It was part pride and part love that kept Rumpelstiltskin from automatically waking Belle up.
Love; they were all about to die. Rumpelstiltskin wasn't sure if it would be quick, slow, painless, or agonizing. He kept Lacey there because she was dulling whatever pain she would feel with alcohol. Belle had already suffered far more than she should have because of him and he didn't want to her to die as herself and in pain because he had been selfish and awakened her.
And then there was his pride; it had been the blue fairy that had come up with the potion. If he gave it to Belle then he would owe her. After….centuries of their rivalry, he had never owed her a thing in his life. She owed him for what he did to Bae.
But they were going to die…so what difference did it make? Debts weren't' taken with you in the afterlife.
So, despite what the former drunken dwarf had advertised, he decided it was a much crueler fate to let her die as Belle than to let her die as Lacey. And even then it was a cruel fate. He could handle pain. Physical and emotional pain had always taken their tolls on him. But the Lacey personality never had.
So he poured her drink after drink and each time, he said the same thing "To the end of the world."
The forest was taking its rightful place around the town. He could feel it…he could hear its creaks and groans outside as it encroached his shop. It supposed he could leave just like the others had, but what was the point? What was the point of fleeing until you were cornered and then staring down at whatever death this failsafe supplied? No, he wasn't going to run until there was nowhere else to go, he was done with that.
He was going to stay here and die on his own terms. And from the way Lacey stood beside him, she was too.
But Lacey was finding her limit and when she looked uneasy at his toast, he glanced down at his drink and then up to her, "C'mon, it'll help numb it."
Lacey looked reluctant at first but gave a bitter smile, "I'll drink to that."
She reached for the glass and in her buzzed state, accidently knocked the glass over.
He moved back to avoid some of the splash and put his drink down. Lacey moved back as well and apologized. He didn't know why she bothered. They were all going to die. Who cares if they died knowing the shop was clean?
She turned and grabbed the shawl…his half of the shawl that he had used to get out of the town limits. Rumpelstiltskin's eyes widened. He had taken it from the house and kept it close when he found about Bae's….passing. There was no comfort to be had at the turmoil and guilt he felt over his son's death but having a part of this here…it took off the edge.
He yearned to see his daughter one last time and say goodbye but Dagian wasn't answering her phone….he supposed he shouldn't be surprised. She was probably on the hill with the Hatter and his child and it would be safer there for Lily.
He just wished he could see her though. One last time.
Lacey went to wipe up the mess with Bae's shawl and Rumpelstiltskin felt his heart leap in his chest, "S-st stop! Put that back."
Lacey shrugged off his irritation, "It's just an old rag!"
He snatched it away from her angrily, this was the last thing he had of his sons and he didn't want it being ruined so needlessly, "It belonged to someone very important! You wouldn't understand!"
"I said I was sorry," she defended herself.
It was then that Rumpelstiltskin realized that he didn't want to die alone. This…wasn't how he wanted to die. Lacey could not supply the connection that he wanted to have with someone in his final moments. But Bae wasn't there anymore…and Dagian wasn't there and he couldn't hold his daughter….
It would be selfish to wake her up now….just in time to die. A few minutes ago he had been dead set against it but at the same time…she had been a prisoner for so long. She was a captive by outside forces; he just couldn't let her die as a captive in her own body.
He had saved the broken chipped up. He didn't know why. Since she'd lost her memories, he had always felt that she could never wake up and she wouldn't have if not for this fluke. Maybe he kept it for that hope…
He overturned the bag gently and lifted it up, careful not to break the pieces any more than they'd already been ruined. He waved his hand and restored the cup as he remembered it for the past 30 years. Chipped and scratched and all.
Lacey looked both curious and annoyed, "That cup again. What is it?"
He looked for the right words…for the right lie but he just decided to tell her the truth, "It's something from my past….from our past. I-I'm sorry. Let's not fight."
Because he knew she'd never stay and drink the potion if she had cross words and he didn't want their last memories of each other to be….that.
He poured the potion into the teacup and into his glass as well to fool her into thinking he was going to drink it too. They clinked glasses together and she drank it.
He watched for her reaction…he could feel the magic radiating off of her but he didn't trust to hope for the best… because it hardly ever happened.
Lacey became very still and she gave a confused look. Then she looked up at him and that light in her eyes…that gasp as her eyes filled with tears.
It was her, she was alright and gods he'd been so selfish to keep her trapped in there because there was so much he wanted to tell her, "Belle…"
Belle sobbed, "Rumpel-."
She wrapped her arms around his neck and kissed him frantically. He returned it and sobbed as she pulled away, "I'm so sorry. I'm sorry; I didn't want to wake you up to die."
The look of love she gave him…the love that he could never understand. And he felt so selfish when he said the next words. Honesty he couldn't figure out if waking her up was selfish or selfless…perhaps it could be both, "But I needed you."
Horror dawned on Belle's face, "You lost your son."
The grief washed over him as he realized that there was so much he wanted to tell Bae too and now…he would never get the chance to. His boy was dead because of him and his selfishness…because he couldn't realize that his son wouldn't want their home brutalized and destroyed all because Rumpelstiltskin wanted him back. If not for him and his agenda, then an entire world wouldn't be waiting to die because of Greg and Tamara as well…
He could only hold her. He had gotten his son back but in some ways…he wasn't sure he ever had him, "I failed….I failed."
He didn't know how long he stood there with Belle before he heard his door open. They both jumped and looked towards the curtain when Jefferson stormed in, his daughter following him.
"What did you do to Dagian and Lily?"
"What are you talking about?" Rumpelstiltskin demanded and he saw the fear in the Hatter's eyes, "They're not with you?"
"She went into the woods…and she didn't come back out and now the baby's gone."
Rumpelstiltskin's eyes darkened immediately.
Greg and Tamara had to be behind this. They took his son, they wouldn't take his daughter too, "Do you know how to work a gun?"
Jefferson scoffed, "Like you need a gun."
He looked at Belle. He would love nothing more than to torture Greg and Tamara for what they did to his boy…for what they might've done to Dagian and his daughter but he couldn't risk losing Belle again on account of them. They weren't worth it, "Yes. I do."
He waved his hand and two guns appeared on the table. He picked up one and handed it to Jefferson.
There was something in the pit of his stomach that feared something horrible had happened to his ex-wife. If she was still alive, then she'd have given them hades by now. If they killed her like they killed Bae and then took his daughter then…he better hope his love for Belle kept him from ripping them apart because that was the only hope they had.
"Belle, Take Grace and get to the docks," he told her.
"What are you going to do?"
Hel looked at her, "I won't kill them."
She grabbed Grace's hand but Grace pulled away, "Papa, please don't…."
Guilt immediately crossed Jefferson's face. Rumpelstiltskin realized how wrong he was for thinking about separating Grace from her father. He was about to apologize when Belle saw something out the window, "Rumpel."
He followed her gaze and then went to open the door. The forest…wasn't growing through the town anymore. In fact it was receding.
He didn't know how…he didn't even care. Emma probably did something because she would be the only one who could stop it…
But they were saved.
00000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000 000
Dagian clenched the blanket on her bed with one hand and Lily's hand with another and she sobbed as hard as she could with her face against the bed.
Her son was dead. Her child…her baby boy…Bae was dead...
Gods there was so little time…she had missed so many opportunities….
Dagian didn't know how long she was down below before she pulled herself together and realized that the ship was moving. She immediately pulled herself together and grabbed Lily. Her child cooed at the rocking of the ship and Dagian held her against her chest as she climbed up. The wind immediately lifted up her hair and she looked around and saw Killian at the helm.
"Oh good," he steered the boat and Dagian looked to see that Storybrooke was in the distance, "You're up. There's a basket over there you can put the baby in until I can build a cradle…but I would suggest you get her below, these portal jumping beans are usually bumpy rides."
He was taking her away…from everyone…from Emma and Jefferson and Grace and Henry and Rumpelstiltskin….
The sobs of terror escaped Dagian's chest and she rushed towards him, "No Killian, please take me back."
"Dagian"
She grabbed his coat, "Take me back!"
He pulled away from her, "They made their decision, if I take you back then we will die."
"There are people back there…innocent people."
"And your friends decided to forsake them by saving a woman that would sooner kill them."
"Just like you're doing."
"They made their decision," He said, "And I owe them nothing. I'm not a hero love."
"But you're saving me."
"I honestly would gladly leave you to die but you're already on my ship and it would've taken time throwing you off," he snapped, "I'm doing you a favor love. I'm letting you live to raise your child for your son's memory. It's far more than you deserve, honestly. After the part you played in me losing my hand."
"I played no part."
Killian looked at her, "Did you even care that the life of my crew and myself were in danger if you stepped off that boat? And then you went and did it anyway?"
"Gods, this again," she snapped, "You kidnapped me. You held me in a room"
"You would've been kidnapped anyway," he shrugged, "And frankly, I was good to you."
"Good to me? Do you know what you participated in? You took me from my husband and son when I was going back to them! Whether or not Zoso would've had me kidnapped by someone else is irreverent because the person that took me is you. You are still responsible for your part in this. You don't get a bloody medal or commendation because you weren't as evil as someone else would've been! I lost almost fourteen years of being with my son because of what you and Zoso took when I dared escape my captors. And you were hardly good to me when I was on this ship! You told me that your men might forgo the money they were getting and they might rape me and then…instead of easing my fears at being on a ship with men like that…you made sure to get in your harassing barbs and proceeded to make me feel even more vulnerable and exposed and you took pleasure out of it."
Killian was quiet, "I always did feel guilt afterwards."
"Then why did you come here, shove a hook in my back and threaten to kill my daughter? Why did you try to kill Belle a-and Snow and Emma when they were over there?"
"Rumpelstiltskin killed my family, and so I was going to take his. An eye for an eye, that's how it is on the sea. That's how I was raised."
Dagian felt a real pang of fear through her anger and tears as she looked at the daughter in her arms, "And is that what you're going to do to us? Kill us?"
"No," he said in annoyance, "I'm not lying to you when I say I'm taking you with me."
"Why?"
She saw something akin to sadness cross his face, "Because for about three months, Bae was on my ship…and I took care of him and I failed him…and this is how I will atone for it."
"By taking two people and leaving the rest to die?"
"I don't expect anything out of you," he said through clenched teeth, "I don't expect you to feel grateful after all I've done to you. And I don't expect what….I was temping you with all those centuries ago. I am giving you the chance to raise your daughter because you're right….I did play a part in taking you from your son and seeing him grow up. But for Bae and to atone for what I did…I'm letting you raise your daughter. We could raise your daughter."
She gave him a sharp look and moved away when he tried to reach for her face, "You've lost your head. You were going to kill me when you brought me on this boat."
"I wasn't going to kill you," he said in frustration, "I was going to leave you to die, there's a difference. But that's changed because I owe it to Bae now that he's gone."
"What would a pirate know about 'owing someone'?"
"I admit that you have every reason to hate me for all I've done for you but …I could change if I had time. We could…start over somewhere else, somewhere safer. Your daughter could know peace if she wished it"
Dagian closed her eyes and fought anger rising. She refused to believe that he wanted to change or do this for her and her family when he attacked her and left her on the ship to die, "Bae wouldn't want you to leave all those people behind just to save us."
"They made their choice."
"It's not too late to make yours."
He cursed, "I desire nothing from you or what you could offer and you'd rather die with them than stay with me?"
She looked him boldly in the eyes, "Yes."
He cursed, "You'd rather let your baby die or be orphaned than come with me?"
Dagian stared at him, "I don't want my baby hurt. But if you're willing to let the rest of Bae's family die and then promise you'll change afterwards, then I don't want you near her either. Don't pretend you care about me and don't pretend you care about her….because we both know you couldn't care less. If you want to do something for Bae's memory then save his family. Not part of it."
"If we go back we'll die."
"The Jolly Roger is the fastest ship in any realm…the more we argue, the more time we waste. Please Killian…there are innocent men, women, and children there. If you want to honor Bae, that's the way to do it. Please Killian…Bae's son is back there…the woman he loved once is back there….you can't possibly think you're justified in leaving them behind."
He set his eyes firmly ahead to the horizon and for a few seconds she thought she lost him. She gripped her daughter close to her chest and looked for any sign that she could escape without having to jump overboard. Lily wouldn't survive that and she wasn't leaving Lily with him.
And it was selfish but there was a small part of her that wanted to survive if there was no way to stop the failsafe. But why should she survive when so many others wouldn't? Better people than she could ever hope to be would die and she would live? Where was the justice in that?
Jefferson would die…Grace would die…Henry would be alone…
A few seconds of silence passed and she heard Killian mutter a curse behind her, "Hold on to something."
The ship lurched to the right and Dagian grabbed a rope to keep from stumbling. The wind ripped at her hair and she turned to Killian to see that he was turning the ship around with the world's most annoyed look on his face.
They were going back.
"You bloody 'Stiltskins are more trouble than you're worth," he screamed over the choppy waves.
She smiled through her tears, "Thank you."
"I'm not doing it for you, love. I'm doing it for his memory."
She honestly didn't expect anything less.
"Here," he held out a bean to her. A magic bean; like the one Bae had all those years ago, "If that failsafe starts coming towards us, you throw that in front of the ship as far as you can. I may be going back but I'm not going to needlessly die if we're too late."
She held it tightly in her hands and started towards the front of the ship. She steadied herself as she climbed down with her daughter in her arms and went to the front of the ship where she could see.
And she prayed they weren't too late.