Title: Mass Effect Two Chapter One
Author: DinkyMew and JagesPages
Game: Mass Effect (Two)
Disclaimer: Bioware own all content and characters related to the Mass Effect franchise. Abigail Shepard is my own creation inspired by the character of Jane Shepard created by Bioware. Any original characters contained herein are my own creations (with the exception of Vindex Foster who is the sole property of Julie Jones and the Swagger Vasa Chronicles) and are not necessarily affiliated with Bioware. **You may not copy, edit or distribute this fanfiction as it stands without my expressed permission – thank you**
"Into the Black"
Shepard glanced out the window at the FTL stream flowing past the ship. After spending one month practically living at the hospital and then making an attempt to stay away from Hobbs as he recuperated, and Kaidan bowing out of her life so gracefully…
She thudded her fist against the glass. His kind words, his sweet demeanour, had crawled into the recesses of her brain, reminding her of the images from the beacons, words that screamed their sincerity, a love that melted into hues of orange and yellow behind her eyes—images of their few times together. Flashes of them kissing, the way his dark eyes lit up when she would go see him at his station. They emblazoned themselves in her memory, but then darker colors would swirl, obliterating everything with Kaidan and she would be with Hobbs as they were in the past when it was good, when it was seething hot passion between them, when he was her entire world.
Both men wanted to be her entire world and that was the problem, considering what their worlds faced—the threat of the Reapers. How could she even consider making a choice when none of them would be alive if the Reapers weren't stopped?
She thudded her fist against the window again then saw a face reflected and turned. "Bambi, you need something?"
He handed her a cup of coffee. He knew how she took it and brought one to her every morning. She smiled fondly at Foster who moved to the window and seemed to be inspecting it.
"What are you doing?" she asked, knowing he expected her to comment.
"Oh, just checking to see if there are any cracks." His cheeky smile made her laugh. "I mean, the way you kept hitting it…"
She cuffed him gently on the head and he chuckled. "Isn't there anything in the regs that covers a superior officer striking a well-meaning corporal?"
She sipped her coffee and rolled her eyes in appreciation. It was perfect. "You spoil me," she said, sighing in contentment.
"You deserve it." He leaned against the bulkhead. "So," he drew out the word so that it sounded like a musical note. "We find any trace of geth yet?"
She took another sip, not letting the fact that they hadn't spoil her enjoyment of the moment. "Nope," she answered in his vernacular.
"I've been down in the garage with Garrus working on the Mako. I thought you might want to know Wrex is getting agitated. It might be a good idea for you to go talk to him."
"Fill me in." She was all Commander now.
Foster gave her a pained look. "It's just he feels; Garrus feels, I feel that this is a waste of our time, Commander." He was careful to use her rank.
"Orders are orders, Corporal." She took it down a notch, returning them to friend status. "Bambi, I feel the same way but there isn't a helluva lot I can do about it."
"But the orders didn't come from Admiral Hackett, Abs." He began to pace, something she had learned he did when he was agitated. "They came from that fucking politician Udina and the Council." He played with his dog tags, tinkling them over and over—another give-away to his state of mind. "They're totally ignoring the Reapers! All the blame's been cast on the geth!" His eyes flared. "If that's the case, then why isn't Hackett deploying the fleet to the Perseus Veil and wiping them out?!"
Shepard put down her coffee cup and placed her hands on his tense shoulders. "Calm down, Bambi. Ours is not to reason why…"
"Bullshit!" His hands came up to grip hers. "We're being played! Abs, you're being played!"
She broke away from the contact and scowled at him. "Just exactly what do you think I can do about it?"
"I dunno." He spread his hands. "Something?!" He gestured wildly. "Let's see, you stole a star ship, kidnapped the crew, risked intergalactic war with the Terminus Systems, and committed treason to go after Saren and prevent him from going through the Conduit. "
Shepard felt anger start to roil in her gut, but it wasn't at him—it was because he was right! She'd allowed herself to be manipulated, to blindly follow orders, because it was easier. It meant she wouldn't have anything else to deal with and could maybe reach a decision on who she loved the most.
Fingers snapped in front of her eyes and she focused on intense blue.
"Abs, I know if Hobbs was here, he'd say the same thing. There's just something wrong about this."
She slid her fingers through her hair, loosening it from the clip so that tendrils fell over her face. Foster, without thinking, brushed them back and secured them for her. It was something he'd done in the hospital and she closed her eyes, remembering those soul-sucking minutes becoming hours, days, stretching out into a month of longing and mind-numbing worry that the man she loved would never open his eyes again.
"You're thinking about Socks right now." When her eyes flew open, Foster grinned. "You get that gooey expression on your face when you think of my brother."
"Yes, well, you should see your face when you're thinking about Liara," she teased.
He blushed. "Socks hates asari."
She frowned. "I wonder why." She pursed her lips. "He's never mentioned anything to make him feel like that towards an entire race."
"Nope, to me either."
She heaved a heavy sigh. "Bambi, I want you to know my door's always open and I don't take what you have to say lightly, but, for the time being…"
Foster interrupted. "You're a Spectre, Abs. I thought Spectres weren't bound by any rules."
Her blue eyes stabbed into his. "You sound like Garrus. The Council revised some of the Spectre regs thanks to Saren going rogue. There are boundaries now. I can't act outside the law and the Council's will."
His eyes widened in disbelief. "The Council whose lives you saved at the loss of how many humans—that Council?!"
"Foster," she said in a warning tone to let him know she wouldn't be pushed much further.
"Abigail," he countered. "Garrus has contacts, okay, and that is just not true. Udina lied to you. He was the one to tell you about the new regs, wasn't he?"
Shepard felt heat rise into her face and her biotics flared briefly. "Why would he do that?"
"He's a fucking politician wanting to get into the Council's holier-than-thou pants! He wanted to be able to exert some control over you because he knows this is a bullshit mission." Foster's eyes blazed. "That's why you've had no contact from Admiral Hackett, because they know he'd be in your corner. He and Anderson. He doesn't know about this—bet it's labelled top secret for Council's eyes and ears only."
"I think this conversation is over."
Foster nodded, but the ire in his eyes did not disappear. "A friend tells you the truth no matter how much it pisses you off, Abs, and, dammit, I'm your friend."
She hugged him until she felt his anger diminish and his arms came around her waist and he picked her up, gazing into her face. "I told Hobbs I'd watch over you, I keep my promises, Abs."
She tapped his nose playfully. "Put me down," she told him with fond exasperation. "You can't keep doing that. It's not right to flirt so outrageously with your brother's ex."
"The crew will talk and say we're in love?" He waggled his brows at her, but he did set her down on the deck. "Abs, everybody but you knows who you love, and he isn't on this ship." He grinned, took the empty coffee cup and sauntered away, whistling under his breath.
"Scamp," she called after him and she heard him laugh right before he entered the elevator.
But… he didn't enter the elevator. A soft voice caused him to pause and look over his shoulder. Liara stood there, wringing her hands, a habit she had when she wanted something.
"Hey, Blue," he said, smiling. "Need something?"
She nodded. "I believe you called it CPR." Her large eyes glowed, probably with feelings she couldn't understand.
"Dr. Chakwas in the medbay?" he asked, taking her hands in his.
She glanced around nervously and he knew she was worried someone would see them. She quivered when he crushed the backs of her hands with his lips. "Oh! Fos, I…"
He put a finger to his lips, ducked around the corner to where Mess was and then came back and took her hand and led her into the medbay. He smiled, trying to put her at ease. "Liara, it's okay to have these feelings."
"But…they are so…intense and I just want more and more CPR!"
He traced her lips with his thumb. "It's okay, sweetheart. Talk to me. Why are you so scared?"
She put her hands on his chest, but she needed to feel the warmth of his flesh, so she undid the clasps, baring the tanned, smooth skin. She laid her head against him, feeling the strong beat of his heart. "I…feel so safe when I'm here with you."
"No man likes to be told he's safe, babe, but I understand what you mean." He caressed her back.
She leaned back so she could look at him. "Why do you like asari so much? I wish it was just one asari you liked, Fos."
"I like asari—I like you—because your race is willing to take the chance of falling in love, of taking a mate even though he or she won't live as long and you will lose them. You're willing to risk it all for someone short-lived like me. That's a complete, utter turn-on for me, Liara."
"It turns you on that you will die long before I will?"
He kissed the tip of her nose. "Nope, not that. You'd be young and beautiful the way you are now and I'd be old and gray and you'd still love me." He shook his head and chuckled. "It's hard to put into words, Liara. I'd much rather show you how I feel."
She leaned against him and moaned softly when she felt him unzip the back of her top. He butterfly-kissed all the way down to her back, then turned her around and slipped the garment off her. She didn't wear human undergarments, so, for a moment, she held the material shielding her breasts.
"Undress me, babe."
She blushed. He could be so forward sometimes and she was so insecure and unknowing. "Take off everything?" Her voice squeaked.
"Or not," he said, gathering her into his arms. "Liara, I'd never force you." He kissed each eyelid as she shut them. He kissed her face down to her neck. He licked her collarbone, finding the color of blue there changed to a darker hue that fascinated him. She released the garment, sighing when he cradled her breasts, thumbs teasing the nipples.
"I…never knew it would be like this. Mother was so clinical when she talked about it."
He paused kissing her and smiled gently, prompting her to talk to him. "What's bothering you, Blue?"
"What if I'm no good at it? I've never…" She broke away from him and sobbed, "I've never done this! I don't know how to –to please you."
He shushed her as he moved to take her in his arms. "I'll teach you. We'll learn together."
"What do I do?"
"Let's take it slow," he said soothingly.
"But I'm naked and you have all your clothes on!"
Foster took off his shirt. "Better?"
Liara stared at the definition in his abs, the slope of his collarbone, the curve of his neck.
"I want to teach you something humans call foreplay," he said, coming to her.
"I…Fos, what do I do?"
"What do you want to do?"
"I…want to touch you."
His eyes caught fire. "Then do what you want, Blue. Everything you want."
Shepard was approaching the elevator and paused when she saw Foster glancing around the mess and then her eyes widened when she saw him reappear, holding Liara's hand. So, little Bambi found his faline. She thought briefly about mentioning to him it was frowned on to fraternize with another member of the crew, but, screw it! She had more important things to do with her time, and it hadn't stopped her and Kaidan, now had it?
Kaidan…For a moment his dark brown eyes and the handsome face with its earnest expression lingered, but then another face with blue-green eyes superimposed itself and Kaidan faded from view. Hobbs—her Hobbs—always and forever. How could she have thought for one moment that Kaidan, sweet, dependable Kaidan, could replace Hobbs? They completed each other—always had and always would. Coming so close to losing him cleared up things and old hurts didn't seem to matter anymore.
She had put off thinking about it for so long, but now realised the answer had been there the whole time.
She shook her head to clear it of anything but the mission. Was what Bambi said true? Was it a bogus mission? Did they just want to keep her occupied; out of their hair? And why hadn't Admiral Hackett contacted her?
She mulled these questions over as the elevator descended. The door slid open and she saw Garrus and Wrex were by the Mako and they seemed to be in a heated discussion.
Garrus looked up immediately, showing deference and greeting her in his two-toned voice she actually found kind of sexy. Of course she'd never tell him that!
"Garrus, Wrex, Bambi said there's a problem?"
Garrus propped one of his big three-toed feet up on the grill of the Mako. "There may very well be, Shepard," he said gravely.
Wrex was fed up. She could tell by his body language as the huge krogan roamed the garage in large circles, always ending back at the Mako. "My plates itch," he growled.
Garrus clicked his mandibles. "That's never a good sign." His dry sense of humor was always prevalent, but she could tell he was serious this time.
She leaned against the Mako and crossed her arms over her chest. This was her Commander stance. It let them know she was listening, but also the final decision rested with her. "All right, fellas, give it to me straight."
"The extra-net neither denies nor confirms the validity of this mission. Admiral Hackett has no knowledge of it according to one of my sources in C-Sec." The turian sounded a little nervous.
"And?' she prompted.
"And something smells and it's not the cook's provisions," Wrex grumbled.
"All you have is unsubstantiated," she told them. "Give me solid proof."
"Evidence the Council's sending us on a wild, I believe the expression is geese chase?" Garrus dropped his spanner and bent to pick it up.
"That's goose hunt, Garrus." Shepard was tired of what bordered on insubordination. "If either one of you wants off this mission, I can have Joker drop you at the nearest space station or port."
Garrus managed, even without facial expression, to look affronted. "Shepard, that was uncalled for."
"Sure as hell was!" Wrex thudded over to his locker, pulled out his shotgun and began to clean it on the weapons bench.
She gritted her teeth. "Look, I know I broke just about every rule there was when it came to Saren, but this is different."
"How?" they chorused. Garrus shook his head. "Lie to yourself, Shepard, but not to us. We stuck by you when it looked like there was no hope. We just want you to be honest with us."
"As far as I know, the mission's on track."
Garrus carefully replaced the spanner and activated his omni-tool. "I…see. Well, then. Either you're naïve or a fool if you believe that."
"Vakarian," she said in a warning tone.
"I have some calibrations to do, and, whatever this is, I still have your six, Commander." He turned away from her to the Mako.
Wrex slammed his locker with a huge fist, leaving a dent. "I like you more than most, Shepard and you've earned my respect, but this." He crashed another dent into the locker. "I'll take you up on that offer to leave."
"If that's what you want to do, Wrex, I won't stop you."
"Someone, oh, yeah, that was you!" Wrex buried his fist deep into the metal. "Someone told me once that I could make a difference on my home world, so I want to return to Tuchanka. Maybe I can do some good there. I sure as hell can't here!"
Shepard inwardly sighed. "I'll see if we can swing by Tuchanka." She walked over and patted his shoulder. "No hard feelings. Wrex?"
"Stop being so gullible," he said harshly, shrugged out from under her hand and lumbered away across the garage, shotgun clasped to his chest.
Shepard sighed, exasperated, heading for the elevator once more as Kaidan appeared, carrying a container of tech awkwardly. He paused when he saw her, those dark eyes holding hers as she moved into the elevator and he followed silently.
She pressed the button on the lift, folding her arms as she tapped her foot lightly.
"Everything ok?" He asked at last and she cast him a sidelong glance.
"How do you mean?"
He smiled, rearranging the box in his grip "I heard raised voices." He said.
"They think this mission is a goose chase." She muttered "Not sure I disagree. But orders are orders."
Kaidan nodded solemnly "I suppose you're on thin ice as it is after the Citadel, even with Anderson as Councillor now you have to watch your step Shepard."
She smiled, rolling her eyes "He hates me for that one."
Kaidan chuckled "No." He said sincerely "He loves you." He looked as though he was going to say more and Shepard braced herself for the emotion she knew it would stir but he didn't. Instead he closed his mouth and looked at the doors quietly.
Abigail watched him quietly, remembering with sudden intensity the way his mouth felt against hers. From where she stood she could smell his cologne and knew how damned inappropriate she was being as she fought against the urge to close her eyes. Their time together had been short and sweet and magical, but it was doomed from the start because her heart belonged elsewhere.
"I miss you." He said, his eyes still forward and she almost swallowed her tongue as she turned her head to look at him.
"Kaidan…"
"It's ok." He said, nodding and he did glance at her then, smiling "I just want you to know that Abby."
He didn't say anything more as the elevator doors opened, just stepped out and stepped away and she thought about going after him, but it would be wrong. She had more pressing issues to worry about now she had an angry Krogan on board, she could think about Kaidan and Hobbs later. Now was not the time.
Just as she started past the galaxy map there was a wave of commotion from the deck and the Normandy rocked, once – hard and angry – to the point she had to steady herself on one of the CIC stations.
"What the hell was that?" She barked, to no one in particular, and no one seemed to have an answer as crew began to scramble over consoles, working furiously. There was a rumble and an explosion that she felt down to her marrow as she turned back toward the noise.
"We're getting ripped to shreds!" One of the officers shouted and Abigail moved him aside, looking at the console he worked on. It was true, the ship's barriers were failing, the shields were down and the hull was punched with holes. She shook her head – unable to think momentarily as she turned sharply, pressing the comm button at the galaxy map.
"Everyone get to the evac shuttles now!"
The ship shook and explosions erupted throughout her. Shepard watched in horror as part of the hull was ripped asunder, a huge, yellow beam searing through the hull of the Normandy like it was made of tin not reinforced metal. The shields had already failed. Alarm klaxons blared and lurid red lights flickered as the back-up generator failed to produce enough power.
She was moving, not really sure where she was going as she headed instinctively for her locker knowing she had to get into her armour and fast.
Encased in armor from head to toe, an N7 helmet pulled over the face, Shepard lurched back up the staircase toward the CIC deck. There were more explosions and screams and the screech of metal being shredded. The Normandy was being ripped apart!
The doors slowly opened to a scene of such destruction and turmoil, for a moment, Shepard was rooted to the spot in horror. Bodies were sprawled on the deck; seats were torn from their moorings. More of the huge beams knifed through the ceiling and the gravity of the planet the ship orbited tugged them loose. Half of the ship was flotsam now.
Eyes strained through the slit on the helmet and caught sight of a figure racing up the stairs to the next level.
"Kaidan!"
Alenko swung around. "Shepard!" His eyes widened and he dove across the space that separated them and took her down to the deck as another beam sliced through the metal skin of the ship. For a dazed moment, she lay sprawled in his arms, glancing above. There were stars and the haze of the atmosphere of the planet and first sighting of the ship that had attacked the Normandy. Not geth. Nothing like any ship she'd ever seen.
She got shakily to her feet and helped Kaidan up, searching his body for injuries, but his armor had protected him. "What are you doing here?" She used her no-nonsense commander voice. "I need you to get the crew to evac the ship."
"What's going on Shepard?" He frowned and she pushed him back, attempting to get him to move toward the evac shuttles.
"I don't know!" She cried pulling him round toward the shuttles "We're under attack!"
Kaidan moved "Do you think the Alliance will come?" He asked her and she laughed.
"They better." She warned, and Kaidan paused, grabbing her arm to halt her.
"Joker won't leave." Kaidan said "I'm not going either."
Shepard shook her head "Kaidan get everyone on the shuttles and get moving – I'll go back for Joker."
He reached for her as she turned, catching her wrist and she shook her head at him "That was an order lieutenant." She said firmly drawing her hand back and slowly he nodded, turning and heading in the opposite direction from her.
Foster felt his heart lurch in his chest. The ship was breaking apart! He looked up and saw pieces of her floating into the deep ink of space. Suddenly, he felt lightheaded and dizzy and he turned up the oxygen level in his suit. There was an explosion from one of the consoles as he made his way towards the cockpit, shoving floating debris out of his way.
A figure in white armor charged down the walkway and they collided with brutal force, slamming into each other.
"Corporal, to the evac capsules! Shepard wants the crew to abandon ship."
Foster met a pair of brown eyes behind the white helmet. Stinko had taken to wearing white armor—was it symbolic, like he was Shepard's white knight or something? "Where's Shepard?"
"She's in the cockpit. Joker wouldn't leave."
"And you left her alone?!"
Foster started forward and Kaidan blocked him. "I just gave you an order, Mister."
"Sir, you can court-martial me, but you can stick your order up your white-armored ass! I'm not leaving my brother's girl to face this alone! Commander or not! Hobbs would kill me and…and she's my friend!"
"Corporal…" Kaidan warned, but Foster shoved him out of the way. Kaidan loosed a small wave of biotics and watched the younger man compelled by the blue-white wave knock into the bulkhead. When he came down, Foster lay still on the deck. Kaidan shook his head and picked him up, hoisting him over his shoulders. "Sorry, kid," he rasped and trudged to the evac. He tossed Foster into a seat and made sure he was buckled in with crash webbing.
She could only hear breathing in the helmet as she slowly passed floating cables and chairs, finally reaching the cockpit. Joker was at the controls, hands flying, unlike his legs that prevented him from leaving his seat. Well, that, she amended, and his stubbornness.
"Joker, we have to go."
"No, I can still save her!" His green eyes behind the clear oxygen mask were determined.
"The Normandy's lost. I won't lose my best pilot, too!"
"Yeah, all right." He allowed her to pull him from his seat and she knew she broke some bones in the process, but her goal was to get him off the ship alive. Broken bones could be mended.
"They're coming around for another attack!" he shouted as she shoved him through the escape hatch into the pod. "Commander!" His eyes widened.
A gigantic beam cut into the cockpit and Alchera's gravity exerted its pull on Shepard's body, helped by an explosion that broke her hold on the escape hatch. She managed to strike the button that closed the hatch, hearing Joker shout her name.
Another explosion rocked the cockpit, tearing struts and the entire front of the ship apart. Shepard became a piece of the flotsam, her body twisting, air escaping from holes in her suit.
Hobbs checked his scope, training it along the fortified wall of the batarian base. He smiled as he caught sight of a target, holding his breath as his finger rested on the trigger, squeezing gently. The silencer swallowed the shot, but he watched through the scope as the batarian slavers head caved in, brain matter splattering backwards from the blast and the body crumpled beyond his vision behind the wall.
He commando-crawled closer through the dried grass pausing as a sudden sinking feeling came over him. He frowned, glancing to the sky where two suns blazed through the atmosphere. He wished he could wipe his forehead as sweat trickled down inside his helmet. The feeling persisted and he glanced the terrain around him, there was nothing except an expanse of dried grass and the great walls and fences of the facility he was infiltrating.
No immediate danger.
So why was his body telling him otherwise.
"Operative." The voice came through the speaker of his helmet and he flinched, sighing as he pressed his head to the ground.
"I said to keep the line quiet." He said back, his tone annoyed.
"You're going to want to come back here Hobbs." The voice pressed and his eyes opened to blackness, his face too close to the ground to make out anything clearly "Now."
The stars blurred in and out of his vision as the evac shuttle sped along its course to the planet Alchera. Stars and the planet's moons were distinguishable from one another only by color and they winked in and out of view so quickly there wasn't time to see any one in particular. They painted a kind of gray, bright canvas in front of Kaidan's half-lidded eyes; he was deep in thought but he could still make out the universe whipping by like a pale, twinkling streamer.
He had never felt so helpless in his entire life, not even on Virmire when he'd wanted to convince Shepard to choose to save Ash's life and not his. He closed his eyes, keeping tears at bay. Sometimes he wished she'd let him die on Virmire; it was preferable to the slow death he experienced every time he saw her and Hobbs together.
I love you, Abigail. We could've had a good life together.
Outside, the streaks of pale starlight were condensing into a more understandable collection of shapes, among them flaming pieces of the Normandy. Kaidan could make out a distant planet and its smattering of small moons, like a gathering of listening children. The moons were tinged blue and black. The planet they orbited was an ever-moving mass of dark, purplish clouds. He pressed his omni-tool for a reading of the planet: Surface temp -22°C.
The weight of command settled heavily upon him. He was in charge; he was responsible for the crew until Shepard appeared to save the day as she always did. Oh, God, how many of them were even still alive? God, Shepard, how did you do this? Responsible for so many lives!
Foster awoke with a splitting headache and a sour, dry mouth. He sat up slowly, cradling his pounding skull, and gasped when he saw the state of his hands. His knuckles were torn and bloody, the blood congealing in thick, black scabs down his fingers. A deep, numbing pain radiated from them and for a moment he couldn't remember how it had happened. Then he recalled Alenko and being slammed by a wall of biotic energy. He'd been… He tried to think. He'd been on his way to get Abs. Abs! Where was she?
Fear, like a rising sickness, constricted his throat.
There was a soft moan and Kaidan turned to find a pair of hostile blue eyes fastened on him. Foster sat up straighter, straining against the crash netting. He clenched his fists.
"You cold-cocked me, you dick!"
"Corporal!"
"If anything happened to her, I swear I'll end you!"
"Save it for later." Kaidan saw accusation in his eyes and gestured as the ground rushed up to meet the shuttle. "Better brace. This could be rough."
Rough? Foster dug his fingers into the arms of the seat as the shuttle was hammered as it passed through the wide ion rings. If they weren't so dangerous, Foster would have considered them beautiful as rainbow prisms caused by ice rings clung to the ion and embraced the Normandy's rubble. Pieces of the ship sparkled as if coated with crystals.
"Initializing thrusters," the shuttle VI announced. For a moment, Foster worried that it would rattle apart as they entered the planet's atmosphere. He loved flying, but he hated the terrible, bone breaking violence of this entry. He shut his eyes.
This landing was unlike any other he'd experienced. They hit atmo and he could almost feel heat burning through the shuttle's skin. Where was the hull's protection? Why were they coming in so hot? Too fast. They weren't landing so much as plummeting. If the VI didn't compensate, their angle would be too shallow or too steep and they'd fry before they ever reached ground.
"I got it," he ground out through bared teeth. "Let me fly this piece of junk." He wrestled control from the VI and adjusted the angle of descent.
"I see wreckage." Alenko's voice was quiet compared to the rattling of the shuttle.
"No shit." Foster dodged a huge piece he recognized as a stairway and tried to aim toward the largest piece of Normandy below.
Pieces Foster recognized—and some he didn't—tried to slam into the shuttle. He dodged most; felt the impact of the rest. Fortunately they were pieces of the ship and he was almost glad he didn't see bodies or body parts. That could mean other shuttles had landed and crew had survived.
He'd seen the temp on Alenko's omni tool and knew the temp was way below freezing. The burning debris field spread across the landscape told another story. The falling snow and frozen ground would soon change that. They'd have to dig through ice as burning debris melted snow and it re-froze, encasing whatever was inside.
"What the hell did you do to this thing?" He groused to the VI. "No steering. Damn." He glanced at Alenko just before the shuttle slammed into a field of snow several meters from a rock formation. "Hold onto your balls!"
The impact pressed him into his seat and he wondered if every bone in his body was broken. As he recovered from the impact, he assessed his body and was grateful he'd survived relatively unscathed. The shuttle, however, hadn't been so lucky. A chunk of Normandy had bit a gaping wound in its side.
The Alliance shuttle was equipped with environmental suits for any climate. Foster quickly replaced his shredded gloves with a fresh pair as Kaidan pulled one of the eco suits from underneath his seat and tossed it to Foster.
"If you're going out there, disobeying my direct order not to, at least don't freeze to death." Alenko didn't sound happy.
Foster unfastened the pieces of his battered armor and pulled on the suit. He closed the suit and lumbered through the gouge in the shuttle's side. Normandy had opened the hole and impact with the planet had ripped it wider.
Freezing rain and snow blinded him as he fought gale-force winds. Rain? Then he realized burning debris had melted snow and thrown it high into the air. As it drifted down, some was still liquid. It froze as it fell, fogging his helmet. He checked readings for the largest piece of Normandy and headed toward it. It was hard to stay upright, especially in the cumbersome suit. Walking was even more difficult because he was on a frozen mesa full of deep craters he hadn't seen from the air. And each damn crater was full of snow. It was like slogging through frozen mud. He relied on his helmet HUD to keep from falling and being trapped in deep snow dunes.
"Nothing like helping with the search," he muttered in Alenko's direction.
Jeez. Could anybody survive this? Hope you guys were as lucky as I was.
This planet was nothing but a solidified chunk of ice. A light grey sky above was filled with a whirling vortex of snow. Gusts of wind shoved him and eager icy fingers tore at the suit, seeking entrance so the cold could sneak in and freeze him.
Foster attempted to make contact with any others in the crew, but there was only the howling of the wind. He could hear it even through the helmet. He looked back and realized his footprints leading from the shuttle were gone, obliterated by the snow.
His danger sense kicked in and he instantly looked up just as a huge piece of the garage crashed within yards of where he was standing. He'd managed to dodge the garage, and as he tumbled down a ridge, he caught sight of the Mako, jets thrusting, as it shot out of the gaping maw. The ground trembled and he heard a horrendous boom! as the Mako landed, jolted forward a few feet and skidded sideways. It came to a stop when it plowed into a deep snow drift.
The thrusting jets meant somebody was aboard. Foster moved as fast as he could through thigh-high snow. The Mako's door slid open and two figures jumped out.
"You drive worse than Shepard!" Foster heard the shout as he covered the frozen ground between them and gathered the pair to him the best he could. He hugged one around the neck and pounded on the other's shoulder, unable to control his relief and excitement.
"Garrus! Wrex!"
The turian, unashamed, returned the hug and Wrex slapped Foster on the back.
Garrus disengaged from Foster, who just couldn't stop hugging him, to extend a hand to the door where someone else stood.
Foster grinned up at her. "Dr. Chakwas!"
She smiled and accepted his help getting down.
"Fos? Oh, Fos! Thank the goddess you're alive!"
Liara jumped down and ran into Foster's arms. He wrapped them around her and held her until she began to shiver.
She was only dressed in her normal clothes, which did not shield her from the bitter cold. She was, however, wearing a clear mask that provided the necessary oxygen.
Foster pointed back the way he'd come and saw a figure stumbling toward them through the snow. His mouth tightened. He took Liara by the arm and led her to Kaidan, who was just topping a hill. "Mind taking Liara and Dr. Chakwas to the shuttle?"
Kaidan's heavy sigh could be heard through his helmet. "Come with me, ladies. Wrex, Garrus, you're welcome, too. I sealed off the damage to the shuttle and it'll keep out the cold."
The turian and krogan shook their heads. "Why aren't you out here looking for Shepard?" Garrus asked.
Kaidan winced at the accusation in the turian's voice. It was a valid question. Why wasn't he? How could he tell them that his gut told him Shepard hadn't made it? That he felt lost and diminished and unable to take command the way he knew he needed to? That he was drained of all energy and hope? That he was a broken shell of a man? That he couldn't cope?
"Never mind him," Foster said sharply. "We'll find her. Take the ladies to safety."
The trio trudged away and Kaidan watched them go, feeling incredibly guilty at his lack of ability. She was gone. He knew it—something in him had died with her. He saw another evac shuttle break the atmosphere and knew it was the last one. His omni-tool confirmed it. If Shepard was alive, she would be in this one. He saw Foster point and start to run as the capsule crashed into the ground, spun, and slid wildly across a plateau of ice before coming to a jolting halt.
"Come on," Kaidan said wearily. Abigail, I know…somehow I know…you're gone. Can he feel it, too? Was a part of his soul ripped out of him the moment you were gone? Ah, Abigail! It sinks into my bones! It…hurts!
Foster approached the shuttle warily. It was still steaming from its journey through the atmosphere. Garrus checked his omni-tool and nodded. "This is the one closest to the cockpit."
As they neared the shuttle, Foster had told his friends what had transpired between him and Kaidan. It was so cold that sheets of ice covered the shuttle before they reached it. When they couldn't get the door to move, Wrex used brute strength to wrench it open.
A limp figure was all they saw—pain-filled green eyes met theirs.
"Joker!" Garrus reached inside to help the pilot out and he yelped in pain and pulled back.
"Arm's broken," he gasped. Tears formed ice trails down his cheeks.
"Where's Shepard?" Foster asked. "She was on her way to get you."
"Kid," Garrus said gently.
Foster shook off Garrus' hand on his shoulder and pushed inside the shuttle, confronting Joker. "Why the fuck didn't you leave?!"
Joker broke into sobs. "Because I thought I could save her…save the-the Normandy!" He buried his face in his hands. "It's my fault."
"What happened to her? Tell me!"
Finally, Joker jerked his head up and shouted, "She was spaced! She got me inside the shuttle and then a beam sliced into the cockpit and there was a big explosion and she-she lost her grip." He keened deeply in his throat. "It's all my fault!"
Foster backed out of the shuttle and found he couldn't stand. He collapsed in the snow, fought for control, then lost it. Garrus and Wrex crouched beside him, hands on his shoulders, heads bowed in grief. The only sounds were the howling wind and the cries of a young man in the worst pain of his life.
Hobbs watched from the back of the hall as Ambassador Udina spoke in a monotone drawl about Commander Shepard. He had arrived late to the ceremony having just disembarked from the shuttle returning him to the Citadel, but from his vantage point he could pick out the crew among the crowd. They were all wedged near the front where they had a coffin sitting encumbered with a great wreath of white flowers and to save disturbing proceedings he had decided to hang back out of sight.
Udina spoke of Shepard's accomplishments early on in Biotics training, he spoke of her Star of Terra and her heroics on Elysium, he spoke of her dedication to the Alliance and the 'Cause' whatever that shifty, weightless word meant.
He didn't talk about the things that mattered though, Hobbs thought grimly. He missed out that Abigail Shepard had a way of lighting a room like a sun when it rose over a horizon, he missed out that her smile could melt even a krogan to the core. That she hated white flowers – in fact red, he recalled, was her favourite colour. That she had far too many sugars in her coffee and then spent most of the morning hyper; that she always carried chocolate in her combats and would never ever share it if you asked; that she spoke in her sleep – usually about food, or if it was a bad night about Mindoir and when she woke she would tremble and shake until you pressed the memories out of her with kisses.
He didn't talk about how softly she kissed or how perfectly she fit into Hobb's arms.
He didn't talk about how much she was loved.
Hobbs couldn't think. Couldn't breathe. He should never have come here – but he was hoping… hoping what? Hoping it was a lie? That she would have been waiting behind the door, jumping out at him to shout 'surprise!'? That he would be able to look at an empty coffin and somehow find divine purpose in the fact that her heart wasn't beating and his still was?
No. He should have never come. This wasn't a memorial for the woman he loved, this was Commander Shepard's memorial for people who had seen the campaigns, read the mission reports, to put their minds at ease that a soldier who had fought so hard to save them all had given her life in the line of duty. It was false; draining and held nothing of Abigail in it – nothing to give him any peace.
As it came to an end, and they unveiled the plans to erect a monument in her dedication Hobbs choked back on his anger, on the blatant disrespect for her memory and all she was – she would have hated a monument, she had trouble with a recruitment poster never mind a monument. He smiled at the bittersweet memory, the noise and bustle of the hospital and Abigail standing in front of him her world ending because they had issued recruitment posters of her showing a bit of cleavage, and she had hated them hadn't she? And they had laughed about it – and he had secretly carried a folded copy of it everywhere with him since.
That was the last time he had seen her and it weighed in heavily, he should have told her then – told her the things he wanted so desperately to say to her now.
"You're here!" The voice was Foster's and he raised his eyes to see his brother making his way toward him. He looked distraught, beaten and lost and Hobbs pulled him to him without a word holding him tightly. Foster shook against him, sobbing quietly and the raw emotion tugged hard somewhere in Hobbs' chest as he ground his teeth blinking back tears as other members of the crew headed toward him.
"I'm so sorry Socks." Foster wept and Hobbs shook his head, unable to speak for fear his voice would give out and he wouldn't be able to stop if he started. "I tried to go back for her!" Foster insisted and he pulled back, blue eyes swimming with tears as he looked up at his big brother "I tried to go back and get her I swear!"
Carefully Hobbs swallowed "It wasn't your fault." He said numbly and his brother curled against him once more.
"I'm glad you came." Garrus said, his two tone voice soft as he reached a hand to Foster's shoulder and gave it a gentle squeeze. Foster took a step back wiping his face, glancing to the turian gratefully and then back to Hobbs.
"Did everyone else make it out?" Hobbs asked, the questions were blunt and hollow, evasive and he knew it himself, knew he was sinking as he struggled to stay above the sea of grief.
"Most." Garrus said gently "Pressly didn't make it. A few of the engineering staff." He glanced away and Hobbs could tell the pain was strong for the turian.
"Did… did anyone see her?" He asked, and his voice wavered as he spoke this time, the emotion quaking to the surface as his eyes swam with tears "Did anyone see what happened?"
Garrus shook his head solemnly "Joker, he's… not taking it well. He was badly injured from the evac shuttle, otherwise he would have been here."
Hobbs nodded, drawing back his bottom lip as he sniffed hard, wiping his mouth with the back of his hand "I should have been there." He said resolutely.
"Wouldn't have made a difference." Wrex said as he approached with Alenko in tow, Hobbs noticed that most of the guests had left and the cleaners were in stacking the chairs and removing the wreaths and pictures that had been set up for the ceremony.
"No." Kaidan said gently, pushing his hands into his pockets "It wouldn't have made a difference."
Hobbs bristled, pent up emotion turning to anger as he looked at the lieutenant "I see you managed to get to a shuttle though." He said cooly and Alenko frowned, sweeping his gaze over the others before he shook his head.
"I was ordered to go to a shuttle." He bit off "I followed orders. Don't even start Hobbs. You weren't even there."
"But you were!" Hobbs cried suddenly, the abrupt volume making Foster flinch beside him "You! The man who supposedly loved her was there and you left her behind!"
"Nobody left her behind!" Kaidan retorted hotly, taking a menacing step toward him and Garrus stepped to the side of him, placing a careful, taloned hand on his shoulder. "Shepard ordered us to abandon ship – she chose to go back for Joker. She gave her life trying to ensure her crew got off safely."
Hobbs nodded as tears spilled down his face, the sudden sight making Foster reach for him but he batted his brothers hands away "You can dress it up how you want Alenko." He said coldly "Whatever helps you sleep at night – but the fact remains that she was left behind. She died alone – probably terrified – and not one of you did anything to prevent it."
"How dare you!" Kaidan stormed, and he was moving toward Hobbs angrily, Garrus gripped the shoulder of his dress blues trying to haul him back and Foster jumped in front of him shaking his head wildly.
"Stop it!" He cried "He didn't mean it Alenko!"
Kaidan's eyes glowed a ferocious blue as he strained against Garrus' grip "You come here acting like you were the only one that cared about her!" Kaidan shouted as tears began to spill down his cheeks "You think you could have done anything different?!"
It was Hobbs' turn to get angry now as he wrenched off the wall he had been leaning against "I would never have left her!" He shouted "I would have been in front of her or by her side, never behind!"
"You were behind!" Kaidan screamed "You weren't there!"
"Enough!" Garrus cried and he attempted to haul Kaidan back but lost his grip and the lieutenant flew for Hobbs in a fit of rage. He crashed against him, gathering the red sweatshirt that held so much meaning for Hobbs in both hands as he shook him angrily.
"Abigail had few regrets in her life Hobbs!" He ground out "But she shared a few with me, and you – you were the top of the list."
"You had better back up out of my face Alenko." Hobbs warned, holding the seething gaze of the lieutenant seriously.
This time Wrex stepped in, pulling them roughly apart and Foster placed himself carefully in front of his brother, his hands landing firmly on his shoulders as he attempted to get the man to look at him and not Kaidan.
"You stupid pyjaks." Wrex rumbled "This is not a competition to see who hurts the most. You want to start something you better be prepared to deal with an 800 pound krogan because I will kick both of you into line if it doesn't stop."
"I'm not leaving her behind." Hobbs said resolutely "I'm going to find her and bring her home." He didn't wait for the response, pulling back from his brother he strode toward the exit and had almost reached it when he heard Foster's heavy footsteps running after him.
"Wait!" His brother cried "I'll come with you – we can do this together!"
"No." Hobbs said, turning abruptly to face him "You can't. You're Alliance. You would be AWOL."
Foster frowned, stung, blue eyes looking at him pleadingly "But you're Alliance too." He insisted.
Hobbs shook his head, placing a hand on his shoulder "Listen to me Beer." He said carefully "I shouldn't…" He swallowed, wiping his eyes angrily as tears threatened once more "The Alliance are preparing to recall everyone that was on the Normandy." He said quietly. He could see his brother's frown, the confusion on his face and pressed a finger to his own lips signalling this was classified information "I've seen it before. They're preparing to discredit everything Shepard worked hard to achieve – they want more territories, more leverage with the new seat on the council and the price is forgetting about the Reapers and everything Abigail tried to show them." He shook his head "You can't go AWOL. They'll hunt you down."
"What about you?" Foster urged and Hobbs shook his head.
"They'll hunt me down too, but I can't risk losing you Beer, I'm supposed to protect you."
"Bullshit!" Foster cried "Socks, you can't protect me all the time! You can't protect everyone!"
Hobbs frowned, stung as he narrowed his eyes "What is that supposed to mean?" He asked, blue-green eyes brimming with tears as he shook his head "You mean Tempy right? I didn't protect Tempy?"
"No." Foster insisted "That's not what I meant!"
But Hobbs wasn't listening, pulling back from his brother he held him at arm's length "I'm sorry Foster." He said brokenly "I'm sorry I wasn't there."
"I didn't mean it like that." Foster said again grabbing for him "We can work this out, somehow we can get them to see-"
"No." Hobbs said firmly, and he grabbed his brother into a hug "No, they won't see Beer. I have to do this alone." He pressed a kiss to his head gently "Don't look for me."
With that he broke the embrace, pushing back and turning quickly as he ran for the exit. He could hear Foster call after him – but he kept running, slamming into the elevator before his brother could catch up to him.
As the doors slid closed Hobbs could feel himself sinking once again, could feel the waves come crashing overhead as he bounced from one foot to the other. He wanted to be back in the gym suddenly, he wanted to hit something and in the absence of all he had come to depend on he sank to his knees in the elevator and at long last he wept.