Dreams and waking dreams
She was lying down. But she was sitting. She was floating in something warm and wet. But she was standing. People were talking to her. But she was alone. René was crying.
René... was crying.
A young girl... was... crying...
She became aware of sounds around her first. The beeps of medical machinery. The hiss of gasses through tubes. The chatter of... of...
"You are awake." The voice was unfamiliar. She looked up to see a woman in the garb of a surgeon standing beside her. She had to be lying on something tall. She was at the woman's abdomen level. She met the woman's eyes and the surgeon spoke. "The procedures are done. You are ready for transport, Honored Sister."
"I...feel..." She managed to croak out.
"It will be all right." The woman said in a soothing tone. "You are weak and sick from your injury and the surgeries. But there were no complications. You will be all right. We will pray for you, Honored Sister. Rest now." She keyed a control.
"But..." She fell into darkness still trying to get the words out.
Quite a bit later
She was awake again. But everything was...wrong. She was lying on something hard. A bed? She looked around. The room was tiny and barren. There was nothing in it except whatever she was lying on. The room was dim, but not dark. She sat up, bracing herself for pain, but nothing came. She stared around and then at herself. She wore some kind of dark garment that covered her for modesty purposes. There were no sheets on the bed, and it had one small pillow. She was warm. It was odd, but she felt...good. No pain, no fear, no anger.
No anger. That...wasn't right. Why wasn't she angry? She should be angry. But... She didn't know why. She lay back down trying to figure out what was wrong. She didn't...feel wrong. But she did. She tried to think, but... She went still. She didn't know her name! She tried to focus on it and it wouldn't come. She should have been afraid or angry, but she wasn't. The emotions simply wouldn't come.
"Wha-?" She froze and spoke again. "What is wrong with me?" Her voice...was wrong. She couldn't say how, but it was wrong.
"Honored Sister?"A voice came from the wall and she turned her head as part of the wall swung in. A... She stared, she couldn't help it. The woman in the dark blue habit who stood in the door wasn't one. Well, she wasn't human. She was humanoid, but her head... Two pointed ears hung back from the sides of her head and her face... It was long. Not a human face, a furred muzzle. Were those tails that stuck out behind her? But her blue eyes were human. And they were alight with sorrow and compassion as she looked at the woman on the bed. "I am Sister Kieko. Are you all right?"
"I don't know." Why did the other call her 'Honored Sister'? What was the other?
"What do you see?" The standing woman asked, her voice kind. The woman on the bed shook her head and the standing woman sighed. "Honored Sister... it is all right. You are all right. We had to... sequester parts of your mind so you could take the tests." She stepped to the edge of the bed and knelt, her head coming down to be on level with the recumbent woman's. "What do you see?"
"An animal face." The one called 'Honored Sister' tried not to shy away as the other reached out and took her hand. She gave a gasp as the other woman pulled her hand up to her face and let her touch... It felt human. She had her hand inside the animal's muzzle, and it felt human. She could feel a cheek, a jaw, an eye socket. No fur.
"Your eyes are deceiving you, Honored Sister." Sister Kieko said calmly. "I am human." The one called Honored Sister jerked and then she was crying. Sister Kieko pulled her into hug and held her as she sobbed. "You are confused. You are scared. You do not remember who you were or what happened. That is... necessary."
"Why?" The Honored Sister asked.
"You were selected as a replacement for our Reverend Mother." Sister Kieko said quietly. "Your predecessor made a number of mistakes. Bad ones. She intended to ask you to take the tests, and then submit herself for judgment for what she had done. She came to us, and related her dilemmas. She was...tired. Worn out from what she had been forced to do for so long. That does not excuse her actions, for nothing can. But she wanted to make amends."
"And... she selected me?" The Honored Sister was not sure about this at all.
"There was...a great deal of discussion." Sister Kieko said in a tone that implied that things had gone past words. "What she wanted had never been done. To do it... we had to... do things that we all found repugnant. We had to open vaults that should have remained sealed. And in the end, it was nearly for naught." She released the Honored Sister and stood. "We nearly lost you."
"What happened?" The Honored Sister asked carefully.
"The Reverend Mother's actions had led to harm of a young member of your family." Sister Kieko said sadly. "The poor girl did not die, but it was very close. She was badly hurt and while it was not the Reverend Mother's fault, she was responsible. But prior to that, in order to hide the girl, she had ordered the girl programmed." The Honored Sister shook her head. That made no sense to her. "You will not remember what that is right now, but it was bad. And that was her fault." Sister Kieko said firmly. "No matter her intentions, no matter her desires or goals... We were all incensed when she told us. Both that the girl was underage for such things and the fact that she lied to the girl about it. She did it to hide the girl, but still..." She shook her inhuman looking head, and Honored Sister tried to ignore the pointed ears swaying. "We are supposed to be better than that."
"And me?" Honored Sister was bracing herself. She got the feeling she would not like this.
"During the mess with the young girl..." Sister Keiko's animal face conveyed human emotions quite nicely. Chagrin warred with disgust. "The Reverend Mother talked to you. It was brief, fleeting. But..." She frowned. "It is cliché, but all of the Reverend Mothers have said in journals that they left, that they 'had a 'feeling' when they met a potential successor'."
"And she felt that in me?" Honored Sister asked, incredulous. Keiko nodded. "So... what happened?"
"You were not of our order, Honored Sister." Sister Keiko looked at the floor. "You were... an enemy." Honored Sister gasped and Sister Keiko nodded. "Add to that, you were very angry at what happened to the girl." The human who didn't look like one sighed. "Understandably."
"What happened?" Honored Sister did not want to beg, but she couldn't help the pleading tone that entered her voice.
"We do not know all of what happened. You were shot. That we know. The rest? The only surviving witnesses are a very traumatized soldier and a girl who is mentally retarded." Sister Keiko said sadly. "The plan was to bring you to a safe place. Perhaps here. Perhaps somewhere else. Let you wake in comfort and safety. We could talk, explain. Try to find a middle ground. Ask for you assistance. Not this. Never this." She shook her head savagely. "You cannot shoulder the burden if you are unwilling. It can and will kill you if you let it." She slumped a bit. "It has happened. We... know better. Or we should."
"Why would she do this then?" Honored Sister asked plaintively. "I mean... I can't remember who I was... How can I take tests if I do not remember who I was?"
"The tests are not of quantifiable things, Honored Sister." Sister Keiko said softly. "No math, no science, nothing like that. No one has ever said what they were, but they have all said that what they showed."
"And that is?" Honored Sister steeled herself but Sister Keiko just smiled sadly. "What?"
"They always said it showed themselves." Sister Keiko said with a sigh. "Sometimes we wonder if all Reverend Mothers just adored keeping secrets for the heck of it. But... most of the time, we think they did not explain, because they could not. They could not answer in any way we would understand. That is... in the end, moot. If you choose not to take the tests, then we will not force you. We will undo what was done to you and return you to where you came from."
"Just like that?" Honored Sister could not keep suspicion from her tone, but Sister Keiko was not offended. Far from it.
"Oh, it will be difficult." Sister Keiko said with a smile that Honored Sister knew somehow was friendly even if it showed way too many teeth on a face that was not human. "But we can do it. We are not the Corpus. We do not lie whenever we choose." She sighed. "I think your predecessor forgot that or she spent too long around liars. No matter how strong willed a person may be... They have limits. Even you." She slumped a bit. "And you been pushed far past your limits. You need time, food and ease." She beckoned to the Honored Sister. "We can give you all three. And hopefully, we can figure out why your eyes are playing tricks on you and fix it."
"I... don't know..." Honored Sister felt wrong saying that, as if that wasn't the way she was. She bowed her head. "I can say 'No' at any time?"
"Anytime." Sister Keiko said gently. "We need you, but not unwilling. It won't work." She shook her head. "Trying to... coerce people into doing the job just doesn't work. There are few upsides to the job."
"Your recruiting pitch needs help." Honored Sister said dryly as she rose and took Sister Keiko's hand.
"We can have no secrets from you." Sister Kieko said softly as she led the way into a corridor. It wasn't dark, it was dim, like the room had been. "And before you go any further, you need to know that the test have proved mortal on many occasions." Honored Sister stiffened, but did not stop walking when Sister Keiko did not. "We will not lie to you. If you have questions, we will try to answer them."
They walked a ways down the corridor. At intervals, other doors just like the one they had stepped out of shone on the walls. Some were closed, others open. Inside, each room was the same. Tiny. One bed. Honored Sister paused as she heard singing, but Sister Kieko pulled her hand gently.
"You are not of our faith." Sister Keiko said firmly. "And no one will force you to be."
"So... we are not alone here." Honored Sister said, looking about. The walls...were decorated. But it hard to make out. Paintings of... things she didn't understand. People, images, she could not recall if she had seen any before. A seated woman with enigmatic smile pulled her for a moment, but Sister Keiki smiled and gave her another gentle tug.
"Mona Lisa has that effect on all of us." Sister Keiko said when Honored Sister looked at her. "Truly a master reproduction. I sometimes come just to look. But many of the images... are less settling."
"What... is this place?" Honored Sister asked as the neared the end of the corridor. Another door sat closed.
"This is the Convent." Sister Keiko said with a nod. "This place... stands empty except for caretakers most of the time. Only when a Reverend Mother must rise does it see service. But it is kept up. I served as a caretaker once, so I can return when I need solace. I often do." There was an awkward silence.
"What do the images show?" Honored Sister asked to fill the silence.
"They show the history of the Clergy." Sister Keiko sounded sad as she moved to open the door. "It... is not pretty. But there are moments of light in the darkness. We take solace in the fact that we have made a difference. That no matter how dark the way may seem, we can be the light. Or... at least help the light." She smiled a bit forlornly at Honored Sister. "Come, Gertrude can set your eyes right. She is... bit much at times, but she means well." She opened the door and called. "Gertrude? She is having some difficulty with her eyes. She sees an animal face over mine."
"Oh geez!" The voice as sour and Honored Sister stifled a gasp as a... large snake woman entered the corridor. The woman stared at her and then sighed. "Is it too much to ask that they shield the poor dears' optic nerves? That has happened five times!"
"Gertrude." Sister Keiko said quietly. She held onto Honored Sister's hands. "What do you see, Honored Sister?"
"She is..." Honored sister gulped, but Sister Keiko gave her hand another squeeze. "She is a snake woman."
"Oh boy..." The newcomer said with a deep, heartfelt sigh.
"It is probably the optic augmentation reacting to the dampening fields?" Sister Keiko offered. "She said I had pointy ears and a tail." Keiko shook her head as the other inhaled sharply. "Don't say it, Gertrude! She is stressed enough."
"Probably leakage from the mythological database..." The other woman said slowly. "The databases... they really need to replace some of those." She sighed. "Though they never will. Not 'traditional'." She said with a snarl. She shook herself. "Honored Sister? I am Sister Gertrude. Can you tell me... What exactly you are seeing?"
"I..." Honored Sister swallowed hard. She did not want to give offense.
"It is okay, dear." Sister Gertrude said calmly. "It is not your fault. I am not a snake. I just want to know if it is the mythological or religious databases that are bleeding into your augmentation. Which should be deactivated entirely."
"This makes no sense." Honored Sister was nearly in tears. "I mean..."
"I know." Sister Gertrude said sadly. "Please, red scales or green?"
"Green." Honored Sister said with a gulp.
"Got it. Naga. Mythological." Gertrude... wavered and suddenly, there was an older woman standing there in a nun's habit, her hands flying over a piece of tech. She was not small and her face was severe. But it softened as Honored Sister stared at her. "See? Human." She held out a hand to Honored Sister who took it and relaxed on feeling flesh under her fingers. "No scales." Honored Sister looked at Keiko who smiled from a human face at her.
"I don't... understand." Honored Sister said softly.
"I know." Sister Keiko was sad. "And there is much to do in little time. But this is better, no?"
"Much." Honored Sister said with a nod. "Thank you." She said to Gertrude.
"You will find a way to repay me." Gertrude said with a nod. Then she paused and her face turned bleak. "I hope."
"Me too." Honored Sister said with a sigh. "Sister Keiko? Lead on."
"Okay." Sister Keiko smiled and nodded. "Sister Gertrude is our seamstress. She has the traditional attire you will wear and it should be your size."
"It is her size." The older sister said with a scowl. "Or are you maligning my sewing?"
"You are good, Gertrude, but we had such short notice." Honored Sister wondered about that, but Keiko pulled her along again, gently but insistently. "Gertrude needs you to stand for her. You will want a bath, then Gertrude will fit your robes, then a meal. Then the tests." Honored Sister shook her head a bit. This seemed... awfully fast.
"Is there a rush?" Honored Sister asked with a frown. Gertrude looked at Keiko who sighed and nodded.
"There is." Keiko said sourly. "We got word of some... people who do not want us to have a new Reverend Mother. We... tend to irritate people."
"We pull dirty secrets out into the light." Gertrude said sourly. Honored Sister realized she was probably always like that and it probably didn't mean she disliked anyone. She was just naturally prickly. "What we do is needed, but it is never going to be popular. Especially with those who have a lot to hide."
"I am still not sure of this." Honored Sister said quietly. "But I will follow your directions. I feel...wrong, but someone had the belief that I could do this?" Both sisters nodded. "Then I guess I should try."
"Come." Gertrude's face was softer as she led the way into a room where a set of robes hung on a mannequin. "Go get her bath started, Keiko. I have this."
"Just don't scare her Gertrude." Keiko complained.
"I doubt she scares so easily." The seamstress replied as she chivvied Honored Sister to stand in the middle of the room.
Keiko was smiling as she moved out the door and down another corridor. Another sister was already filling the huge metal tub with hot water from buckets.
"We are going to have to tell her about Bek, Sister Keiko." Harriet said as she worked. "She is going to want to know. And if it comes at her cold..." She shook her head. "I would not react well. She sure as hell will not."
"I know." Keiko agreed as she pulled another bucket from a closet and started helping Harriet fill the tub. "The fire going?" Harriet just looked at her and Keiko sighed. "All right, all right... is the total conversion plant heating the water?"
"Tradition is a good thing, Sister Keiko." Sister Harriet said with a shrug. "But it can be taken to extremes. We do not want to go back to fossil fuel driven furnaces and pre-Orokin plumbing."
"Good point." Keiko said with sigh. "It is just... how often do you get to be part of history being made?" Harriet paused and looked at her. "I know. I am sorry." She said, bowing her head.
"Honored Sister must face the tests. But only if she so chooses. If she does not... If Bek has his way, we are history, Sister Keiko." Harriet said firmly.
"I know."