As usual I don't own Supernatural. Sadly

But please R&R, all feedback welcome.
This takes place 4.20, Willow and Castiel need to see how they'd cope with losing each other before decisions start n'things

I genuinely hope you enjoy.
Thankyou for your reviews Cloudgirl9, they make me happy, finished this chapter just for you :'}
Review!

"Well where the hell is Cas?" she snapped, anger taking over her body, replacing all the despair and fear.
"He's gone," Jimmy said plainly, smiling at Dean and Sam, but refusing to meet Willows eyes, none of them were.
"No," she whispered, turning around and went to punch the wall instead of punching Jimmy's smug face for letting him go, but the anger disappeared as suddenly as it appeared and instead there was just a numb feeling left in its wake.
"Willow," Dean said, she turned to face him and her face warped into a grotesque smile, and Dean at that moment felt totally helpless, Willow was rapidly blinking the tears away and trying to smile. Trying to get everyone to leave.
"Dean," she shook her head, "I can't okay. I just can't."

Willow had no idea how she got back to the motel, she just knew that she was soaking wet and her head felt empty. She was watching the not-Castiel eat a hamburger, moaning with every morsel which passed his lips, a grin breaking through every time he cleared his mouth and the fact he was happy, and alive and not him hurt her more than anything else.
"You mind slowing down? You're going to give me angina," Dean said, pushing back on his chair, casting nervous looks at Willow every now and then and then looking at Sam with worried eyes and Willow hated it.

They sympathy was the worse; she wanted them to think she was okay so she could pretend around them, but they knew. They saw through her. She knocked the glass of straight Vodka back and grimaced as the liquid burnt the back of her throat.
"I'm hungry," she heard Castiel say; in a voice that wasn't his. She had to constantly remind herself it wasn't him.
"When's the last time you ate?" Sam asked frowning.
"I don't know," he said between mouthfuls, "months."
He continued moaning, Sam and Dean exchanged looks but remained silent, Sam put his head in his hands and Dean just lent back. The not-Castiel looked down at his food and smiled, a innocent grin which changed his face - so to Willow he no longer looked like her Castiel and she snapped.
"Well what the fuck happened?" She snapped, slamming the glass down on the table, and kicking her chair out as she began pacing, the drips of water falling off her hair making a trail behind her.
"All I remember was there was this light, and I was me again," he said, staring at Willow.
"That's really fucking helpful," she snapped, she tried to glare at him but she couldn't, she looked into his eyes momentarily and her heart broke. His eyes although they were still blue, they were just that – blue. Not Castiels glittering and bottomless and mesmerising, just dull human blue.
"I'm sorry, I don't remember anything," he sighed, shrugging and spreading his hands in a helpless gesture.
"Nothing at all?" Dean said, pouring himself his own glass of Vodka.
"Having an angel inside of you, it's kind of like being chained to a comet."
"That doesn't sound like too much fun," Sam said sympathetically.
"No," Willow snapped, taking a few menacing steps forwards towards Jimmy, jabbing the hair in front of him, "don't even bitch. You knew what you were getting involved for. Cas told me, he felt terrible but you said yes so don't you even dare say a bad word against him you bastard," her voice fell quiet and low as she all but whispered, "he wanted to tell us something. Remember what it was?"
"I'm sorry," he repeated, not daring to meet her eyes.
"Well then Jimmy," she snarled, "you sir, you can go fuck yourself."
And before anyone could reply, Willow stormed out, grabbing her discarded coat and cigarette packet from her bed before storming out, letting the tears fall freely now, mingling with the rain as she ducked under the tree, trying to light the cigarette but the wind was pushing her about like a rag doll so the flame had no chance, she tried for a minute before throwing the lighter into the wall, "fuck," she screamed out of frustration and she fell to her knees letting the tears fall as she pressed down hard on the pendant. "Cas," she cried, "please. You promised, Castiel you promised me please. You said you'd never hurt me so don't leave me, I can't, I was so close to telling you, so close to letting you in, thinking about our future, I have never thought about the future but I looked forward to it with you, but now I can't think about it without you. So don't you dare fucking leave me, ever. I love you so much you fool, please come back, I don't care how just come back to me Castiel."

"Will, come on, get up," Sam was yelling, the sunshine was working its way through the curtains and she winced and rolled over, face planting the floor.
"How did I even get here..." she groaned, ignoring the waves of nausea as she stumbled to her feet, noticing the bottle of tequila spilt across her covers.
"You stumbled back in, about three I suppose," Dean said, pulling her by the elbow and pushing her into the bathroom, "You've got five minutes. Sam here, he let Jimmy escape. You've got five minutes to get ready and I'll get your stuff."

"So you're telling me," Willow said as she sorted her gun out as they sped down the narrow country lanes to the address Bobby gave them for Jimmy's house, "that the Demons are going after him because they think we're stupid enough to let him out of our sight if he knew something," she snorted, but with raised eyebrows at Sam she added as an afterthought, "maybe we were."
The next ten minutes of the car journey were made in silence, and Willow did everything that she could think of to distract herself – clean out her gun, braid her hair, clean her array of daggers – anything to stop herself from thinking.
"Crap," Dean mumbled as he leapt out the car, closely followed by Sam and Willow, each of them taking the safety off their weapons as they quietly pushed the unlocked door open and with no surprise the demons had beaten them there.
Before Willow could think about it, she was pulling the Demon that was on top of Jimmy away, and using the ornate dagger Ruby had entrusted in them to slit his throat open, ignoring the fact that his blood then spurt all down her, she dragged Jimmy to his feet and looked over at Dean who alongside Sam was fighting with the other Demon.
"Get them outside now," Dean yelled in between hits, once those words escaped his lips she grabbed Claire and all but dragged her outside, with Jimmy running up behind her, Willow shoved Claire in the back, and ducked her head as she ran around Jimmy.
"Where's your wife?" Willow asked staring at the door with her hand with the knife in at chest height, waiting for something to run out.
"Right here," she smiled and something inside Willow clicked, she wasn't sure what it was or why but she had such a strong feeling to just leave her behind, maybe stab her before doing so, but before she could lash out and do anything impulsive Sam and Dean came running out the house.
"Sit you're daughter on your lap, and squish together," before she dived into the driver's side and with one switch the Impalas engine was roaring and they sped away as soon as Dean and Sam shut their doors.

They stopped a few miles out of town at a gas store, Willow went in with Claire to buy some more cigarettes for herself and a sweet for Claire, even Dean seemed to notice that although she refused to speak a word to Jimmy or his wife, she was friendly enough to their kid.
"You were right," Jimmy spoke up, hanging his head as he remained in the back seat.
"I'm sorry we were," Dean said sadly, looking up at him, "and we believe that you don't know anything but they don't care."
Willow walked up behind them with a lit cigarette with Claire who she told quietly to go and find her mum, "which means," she spoke up, "sadly you'll have to come with us. Unless you want to put your family in danger again," she held her hand up as he went to open his mouth to talk, "and before you ask dumbass, it'll be forever. They will never stop. You can't be with your family, or they'll die. So how about you put a bullet through your head or get as far away from them as possible, because that's how they'll be safe." Before she walked off, letting the cold air cling to her skin and calm her down. Behind her she could hear Dean explain, apologise for her behaviour, and that it was a defence mechanism, and then there was the worst bit. Jimmy's goodbyes, to his wife and her pleading, it made her feel sick. She looked back and saw them embrace and she walked off, cursing as the tears threatened to overflow again so instead she walked over to Sam who was hotwiring the car, he looked pale and shaky but Willow knew without even seeing her reflection that she looked no better so instead she just kept her mouth shut.

An hour later and Willow was sitting in the front of the Impala next to Dean, with Jimmy and Sam in the back, she was vaguely aware that she shouldn't be sleeping, that her dreams were no longer protected, but by the time she thought of this her eyes were already shut. Luckily thought it was Jimmy who saved her as his voice rose to a little over a yell as she heard the doors open.
"Stay calm? This is my family we're talking about."
Willow groggily got to her feet and smiled up at the rain, letting it wash over her and wake her up as Dean chucked a gun to her over the roof of the car, "Useless telling you to wait outside and get the runners isn't it?" he whispered to her as he walked over, while Sam explained the plan yet again to Jimmy.
"Yes, I can do this."
"Will... You lost Castiel."
"I know," she hissed, "and I will die trying to get him back if I have to, but right now we're doing this, so let's do it."
"They won't expect him to come alone," Sam said as soon as Jimmy disappeared.
"I know, we'll just have to fight our way out," and looked outraged at Willow and Sams raised eyebrows. "What it's the only plan I could come up with," he defended himself. Willow just shook her head and sighed.
"Come on then," she mumbled, as she slipped through a gap in the door, she was aware of the light footsteps behind her which comforted her, she felt at her safest working jobs with people, especially Dean and Sam. She stopped still as she heard heavy footsteps to her left; she held her hand up and pointed left so Sam and Dean could see before hesitantly looking around the corner.
Which was when she noticed the demon, he was grinning at her, as he lunged forwards she ducked and ran the other way, noticing that Dean and Sam were in their own miniature fights, she spun around to look at the demon and realised how much of a tiny chance she had of winning, he was at least two foot taller than her and a hundred pounds heavier and she thought though, that she was doing quite well, all she had to do was find an opening in his defence then stab him, but once she let a single hit slide through her blocks, she felt sick, everything around her was threatening to go black and as soon as she regained full consciousness again, she had her arms pinned behind her back, behind dragged along a dimly lit corridor.
"Dean, Sam," Willow said panicking, trying to flick the hair out of her eyes which had gotten wet from the blood which was pouring from the cut above her eyebrow.
"Will, it's okay," Sam tried to say comfortingly put was cut short as they were thrown out into the light, still with their arms pinned behind their backs, as she noticed Claire tied to a chair on the opposite end of the room, Jimmy was standing towards the edge of the room, staring gobsmacked at his wife, who had black eyes and was holding the gun in her hand.
"Fucking hell," Willow laughed grimly, tilting her head to look at Dean, "I told you there was something."
"So you did," Jimmy's possessed wife Amelia said calmly, standing in front of Willow, glaring into her eyes. "You nearly messed everything up," before striking her with the handle of the gun, cutting the other side of her head open too, but instead of reacting Willow just laughed.
"You know what's funny?" Willow taunted, "You're wearing a soccer mum."
"You know what's funny?" Amelia asked, using the gun to pull Willows top up and stoke her stomach, "you giving birth to Satan Jr."
Willow glared into her black eyes and spat in her face, flinging her head forwards and hearing the satisfying crunch of her nose breaking.
"And do you want to hear the punch line?" Amelia said, holding the gun to Willows forehead, "everyone dies."
Before spinning the gun around and shooting Jimmy in the stomach.
Willow knew that Amelia was talking, she also knew that it wasn't really Castiel who was shot, but he was in pain and his face was contorted as blood began to seep out and Willow hadn't ever felt any more helpless then she did in that second.
And within a second that all changes, after a flash of bright white light which gives Willow something to fight for. That's angel light and that could mean anything, she thought and saw her opportunity in that second. The demons holding them were surprised which made them easy to throw off and kill, in a matter of moments, Willow glanced over her shoulder and saw Jimmy and Claire talking, and as much as she wanted to go over and find out what was going on. Sam and Dean was busy exorcising Amelia crazy bitch, and Willow was trying her hardest to keep her relatively still.

Once they'd exorcised Amelia, Sam helped her to get to her feet and Willow turned round to find that Claire was on all fours and the not-Castiel was on his feet, Willow cocked her head then ran forwards. There was no coherent thought going through her head, except that was Castiel.
She ran up to him and slapped him around the face, "You bitch," she cried, "You actual ass, if you ever, ever make we worry that much again I swear -"

Castiel however held up his hands and walked past her, and Amelia who looked as if she still has a small amount of hope in her eyes before looking into Dean's eyes, "I learned my lesson while I was away, Dean. I serve heaven, I don't serve man, and I certainly don't serve you," before walking away.
Dean looked at first her and then Sam confused, Willow shook her head slightly and ran forwards just as she saw Castiel turn around the corner, and she ran around the corner and stopped dead on her feet. It was empty – the corridor was empty and she was alone, her heart felt as if it was falling to the floor before she felt the hands around her waist, spinning her around and Castiel was there, pushing her back into a wall, hungrily kissing her lips, rejoicing at the feel of her silky skin. He pulled away from her for a moment as he pulled her legs up around his waist and began trailing kisses along her neck, "I missed you so much," he murmured, "I have to be more careful, make sure they're not watching."
Willow moaned in reply at how amazing his little kisses and nibbles felt along her jaw line before she pulled his face back up two hers, kissing him furiously as he felt her hands slide up her top, his hands making her shiver with pleasure with skin on skin contact.
"I love you so much," she whispered into his ear as she began to bite her neck, giggling as she heard him moan under his breath, as he pulled her closer to his body, kissing her hungrily before pulling away and resting his forehead on hers.
"I love you more my goddess, but I must leave they're returning. Tell Dean I'll explain," he said hurriedly and with one last kiss he put Willow firmly back onto her feet, "I'll see you in your dreams," and with one more quick glance he was gone.