How do I fucking deal with my mom? She started working again and it's WWIII at home again. She blames me for breaking a window and a coffee machine, even if I didn't touch them. Blames me for buying make-up, hair-care products and shit like that, even if she didn't mind it before. And she insults me. A lot. I tried everything - talking normally, screaming, insulting. Nothing. Fucking. Helps. I really need an advice, guys. I'm kind of desperate.
-Siis
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Entry No. 21
Date: 05/10/12
7:13 AM
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VOI!
We've got no fucking clue on how to deal with family issues! We're the goddamn fucking Varia! You think we've got parents who give half a shit about us let alone even bother with us now? That shitty boss of ours got his ass handed to him by his own fucking foster father. And we're fucking assassins for god's sakes.
We kill for a living, not handle shit storms that therapist's go through.
-Squalo
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Entry No. 22
Date: 05/10/12
7:34 AM
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Urgh. It's way too early for this.
Stupid shark hippie woke me up with his screaming. I can't fall back to sleep. Urgh. My brain isn't functioning right now. I WANT TO SLEEP, DAMMIT. SCREW YOU SQUALO. SCREW YOU AND YOUR LEGIONS OF FEMALE HORMONES AND YOUR CONSTANT PMS-ING.
Tch, anyway, your World War III problem at home, yes, well, in all honesty, if it was me, I'd ignore her existence. If she isn't going to bloody listen to you when you're putting in the effort to talk things out, then she might as well not exist in your life. Yeah, she gave birth to ya, but who gives a bloody damn? Parents are supposed to listen to their kids, not scream and fucking blame them for shit they didn't do. And she insults ya? A lot? If she wasn't your mum, I swear to god…I won't say anymore on this, or else my words will get extremely colorful and Lussuria won't be happy about it.
Until your mum starts acting like a proper parent and starts putting in the goddamn bloody effort, ignore her.
-'Too-fucking-tired-for-anything' Umi
P.S: I'm stealing your bathroom, Squalo, because you screwed up mine when you decided to clog it up with that Rapunzel hair of yours. And I make no promises on not using your hair care products.
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Entry No. 23
Date: 05/10/12
8:36 AM
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Oh dear, that's pretty awful, darling.
I honestly don't know what advice I should give you. If talking normally didn't work, then I guess you could go to one of those family therapy courses. I heard they work quite well, and the Varia once went to one. (Minus Xanxus of course. He doesn't like them) Suffice to say, the therapist retired after 2 sessions with us. He said, and I quote, "This has to be the most dysfunctional, violent, horrifying, messed up 'family' I have ever dealt with! What the hell is wrong with you people?"
After he said that, Bel Chan tried sticking knives into him to make a human cactus. Squ Chan 'VOI-ED' and sliced everything up. Fran Chan made mean comments that didn't help our situation. Mammon started blackmailing the therapist to hand over his money, and Levi was sulking about Xanxus not being there and ended up scaring the therapist.
As it turned out, we bonded more over being insulted than we did with the activities the therapist gave us. Oh well~! Not all families are like us. Anyway, try family counselling, dear. Maybe that'll do something for you and your mum.
-Lussuria
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Entry No. 24
Date: 05/10/12
8:48 AM
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Ushishishi, World War III? Sounds like fun.
Your peasant mother sounds like a real bitch, shishi. If screaming and insulting her doesn't work, what else do you expect us to tell you? That's why I killed my parents when I was little. They were annoying people who couldn't keep their noses out of my business. They talked too much and kept telling me to be like my fucking brother. Hm. Yep.
You should just stab the peasant bitch and get it over and done with.
After that, she won't be able to scream, insult or blame you and you won't have to hear her again~! The world would be rid of one more useless peasant parent who can't keep their tongues in their fucking mouths. Of course, the peasant will have to learn how to hide after that. Shishi, depending on how well you kill her and evade the police, the Prince might just let you join the Varia to become my new target practice~!
-The Prince
P.S: The Prince got bored and was curious as to what Siis stood for, so I searched it up on Google. Ushishishi, you're a Southwestern Insurance Information Service, and Mammon loves insurance scams, right after blackmail.
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Entry No. 25
Date: 05/10/12
8:52 AM
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Go to a therapeutic family session?
That seems to solve a lot of problems on those drama shows Lussuria sempai likes to watch. Then again, those shows are stupid and clichéd. What family has its members get amnesia that many times in one year? And a child you never knew you had? Yeah, the parent of the year award goes to the wasted drunkard of a dad who didn't even remember that one chick he screwed. Huh. I really don't understand why Lussuria sempai even likes watching those shows.
What was I talking about again?
Oh. Right. I was meant to be giving you advice for your apparent WWIII problem at home. Yeah. Go to a family therapy session. Your mum's got issues.
-Fran
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Entry No. 26
Date: 05/10/12
9:38 AM
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I suggest not going to family therapy. They're a waste of time and money. The one we went to helped us with nothing, and we lost money going to two of its stupid sessions. Because of that, I took some money from that incompetent therapist we had, and even then he held little money on him.
So I took his credit cards as compensation for wasting our time.
Tch, the fool didn't even have that much in his bank account. Now, back to your so-called WWIII problem at home. Either kill your mum or ignore her, and going by the assumption that you have real emotional attachment to her, you probably won't be able to kill her, so the second option is the only one left. That's all I've got for you.
I'll end this on an interesting note Bel told me. He said your pen name stood for Southwestern Insurance Information Service. He was lying, of course, but it brought on a rather satisfying idea. If you have the guts to kill your mum, get her life insurance and send a good portion of it to me as payment for this advice letter I'm giving you. If not, you still have to pay me anyway. You know the deal, send in your payment before the end of the week.
-Mammon
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Entry No. 27
Date: 05/10/12
10:00 AM
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I was not sulking, Lussuria.
And that therapist insulted boss by calling him a red-eyed demon with father issues! He deserved to be struck by lightning! No bastard can get away with insulting boss like that!
-Levi
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Whoo! Thank you for more alerts and reviews! Questions and reviews are still loved so send in all you got! :'D ((why yes, Levi did make a letter in this one. Of course, as I said before, no advice from him. He's there to complain))
A little note, I'm going back to school in two days. When that happens, I'll still be on but less frequently. I'll still do my best and answer all the questions I've received! And lots of love goes to xXBloodyIllusionXx and LoStInIlLuSiOn for leaving feedback of the answers they got for their questions! I'm glad you guys liked them and that you both enjoyed the whole making fun of the pen names! Also, if I happen to insult anyone with these answers, I'm sorry and it wasn't intended. Just thought I should put that in just in case.
Umi belongs to me and the Varia belongs to Akira Amano