Ruth

I wake up, but keep my eyes tightly closed. I want to commit last night to memory entirely, because I promised myself if I ever got the opportunity, I'd make the most of it. Knowing us, we're likely to fall apart before we've even got going. I push that depressing thought aside and focus on the feeling of his hands and lips all over my skin. My right shoulder throbs where Harry bit me, trying not to call out as he came. I know he's drawn blood there, and I find that I don't care in the slightest. I try to focus on how he looked, naked and wanting me in the dim light from a single lamp. I want to remember that for the rest of my life. The feel of his buttocks under my hands as he thrust into me. How he touched my breasts so gently and tenderly.

We'd made love twice, the second time happening somewhere around two in the morning in complete darkness. I'd woken up and his hand had been stroking my thigh lightly and in silence we'd turned to each other and quietly made love without either of us saying a word. It'd been wonderful and so sensual and I ache for him just thinking about it.

The bed sheets feel wonderful against my naked body and I feel that incredible relaxed way that I always feel after sex. I stretch my arm across the bed sheets, but they're cold, and Harry isn't here. That's when I finally open my eyes and feel very disappointed that I'm waking up alone. I sit up, and listen, hoping Harry's somewhere in the house, the bathroom or the kitchen. He wouldn't have left me alone, would he? I hear his footsteps on the stairs and I feel the tension leave me.

My T shirt is hanging on the door frame and I frown at it. Last time I'd seen my shirt, it'd been balled up half way on the stairs as Harry stoked my body and we stumbled towards his bedroom. Its definitely been ironed as well, because it's absolutely pristine with not a crease visible. I see my jeans, folded up on a chair, my underwear resting on top of them as Harry comes into the bedroom with a breakfast tray. He smiles at me as he perches on the edge of the bed. "I brought you toast. I don't really have anything else for breakfast." He seems a little embarrassed, or maybe nervous this morning and I don't know why.

"Toast's perfect," I say. He sets the tray on my lap and I pick up my mug of coffee. He's already added one and a half sugars, just the way I like it and I smile. "Get back in bed," I say simply. He smiles, sheds his dressing gown and does what I suggest as I start buttering my toast. He rests a hand on my shoulders for a moment but it doesn't feel comfortable.

"Harry?" I say. "Why are you so… shy of me this morning?"

He hesitates before answering, his eyes darting around before settling on me. "I guess… I'm expecting something to come up and drive us apart, like it usually does. I don't want this to end. I enjoyed last night." He kisses my neck sensually and it makes me shiver. "Immensely."

"You didn't sleep well though," I say, realising as I say it how true it is. He was awake in the middle of the night when we had sex for the second time, and he got up before me and made breakfast. It's only half past six now.

"It's not anything to do with you," he says, holding my free hand tightly as I munch on my toast. "I never sleep well when someone's in my bed. It's too long being a spy. Every movement has me waking up and you…" he tails off uncomfortably.

"I fidget a lot," I finish for him. "I know I do, I'm sorry." He still looks uncomfortable so I lean towards him and kiss him reassuringly. "I'm not offended," I promise him. I'm not, I know from past experience that it's difficult to actually sleep with me because I never stay still. "I could have slept in the spare room. Or you could have if I was disturbing you."

"I liked having you with me," he says firmly. "I enjoyed seeing your face and waking up to you." We don't say anything further as we both eat our toast and drink our coffee. Soon the breakfast tray is on the floor and he's pulling me into his arms, our skin touching everywhere. I'm thoroughly enjoying the sensation of him pressing up against me, but I know I have to break it.

"One night isn't going to fix us," I say. "It doesn't make everything magically better, no matter how mind blowing it was." He smirks slightly at that. "We have to learn to talk to each other properly. To communicate better, because I don't want to look at you one day and not know how you're feeling. From past experience, it hurts, Harry."

"We need that from both of us," he says and I know he's right. "I don't want to lose you. Not now." I agree.

"Harry, I didn't plan to have sex with you when I came over last night. You know that, don't you?"

"Of course I do," he says. "If we'd planned it, it would never have happened." I nod. "Not that I'd have minded, had you come over for sex."

I roll my eyes and smile. I'm finding I like a relaxed Harry and I hope I can see this side of him more often.

I sit up, making sure I'm covered with the bed sheet, wanting to put some distance between us before I mention the Russians and ruin the nice mood I woke up in. "We need to talk about the Gavriks."

"What about them?" he asks shortly.

"Has it ever occurred to you that Elena could be lying?"

"Yes," he says. This throws me, because I hadn't expected that to be his answer. "I'm well aware she could be lying about lots of things. I am considering things from all angles, and I certainly don't trust her."

"Harry, I think… you should have a DNA test to see whether Sasha is yours."

He smiles slightly and I know it's not with humour. "Do you really think I'd have just accepted her word? When I know she was sleeping with both myself and her husband at the same time? I'm not unintelligent, of course I checked."

"And?"

"Sasha... He is mine. For good or bad."

"I'm sorry, I shouldn't have mentioned it," I say. I now feel stupid for bringing it up. "It's none of my business." I feel his hand stroke my back gently.

"I want you to be able to talk to me," Harry says. "It doesn't matter what the subject is, I'd like for you to be able to talk freely. And considering how much you see of the Gavrik's at work, I don't blame you for mentioning it."

I curl into him again, never wanting to leave his side or stop stroking his skin. He kisses my head gently and I hope he feels the same. "We need to get ready for work soon," he says, showing no sign of moving.

"I know," I say. "I love you, Harry." He holds me tighter and I smile. I never thought saying those words would feel so freeing, but they do.

"I love you, too," he says, the words filling me with joy. "Now we really have to move if you want to get home and get changed before getting to the grid."

"I know," I say. And then we leave our haven and start to engage with the rest of the world.

I've tried to tie this in with canon as much as possible up to 10-4, so I hope it fits! Thanks for reading, and I might do some more fics from the first person as I've really enjoyed it.