A/N: Getting to the end now- I think I'll finish up my other pieces before starting new ones.
I know Horseplay won the poll and I mentioned doing it earlier, but I have zero motivation for that story just now.
I think I'll probably be doing the second-place choice Beyond Exhaustion and my season 5 re-write but we shall see which plot bunnies win in this vicious conflict.

Nance: Thank you :) Gaius really can't be expected to concoct these crazy cover stories any more- he's a doctor, not a super-spy!
Yes, I watched the new Star Trek movie yesterday and yes, I couldn't think of anything better than super-spy.

Now for some promotion: All of you should read and review the heck out of LFB72's new story Burning Amidst an Ocean.
It's awesome and I promise you'll love it (believe me, I read ahead). /s/9277633/1/Burning-Amidst-an-Ocean

Gwen tossed restlessly in her bed, coming out of her half-sleep with a dreadful realization of exactly what she had been doing in the time since her rescue from the Dark Tower. Choking back a sob, she rolled out of bed before she could disturb her snoring husband.

Heavy robe wrapped about herself she slipped out of the room, waving off the guards and heading for a deserted corridor.

It all hit her one thing after another. She had experienced a vague feeling of shame and guilt when she had first been healed, but hadn't actually remembered anything until it all appeared in her dreams.

Elyan was dead. She covered her face and wept as the true feelings for her brother's demise flooded through her.

She had conspired with Morgana- almost killed Arthur, basically did kill Merlin... lords, she had murdered Tyr and that poor guard.
The flitting thought of 'how did Merlin survive' ghosted across her mind, but was washed away by her relief that he was still alive.

Scrubbing the tears from her face she started making her way to her friend's side... if he could even think of her that way now.

Gaius was not present when she arrived in the physician's quarters so she knocked softly on Merlin's door, being admitted by a boy she recognized as the druid that had been helping Gaius during his ward's convalescence.

"Your Highness! I didn't expect-" he broke off, flustered, and gave a messy bow.

"That's quite alright. Could I sit with Merlin alone for a while?"
Her voice was timid, not aware of how much the boy before her knew about the situation.

He seemed a bit hesitant but nodded nonetheless.
"I'll be right outside should you need anything."
The brunet head dipped once more before the youth exited the bedroom to settle at the workbench, picking up a nearby tome to occupy himself.

Guinevere took a deep breath and steeled herself, closing the door behind her as she entered.

"Oh Merlin..."

Her friend was all-but writhing on the bed, small noises of distress emanating from the tangled mass of man and linens.

Ignoring the stool and sinking to her knees beside the cot, the queen reached out to smooth the sweaty hair from his forehead- she tried not to let her heart break when he flinched back from her touch.

"Shhh... it's okay, Merlin. You're safe, everything's alright, just calm down... please?"
Her shaky hands hovered over his body, wanting to comfort but not wanting to be rejected again.

Either her gentle assurances finally reached him or else the servant tired himself out, now lying still on his back aside from the occasional twitch.

The royal sighed, tears streaming from her eyes as she beheld the frail form before her.
"Merlin, I- oh, I don't even know where to start... I'm... I'm so sorry. I can't believe I did that to you, and I'd understand if you can never forgive me, but... no, I don't even have the right to ask. Not that I'm saying you're unforgiving, of course, but I stabbed you and helped Morgana- I just... I'm so glad you're alive. Even if you can't- don't want to be friends with me anymore, I just want you to know I'll always be here for you, Merlin, and-" she broke off, sobs getting the better of her as she bent forward to hide her face against the mattress.

The feeling of a hand on her hair startled her out of her grief and she sat up abruptly, pale limb falling back to the bed in her absence.

"Merlin!"

Half-lidded blue eyes looked back at her as he weakly reached for her hand and held it in his own.
A slow smile spread across his face.

"Merlin, how are you feeling?"
She knew it was a foolish question, but could think of nothing else at the moment.

His gaze flicked to the door before a painful-sounding croak issued from his mouth.
"Tired."

And he must be, to admit it so freely.
Gwen offered him some water and helped him sit up to drink it.

"Thank you."

His voice didn't really sound any better, but he seemed a bit more awake.

"You've nothing to thank me for, Merlin, after all I-"

"No."

His firm objection surprised her into silence.

"Not your fault- Morgana's."

"But it was my hands that held the dagger. My words that-"

"No- can't blame yourself, Gwen."

Despite herself, the queen allowed a bit of hope to blossom.
Could Merlin really forgive her?
He hadn't called her by name for quite some time...

Either way, the servant was clearly going to be stubborn on this point so she switched topics.
"Can I get you something to eat?

He shook his head slowly, then turned pleading eyes on her.
"Sit with me?"

She sniffed, then leaned forward to give him a slight hug- nearly ecstatic when he didn't pull away.
"Of course."

Merlin feigned sleep, waiting for Gwen to nod off.
Once the sounds of her slow, even breathing filled the small space he placed his hand lightly against the queen's brow.

"Forgitan."

Sleep claimed him immediately.