The feeling of the ship moving under her feet was like an nightmare for Dagian. Every movement bought flashes of memories that she had been desperate to try and overcome in the weeks that she'd gained these memories back.

Gods, it even smelled the same.

Dagian didn't feel comfortable standing on deck crying because Bae would see it. So she slipped down below and the claustrophobia she felt amplified her terror at being at this place again. Emma found her a half hour later, crying in a hidden corner of the ship.

"Hey," Emma whispered and looked embarrassed about intruding, "We'll be there in an hour."

Dagian wiped her tears away and nodded, "Okay."

Emma looked down the hall and back at her, "Are you alright?"

If she said 'yes', Emma would no doubt leave her alone. The woman knew a thing or two about keeping her secrets …but Dagian didn't want to be alone on this ship. Not after she'd been alone on it in more ways than one the last time she'd been here.

Dagian shook her head, "No, I'm not."

The story came pouring out…about Rumpelstiltskin and how she met him and why she left…and then her kidnapping by Hook once she expressed a desire to go back and then she told her of how she came to know Rumpelstiltskin again 13 years later and how she escaped him again when she lost Bae. Dagian knew that it was wrong to put all this on Emma…the woman had enough on her plate. But Dagian felt horrifying overwhelmed and she needed to talk to someone. Someone not her ex-husband or boyfriend or therapist…

"You've been through a lot," Emma noted.

"We all have," Dagian whispered, "Far more than most of us deserved."

Emma was quiet for a few seconds and fiddled with the edge of her coat, "Neal has a fiancé."

Dagian's eyes widened and she looked at Emma, "What?"

"I know he should probably be the one to tell you," Emma said and then realized that she'd probably just intruded here she shouldn't , "Sorry…I think I Just overstepped my own boundaries."

Dagian wanted to ask a hundred questions. What she like? Did they look happy? What did she look like? Was he a good match for him?

But instead of hurting Emma's feelings about the man that abandoned her, Dagian reigned herself in, "What's her name?"

"Tamara."

Dagian wanted to ask more but chose not to. Let Bae be the one to tell her, Emma was already clearly hurting if she was talking to Dagian about it, "And how do you feel about that, Ms. Swan?"

Emma blinked, as if she snapped out of trance and looked at Dagian, "Why should I feel anything? It was ten years ago."

"Well my last dalliance with Rumpelstiltskin was 400 years ago but I still have some feelings for him."

"I think the fact that you lived with him for the past 28 years might've had something to do with it."

'I didn't live with him," Dagian said, "Dawn did."

"Aren't you supposed to be both?"

"no," Dagian said before adding, "Not for some of us."

000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000

It was fifteen minutes after Emma left before Dagian had the courage to venture further into the boat. Several times she had to stop and regain her composure but she managed to slowly get through the ship with much coaxing from herself.

Of course it helped that she didn't look at the captain's quarters when she passed.

Rumpelstiltskin was starting to lose color again when she forced herself to enter the crew's quarters. His breathing was more ragged and he looked like he was in pain. Dagian's eyes went to him and then went to her sleeping daughter in the makeshift crib. He'd asked that Lily be down there with him. If his last day on earth was going to be this one then he wanted his final hours to be with at least one of his children.

"How is she?" Dagian whispered.

"Sleeping," Rumpelstiltskin rasped and held the towel over his wound, "You look pale."

Dagian looked around the room, "Bad memories."

"I'm sorry," he told her truthfully, "If I'd known that it'd end like this, I wouldn't have brought you with me."

"It was the chance to see Bae again," Dagian told him seriously, "I would endure this ship a thousand times if it meant I could see him again."

She didn't tell him about Tamara though. It would devastate him if he knew about her. A fiancé…a normal fiancé meant that he had something holding him to this world…which meant that he wouldn't come home. No self-respecting man would bring a potential wife to be to live amongst all this insanity.

"Dagian," he started again, "I think we should talk…about my last wishes."

Dagian flinched away and shook her head, "There's no way to save you is there?"

"I have a possibility in mind but it's chances of working are slim."

Dagian shook her head, "You're not going to die."

"It's getting to where we have to entertain that possibility more and more," he whispered, "Whatever it is that you put on me…it only slows it down and there's a good chance that I won't be able to heal myself when we get to Storybrooke."

Dagian's eyes widened and she felt the words like a blow, "Rumpelstiltskin…you can't go through this thinking that you're going to die. It'll affect you and-."

"Dagian," he whispered, Please."

Her eyes filled with tears and she pulled herself together. She couldn't go into denial now…not when she knew that he was right. Dagian nodded and wiped the tears away quickly, "Tell me."

He looked up like it was everything he could do to concentrate and he looked at her again, "You know how I believe that you're still technically my wife according to Fairy Tale Law?"

"Yes, it's something that you keep reminding me of."

"I drew up my will shortly after you got your memories back, Because you're still my wife…you get everything….the car and the house and the land and the money…I Just ask that you take care of Belle…or what's left of her. I ask that you watch over her until she gets back on her feet at least."

"I will," Dagian promised.

"If Cora and Regina win…I don't think that they'll come after you. Cora only knows that you were an interest long since gone…and if you stay out of their way, then they'll stay out of yours. You have nothing to offer them that they'd want."

Dagian tilted her head, "What is the story between you and Cora?"

"Oh dearie," he whispered and pain crossed his face, "There are some things that I'll carry to the grave rather than tell you."

And then Dagian was assaulted with the images of Rumpelstiltskin being with Cora…not that she knew what Cora looked like but she was Regina's mother for the sake of the gods-.

That thought made her eyes widen and she looked at Rumpelstiltskin, "Are you Regina's father?"

"I don't you when we were together, Dearie, that a child with the dark one while he was cursed was impossible," he rasped, "You may relax. Lily and Bae don't share a sibling. We just made a deal that I would have whatever baby she and I Had if I taught her magic."

"Why?" Dagian asked.

"Because it would've meant that she would stay with me and learn magic and I wouldn't be alone anymore. It was a mistake and one that I regret every day of my life."

Dagian wasn't sure how she felt about this revelation…it was conflicting at best. She'd been asleep for 400 years. She had no right to judge who he chose romantic activities with because she had left him twice….but for some reason, she was forced to quell a bit of jealousy, "Is there anything else?"

"Yes," he said and looked like this was the one that he'd been dreading, "When I die…and if this whole thing of yours with the hatter works out and you marry him…I would like for you to raise Lily as if she was Jefferson's."

Dagian wouldn't even consider that, "No."

"Gods woman, don't be stubborn."

"Why should I refuse my daughter the chance to know her father?"

"Because her father is me," Rumpelstiltskin whispered with pain in his voice. Dagian doubted it was because of the wound either, "A father always does what's best for their child and Bae already has to bear the burden of who I am, don't force our daughter to do the same. Jefferson will be a good father. I'm sure he won't love Lily any less than his own daughter."

"Lily is strong," Dagian whispered, "She can-."

"I love you," he whispered.

Dagian stopped and drew in a shocked breath.

"Remember that," he continued, "Always. And know that I loathe myself for what I've done to you…for all these years. The punishment I inflicted on you was far greater than the crime. And what I did to you for 28 years is unforgivable and nothing will make it alright…maybe this is my punishment for that…but don't let Lily know who I was. Because if she knows who I was then she'll eventually figure out what I did to you…and none of you deserve that reminder for the rest of your lives. Please, don't let Lily know who I was."

What he was asking her was impossible. Dagian wouldn't even consider what he was asking. She didn't care if he told her that he loved her (and while he did and she loved him, she knew that their love wasn't the same as the love he had for Belle and it would never work out between the two of them)

"She'll know that she had a father," Dagian said, "Who loved her very much and would die for her if given the chance. And that's all she'll know. Don't think we can just choose to forget about you and the influence you've had because we don't talk about you because we can't."

"I am not a good man," He told her.

"No," Dagian told him. Anything else would just be insulting his intelligence, "Nor am I a good woman. But you and I are parents to Lily. And she's entitled to know the truth no matter how much it may hurt. I'll do everything you want me to but I won't do that."

He smiled wryly, "Well I suppose we're at an impasse then."

Dagian sat on the edge of his bunk. She didn't tell him that the bunk above him was where she'd slept when Hook wanted her hidden in plain sight, "It wouldn't be us if we weren't."

She kissed Rumpelstiltskin then. Not a kiss that she used to give him…the kind that held desire and passion that was unhealthy for both and would compromise what she had with Jefferson but one of farewell and affection and most of all forgiveness between the two for the pain they'd caused the other over the years.

Dagian pulled back and brushed some hair out of his face when he settled back down on the bunk. He grunted in pain and stared up into her face, "If I had given you your memories back…would you have stayed with me?"

"Probably," Dagian held his hand, "But considering how Belle was alive, I doubt it would've worked out."

He looked conflicted at that but didn't offer anything to either confirm or deny her beliefs."

"When I die," he started again, "Bae will be more inclined to stay."

"We don't know that."

"He's got his son and he's got Emma and his mother," Rumpelstiltskin said with another wry smile, "What could possibly hold him back form that?"

"Besides the fact that they only dated eleven years ago?" Dagian asked and prayed she didn't hurt his little fantasy should he accidently find out about Tamara

"Oh dearie," he whispered, "I'm over 400 years old, I've come to know when there's still love to be had in a relationship."

He was growing paler now and Dagian allowed the thought to sink in that he was going to actually die. Tomorrow he wouldn't be here and she'd never see him again.

The sobs came then. She grabbed his hand and lowered her head and started crying.

"Oh," he whispered and rested his hand on the side of her face, "It's alright Dagian…"

He pulled his blanket over his wound so he didn't get any blood or poison on her clothes and pulled her into an embrace. She crumbled against him and let him kiss her forehead.

Dagian let herself be weak for just a few minutes as she grieved the inevitable loss of her ex-husband while he held her and whispered assurances that somehow it'd work out.

After those few minutes that she allowed were done, she pulled back and sat up. She dried her eyes, ran her hand down his face and smiled through her tears, "I love you too."

They heard someone coming down the hallway. Dagian cleared her throat and pushed her hair back over her shoulders, "I'll leave you to it then."