Unlikely tests
Honored Sister was... bemused. There were ten other sisters in the place, including Keiko and Gertrude. All were kind and gentle with her. All were polite to a fault. She had been bathed, despite her protestations that she could do it herself, they hadn't left her alone for a moment. It had felt... odd. But good. Most of it anyway.
She was mildly creeped out by Sister Harriet, but the other took it in stride. Harriet was... blank. She wasn't emotional at all. Honored Sister wasn't sure why, but from comments she had overhead, it wasn't anything good. The other sisters helped a great deal, their polite chatter masking some worry that they were trying so hard not to burden her with. She was not surprised then, when Harriet came up to her after her robes had been fitted. They fit very well. For all her acerbic nature, Sister Gertrude had a kind heart and was a master at sewing.
"Sister Harriet." Honored Sister said as the other approached. Honored Sister was eating. They had been putting bowls of soup in front of her for a few minutes and she had been eating. Soft food, but nutritious. She had been injured and asleep for some time. But they kept saying she would need the energy, so she did not protest. It was good soup and her stomach was still growling at her.
"You have noticed that we are worried." Harriet's response was not a question. "We have cause."
"Is it something I will understand with my memory suppressed?" Honored Sister asked calmly. Harriet shook her head. "What must I do?"
"Finish your bowl first." Was that a smile that was trying to cross the other woman's face? It was hard to tell. "This... feels wrong. This procedure should take a week, even discounting your injuries which were not minor. We do not hasten it lightly."
Honored Sister nodded and bent to her bowl. She had seen the scars on her skull in a mirror when the others had dried her after her bath. What was more disturbing was that... she knew the shot had come from a particular angle. She wasn't sure how she knew, but she knew her own hand had fired the shot that had nearly killed her. And that the shot should have killed her.
Honored Sister finished the bowl and no more were placed in front of her. She nodded to Harriet. "Was it something I did?" She asked as she rose. The robes felt... wrong, but right. They were... the wrong color? She could be sure.
"No." Harriet assured her. "We have made enemies, some of them quite powerful. One in particular seems to have made it his vendetta to destroy us. For now, he is stymied."
"But... what if I fail?" Honored Sister asked, worried. Harriet did not respond. "What if I fall or cannot continue?" Harriet remained silent. "Sister Harriet, please."
"If you fall or cannot continue, Honored Sister..." Harriet said quietly. "Then it is not your concern. You must focus on the tests. Once they are done... If..." She shook herself. "Once they are done, we can brief you completely. Devise a plan. For now? You need to take the tests."
"There is something else." Honored Sister said softly. "Isn't there?"
"I cannot say." Harriet said softly. "I... want to, but I cannot."
"Why not?" Honored Sister asked softly. "Can you say that?" Harriet shook her head. "This is... most perplexing." Honored Sister said mildly. "If I pass the tests, will you answer me?"
"When you pass the tests." Harriet said firmly. "I will be able to." She smiled a bit forlornly. "But you will not need to ask."
"Something in the tests." Honored Sister said with a shrug. "Okay. Then we must get me to the tests."
"You have no mentor to give you one, so... will you accept my blessing?" Harriet asked, her face still blank. Instead of answering, Honored Sister knelt. It...wasn't quite the way the other sisters did. But it felt right, sitting on her knees with her hands folded in front of her. Harriet laid a hand on Honored Sister's brow. "Creator, bless and guide this Sister on her path." Something settled over Honored Sister. It felt... like calm, but... not. She was committed. "Guide her to wisdom and aid her in the trials ahead. She is strong and willing. Grant her the peace that passes all understanding. Let her submit only to you. Let her become what is needed." Harriet bowed her head and murmured word that Honored Sister could not catch and then she stood up and retracted her hand.
"Your faith is strong." Honored Sister said quietly as she rose.
"I am weak." Harriet said flatly. "Something about me must be strong." She paused as Honored Sister laid a hand on her arm.
"No, you are not." Honored Sister said calmly. "We will talk again, Sister Harriet."
"I... would like that." Harriet said softly as she started off. Honored Sister followed her. "There is so much fear right now. So many people are afraid. Our Reverend Mother was our rock, our anchor in an insane universe. Without her..." She sighed.
"I do not know if I can do this, Sister Harriet." Honored Sister said quietly. "But I will do my best."
"That is all anyone can ask." Harriet nodded. "You will face horrors. What kind? I do not know. None who faced them could speak of them."
"Could?" Honored Sister glanced at the other.
"I do not know." Harriet said with a sigh. "We do not know. It may be something as simple as path to enlightenment, or it may be more. No one who enters the testing area and comes out will speak of it."
"I see." Honored Sister was not surprised to see all of the other attendants lining the way to the last door at the end of the corridor. The one she had never seen open. As she passed, each bowed their head and spoke something under their breaths. Then... she was at the door. She turned to face the assembled sisters. "I do not know what will come of this." She said quietly. "But I thank you for your care."
She went still as all, including Harriet, knelt and bowed deeply. It wasn't to her. Somehow, she knew it wasn't to her. She turned and opened the door. Something seemed to waft over her as she stopped through the door and as she looked back... there was no door! She nodded, she was committed. Or was she? They had said she... She went still as a light came on nearby. It illuminated a door marked 'Exit'.
"Okay." Honored Sister said with a smile. "I can get the hint. Thank you." It seemed the right thing to say. To thank... whoever or whatever. "Where first?"
Another door was illuminated, just a few steps ahead of her. She stepped to it and nodded. "Thank you." She went still as there was a reply.
Courtesy is appreciated, but not necessary. The silent voice was female, kind. But... old. Powerful. Familiar? If you wish to leave after any of the tests, take the door marked 'Exit'.
"I know." Honored Sister said softly. "You will not tell me who you are, will you?"
When you finish the tests, we will meet again, Serene. The voice... vanished.
"Serene?" Honored Sister asked, startled. "Was that my name?" There was no response. She sighed and opened the door. Inside, the room was brightly lit. It was... she went still as she saw a form sitting by one wall. The young human was dirty. He was... oddly listless. He saw her and his eyes lit up.
"Please..." The man said in a dazed voice. "Just a hit. I just... need a hit... I need my fix."
"I..." Honored Sister went still as she stared around and saw a table by the door. On it lay two ancient looking hypodermic syringes. One was marked 'Short Term Pleasure', the other 'Quick Death'.
"I need my stuff..." The young man crawled towards her, but then he jerked short and she saw he was chained to the wall. A plate with food lay untouched near him and a glass of water that looked full. "I need it. Please..."
"How long does it last?" Honored Sister asked. "Your... 'hit'?"
"Long enough." The young man was no apparent threat. But she was wary. He was an addict. "I need it! I need it!"
"I see. Be calm." Honored Sister said softly. She picked up both syringes and carried them to the man. "One of these will give you your 'fix', the other will kill you." She held out both to him. "I have no right to choose for you." She turned them so he could read them.
"You..." The man's dazed eyes focused on her for a moment. "You..." He stared down at the syringes. "You give me the choice?"
"I have no right to choose for you." Honored Sister repeated as he reached for them with a trembling hand. "It is your life, not mine." She made sure to keep herself out of reach.
"Th...Thank you..." The young man said as he clutched the syringe marked 'Quick Death' and with a convulsive movement, stabbed himself in the leg with it. He jerked once and then lay still, his hand falling away. She sighed, dropped the other syringe to the floor and then bent down to close his sightless eyes.
"Not all addicts have your strength of will. May whatever deity you followed -if any- have mercy." Honored Sister said sadly as she turned to the door. She forced herself to stand straight as she walked out the door.
"Next." She said firmly. Another door illuminated nearby. She stared down the corridor. It was a long corridor and there were many doors. "No time like the present."
The tests were not physically demanding. But they got worse and worse as she moved. More than once, she stepped out the door from the test to throw up. After one particularly bad one, she leaned against the wall and shivered for several minutes.
She had been forced to judge a man who was the absolute worst kind of human she could have imagined. Not content to hurt people, he abducted them, violated them, and then murdered them. Men, women and children.
His only defense? "I could. So why not? Go ahead! Kill me! You know you want to!" All with a smug grin on his face.
She had forced herself not to react. The whole point of these tests were now clear to her. She was being pushed to her limits of emotional control. Every fiber of her being had screamed to tear the man limb from limb, but she hadn't. She had listened to the evidence as he ranted. She had listened to the defense argue that the man was insane as he ranted. She had thought for several minutes and then she had rendered her verdict.
"You could." She had said in a cold voice and the man had actually quailed away from whatever he saw in her eyes. "No more. You have proven incapable of living as part of society, but..." She said with a raised hand as the defense lawyer started to speak. "Killing you is a waste." She did not add 'of bullets' as she so wanted to. "You will serve the society that you so deride. But... you will be restrained using whatever technology is needed and you will be rendered incapable of ever forcing yourself on anyone ever again." He had stared at her and then he had crumpled. "You want death? I refuse to give it to you. Enjoy your life of captivity and servitude. I hope it is long."
He had been crying as he had been dragged away. That had been the worst. But there were others...
The old, old woman who had begged for surcease from a life of pain and been given it.
Comforting the grieving parents of a little boy who had fallen from a great height and landed badly. He would never wake. They had asked her advice and she had given it. They had turned off his life support and she had helped them start the grieving process.
Counseling a girl whose first crush had turned on her violently and been arrested for assault. That had not been fun, but the girl had been better after. Hopefully she would find someone new and a bit less physical.
Talking to a woman who had been perched on the side of a building. The woman had lost everything in her life. Her husband to war. Her children to illness. Her job to depression. Honored Sister had tried. It hadn't been enough. Just before the security forces that Honored Sister was distracting the lady from could reach her to grab her, the woman had jumped. That one had been bad.
They were blurring now. Most of them.
Finally, she leaned against the wall and cried.
"Why?" She demanded. "Why just horror? Why not joy or happiness or anything good? Why just the bad?"
Without 'bad', would we know what 'good' was? The touch was there and gone. But... there was something else. Not... from the voice. Not... from anywhere she knew. It was...soft. gentle. But it was also everywhere. It felt... good.
"What do I do?" Honored Sister begged. "I... I can't keep this up. But I cannot fail." There was no reply, not in words. But... the feeling of...something came over her. It felt... supportive. Calming. She felt... good. She bowed her head. "I will not fail."
She marched to the next door, entered it and came to sudden halt. A bed lay in the middle of the room. On it, a young pregnant girl lay still. She breathed. Honored Sister stared around wildly, but nothing else was in the room. No instructions, no tools. Nothing.
"What the-...?" Her soft exclamation had the girl turning to face her.
"Mom?" The girl's eyes stared at her, but did not focus... She was blind! Her voice was.. wrong. Too young for her age. "Is... Is that you?"
"I do not remember." Honored Sister stammered. "My memory was suppressed."
"Mom... help..." The girl begged. "I... I no can see... My stomach... it hurts... It hurts!" She curled around her stomach, gasping in pain. "It hurts!" She screamed.
"Easy..." Honored Sister moved to kneel beside the bed. "Let me see. I don't... remember being your mom. What is your name?" She asked as she gently eased the girl into a more comfortable position.
"René." The girl gasped as Honored Sister eased her around. "Ow... This... wrong. It hurts! I..."
"Easy, girl..." Honored Sister held the young woman's hand with her own and examined the distended belly by touch. It jerked under her fingers. She checked, but it was as she suspected. The girl was in labor. "Oh boy..."
"Mom..." René begged. "It hurts..."
"I know." Honored Sister tried to think. If she had ever been trained for this, she didn't remember it. But there were things she did know. "Okay René, it is going to hurt. And it is going to hurt worse than anything you can imagine. The good news is that you are in good shape, physically. The bad news..." She shook her head. "I have no drugs, nothing to dull the pain."
Or did she? She clamped her hand onto René's and held on as the girl heaved. Something happened and the girl stiffened and then relaxed.
"Mom..." René said slowly. "What you do? It... no hurt now."
"I don't know." Honored Sister said truthfully. "And I do not know if it will last." She shook her head. "René, I need you to listen to me. I need you to breathe. Even if I can control the pain, it is going to be very hard for you to breathe. If you pass out..." She shook her head. Where was this coming from? "Focus! Deep breaths, René. Okay?"
"Okay..." The girl said as she jerked.
"This is natural, your body... should know what to do..." Se- What the? She... She could... almost remember... She had given birth! She knew that. So... She shook herself and focused. "Breathe René."
This would not be fun.
Hours later
It wasn't. it really, really wasn't. But finally it was done. Honored Sister wrapped the small form in René's outer robe and laid it gently on René's chest where he did what babies did when hungry. She had to smile as René squirmed, but then subsided.
"You have a son, René." Honored Sister smiled as she stroked the girl's sweat streaked hair. She had managed to keep the pain mostly at bay, but sheer exhaustion was pulling René into slumber."What will you call him?"
"I... I not know." René said weakly. "I... no think... Mean... he... not mine..."
"What?" Honored Sister felt as if she had been punched in the gut. "Why?"
"You... no remember..." René said sadly. "I hurt. They no fix. They no can." Honored Sister went still. "Mom, it okay..."
"No, it is not!"Honored Sister snapped. "René..."
"Mom, it okay." The girl said softly, her blind eyes drooping. "They no lie to me. They no hurt me. I... just... not right."
"You are perfect." Honored -No... No, that wasn't her name- Serene said softly. "I... remember..." She slumped in place as memory flooded in, but...she wasn't angry. She should be after everything, but she wasn't. "Oh René..." She said as she stroked René's short hair again.
"I glad, Mom." René had a smile on her face as she fell asleep.
We will tend her. The mental voice from before spoke into Serene's mind. We need you now, Serene.
"I can't leave her." Serene begged.
She is not the only child in danger, Serene. The other pressed gently. She is in no physical danger now. I asked her help and she did not hesitate even when the doctor had to blind her temporarily to bring her in. She is... so brave.
"Brave?" Serene felt anger rise, but... it... faded.
Yes, Serene. Brave. The other replied. Come. The sisters will take her and her child to be tended. But you... have one final chance to back out. To go back to what you were. To where you were happy. To tell us all to fuck off and go back to your family. Part of me hopes you will. The rest of me prays you won't. We need you.
"I..." Serene swallowed hard and then slowly bent down to kiss René sleeping brow and then to kiss the little boy. "Where?" If the Clergy had done all this... there had to be a good reason. Or there would be hell to pay.
Out the door. The other replied. Take a left. The end of the hall. You will find answers, but not the ones you expect.
"They never are." Serene said sadly as she moved to the door with one final fond look at the girl and her sleeping grandson.
"They never are."