"Sometimes Rin, I swear I can feel you ." He spoke aloud in hopes that Rin would hear him if he really was here. Haru couldn t help constantly questioning himself over all this because it just it had felt so damn real!
As he draped a small white towel around his waist, Haru took another and dried his hair as he made his way to his room and plopped down on his bed. He couldn t stop thinking about him and all the regrets he now had because of losing him like this. He felt stupid to assume Rin would always be around. Sure, he had been a plane ride away but that was still a possibility. Death, well it was just too final.
One lone tear trailed down his cheek as he shed his towels on the ground and curled up in the security of his blanket. It was as if he was hiding from the world which at the moment was all he wanted to do.
When Haru got out of the water, Rin could feel something strange when they passed through one another. He couldn t quite explain it but for himself it was electric, like a zap of lightning had gone through his body, it was so nice. He almost felt alive for a moment but then the feeling went away as soon as it had come.
Rin heard him say that and almost sobbed happily. I m glad you can, he whispered to the room. He knew his words would fall on deaf ears but it was still so nice.
Following him upstairs, Rin sat near Haru s head and touched his hair silently, watching him crying. It was terrible and he wished more than anything that Haru could see him. It was heartbreaking and Rin could do no more than sigh as he wrapped ivory wings around Haru s bed to keep him safe.
He found himself humming a tune to Haru, one that he didn t even know he knew, but it felt appropriate. It felt right to sing to Haru and try to comfort him even if it were in vain. He stopped just for a moment and glanced down at Haru, his eyes watering for almost the millionth time that day. I know you can t hear me but I love you, Haru. I ll stay here with you for as long as you need me, even if you tell me to go, I ll protect you. You deserve that much.
As he laid there, Haru felt it again but for some reasons it seemed as if Rin was trying to make him feel better or maybe was trying to protect him. Haru hugged his pillow, wishing he could just hold Rin like he never had when he was alive. A long lingering hug where you don t wish to let go, even if it would ve been awkward. He softly chuckled thinking his thoughts were foolish because things like that were not possible anymore. In a way though, he could swear he felt as if Rin was hugging him but it was not something he could really explain.
Haru for some reason started humming a tune that seemed to pop into his head out of no where. It seemed to calm him, settle his heart a little. Maybe Rin was there in his own way somehow?
Haru pulled himself from the bed, pulled on some boxers and a t-shirt because he d forgotten to put clothes on earlier. Haru reached under his bed and pulled out a sketchbook, he started drawing from his earlier thoughts. For some reason, he wanted to know what Rin would look like with wings.
He was so engrossed in it that it set him completely at ease after some time perhaps in the way water could. He stared at it when he was done, dragging a finger over the cheek of Rin on his drawing.
"You always were beautiful."
Somehow, Rin had thought that maybe Haru had heard him when he started humming. It was so strange but Rin just smiled at him over it. If we can connect through music then that s okay too, you know. I ll never be instant but I understand it.
The redhead was so confused when he saw Haru getting up and moving around that Rin thought he was going somewhere. It wasn t until he saw the sketchbook that Rin sat at Haru s side, one wing around him. Huh I didn t know that you could draw, Haru.
Hell, he didn t know a lot about Haru and it was painfully obvious the longer he was there. Hearing him say that broke his heart and made Rin frown as he rested his chin on his knee. Seeing Haru drawing him was surreal and it looked like Haru had gotten so many of the damn details right Rin didn t know what to think about it.
"This is gorgeous, Haru. I had no idea. I mean, you could have been the next Picasso or Van Gogh but then I just kept shoe horning you into swimming like that. You should do beautiful things like this, all the time, your visions are what the world needs to see."
"You know why I can draw you like this?" Haru hoped Rin could hear him as he spoke. "Because I always had my eyes on you every chance I got " Haru smiled at the memory. "No one ever caught me looking either somehow ." Haru softly chuckled but it also had a sadness to it, the way he laughed. It was rather bittersweet.
"I remember when you stood at the front of my class, I was dumbfounded by the way my heart seemed to rise into my throat." Haru looked at the floor for a moment. "I swear I can feel you here somehow just like you ve always been in my heart but right now if you are here I m glad." Haru sighed softly. "I just really need you right now "
Haru rose from his bed and looked out the window, night had fallen by now and it was a clear sky outside. It was beautiful, the kind of night he would ve loved to share with Rin by sitting on his porch and looking at it. Maybe they could ve exchanged stories or just laid in each other s arms as they looked up at it.
Now Haru chuckled in more joy than he had previously as he remembered how much Rin liked romantic things. "It will always be you." Haru was serious for now he felt strong in his heart that he could never love anyone the way he had always loved Rin.
Honestly, Rin didn t know how he hadn t noticed that either, usually he was pretty good at noticing that kind of thing. Now that he hadn t, he was a little surprised. At the same time, it wasn t as if he were all that upset about it though.
"Heh I remember that was one of my favorite of school, probably the only one that I actually looked forward to leaving the house for," Rin recalled. He d always woken up with a smile and got dressed as fast as he could to head on out. It was always something that had confused his mother but now, it was long gone.
Rin didn t know when the sun had gone down but it felt like it had been only a few minutes that they d been sitting there. He shifted toward the raven and glanced out with him, seeing how the moonlight was shimmering off of the ocean in the distance. Even now, Rin was sorely missing the water and the connection that it gave them.
"Please don t say that, Haru. I don t want you to stay on me like that, I want you to be happy more than anything. I would love to see you have children and turn into a still swimming old man, you know. Hell, maybe even chasing kids off your lawn with a pool noodle or something."
He rested his head on Haru s shoulder and sighed slightly. There was little he could actually think of that he could do to help Haru. Maybe something might happen that you can see or hear me in your dreams then?
There was still a strong sense of Rin s presence that stayed with Haru as he looked out the window. He soon felt something at his shoulder that he simply knew had something to do with Rin.
"At least, at least at times, I can somehow sense you re there." Haru spoke aloud by now pretty convinced that he wasn t crazy and that by some miracle, Rin really was with him. "I can somehow feel you "
Haru sighed softly, he laid down on his bed and covered up and he was more than ready to get sleep if it would come that is. He was almost afraid that if he slept, Rin would leave. He kept such thoughts to himself though finding them to be rather foolish to some extent.
"I remember the sleepovers. I remember how when we were young, you would cling to me in your sleep. I wish I could hold you even if it was only for a little while ." But then again, Haru wished a lot of things that were no longer possible at least if he was realistic that is.
But feeling Rin near was giving him a small hope that maybe, just maybe something would happen to let him see Rin or hold him or just anything really. So far he had only sensed he was there and felt him a few times.
Was he being too greedy hoping for more? It was hard not to wish for things when he missed him so much, he hadn t even been gone that long and Haru wasn t sure if he would ever get over him. Or if that was even possible.
Rin watched Haru s face while he stared out of the window and found himself a little amazed by how the moonlight was reflecting in Haru s eyes. It was a beautiful sight and he couldn t help the lovesick sigh that left him. Rin listened closely before blinking in surprise, he hadn t expected Haru to say that, but he found that he was very happy.
"I m glad you can because I don t plan on leaving, Haru. I want to protect you and maybe whatever God is out there knew that I wanted to do that, so if anything dangerous happens, I might be able to protect you. I don t know yet if it works that way but I ll do my best "
The redhead wrapped his wings around Haru protectively as he laid down and placed his hand on Haru s side. He didn t want to hurt Haru and ended up laying behind him, awkwardly posing one wing over him instead. You actually remember that? Holy shit that was a long time ago
Shaking his head, Rin had completely forgot that he couldn t be heard and simply cuddled against Haru s back. He loved Haru s gentle scent and found himself wanting more and more of it. That was because I knew you were safe and I wanted to feel more of that, he hummed. You were so warm and you still are I miss feeling that.
He pressed his lips across Haru s skin from his neck and down to his shoulder. The redhead wrapped his arms around Haru, one hand on his chest and the other resting on his stomach, it was hard for him not to hold on tightly. You have such a soft heart.