I was saying.
"...when I was in Pokemon trainer school... I smacked this kid for mouthing off at me... I smacked him hard and got into serious trouble with the teacher. I remember... he asked me.. 'what's wrong Silver? Did something happen back at home? Do you want to talk about it?'...."
I smirked as I was re-telling the story, hating how it was sounding.
Even back then people patronised me, made it out like everything was my fault.
"No... I didn't like that... I hated it even more when they said 'Silver... you are one nasty, screwed up kid... your daddy is going to sort you out when you get home'...and I was the only one who knew what that meant..."
I looked at Crystal, seeing that she was crying.
She was crying for me!
Her eyes were slightly red and her nose was stuffy.
Why was she crying for me? I didn't deserve her sympathy.
"...how often did he... beat you?" She asked quietly, trying to keep it together.
I sighed, not even remembering. Once it happened the first time I just lost count.
I looked down at the table once again
"...I stopped counting..."
There was a pause before Crystal asked again.
"...your Mother... did she?"
"No... she didn't know... and she still walked out on us... on me..."
I watched as Crystal outstretched a hand and placed it on my arm.
She was actually here for me, when I was meant to be here for her! How had it come to this?
"...when did it stop?"
I glanced up at the ceiling, once again feeling my heart get heavier and heavier inside my chest.
Shaking my head weakly I responded.
"It doesn't stop... not really... not in your head... not where it really matters... but maybe I deserved it..."
"What?!" Crystal exclaimed, wiping her face on the back of her hand. "... that's not true, you are not a bad person!"
"You don't believe that do you? I'm sick... I'm twisted... a freak, a monster..."
Crystal shook her head desperately.
Again why was she defending me? I knew what I was, I knew my flaws. That was why I needed to control literally everything! He took that all away from me...
"You are nothing like that!"
"Everything... I touch or anyone that gets close to me... I infect...like Gold...he will realise that soon enough."
Crystal's eyes pleaded to me for that moment, like she was thankful I actually told her all this. That I saw myself as a freak, as a twisted sick person who loved ruining everyone's lives.
"Tell him.. tell Gold what you have just told me..." She said quietly.
I shook my head, not wanting Gold to get any more control over me than he already had.
"No... I can't..."
I watched as she squeezed my arm gently, making me turn to face her once again.
Tears trickled down her face as she said the words.
"...he cares about you..."
I turned away once again.
Gold didn't even know the meaning of the word.
"Let Gold know about the real you... let him in... he needs to know the truth. He needs to know why you are so angry at him sometimes... he will understand..."
Ha! Gold? Understand? Give me a break!
I frowned to myself.
I never wanted to tell anyone any of this, let alone him.
"...after everything you two have been through... do you really think you can scare him away? He has put up with you through thick and thin, through the good and bad times... I think he deserves to know a little bit more about the real you..."
"That is not going to happen Crystal... I've just told you because you were having a go at me for not knowing how you felt. I just made sure you knew exactly how I felt, and that your problems are nothing compared to what I went through"
She seemed taken back by my words, but decided against arguing with me.
She bowed her head and nodded.
"Okay... if that's what you want to do..."
"Yes... it is. And I don't want you telling him any of this conversation." I warned her, trying my best glaring face I could muster.
How could I glare at the girl who I had told my past to?
She was here for me, the only person who actually sat there and listened to me.
"I won't, it's not my place to say anyway. What sort of friend would that make me if I went and spilled your secrets to everyone?"
I looked away, smirking slightly.
There it was again, that word... friend... seemed to be making a regular appearance.
"Yeah... good..." I murmured, wanting to thank her but not having the courage to actually say the words.
She smiled at me, sniffling a little now her tears had dried on her cheeks. At least she wasn't crying any more.
"Well... this was productive..." She commented about our conversation, giggling to herself afterwards.
"It sure was..."
"And yet... somehow you have made me feel a whole lot better!"
I rolled my eyes, wondering why.
Then again anyone would feel better in comparison to my horrible memories. At least she had a good childhood and was old enough to understand why her mom and dad wanted to divorce. I never got that option. My chilld hood was full of bad memories and it was forced on me, unexpectedly.
Mom just left and never said a word, leaving me with him...
"I am glad you spoke to me about it though..." She added in.
"...I didn't really have a choice... I wanted you to know my life has and always will be a thousand times worse than yours..."
I combed my fingers through my hair as her hand left my arm.
She shook her head once again, obviously she was going to disagree with me yet again.
"Silver... that is the past! Your dad will never hurt you again, you are not that same eight year old kid who used to get beaten up... you are an adult now. All you need to do is concentrate on the future."
"And what great future is that?" I shot back, turning to look at her through narrowed eyes.
She shrugged.
Okay... she was only trying to make me feel better. Why did I have to be so negative?
"Whatever you want it to be. You make your future Silver, you make decisions or choices in life and whatever path that takes you down you have to follow it, whether it be good or bad."
She was right, and lately I had made some real bad choices.
Did that mean... my future was doomed?
After another half an hour of normal chit chat, and trying my best to apologise to Crystal about her bicycle I finally decided to leave the café and go back home.
She actually took it well, not that I was surprised.
She was so laid back most of the time, and somewhere deep inside I was secretly glad I made her feel better about the divorce. It just wasn't right if she was upset.
As I started my journey home, hands in my pockets I lifted my head up so my eyes watched some cotton white clouds float by.
Once again it was a beautiful crisp summer day, not too hot or cold. Just perfect.
When I focused my eyes back on the footpath I noticed a very familiar figure standing by the Pokemon Centre.
As I squinted my eyes I discovered it was Cyan.
Was he stalking me?
It didn't take long for him to notice me, then again with this hair colour did I expect any different?
"Silver!" He called out to me, bounding over to where I stood.
I sighed, wondering what the hell he wanted now.
Okay... maybe I should try being a little nicer.
"Are you like my personal stalker or something?" I commented calmly.
He smiled sheepishly.
"Damn, I didn't think you would find out about my little secret..."
I watched as the blue eyed boy chuckled and playfully hit my arm.
"Just kidding! No, I was just healing my brother's Pokemon at the Pokemon Centre for him. I have been helping him out with training..."
"Why can't he just do it himself?" I asked, not realising how cold that sounded until it was too late.
Cyan seemed a little shocked, but soon recovered from my outburst.
"He's... not feeling too good right now..."
"As in sick?"
"Something like that... guess that battle and what that trainer said is still affecting him..."
Feeling slightly guilty right now I turned to look away from the dark haired boy. There would be a time when I would confess about it, just not now.
It might never come down to that anyway.
"Oh right..." I mumbled.
"Hey! You busy right now?" Cyan asked me, his voice pleading to me.
I slowly turned to face him, raising an eyebrow.
"I might be..."
"Oh... well that's a shame..."
"Why? What did you want?"
Once again he smiled like an idiot, instantly reminding me of Gold for a split second.
I swallowed hard and tried to ignore it.
Cyan was not Gold, and never would be!
He shifted uncomfortably on his heels.
"I was going to invite you around to my house... you know... that's if you want to..."
I folded my arms and just looked at him.
Okay, this kid had only known me for like five minutes and already he was inviting me to his house? Wait! Did this have a hidden meaning?
"You're not asking me out, are you?" I asked.
Cyan laughed loudly at what I just said and shook his head.
"Don't be silly! Besides... you're not my type anyway..."
I must admit that last part did make me smirk.
But still, going round someone's house? I had only ever been to Gold's, and even there I felt uncomfortable. Maybe I should just go home...
"I can't anyway... I have stuff to do..."
"Oh...I just thought it would give us a chance to get to know each other, and become better friends..."
That word... yet again. Frendzoned much?
But still, was it really so bad? I didn't want to run into his brother again though, that would definitely put the Meowth amongst the Pidgey's.
I sighed.
"Is your brother there?"
"No, he's staying at Mom's house for a few days until he feels better..."
Well, that was a relief.
So what if I said yes? What could be the worst that could happen?
I rolled my eyes, knowing that Cyan was literally begging me to say yes. I had no idea why, I wasn't good company at all.
"And if I say yes... will you promise not to harass me constantly? And stop stalking me! Seriously, every time I step out of my apartment you are just... there!"
Cyan chuckled at me like I was being stupid, but then again maybe I was.
He wasn't stalking me, after all he worked in Goldenrod City, it was only natural to bump into him every now and again.
"You have my word!"
I rolled my eyes, finally deciding to be a little nicer to him.
Maybe it wouldn't be so bad to have some-one other than Gold and Crystal as a friend.
Well... whatever that word meant.
I mean Cyan could be as annoying as hell, but he also seemed understanding. That was a good thing.
We finally decided to walk to Ecruteak, considering we both lacked any mode of transportation right. Not that it bothered me, in fact I rather enjoyed the walk.
It was a lovely day, no fear of being burnt by the sun, no fear of having windswept hair... just perfect.
"Well... at least you seem happier than you did yesterday, did something happen?" Cyan enquired as we walked.
I pushed my hands into my pockets, not looking at him the entire time.
"Yeah... I guess so..."
"I couldn't help but notice yesterday...when I left the Pokemon Centre after work some dark haired boy was arguing with you outside the department store... is everything okay?"
It took almost all my energy not to scream 'stalker!' at him, and smash him in the head. But I remained calm.
He didn't know Gold, or our arrangement so it was okay.
"Yes, it's all sorted..."
"Good... only it looked kind of serious. I was in two minds whether to do something about it... but I figured you would hate me for it if I did..."
I scoffed at his remark, loving how already Cyan seemed to know a lot about my personality, and what pissed me off.
"Too right. I can fight my own battles."
"I have no doubt about that... I just don't want other people giving you a hard time over things."
A hard time? No one was doing that, did I give off that impression?
"No-one is giving me a hard time."
"...it looked like it last night..."
I rolled my eyes.
Okay it probably looked bad, what with me trying to push past him and all, but seriously it was fine! I can deal with Gold.
"Don't worry about it, everything is fine..."
"Is he like a friend or something?" Cyan pursued, and I knew why.
He was trying to filter me for information, anything that he could use so we could be better friends. But knowing about Gold wasn't really the way to do it.
I sighed.
"Yes... a very stupid, immature and annoying friend... who doesn't know when to quit"
"I see..."
I turned to look at Cyan. His face seemed troubled, like he wanted to say something else but didn't know whether it was his place or not.
"Are you two... close?"
I raised an eyebrow at the blue eyed boy.
Close? What did he mean? Close as in best friends?
I shook my head.
The only way we were ever close was when we slept together. That was probably the closest we have ever been.
"Not really..."
"But, you have known him for a long time, right?"
"I don't see how my relationship with Gold is any of your business."I remarked coldly.
Cyan shrugged.
Maybe he was just trying to make small talk or something? But still, why did he keep bringing up Gold?
"You're right, it isn't any of my business. But, did you know that he is really into you?"
I had to stop myself from tripping over my own feet in shock.
What?! Into me?! As in what? Oh God... please how the hell did Cyan know? He knew about us?!
"D-don't be so stupid!" I cursed, trying to recover from my tripping incident.
Cyan chuckled.
"It's so obvious Silver... anyone can see it! Have you seen the way he looks at you? Even when you two were arguing you could easily tell he was hurting deep inside"
God, first it was Crystal telling me how Gold cared about me, now this guy? He didn't know anything about me, or Gold, or our relationship!
I bit my tongue and stopped myself from saying anything out of turn.
So what, maybe Cyan was seeing things or signs that were not there? Or maybe I could lie? Yes! Lie about him, say he is Crystal's boyfriend! Great idea Silver!
"Gold is dating Crystal... that blue haired girl who you assumed was my girlfriend"
I watched as Cyan's expression changed from neutral to shocked.
"Never! Well, that still doesn't change the fact he likes you. So what, he is dating a girl right now, it doesn't mean he is 100% straight does it?"
I frowned, hating how this kid always had something else to come back at me with. He kept finding flaws in what I was saying and I didn't like it.
"Shut up Cyan, Gold and I are friends and that is all we will ever be."
Oh God... I just called him a friend...
I watched as the dark haired boy smirked.
It wasn't a satisfied smirk, it was slightly unsettling.
"Even your names go together! It's so ironic and corny! Like something out of a cheesy romantic comedy."
"That doesn't mean shit."
Again Cyan shrugged, trying to suppress a chuckle from his throat.
There was something in his eyes that was really starting to unsettle me. It was like I could literally see the gears of his mind working behind those blue eyes.
"Oh well, it really doesn't bother me whether you are with Gold or not, but you should stop lying to yourself."
"I'm not lying! And we are NOT together!" I cried defensively.
But we weren't! We wasn't in a relationship, we fucked occasionally, usually when we were at a loose end. That was it, no emotions or feelings were involved.
Cyan raised an eyebrow at me and smiled, and it was the first time I didn't see Gold behind that smile.
I saw something that chilled the very core of my soul...
Once we finally arrived at Cyan's house it took me about five minutes to recover from the initial shock of seeing how magnificent it was.
There was no way I would ever in my lifetime be able to afford a place like this. It looked like it belonged in a film or something.
It had large bay windows at the front and a lovely pebbled driveway.
It made my dingy apartment look even more worthless.
"This is your house?" I enquired.
Now it seemed like a privilege to be invited here!
Cyan smiled.
"No, this is my Grandparent's house... but I live here"
I watched as the shorter boy just walked up to the large oak door and pushed it open.
All the hairs on my neck stood on edge.
How could he just do that?! He should have knocked! Now... I couldn't just walk in!
"Why didn't you knock?"
Cyan looked over his shoulder at me.
"Grandma doesn't like it when I knock, it annoys her..."
"But... is it okay for me to even come inside?" I asked, feeling very self conscious right about now.
I watched as he latched his fingers around my wrist.
"Come on! They will be glad to know I have made a friend..."
And somehow I managed to let myself be dragged inside.
I felt so incredibly uneasy walking across the wooden floor towards the living room.
Everything was so quiet, too quiet. At least Cyan was here, and even though I didn't really know him it sort of helped me right now. I didn't want to be judged, I hardly fitted in a place like this.
Cyan opened the door to the living room first and called out;
"Grandma... I'm home!"
As I peeked from behind the door I couldn't help but feel a little light headed.
The room was unlike anything I had ever seen! I thought Gold had a pretty decent house, but this... was something else.
Large French windows were situated at the back of the living room, allowing lots of natural sunlight into the room. The colour scheme was of soft creams and browns, and it smelled of freshly washed laundry. My eyes diverted to an armchair situated by the French windows where a lady was sitting, reading a magazine.
This must have been his Grandmother.
She turned around to look at me as I stood beside Cyan.
I took my hands out of my pockets immediately, trying not to get kicked out of here immediately.
"Ah, I see. How wonderful!" She remarked kindly, slowly getting out of her seat to approach me.
She had jet black hair with a wisp of grey streaked through the middle. She had the same blue eyes as Cyan and was extremely short.
I guess old age does that to people.
"I am so pleased my Grandson managed to make a friend."
"Grandma!" He cried out, obviously feeling embarrassed.
Wait, I was his only friend? Oh yeah... the whole bullying thing!
"Are you staying for lunch dear?" The lady asked me, looking at me through kind narrowed eyes.
I shrugged and turned to Cyan.
"Am I?"
"If you want to, I'm sure Grandma wouldn't mind"
I heard her chuckle and shuffle towards the living room door.
"It's no trouble at all dear, is there anything in particular you would like?"
Okay, I felt like I was staying in a five star hotel or something. Was I really being asked what I wanted to eat?
I looked at the carpet nervously, not quite knowing how to handle this situation.
"Do you like pizza?" Cyan asked me.
I looked at him momentarily before nodding.
"Well that's settled then!" The old lady beamed happily as she stood by the living room door.
"Why don't you show your new friend your bedroom?"
Cyan smiled and nodded as his Grandmother left the room.
It was such a beautiful room, I felt like I was bringing down the feel of this house just by being in it.
"Come on! I'll show you my room!" Cyan literally sang as he grabbed my arm and dragged me away.
There were so many rooms in this place I was worried I would get lost.
Once I managed to climb the staircase there were five rooms just staring at me. It was like a game of chance to me, and if I picked the wrong door then I would be sent to my untimely doom.
Okay, I was being stupid.
I followed Cyan to the door on the far right and watched as he pushed it open.
When I stepped inside I couldn't believe it.
This was his bedroom? It looked like a hotel room! It was so spacious, and clean! He even had a king-sized bed to himself! Lucky bastard.
I had to stay cramped in my single bed in my apartment.
The windows were large and we had a great view of Ecruteak City, and he even had a desk with a computer stuffed into one of the corners. I think Cyan noticed how I was gawking at the room.
"Have you never see a room like this before?"
I shook my head, watching as he sat on his bed.
"No... I have only ever been to Gold's house..."
I couldn't help it! I felt like I shouldn't be here. So Cyan's family seemed nice, maybe it wouldn't be so bad to be this kid's friend?
"You can sit down you know..." Cyan mumbled, moving slightly so I could sit beside him.
Warily I managed to sit down on the bed, feeling how incredibly soft it was.
How was a bed this soft?! It was unreal!
"Do you sleep in this bed all by yourself?"
Cyan looked at me like I had asked something ridiculous.
"Well obviously, considering you are the first friend I have ever bought to my Grandparent's house..."
"It must get lonely... sleeping by yourself I mean..."
I didn't want to make it seem like I cared about him, even though a part of me did feel sorry for him.
He found it difficult to mingle with people, he got bullied by others and still managed to keep smiling.
How did people do that?
"I suppose it does sometimes, but I don't think about it. I don't mind being by myself."
"I guess you're used to it, huh?"
Cyan smiled and looked downwards at the carpet.
"Yeah..."
"We aren't that different, you know?" I mused, watching as the blue eyed boy glanced at me momentarily.
And we weren't. We both were used to being by ourselves, we both liked it that way, and we both got bullied. Only I got bullied by my own father...
"Well, we are. I don't stay angry at the world and blame everyone else for my own problems. It is my own fault I ended up this way..."
Now this got me interested.
"What did you do?"
Cyan sighed and looked up at the ceiling in thought.
"It's what I didn't do... you remember when I told you yesterday about the bullying back at Pokemon Trainer School, and what they said about me?"
I nodded, cringing silently to myself.
How anyone could be bullied over a couple of stupid rumours was beyond me.
"...well like I said I went and agreed with the rumours... I agreed about what they said about me and my best friend...but I never told him about it...so the bullying stopped for me, but it got worse for him..."
I listened intently to what he was saying, watching his expression change to sadness.
I thought he had no friends?
"...they used to tease him about it at first, call him names and make up stuff like I was planning to seduce him when we got home... it was all bullshit... but it really got to him. He got so angry at me... he said I ruined his life for going along with it and making it seem like we were really gay for each other. Of course... it didn't matter what I said...he had made his mind up. The bullying got worse day after day... I used to hear them shouting out horrible names to him... writing 'fag' on his locker in black permanent marker pen... and scribbling all over his workbooks... but I didn't do anything to stop it! Now I wasn't the target I just blended into the crowd and became a nobody... whilst he got all the abuse..."
Now it was starting to make sense.
So his best friend hated him for not doing something about it when the bullying started on him, instead Cyan ignored it because it wasn't affecting him.
"What happened?"
Cyan swallowed hard, trying to keep it all together.
"...things went from bad to worse. I noticed that he stayed away from me at all times, he wouldn't even look at me in the end. I suppose he blamed me for the bullying in the first place...but... when some-one's friend died at the school all the bullies started saying that it should have been him who died... because he was gay and that straight people don't deserve to die. It was horrible... the way they used to torment him, and keep telling him over and over that he should have died instead...of course what happened next... I should have seen it coming..."
"Bastards..." I mumbled under my breath, all of a sudden feeling very angry.
How could anyone say that! Just because that kid was gay, there was no need to say he should die!
"...he took a bunch of pills in the park and took his own life..."
My eyes widened as I watched Cyan's shoulders tremble and his head was bowed downwards.
Was he crying?
"...and that is why you have never had another friend?" I asked quietly, watching as he nodded weakly.
"I...couldn't save him..."
"It wasn't your fault that he committed suicide! It was his own choice!"
Cyan put on a smile and shook his head.
As he looked at me I could see he was crying. Tears had dribbled down his face and had left tracks on his cheeks.
"I could have stopped it... I could have done something...I didn't..."
"It's not your fault! Stop blaming yourself! It's the past now... people have to learn from their mistakes..."
Right now I felt like such a hypocrite.
I was still hung up on my own sordid past, but then again... maybe that was just me. Even so, I didn't actually like seeing him cry. It was like watching Gold crying...
"So... I am nothing like you..." He finalised, wiping his face with the back of his face, trying to keep it all together.
I frowned.
We had all done bad things, or stuff we regretted.
Especially me, I was renowned for messing up.
"Is that why you are so protective over your brother? Because of all the things that happened to you?"
"Yes... I don't want him to go through what I did. I don't want him to get bullied, to feel like killing yourself is the only option, to feel that no-one loves you enough..."
"But he has a good family supporting him! That must account for something, right?"
Apparently not.
I wouldn't know about that, I hardly had the best upbringing. But I never once thought about killing myself.
Cyan shook his head lamely.
"That makes it worse... you don't want to be a failure... to let everyone down by telling them you messed up..."
"They are your family, they are meant to love you"
I watched as he shrugged indecisively.
"My Grandparents are the only ones who have ever stuck by me through everything. My dad walked out on my mom when I was very young, and mom goes through fazes of manic depression...yes I guess they do love us in their own little way, but sometimes it's not enough..."
Maybe he was right.
Everyone didn't have a perfect life, or a perfect family. I constantly lashed out at the world, and for what? About a whole façade that linked to perfection. Seemed to me that everyone around me was suffering, and I wasn't doing anything about it.
"Why would he think about suicide? He's a kid!"
Cyan rolled his eyes and chuckled, trying to stop another rogue tear from falling down his face.
"You would be surprised what goes through people's minds when they are desperate..."
I felt my heart sink as realisation started to sink in.
He said his brother was sick... he never meant as in vomiting or an illness...no, he meant psychologically sick...and it was me who had put the tin lid on it.
I swallowed hard and looked away, finding it hard to be near the dark haired boy.
How could I ever own up to that? That it was all my fault his brother was suffering?
I clasped my hands together between my legs and bit my lip hesitantly.
"I wouldn't worry too much about it..." Cyan comforted, trying to fake a smile.
I knew that he was still broken inside, and it seemed the more time I spent with this guy the more I was inclined to think if I wasn't such a fucked up mess we could have been really close friends.
"Still... I am glad that I met you though" He added in cheerfully.
My eyes widened.
"Why the hell are you glad about that?"
"Because your not that bad. I know you pretend that you're Mister I-Have-No-Heart-So-Leave-Me-The-Hell-Alone... but deep inside your actually nice..."
I rolled my eyes and placed my hand to my head.
Why did people keep calling me nice?! I was not nice! Far from it!
"I don't pretend..."
"So why did you actually accept my invitation? If you really were heartless you wouldn't have cared if I got upset... you would have declined anyway."
Okay, he got me.
But still, I was killing time that was all! And it kept my mind off Gold, so it was all good.
Even so, Cyan still reminded me of him but the more I got to know him the less Gold reappeared in my mind.
"Shut up..."
"See? You're pretending again!"
I watched as he smiled wildly and playfully nudged my arm. I couldn't help but smirk.
This kid... he was as weird as hell but he wasn't so bad.
Feeling so mentally and physically exhausted I flopped backwards onto the bed, enjoying how soft it felt.
I closed my eyes momentarily before feeling the bed move once again.
Opening one eye I saw that Cyan had done the same. He was lying on his back, looking up at the ceiling.
"Thanks..." He mumbled.
"For what?"
He turned to me and smiled.
"For being here, for letting me talk to you..."
I snorted at his remark.
Well, I could have probably gone to sleep and woken up, and he would have still been talking.
"I didn't really have a choice... you never shut up"
Cyan leaned over so he was on his side and looked at me like he was shocked, and then once again playfully hit my arm.
"That's mean!"
"It's the truth!"
"Oh... well I am sorry I talk so much!"
"Yeah... you need to learn when to shut up..."
Cyan's eyes narrowed as he neared me, leaning on his hand.
I just watched him and saw some sparkle in his eyes that had been lost all throughout our conversation.
"...why don't you shut me up then?" He replied dangerously.
I raised an eyebrow at him and rolled onto my side to face him properly.
Did he mean...?
"What, by punching you in the face?"
Cyan slowly shook his head.
"Isn't there another way you could shut me up?"
Right now... I was feeling a little unsettled.
Did he have Scitzophrenia or something? One minute he was fine, he was crying and everything... okay that's not FINE, but you get what I'm saying?!
I took a deep breath, and shook my head.
I didn't want to believe that this guy was hitting on me. No...
"...looks like I'll have to show you then..."
"What?! No... I really-"
Somehow, I'm not quite sure how this happened but why was Cyan kissing me?!
My eyes widened as I felt his lips brush against mine, slowly, longingly.
This was wrong! I wasn't kissing Gold... this definitely wasn't Gold!
Coming to my senses I forcefully pushed Cyan off me, and sat up quickly.
I wiped my mouth on the back of my hand, feeling my heart rattle angrily in my chest.
What the fuck?!
I heard Cyan shift into a sitting position beside me and I could feel his eyes boring holes in my skull.
"What the fuck is wrong with you?!" I cried at the blue eyed boy.
He shrugged and smirked.
"Come on, you didn't know? After everything I have told you... about the school rumours... did you think they were merely rumours? Did you think there was no truth behind them?"
I watched as he raised an eyebrow at me, obviously pleased with what he had done.
That was it!
I swung my fist and smacked him square in the face, watching as he fell back on the bed with a groan.
"I'm not GAY!" I shouted out.
My fists were trembling, my whole body was trembling.
Oh my God... why did people keep hitting on me?!
I watched as Cyan groaned and held his nose. My knuckles started to hurt after where I punched him, and suddenly I was receiving deja vu.
When I punched Gold...
"You have some mean punch... you know that?" Cyan grumbled, trying to stop the blood from seeping out of his nose.
"I swear to God... if you do that again... I'll KILL YOU!"
I stood up, feeling very trapped right now.
I needed to get out of here!
Cyan smirked.
"Awww... it's really sweet that you only have eyes for Gold... how touching..."
"We are NOT together!" I cried out.
Cyan rolled his eyes and groaned, looking at his hand to see it was covered in blood.
"Then why get touchy about it? It was just a kiss... no big deal..."
I bit my lip, trying so hard not the scream and shout when actually I should have!
I was just trying to be nice... I'm never doing that again!
"I am not interested in you... or anyone else for that matter!"
Cyan wiped his nose once again, and started to pinch the bridge to stop it from bleeding.
"Come off it Silver... you aren't fooling anyone. You have got gay written all over your forehead..."
"If you have any fucking sense in that brain of yours I would shut the fuck up right now!" I warned.
I could easily punch him somewhere else next time. That was if he even dared to do anything.
"I know I look like him... I look like Gold... why don't you just pretend I'm him. It could be fun"
"You are nothing like him!"
"And how would you know that?"
His voice was playful, like he was toying with me.
Once the bleeding had stopped he continued to look at me through narrowed eyes.
"Gold is a thousand times better than you would ever be!"
I watched as he laughed.
"Now how can you say that when you haven't tried it?"
I could feel my bones start to ache and my muscles tighten.
Why was he doing this? Why did I feel trapped? I had to do something! I needed to stay in control!
"Cyan... if you don't want a black eye to add to your injuries I would keep my mouth shut if I were you." I said calmly, and yet I think it had more of an effect.
He just shrugged and sighed.
"It's such a shame... I thought you were a virgin..."
"I'm warning you Cyan..."
"Tainting unclaimed territory is so much more... satisfying..."
That was it, I lost it.
I swung at him again, and continued to hit him repeatedly in the face with my fists.
I saw red, I couldn't help it.
How dare he talk about me like that!
I watched as he squirmed on the bed, crying out as I couldn't stop hitting him!
I thought his face would literally be unrecognisable!
But I did stop. I had to. I had to stop myself otherwise I could get into serious shit here.
I watched as Cyan groaned on the bed, suffering from my assault, and feeling like rabbit in headlights I fled.
I ran down the stairs as fast as I could, ignoring everything, just trying my best to block it all out.
Once I was out into the open air I ran, and I didn't stop running.
I ran until I thought my feet were bleeding.
I needed to get away from there, away from Cyan... What was up with him? One minute he was fine, the next he went all psychopath on my ass!
Maybe I needed to watch my back when he was around...
Author's Note: OMFG SHOCK! :) Now... what will happen next? Will Silver tell Gold, or will Cyan tell him first? Who knows? Please read and review! :D