Why is it that every time I rewatch Doomsday or Journey's End, I keep hoping that it will change? Maybe it's because if I write it, I want it to happen, darn it! :)

If I owned Doctor Who, Rose never would have left!

BOOK I: Fixing the Doctor's Mistake

CHAPTER 3: A House of Cards

The trip to Pompeii was... eventful to say the least. Donna proved herself to be a brilliant companion, despite being in Pompeii on the infamous volcano day. Because of her, a family was saved. The Doctor was glad to be reminded that not everyone had to die that day. He remembered the face of Lucius Caecilius in particular. How could he not? The man should have died, but lived because of him. The Doctor decided to store that face away for future reference, in case he needed to be reminded again to be merciful.

Still, as brilliant as Donna was, she wasn't Rose. He was able to carry on during the day as if everything was fine. Running for your life and saving the universe had its way of distracting him from his broken hearts. But during the TARDIS night cycle when first Martha, and now Donna, were asleep, this was when his pain came back full force. How many times had he played that last day over in his head to try and figure out what went wrong. If it had been his lever that had slipped instead of hers. If she had worn a safety harness of some kind. There is a kind of alien super glue that is telepathic and only sticks when you want it to; what if she had that on her hands? What if the rift had closed sooner? What if it had stayed open long enough for her to hit the button and come back? What if they had never gone to that other universe in the first place, so there was no void stuff to suck her in? These questions were always left unanswered, because the fact still remained that Rose Tyler was trapped in another universe, and it was all his fault.

He knew she didn't blame him, but that didn't stop him from blaming himself. The woman he loved was gone, and he was helpless. And that was the worst part. He loved her! And he never told her. He almost did, but, the gap closed. For a time lord, he really had horrible timing. Two lone tears trailed down his cheeks as he tried, unsuccessfully, to move on. Would the pain ever stop? Perhaps his next regeneration will have a respite from the constant ache.

Across the time vortex, the next regeneration was also fighting his personal demons in the silence of the night cycle, though they were of a different sort. His Rose was back! It was like all his dreams had finally come true! Could it be that the universe was finally returning something precious to him that it had taken away?

But deep down, he knew the truth. The universe took her away initially, but the final separation was his own doing: in an attempt to halt a regeneration, he inadvertently created an instantaneous human biological meta crisis. He then practically gift wrapped this Doctor with a time line that matched hers for her, and then walked away without looking back. He had to walk away, or he'd have never been able to leave. His hearts clenched every time he thought of it. So much for regeneration taking away the pain. It hasn't even dulled, in fact, sometimes he felt it was worse as he realized that she wouldn't even recognize him anymore. How many times has he counted the what ifs? What if he had seen that bloody Dalek? What if he'd just gone ahead and regenerated? What if he and his twin both traveled with Rose? What if he'd found Rose sooner?

But now a new set of what ifs presented itself. What if he'd found Rose sooner? What if his present, bowtie self, dropped Rose off somewhere where his pinstriped self would find her sooner? But the question was, when? How? He'd have to be very careful to avoid creating a paradox. Is this even something he should consider doing? And if Rose returned sooner, would that really prevent the creation of the clone? Would that really spare Donna's memory? He still felt the pangs of guilt that the creation of his clone didn't just cost him Rose, but it also destroyed his best friend. Could he fix all that?

Then there was his present to consider. Making such a change was bound to have repercussions in his current time line. Would Rose and Donna travel with this him? If so, what did that mean for the Ponds? And then there was River to consider. He still wasn't sure what she was to him, but he'd known ever since his pinstriped self met her in the Library that their lives were tangled messily. She knew his name! His real name! There's only one reason she could have known that. And if that doesn't happen, she won't be able to save his life. And if Rose is around, River won't be learning his name. Rose will, instead. Of that, he was sure. He didn't realize how his life was such an intricate tower of cards before. Change one wrong thing, and forget about Reapers. His life could be over before they even have a chance to come.

But then, if Rose rejoins his pinstriped self before they get to the Library, Rose could save him! Wait, no. Rubbish idea. She'd die that way. Very rubbish idea. But what if his pinstriped self wasn't the Doctor who went to the Library? It was his bowtie self that River had wanted that day anyway. But how to prevent his past self from going without ripping a hole in the fabric of time?

The Doctor began to pace. There has got to be a way to make this work! Wait! Yes! But... Oh, that'd be a massive circular paradox. Bad idea. But how about... No, River would not like that and the whole thing would backfire. What if... No, that'll make Amy mad. He could... that would make Donna mad, tempting since she wasn't with him anymore, but if it works she would be and... Yeah, that's a very bad idea.

What if, instead of sending her back to his pinstriped self, he just kept her with him now? Sure, his past self will have to wait a lot longer to see Rose again, but this time, she'd stay. No paradoxes that way, either. But, he realized, that could be his worst idea yet. It was Rose that had pulled Donna out of that parallel universe where they'd never met. He was dead in that universe. Yes, that is a very bad idea indeed. Forget the Library. He wouldn't even survive the Racnoss!

He was still pacing when Rose found him a few hours later.

"Hey" she said.

"Hey, what are you doing up?" The Doctor asked, kindly.

"Couldn't sleep. Too much adrenaline from earlier today. Besides, I had a feeling that you'd need me."

He didn't know what to say to that. "What makes you think that?" Then he blushed, realizing what he'd just said and tried to back track. "I mean, I do need you. I'll always need you. And that's just the problem!"

"You know, this you is kind of adorable when you realize you're in trouble," she teased, her tongue poking between her teeth. Then she got serious. "You're trying to fix whatever had gone wrong before, aren't you? Can I help?"

"I'm... I'm not sure that's a good idea. Because in order for you to help, you have to know things about your future."

"But we're going to be changing those things so that they don't happen, right? So what's the harm in my knowing something that's not gonna happen?"

He had to admit that she did have a point. So, after a long pause as he considered what to tell and what not to tell, he poured out the whole story of stars going out, stolen planets, Daleks, an interrupted reunion, a halted regeneration, and a meta crisis on the beach. When he told her how he walked away, she reacted just the way he'd expected. First, she slapped him for leaving her again. Then she embraced him in a hug so tight that he had difficulty breathing. Then she took his breath away in a way he didn't expect: she kissed him, full and hard on the lips. It was the kind of kiss he had witnessed her giving his twin on the beach, but now his twin didn't exist and Rose was kissing him!

"I still love you, you know," she said quietly as they broke away.

"Quite right, too," he replied, as if on automatic. He then drew her close to him and he whispered in her ear. "I have always loved you, and I know now that I always will!"

She snogged him again.

By the time the Ponds woke up, they had settled on a plan.