Prison trouble
The cold bit worse than a teething Naga. Dad hated her chewing his boots. Yet even that bit of happiness was unable to dispel the cloud over her head. The darkness encroaching upon her heart was squeezing it for all it was worth. Making the beats stiff, and strained. With longer and longer breaks between.
Korra was trained to the ground. Head bowed so low all she could see were the swinging motion of her own feet heading nowhere in particular. She didn't want to raise her head. Didn't want anyone to see the avatar like this. Because then they would ask questions. Then they would poke and prod and make Korra relive the moment once more. Her hand brushes the round bulge beneath her shirt.
Her robe forgotten. Korra felt numb wandering the republic city streets. Body giving a shiver which she couldn't feel. Yet stopped to rub herself reflexively as she looked at a window.
There knobs were freshly polished as was the grated mouth from which one could hear a fairy tale for the kids, or the latest news about what the world was up to, maybe even catch a pro-bending match if your parents let you stay up late enough. Now they were like muted mouths open in shock. Staring at Korra through the window.
Korra looked at her reflection. Nearly invisible from the darkened store front. She touched the glass at face level. As if she could sooth this other person who was as miserable looking as she was. Touching the glass and tracing a finger down it leaving a clear line through the frost; it followed the path of a tear streak on her face. This likeness of herself was not moved by the kind gesture. So the hand touched real flesh instead. Felt the icy trail that started at her eyes and stopped at small icicles hanging from her chin.
Korra shivered again. Then moved on.
There were few out in this part of town. Yet they still found a way to crowd Korra and bump into the woman roughly. However, she would just pitch and roll with each collision. The world was angry with her. That was easy enough to pick up on being the avatar. She could feel the whole of mother nature's emotions. Right now it was upset, and taking it out on her for what she had done.
It had been stupid. Foolish. Maybe even a chance at giving someone redemption. It had all gone so wrong.
I've never seen her so angry before. She-she wasn't Lin. That was not my badgermole. Indeed, there was a side to Lin that not even Korra had seen before. Nor now that she had; wanted to forget so badly. The screaming had bounced around the thick walls like thunder. It was as if a great spirit had been there. Demanding-No-cursing at Korra.
A shiver and this time not from the cold. She remembered the fury. Unbidden behind Lin's eyes. They wanted to...to-to do what exactly? There was only one other time Korra had seen Lin like that. Her hand went to the lump again. Feeling it for reassurance. To help erase those awful memories of the way her wife had acted. To remember the good. With hands overlapped Korra squeezed the lump through her shirt.
How could you!
Korra snaps. Her hand digs and twists the flesh between her breasts till the pain brings fresh tears. How could I have done that. I knew Yee-Li was uncomfortable, but I thought she would of been ok if she got used to it after being there a while.
The anger of a person betrayed. Shouting. Waving her hands madly as she gestured to the dreary grey walls. The simple metal chairs and table. It was a small private room for the...reunion. That's what it was. So he could see her again. I suggested it. He didn't want to do it. And I should of listened, but stubborn and stupid me. Stupid avatar. Had to go and do what was nice...not right. If she had done what was right then she never would of brought Yee-Li to see him. If she had been smart like Lin. Korra never should of seen him again. Not drop in every couple of months to see how he was doing.
I-i-i-i-i-i-i. Korra's fingers crack as she tightens the muscles in them. They become rigid animalistic in the shape of claws. And she slashes at the air once before they still. Loosen, and drop to her sides.
There are no stars. Not even a moon. The city lights seemed dim even, like the whole world was ceasing to be; fading away and leaving her behind to be alone in her shame.
"I'M SORRY!" She screams. Rips the peace from the night. Shouting it over and over. As if begging the city to deliver an answer of forgiveness. Republic city is not a forgiving place. It swallows people sometimes and never lets them go.
Korra begins walking again. Not bothering to check both ways as she crosses the street. Everyone had gone in this part of the city. Even the homeless had found a place to stay.
"You brought our daughter here!"Hands swept the walls of the small room. The iron bars on the window. The man-they pointed so vehemently at-his head was in the worse stages of balding. Nothing but a weak crown of hairs around the back of his head. So small. So Fragile. He'd been eating less. The eyes had sunken in. Skin turning green like a fungus had found its way inside. It had; and it was eating him alive to the point that his hands were so skinny they could slip the tightest cuffs.
"Why would you bring her to see him?" Lin pleaded for an answer she didn't want to know. Just hoping that this wasn't even real. A mirage. A trick. Hopefully, a very terrible nightmare.
Because he was dying. Qui Lang had a short time left and Korra wanted to give him peace before he moved on. The only way was to let him meet Yee-Li. The now ten year old girl he had once kidnapped to ransom. She wanted to show Qui Lang the beautiful child she had become. The apple of her mother's eyes. To tell him that she had forgiven him, completely, for what he had done.
What else was she to do? Let him go without it? From the only visitor he ever had while in prison. Korra could not let that happen. It was her job to bring peace to others.
She had tried to follow Lin, to stop her, to set things right. Lin wouldn't even give her the chance to touch her before she rounded. Yee-Li was wide eyed and looked so small holding onto Lin. She was so scared. Crying. Begging Lin to tell her what mommy had done wrong. To just stop this. Lin was not the kind to stop once she had started.
"No, Korra. Don't." The words hit harder, colder, swifter, and more wrathful than the four elements.
And I just let her leave without setting things right. I gave up so easily. Or-I couldn't do it. Or Lin had clearly gotten her point across.
Korra had left Qui Lang without a goodbye. A final goodbye. The disease would take him two weeks later. Korra wouldn't find out till a month after. Hiding her tears in the bathroom.
Coming back to the present Korra found she had stopped walking once she had gotten lost in her thoughts. Standing in the middle of the sidewalk. Blankly staring ahead. Hunched at the shoulders with hands gripping the bottoms of her elbows.
She sniffled and it seemed to die a few feet in front of her, swallowed by the steam pouring from a vent in the street. Korra went to stand in front of it. Feeling the nice warm condensation settle on her skin. It warmed it for a moment. Before the chill set back in as it cooled. She shivered harder. Muscles spasm and lock painfully in place. Her feet went numb and fell out from under her. In a loud thump she landed on the concrete.
Korra sucked in a breath through her teeth. "ow." It was quiet on the street with no one else around. "Ow-ow-ow." Korra repeated as she got up. Slothfully brushing her pants to get out the spots of moisture, but gave up the fruitless endeavor soon after.
As she rounds the corner to a street less populated by tall buildings she catches the sight of dawn. A none to pleasing sight of happy gradients of purple to orange. The big bright and a happy glow of the sun just getting its mitts on the counter that is the edge of the horizon to sneak its way into the sky. It started in the bay making the ocean look like glass. The metal hulls of the ships in the harbor glistening as they came to port. Fresh smoke from the stacks to fuel their movements. Air temple island was a spec from where she stood. Nothing but an univiting a lumpy rock at the moment.
Korra stood listlessly. Body cocked, hands clenched, like she were ready to fight this oncoming picture of happiness trying to needle her. She fled in the opposite direction to escape the coming light pushing the shadows away.
. . .
She stared at the door knob. The metal had deep indents where something firm had laid itself. Korra touched each of the deep lines. Tricking herself into thinking that she could still feel the heat from the hand that had touched them.
The knob turned without resistance. Her shadow was long an foreign in the frame of the front door. The only reason she didn't stand longer was to not let the heat out so Yee-Li would be cold.
Korra turned the lock with a deafening snap. Now there was no going back. No take backs. She was in. Now where was Lin? Thinking that as soon as Korra had even stepped on the street Lin would of noticed her presence. Yet nothing. No noise. Just an endless and unbearable silence. No huffs or growls coming from the slight hallway Korra stared down. There wasn't even a light on in the kitchen.
The pace was slow set. Take off her boots. Forget that she had left her coat behind and try to hang it up only to sigh and drop her head. Then stride what felt like a mile long walk to the kitchen. Feet shuffling easily against the wooden floor in socks.
As she came into the kitchen. Her eyes try to adjust to the dim light coming through the back door and windows. She peeked out of the corner of her eye. Afraid to turn her head. There was no one sitting on the couch. Which made her only stiffen more. Wondering where Lin could be. It wasn't like her to leave the door unlocked. Were they even home?
The upstairs seemed deserted but both bedroom doors were closed. Korra skipped over the first door. When she tried the door and found it wouldn't budge she felt more cut off and more hopeless at that moment than when she lost her connection to her past selves.
Someone felt her feet shuffle past the first door and downstairs.
Korras body become heavy with each step on the stairs. Leaning against the wall while holding the railing as she choked and wiped her nose with the back of her palm. Eyes bleary. Korra swayed and stumbled as she came off the steps. Bumping the wall sent her into a spin. The tears on her face drizzled off like a sprinkler.
Eventually, she found the fridge on wobbly legs and with hazy eyes pulled out boxes with fresh cooked food not of Korras making; they felt greasy in her hands. There were noodles and vegetables: Lins. Something spicy that looked like parade confetti were mixed in that made Korras stomach bubble displeasingly: Yee-Li. There was a third box. Untouched and pretty full by the weight. Korra opened it and wanted to throw-up what she hadn't eaten already. Arctic hen and two buns.
The scream was held tight inside by her hands. It turned into a sob when her fingers lost the strength to hold on.
Having no appetite anymore Korra went to the couch. The food left out to spoil. She curled her body to the point she felt the pain of her knees pricking her chest. Arms pulling them tighter still to stop her breath. Because when she breathed it hurt so damn much. Even after all that-she's still thinking of me. The room did not feel like a part of her home anymore. It was foreign and dark. It lacked the bright cheeriness that only came with her family. The coming of day made the emptiness more apparent.
"L-in." Korra croaked. The couch grew damp around her cheek. Korra stared blankly at the empty entry way to the stairs. Gasping around the fear inside. That little dark spirit in her head that told her she could not be forgiven for this. "L-i-in." Muttering into a low, long, and deep blubber.
Creeeak.
Everything stilled from her crying to her breath.
Creak. Creak. Creak.
Even in the shadows it was easy to see that Lin wore the same clothes too. Ruffled from a restless night. Eyes bloodshot. Hair whipped in a frenzy. No less better than her wife. Who was frozen stiff on the couch.
The pairs eyes locked.
Neither moves. So Korra allows herself to weep. To weep and watch Lin stand back and simply watch. She sucks in a huge breath that dislodges her hold on her legs. They pop over the side of the couch and bend at a painful angle. Furthering the pain Korra was feeling. Even with Lin, her wife, standing their she felt so far apart from her it was like their first meeting all over again.
The utter disapproval she could suffer from only a look was all it took.
"I'm-sor-ry," the wail, loud and pain filled, "I-i-am sa-sa-sorry." Her hands go out. Reaching towards Lin. The women shows no hint of any reason to act. To say anything in return. "Gaaaahhh." The tips of her fingers curl around her eyes. Blotting her vision. Trying to make it all go away. She didn't want to see this foreign Lin anymore. She wanted the old one. The one who would kiss her on the nose before they left every day. Who would smile at her. Laugh with her. Make all the worry over being the avatar go out the window with a hug. And...and-Korra brought it out from underneath her shirt. Made of black rock. Round as was the traditional shape with any betrothal necklace. Three wavy lines, the symbol of water. Of the life and love for the person you wanted to share the rest of your time with. She wanted the Lin who had given her this.
That Lin had returned; if just a little. Standing overtop her now. Korra noticed and grabs her leg. Blubbering against it. Staining it with her tears.
The couch depresses as Lin climbs behind her. Not willing to look her in the face at the moment. She hugs her from behind. Her grip is tight. Constricting. To show her strength she squeezes down; to show the aggravation within too. Then the hold loosens. A chaste kiss to the back of the head. As Lin breathes in her ear. "Never again." It is frightening how two words could convey such a threat.
Korras body goes limp as a sign of absolute consent.