He followed Haru toward his home, wanting to try and get his attention. He tried waving his hand in front of Haru s face and gave a little whimper. The phone trick probably wouldn t work again, Rin wouldn t be surprised if Haru would have thought that it was broken or malfunctioning.
He ran his hands over Haru s shoulders and reached around to touch his chest, trying his best to hold on while they were traveling. Rin went on ahead of Haru and stared at his house for a bit. It was so cold and impersonal but clearly lived in, it was in that moment Rin realized that he was going to be attached to Haru until the raven died as well.
A part of him, a large part, prayed that Haru would live a full life. He went on and began messing with whatever he could until he saw the sound system in the living room. Oh the things he could do with that Rin did his best to power it on, knowing that whatever power he did have was likely still not the best.
What he did manage to get playing was pretty goddamn convenient and Rin was grinning because it really was something that he would listen to when thinking of Haru. He looked back to the door he thought Haru would come through and just smiled, hoping that Haru would understand. The hopeful and expectant look on his face was likely never going to be seen, but Rin had to believe that Haru would understand when the song began playing for him.
As he walked home, he felt something again. This time it almost felt like Rin was trying to feel him up. Clearly that wouldn t happen. Haru was pretty sure it really was Rin he felt before and now or he was just plain nuts. Maybe he was just delusional because of his sorrow and maybe he would get over it.
The sensation soon went away and he felt more alone than before as he made his way home. He opened the door that he has once again failed to lock and heard a song come on out of no where.
Haru followed the sound into his living room. Wasn t this a song Rin sometimes listened to? Was Rin really here? Haru ran his hand over the stereo as the song played, reminencing about the good times.
Swimming with Rin, having sleepovers, having stupid challenges all the time and pushing each other like no one else could. Haru missed it all. He recalled the trip to Australia before Rin had gone back over there for college. Rin had said he admired Haru and it had almost felt like Rin was confessing more than admiration. Haru kind of wished he would ve said something back then but he hadn t been very cheerful on that trip. He d been down and worried about his future.
As the song came to an end, Haru made his way upstairs to his room so he could shed the suit he d had to wear to the funeral. Hanging it in his closet, he felt like bathing. He often did that or swam to lighten his mood. As he grabbed a pair of boxers from the closet, Haru made his way back down the stairs to start filling the tub. As he watched the water flow into it, he slowly removed the boxers he d been wearing. Completely naked, he slipped into the water and sighed, this made him feel more at ease but his mind was still racing with thoughts just the same.
Damn Rin had hoped that it was going to work but it seemed that Haru hadn t gotten the hint on what he was trying to say. Somehow that wasn t even surprising since Rin had the feeling that the lyrics were what threw him off. The redhead sighed and just let the stereo system turn itself off as Haru had walked up the stairs.
For a moment, it had felt to him like Haru had noticed just what was going on. Rin thought that for now he might have to deal with just waiting until Haru could maybe see him. He almost prayed for that kind of thing to happen but not if it meant Haru s life coming to an end. That would break Rin s heart into a million pieces, moreso than it was already.
He followed Haru to the bathroom, blushing at the sight of the raven being naked, but finding himself just sitting on the small ledge that was near Haru s head. Rude butt. Rin sighed and put his head on his knees, holding them close to his chest.
"I should have told you a long time ago that I loved you. You know I think it was back when we swam that first relay together that I knew you were the one for me. Your were graceful and just beautiful when you were swimming, it was like watching the sun rise for the first time." Rin stared at his feet, sighing at himself and reaching down to touch the water, surprised that it actually moved with his fingers.
"Haru? I hope one day you can see me naturally but until the day you die, I m not leaving you. I want to see you have a family and fall in love with someone that ll take care of you. I mean I d suggest Sousuke but I don t know if he even swings that way. He s a giant puppy really and you guys might even be friends or something. I just I want all the best for you, Haru. It s not fair knowing that my death is hurting you so much like this."
Haru leaned back in the tub after he had lowered himself into the water, still rather grief stricken and worn out after such a trying day. He knew just how to relax and he was grateful at times like this to live alone. No one would see.
He sighed as he closed his eyes and pictured Rin in his mind, smiling softly to himself. He remembered his smile and how soft his skin had been when the idiot had clung to him so many times. It was like his shoulder was property of Rin. Haru brushed a hand through his hand and softly groaned as his thoughts went on.
He remembered watching Rin closer than he really should have but not being able to help it because he was so attracted to him. It wasn t necessarily just lust because his heart was so set on Rin. It always had been.
What would he do now? Live alone forever? Maybe take the strays in so he would have company indoors. Haru sighed again at that and tried to think of happier thoughts.
He thought of the sleepover they had had as kids and the one when they were older. Rin had been really adorable both times. Haru remembers how his heart had ached when he d found out Rin was going to Australia the first time, it was not as profound as the way it did now.
He cleared his mind again at that because he didn t want to feel that pain, he needed to get it off his mind, which is exactly what he did. However, his method might seem odd or inappropriate to most but he d done it time and again already so it was like second nature by now.
He thought of how Rin had looked showering after joint practice, unlike Haru, the redhead hadn t left his swimsuit on. Haru did that far less now that he was a little more mature. His hand slipped down beneath the water as he let his mind wander off. His sorrow forgotten for the time being as his head was slowly thrown back. He panted as he found himself wishing Rin was there. He would never be able to touch him in intimate ways like this and that was just one more thing to add to his long laundry list of regrets. He softly groaned Rin s name as he got all worked up.
With how quiet it was in there, Rin didn t quite notice what it was that was going on. He was too busy staring at his own feet silently and keeping his eyes closed. It was really a bit strange to just be sitting there with Haru like this and ended up just opening his eyes long enough to glance at Haru when he realized that the other was doing something.
It took a second for it to register and Rin almost screamed. Sweet god! Haru! What the hell are you doing?! Jeeze, have some decenc That was until he heard the other s voice and froze. Was Haru masturbating to him? It was so strange to see something like that and it had Haru wondering if he were actually seeing and hearing that.
He was silent and watched Haru pleasure himself before Rin moved to the thin edge of the bathtub, sitting there and watching Haru closely. He wasn t supposed to be watching like this but he was truly curious to see Haru like this. Well if I ll never experience intimacy with you then I guess this is alright too, he whispered.
Rin dipped his fingers into the water and prayed that it would make some kind of movement with his touch. He just wanted Haru to know he was there in some way. Hell, he couldn t even find it in himself to be aroused by knowing Haru wanted to do that with him. Now? Well, it was just never going to happen unless Haru felt like digging his body up and violating it, lost eye and brain matter included.
Haru at some point wondered if he had been hallucinating all this time or if Rin really was there because even as he got himself off, even now he could swear he felt Rin s presence.
He shuddered softly as he moaned out Rin s name again but it soon grew quiet once he was finished. He leaned back closing his eyes and smiling softly as he continued to wonder if Rin was with him right now.
You would think he may be alarmed at what Rin had just witnessed if he was near but not Haru, he wasn t one to worry over such details. He never had been and it might be part of his odd charm.
"Rin. Are you here?" Haru spoke as he sat up slightly looking around the room and wishing he could see Rin, at least he had felt him earlier (it even seemed so while he had been pleasuring himself at one point.)
Haru chuckled at that thought but also felt a bit sad at the fact that he could never do such things with Rin. He couldn t even hug him or kiss him. Nothing. Haru sighed heavily. I should ve told you a long time ago
Rin shivered when he heard his name moaned like that, lowering his head for a moment to try and keep himself under control. S-shit Haru. This was the hottest thing he could see and Rin hated the fact that he was peeping. Then again, dead did have a small advantage.
"Yeah yeah I m here." He let one of his wings dip into the water, knowing Haru may never be able to see the way it rippled. Rin doubted Haru would ever see him and that thought was enough to make him whimper softly. "You should have, you jerk At least then I could have told you that I love you."
He sighed and shook his head. There wasn t much of anything he could say about it anymore. Hell, he couldn t even say it to Haru s face. It wasn t as if he could even see Haru at all. Rin dipped his hand into the water, humming at the warmth of it. He didn t care what was in the water, it was just calming, making Rin smile softly.
"I d love to just, you know, be like that angel that just gets to follow you everywhere and stuff. It d be nice to kind of just protect you. I don t even know what type of angel I even am. I just hope one day you ll see me and we ll be okay again "