Disclaimer: I still don't own any part of Warehouse 13 and honestly, I really don't want to. It's much more fun to play with the toys and put them back to play with later.
A/N: Thanks to all comments and reviews. Always appreciated and considered. Keep crying, keep laughing. Without one, you can't have the other.
Dr. Brandon arrived 20 minutes later. After repeat x-rays, manipulations and discussion he sat down with both women and Dr. Calder.
"I understand that this is not just a personal concern, but also a professional one. This is the third time you've sprained this ankle and physical therapy has not been successful in regaining the stability you need. I also understand that this last sprain was unable to receive the healing time it required and I'm guessing from its present condition you rolled it again very recently. In my professional opinion, I don't think it would have made a great deal of difference in the result. The damage is done. It has just made a more extended and painful recovery. I'll be sure to get a refill for a different NSAID for you. That should help. I think you already know what I'm going to say. RICE: rest, ice, compression, elevation. It should help some, but it's not a new injury now."
"That being said, what I think we should consider is surgery to stabilize the ankle. It will require strict compliance for a full recovery as well as physical therapy. That can take up to twelve weeks, sometimes more for complete recovery and a return to normal activity. I believe Dr. Calder has some influence in preventing outside influences that would hinder recovery. I genuinely believe this surgery will make a difference. Otherwise, you will be looking at a life time with a high probability of easily rolling that ankle, a less rigorous life and ultimately a change in your work status. You are a strong, young, very physically active woman. I'd hate to see you lose that."
"I know this is a lot to absorb. I want you to go home and think about it and we can discuss in more detail the procedure. Both Dr. Calder and I are happy to answer any questions going forward. I do suggest that if you choose to go through with the surgery, you should probably consider it soon. That's not meant to pressure you, and I know that it feels that way, it's just reality. You've suffered for a several weeks. Why wait when you can by-pass that?"
He smiled at the two women staring at him. "Okay. I can see you're getting that overload glaze. Call us with any questions. It was nice to meet you both." With the cordialities done, he left them alone with Dr. Calder in her office.
Dr. Calder looked at them. They did have that glazed overload look. He was right on all accounts, and she didn't want to say what she had to say. "Helena, I know modern medicine is scary to you. It would be to anyone that ended up looking at it from your point of view. Your state of pneumonia would have been a death sentence in the 19th century. I can't even imagine what the thought of surgery is like you. It doesn't matter what I or anyone else says that is going to ease your mind. I do have to tell you that I know what the Regents have strongly decided. However, I stress that the final decision remains yours. Remember that. This is a decision for you and Myka to make, not the Regents."
"They want me to have the surgery," Helena said bluntly. She had been staring at the books on the book shelves behind the doctors desk, counting the number on each shelf, and then calculating the average number of books on a shelf. It settled her mind, this sense of order.
"Yes, they do. But it is YOUR decision, NOT theirs!" Vanessa stressed.
She looked back at her with a blank face and flatly announced, "I don't have a choice. I'm too valuable to them now. I'm an invested interest. I've never had a choice." She stood up and walked out the door before Myka could even react.
"Myka let her go," Vanessa said. "The part I hate is she's probably right. They'd find a way around any decision she tried to make otherwise."
"You know what she does for them, don't you?" Myka stood in front of her.
"No, Myka, I really don't. Sometimes I know where she is and sometimes I've even patched her up. What really sucks, Myka, is you end up in the dark, waiting, and wondering how long she'll be gone, where she is or if she'll even come back. That's got to hurt like Hell for both of you. I don't know why she is so important to them." Vanessa had tears in her own eyes as she hugged Myka. "She has to have the surgery and she knows it."
"I know. Let us know when it's arranged. I need to get her home."
Myka walked slowly to the door. Before opening it she turned around to Vanessa. "It will work, right?"
"I believe so. Dr. Brandon is one of the best. The procedure has a very high success rate, and bless that stubborn pain in our asses, she will not allow it to not work." Quietly shutting the door, Myka got to the car to find Helena already in the passenger seat, head back against the head rest, tears silently staining her face.
They arrived at the house as the sun was setting. Myka set the car in park and turned off the ignition, Helena staring blankly in front of her. Claudia came running out on the porch as they closed the car doors, Helena taking the lead limping home. "Hey, Myka how'd it go?"
"Not now, Claud," Myka said, unwilling to look her in the face, slowly following behind her girlfriend.
"But I thought…"
Myka turned her head snapping back, "I said later!"
Helena had poured two margaritas left over from the night before and was digging in the freezer, finding an ice pack under a bag of Steve's burritos.
Myka leaned against the counter watching her. She crossed her arms hugging herself and drew in a deep breath.
Helena turned to her offering the glass. "Are you hungry? I can heat up some of the chili."
"No, I'm not hungry." Myka watched her putter around the kitchen aimlessly, ice pack in hand, until she couldn't hold back the question nagging at her during the silent trip home. "I need to ask you, Helena, why are you having the surgery just because the Regents want you to?"
Having skirted the issue of the Regents since before she'd left three weeks ago, she knew the discussion was unavoidable. "Because it is my job and I am obligated to do so. I'd most likely do it anyway. What mother would want to play chase with her child and worry about a sprained ankle after carrying it for nine months?"
"Wait a minute…what did you say?" Myka shook her head trying to clear it, uncertain of what she thought she just heard.
She turned around towards Myka with her glass in one hand, making a grand gesture with the ice pack in her other.
"I was being facetious, darling, merely based on an example provided by our good doctor's news that I am more than likely able to bear us a child should I so choose. Apparently, after three weeks of celibacy, we are quite the randy couple as well." Helena took a healthy draw from her glass and headed into the living room, Myka following.
"So, you are having the surgery for the Regents, even if you don't want to?"
Helena looked at her with sad eyes for a moment before speaking. Rubbing her forehead, she pushed her hair back. Looking straight into the green eyes she nodded. "Yes."
"But, it's your decision," Myka insisted
Exasperated, Helena continued, voice rising with each word, "No, Myka, it is not. Very little of it is our decision. Are you that blind? We are their marionettes, manipulated to their will. In my case, literally turned on and off when they required my so-called expertise. How lucky for them to have a living resource from a century ago. Even you were granted that power. You were the only one I trusted with that power. They claimed it was more humane. More humane than what? They know nothing of humanity. Do you have any idea what it is like to sit and watch your own conscience be stripped away from you?" She dropped the ice pack on the floor, voice still rising with her diatribe. "I accept the consequences of my actions, and indeed they were contorted, depraved even, but they know not what a cruel thing it is to be forced to anticipate non-existence, wondering when and where you will suddenly be awoken or not be able to touch the one person you love most in this world! They change the rules according to their needs. Caturanga taught me to change the rules, remember? It just so happens, that it is impossible to change already arbitrary rules. MacPherson knew it, Sykes knew it and even Claudia knows this!"
Disturbed by this eerie line of thinking, Myka asked what had bothered her the night before. "Why were you gone for three weeks? Where were you? You were supposed to be pulled out of the field for six weeks. What was so damned important that you were not allowed to recover an injury from a mission? One in which you were beaten up, too. Why didn't you just tell them 'no'?"
"You don't understand, Myka. I have not the choice in saying 'yes' or 'no'!" she yelled, frustrated.
Indignant, Myka forged ahead in her own frustration. "You're right, I don't understand. Explain it to me. Explain to me why I have to accept watching the person I love leave, not knowing where she is, or for how long! At least when I leave you know where I am. You...you can't call me, you can't text me and you can't even tell me when you are coming home! Half the time your phone sits on the night stand. I wake up to find what sometimes seems like a stranger crawling into bed with me. Tired, emotionally worn, and always so thin." She stopped, taking a cleansing breath, calming herself. Throwing herself on the sofa she stared up at her partner. "Helena, I didn't even know you were home this last time until I woke up. That's never happened to us before. We always know when the other is there. That's why I was so cranky. Do you even remember yesterday morning? I was so happy and relieved to feel your arms around me."
"You said in Tenerife you had a concrete reason to come home. You'd already starting discussing with the Regents these side jobs. It was going to be an occasional thing. Helena, there is nothing occasional about it. I don't want to lose you for a year again. I can't."
Helena sat in the chair next to the sofa dropping her head into her hands. "They said they would see what they could do, but that I was obligated to continue my job as a fully reinstated agent as was necessary in whatever capacity was required based upon my skills. Just like everyone else. Pete has his vibe, you have your attention to detail, Claudia is the techno-master, and Steve is the walking lie detector we can't play poker with."
"Why are you so important to them? Why do they have so much power over you? What is it?" Myka pleaded.
"I know things, and I have…other skills that they deem unique and necessary. Do you realize that during this surgery, i can almost guarantee you, not only will Dr. Calder be in that room, but also two Regents to insure I say nothing critical during the anesthetic procedure or the recovery?" Helena sobered having slid down the back of the chair letting Myka empty her pent-up rage.
"So, they what, own you or something?" Myka screamed now.
Helena sighed, closing her eyes to the dim light, a single tear fighting for purchase. "Myka, they've owned me since the day I asked to be bronzed." She spoke so softly Myka had to strain to hear the words.
Myka felt herself instantly turn cold. Her stomach dropped. Her head hurt.
Helena stood up abruptly, hands in the air. "Don't you understand, Myka? To tell you anything not only puts my life at risk but yours as well. You are the most important thing in this world to me!" She was sobbing now. "I had Christina taken away from me. I will not let you be taken away as well. Not again."
Following her example, Myka stood up in front of the smaller woman. "My life is already at risk, Helena. I joined the Secret Service for crying out loud! Every day I wake up here, or go on a mission, or even set foot in the warehouse, my life is at risk."
Helena grabbed the back of Myka's neck, forcefully pulling her forehead down to her own, tears flowing freely down her face. "Oh, Myka. My dearest, sweet Myka. You have no idea how extraordinarily different those risks are." Emptied of any more words, Myka could only respond by taking her into her arms and holding her tightly against her.
They stood like that until darkness took over the room
Myka woke early, walking to the house in her pajamas. At the smell of coffee, Claudia crept down wondering who was up so early. Coffee cup sitting untouched on the table, Myka stared out the window. Claudia poured her own cup sitting down next to her, sitting in silence as patiently as Myka always had for her. "Where's HG?"
"Still sleeping. I didn't want to wake her so I came over here. We had a rough night. I guess I woke you instead. Sorry."
"No, I was already awake working on some stuff and smelled the coffee. Is there something wrong with it?"
Myka looked down at the cooling, brown liquid. She half smiled. "It never tastes right until she drinks half of it complaining about what a vile substance it is."
Claudia went over to the stove putting on the kettle laughing at their routine. "She's drinking more than half now. I'm not really sure why she keeps complaining about it at this point. We all know she just won't admit she likes it."
"It's just one of our things. If you poured her own cup she wouldn't touch it."
Claudia came back to the table with a cup of tea. "You two are too cute sometimes. Drink this. You do the same thing with her tea. I won't tell her. Is this what happens when you get married…uh, I mean not-married, but…oh, whatever the heck you call yourselves." Claudia gave her a reassuring smile.
"Thanks." Myka took a sip. "God, how does she drink this stuff?" She glanced at the young woman, grinning before taking another sip.
"So, that was quite a commotion you guys made, not that we heard it or anything. Everything okay?"
"No, it's not Claud." She got up and threw some bread in the toaster. "Want some toast?"
"Sure. I'll get the jam. Raspberry, okay?"
"That's fine." Myka leaned on the counter waiting for the toast, contemplating the previous evening. When it got dark, they'd just gone to bed, emotionally drained. "Helena is going to have surgery on her ankle to stabilize it. High success rate."
"Well, that's good, right?" Claudia turned to face her.
"I guess." She came back with the toast. "It's the reason she's having it that is the issue."
Claudia looked up from her toast with her eyes. "What do you mean the reason? She ends up with a fixed ankle and everything is good. She's going to be a real pain in the ass, but it's worth it. Yeah, she's going to be a REALLY big pain in the ass." Claudia laughed at the thought of a cooped up HG.
"Claudia, she's doing it because of the Regents, not because she wants to. She said she would do it anyway, but she's doing it because the Regents want her to, not because she wants to. She has the final decision supposedly, but she claims she doesn't really have a choice, if that makes sense. I don't understand why they have so much power over her. Why can they make decisions for her that should be ours?"
"That's part of the deal, Mykes. We go into this for the 'greater good'," she said with a fake booming voice. "We all know that before we commit."
"Tell me, do you think they own her? She said last night they've owned her since she was bronzed."
"I don't know, Myka. Only she knows what arrangements, shall we say, they've made. I guess in a way I can see her point. She's been controlled by their decisions except when she uh, kind of went cuckoo. If you think about it, who's to say part of that wasn't a result of the Regents' actions of either 12 or 13? We only have her version of 12. The genie in the box thing was a little disturbing, though. I don't even want to think what limbo prison is like."
"So, I have to live the rest of my life like this? Not knowing where she is, when she's coming home or even if she is coming home? Why am I at such a greater risk if she tells me?"
Claudia leaned forward, resting her arms on the table. "Sounds to me you're thinking of you and not her. It's just as hard for her to be the one leaving you behind not knowing when she's coming home or even whatever it is she is doing. From what I've figured out, she doesn't even know the details until she's on her way. It's not like she's jumping with excitement when they call. She's played her part in the arrangement, whatever it is. Risk factor? None of us will probably ever know. But, Myka, she doesn't know how long you'll be gone on a mission, or if you're coming back either. And let's face it, you've had some long missions too. Remember Houston? You were gone for at least two weeks. At one point I thought I was going to end up with her in MY bed. It's always harder for the ones that stay behind because we feel helpless. I should know, I've stayed back enough. It doesn't matter what the job is. It works both ways."
"But what is so different about what she does? Why do they have so much power over her?"
Claudia placed a hand on her arm in the same way she did many months before. "Myka, I'm going to ask you the same thing I did at the beginning. Do you love her?"
"With all my heart, Claudia."
Claudia shrugged. "There you have it."
Myka finished the now cold tea. Standing up she placed both hands on the redhead's shoulders and kissed the top of her head. "Sometimes Claudia, I liked you better when you we're a kid."
"I have my moments. You love me this way, too. Still doesn't mean you can't keep bringing me back presents. Go home. She's scared and you're the only one she'll share that with. She needs you, Mykes."
"I'm an ass."
"Yep, sometimes. I won't tell her about the tea. Now get out of here."