I kept rewriting this chapter, but I still don't really like it. I can't seem to get it right :( But I'm hoping the next chapter will turn out better.

And school's out! Yay/awww.

MsTg1313, I looked up the lyrics to Dark Paradise, and you're right! Thanks you for both your wonderful reviews!

Justine's POV

Jenna held out a blue top toward me, saying I'd look good in it. I took it from her and tried it on.

"You should wear that. You look amazing!" she exclaimed.

I smiled slightly, but kept my eyes on my reflection. I didn't think I looked amazing. I just looked like I always do. A frilly blue top wasn't going to change that. I knew that if I said that it would sound like I was fishing for compliments, though, so I kept the thought to myself, just like I always did.

Since Jenna picked out my outfit, I chose one for her. I picked a red shirt with ruffles and a black pencil skirt. She looked so pretty I was almost jealous. I missed feeling pretty. Ryan told me I was all the time, but I never believed it. I believe that he believed it, but I wanted to believe it, too.

We arrived at the party about thirty minutes after it started. I wanted to get there a little late so I could come in while everyone was too busy talking to notice I was there.

Ryan came over to my side to open the door for me, but before he could, I opened it myself. He looked a bit surprised, as if he didn't know I was capable of opening a door by myself.

I hadn't really spoken to him much the last few days. I hadn't even noticed until Jenna pointed it out and asked if I was angry with him. I think that I've been getting closer and closer to breaking every day. I think that maybe that's why I'm not talking to him. I'm afraid that when I do, it will all come out. Everything I've been wanting to say, but have been too scared to. When that day comes, my life will be ruined. But then again, it already is.

So what am I afraid of?

Maybe I'm just afraid of losing the few things I do still have.

Jenna and Ryan were walking to the door at the same pace, while I remained a few steps behind them.

Ryan opened the door for Jenna and me and I walked right inside without saying thank you, because I'm just that badass.

The second I walked inside I saw him. He was standing with Seth and some girl I didn't recognize. For some reason, it never crossed my mind that he would be here. We never went to the same parties, so why did we tonight? I always avoided him at places like Playlist Live and Vidcon, or any other YouTube event, because I was afraid that seeing him might have the same effect on me as thinking about him does. I was afraid I wouldn't be able to stop.

And I wouldn't have if he hadn't looked at me, too. When he looked right at me, I felt my stomach jump, and my knees went weak. I immediately looked away and promised myself I wouldn't look back at him again.

But I'm awful at keeping promises.

Toby's POV

I looked good tonight. I mean, I always do, but I looked especially good on this night. My hair was the perfect amount of messy, and I was wearing my green Tobuscus shirt, which everyone knows is the one I look best in.

I was standing with Seth and Tiffany. We were talking about the YouTube Comedy Week, which I had performed in.

"I didn't think you'd play! You seemed a bit out of place there," Seth said.

I knew what he meant by that. Everyone there was…vulgar, I guess is the word, and I was not of course.

"Yeah, I know! Sometimes I hate myself for deciding to be the 'clean' YouTuber. It gets really annoying. Like, sometimes I just want to say fuck, but I know everyone will say, 'OMG TOBY CUSSED,' and I don't feel like reading thousands of those stupid comments."

Tiffany laughed, "It's so weird to watch your videos, too, because I know how you really are and it's not like that at all," she told me.

"Yeah, and thank God I'm not," I said, causing Tiffany to giggle.

Tiffany was pretty. She had light blue eyes and brown hair that I really wanted to touch because I bet it was soft. She was a good bit younger than me, – twenty, I think – but hey, it was legal.

And that's about the time I turned my head to see Justine. All thoughts of Tiffany disappeared. She was standing in front of the door and there was no denying that she had been looking at me, too.

But here's the thing: Ryan was with her. Every time I see them together it kills me. It just hurts. A lot. It hurts because I know how serious they are. I know how long they've been together, and all I want is to take his place.

When I looked at her, she looked away, joining Cat and Jenna, who were standing by kitchen's entrance. She was so beautiful. I love everything about her. All I want is to be with her like Ryan is. I just want to be able to kiss her when I want to kiss her and tell her I love her and that she's gorgeous and record a LazyVlog with her and sing her to sleep and bring her flowers and take her to see a movie and hold her hand when we walk down the street and ride in the car with her and hear her sing along to whatever song is playing.

But I can't do that anymore.

This is quite a long chapter for me to not like it, haha.

And I just want to say that I obviously have no idea what Toby actually acts like off camera and I doubt he acts anything like I have written, but I just decided to write him this way.

But anyway, thank you for reading! Please review :)