Lately, I'm getting nightmares AND sleep paralysis. It's getting kind of scary since I heard some girl in black saying these numbers and I can't move since it's sleep paralysis. I can't even breathe. I can't speak, shout, or something. All I can do was try to stay awake but usually I fail to. It's like I'm dying which I'm not. How can I get rid of it? And FINALLY sleep peacefully? It always happens to me.
From: April
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Entry No. 14
Date: 03/10/12
3:35 PM
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April. Ape rule. Ushishishi.
Tell me, Ape rule, are you sure it's a girl? It's probably just the shark peasant dressed up in a dress that the drag queen put him in. And he's muttering a lot of curses at you in Italian, not numbers. You're just hearing him wrong. He was probably on his period too, shishi. The shark peasant gets really cranky when that time of the month rolls by. Oh, and you better watch out, peasant, he's got a thing for girls younger than him.
He does bad, bad, bad things to them after he drugs them.
That's why you've got sleep paralysis. He put something strong in your drink when you weren't looking and it takes affect at night. Shishi.
And as for you wanting to sleep peacefully
(Peacefully? Peace is no fun. It's boring.)
You'll have to keep a watch out for the shark peasant during the day, and then stab him once you see him. He'll be lurking right outside your window wherever you are in your house, dressed in only a frilly pink apron. That's right, Ape rule, the shark peasant is running around your neighborhood completely naked. Don't bother thinking about how big his penis is. It's extremely small.
Ushishishi~!
-The Prince
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Entry No. 15
Date: 03/10/12
3:47 PM
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Dude that is some freaky arse shit. Are you sure you're not high off something to be hallucinating like that? Like weed? Or maybe the stupid shark hippie spiked your drink when you weren't looking and dressed up in black clothes? Watch out man, the dude's an infamous pedophile, even amongst the mafia world. Have you seen a bush moving around your house? That's him.
Yeah. Just watch out for moving bushes all together.
But, if it turns out to not be him and it's an actual real-life grudge chick hell bent on haunting you for the rest of your life, well, dude, call a bloody exorcist 'cause that shits scary. Even though the ghost chick is just muttering numbers now, she might get violent and cause some real trouble later on in your life.
And Bel, why, why, WHY, WHY, WHY, would you even write that on here? No one wants to know how big Squalo's ding-dong is. That's just gross. He probably doesn't even have one anyway. After all, he is a chick.
Chicks don't have dicks.
-Umi
P.S: I'm totally being a troll to Squalo right now. YOUR FACE, SHARK HIPPIE.
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Entry No. 16
Date: 03/10/12
3:52 PM
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VOI!
WHAT THE FUCK WAS THAT, YOU SHITTY BRATS? I'LL KILL YOU!
[Connection disabled]
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Entry No. 17
Date: 03/10/12
4:06 PM
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Tsk, tsk, Squ-Chan broke his laptop again. That's the 7th one this week. Xanxus won't be very happy when he finds out and neither will Mammon Chan. Ma, oh well. About your nightmares and sleep paralysis problem, I suggest going to a doctor for the sleep paralysis and find someone who specializes in mental problems, because I'm sure the girl in black muttering numbers is a psychological issue.
If it gets any worse, well then, maybe you need to check yourself into a mental ward, darling.
-Lussuria
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Entry No. 18
Date: 03/10/12
4:18 PM
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Ha, it's probably an illusion Master made up to creep you out. He likes to do that a lot to unsuspecting female citizens. He has a little girl fetish, did you know? That's why he has Chrome. Have you seen her hairstyle? It's a pineapple. That's how Master shows a girl belongs to him, by forcing her to put her hair in the style of a pineapple.
A pineapple hairstyle is not very fashionable.
But it looks cute on Chrome. And then again, a giant frog hat isn't all that fashionable either, but it's not my fault. The fallen prince forced me to wear it. Anyway, onto your weird sleep paralysis and nightmare problem. Go find a psychiatrist or something to handle it. The Varia isn't the best group in handling mental issues even though we have two illusionists here.
We only know how to break people's minds, not fix them.
-Fran
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Entry No. 19
Date: 03/10/12
4:31 PM
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Doctor. Therapist. Psychiatrist. Psychologist. Mental Ward.
Take your pick. I'm 100% sure you've got some mental issues that need to be taken care of. The fact you think we would be able to understand how to get rid of your grudge girl and sleep paralysis is beyond me, like the fact I can't believe that anyone is even bothering to send in their mundane problems to the Varia.
I expect payment for wasting my time to be in before the end of the week.
-Mammon
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Entry No. 20
Date: 03/10/12
9:18 PM
New Laptop Connection
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Fucking shitty brats and fucking peacock bastard. Sleeping problems? Go tell your fucking psychiatrist about that crap and have him deal with it. I don't give a shit about your issues. I've got enough to deal with from those two insufferable shits-for-brains idiots.
VOI!
-Squalo
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Thank you for the alerts and reviews! Please, keep those questions coming! I'm sorry if I'm slow with these but it does take a while for me to answer them because I keep checking over to see if the answers are in character. Which reminds me, if you think the Varia aren't in character, please, don't hesitate to tell me! Also, it takes a while to put the answers into this sort of format, because for some reason, every time I save it like this, it comes out differently when I post it :(
Umi is my OC and Varia belongs to Akira Amano!