Chapter 7
The reality.
I turned the pages from the dairy, while I took a sip from my coffee. I ignored everything around me in the cafeteria. My eyes scanned the pages while I was searching for that one point. This was the expedition where the Female Titan will come. Annie Leonheart. This will be the point where Petra, Oluo, Gunther and Eld dies. Shit, this was going to be a hard time. I knew what was going to happen. But the other didn't.
What was I supposed do? Erwin finally agreed with my plan to distract the Titans at the front row. He did try to change my mind after I went out of his room, he fallowed me. But, if he wanted me to come with them, it has to be in this way.
I still had no idea how I was going to do this. How was I going to distract a 15 meter Titan? Well, probably using my maneuvering gear. But what I was really thinking of: how do send hints to the others about Annie? I couldn't just tell them. But I needed to tell them where she would come from. I can't help that Petra and the others will die. But, maybe, I can safe some other…. No I can't. I can't safe anyone. That would change the further.
I let out a sigh and hide my face in my hands. God, this was even harder than just fighting titans. This whole pressure of knowing what will happen and who would die is really hard to deal with. But, I just needed to deal with this. Even if I couldn't really do it.
"Hey Leem" a new voice interrupt me and when I looked up I saw Armin standing in front of me. "How are you doing?" He sat next to me.
I sighed and closed the dairy. "Well, I have felt better" I admitted and chuckled. "What about you? This will be your real first expedition, right?".
"Yea, it is" he answered nervously and stared at the table. "I just hope that everything will be okay with Eren. You know what is going on with him right?".
"I know everything" I answered nodding. "But, I believe that Eren will be okay. And everyone else of course".
A silence went over us and I then just realized that we were the only one that were still sitting in the cafeteria. I was so deep in my thoughts and was mocking over all of this, that I didn't even realize. I must stop mocking about and just go do something about it!
"So," Armin started again and looked at me. "How does your world look like?".
Of course, Armin would like to know how everything is where I came from. He wanted to go outside the Walls. Wanted to see the sea and all. I can help him a little with that.
"Well" I started and scratched the back of my neck. "It's not really that different from here. We still life inside the Walls and there is still a big difference between the rich and the poor. The only thing is that we have more technologies then you all have here".
Armin nodded and listened to me with a serious look. He really wanted to know about this all. "That's sounds really interesting".
"For you it is" I said laughing a bit. "But for me it's a normal thing".
"Of course, you see this everyday" he said and chuckled with me. But something changed then and he looked even more serious. "You know what is all going to happen, right Leem?".
I looked away and nodded.
"You know who is going to die, right?".
I nodded again.
"I see".
The silence came again and this time I really felt uncomfortable. Not because of Armin. It was because of me. I didn't felt comfortable with knowing all of this.
"You can't do anything right?" He broke the silence and I could hear the pleading in his voice. "It's like: when you will change something now, the further will change. But it can be coming out even worse, right?".
I sighed and went with my hand through my hair. "Yep, that's the case".
He nodded. "It must be hard on you, to know who dies. We are always scared to see who will get caught by a Titan. But at that moment, we can't do anything about it. But you" he looked at me and I saw the sorry in his eyes. "It must be hard to know who will die, but also to know that you can't do anything about it".
I looked away and started to play with my cup that was in front of me. All he said was true. But how he knew about this all… Armin is smart enough to know what was going on.
"Could we not" he started and I turned my attention back to him. "Could we not, like, make a plan to make everything a little bit different? Like that they see it coming, but safe them self?".
Could that be a working? Was it not the same as just telling them that they will die at that moment? It probably is. Who is meant to die now, just needed to die. It was hard, but I just needed to face this.
I shook my head. "I'm sorry Armin. There is nothing we can do about this. I can't tell you, or someone else, whatever is going to happen. The risk that the future will change is to big".
Armin nodded and sighed. "I know. I just don't want anyone else of my friends to die". He stood up and walked out of the cafeteria leaving me alone.
I sighed and stood up myself, grabbing the empty cup in the process and put the dairy back in my bag. I put it with all the other dirty dishes and walked out of the cafeteria. It was a long day and tomorrow will be expedition. I should go back to my room and have some sleep. Even if I will probably not sleep at all.
I arrived at my room and opened the door. I closed it behind me when I walked in while I took of my jacket.
I still didn't like it. I didn't like the idea of going out tomorrow and just let everyone just die. I was going to distract the Titans away from everyone. That is already a change and I don't know what it will do for the future. But I will do my best. I will not be with everyone else, because I will go another way. That is a good. I don't think I can just look at them while they die.
I let myself fall on the bed and kicked out my boots. I don't care about the rest. I just wanted to sleep. That all I wanted. I pulled the blankets over me and laid on my side. Tomorrow will be a hard day. Probably one that will change me forever.
To be continued...