A/N: Guys I'm so sorry It's taken me forever to update! Classes have kept me crazy busy and I've also been dealing with a terrible case of writers block. I truly hate to leave you hanging for long, and will do my best for this not to happen again. In reward I've made this chapter extra long, joining what would be two separate ones. What is more, I've already started working on the next chapter which, I promise, will be better than this one, which I'm still not super proud of.

Anyways, have a good read!

IF I'M HONEST

I've been finding all kinds

Of useless ways just to push it all down

Like spinning around, spinning around

'Til I fall onto the ground..

...

And I painted over all the cracks

But now the paint is peeling back

It was a long night. Restless sleep and a crowded mind. He wanted to go to her, explain, lay it all out on the table. Felicity wouldn't turn him in, that he was sure of, but maybe overnight, having time to think it through, she would back away, from the vigilante, and from him.

Slowly, step by step he had closed the vast distance between them and now there was a bump on the road, one he wasn't exactly sure she would be willing to cross. If she wanted he would let her go; but he wished she stayed.

So he fought the urge to ride to her place, sneak through the window and convince her to stay, instead trusting she would show up the next day.

He practically skipped down the steps at twilight, preparing himself for the worse. And yet there she was. Bright pink sweater on and her trademark high ponytail, eyes fixed on her computers –they were hers now, that was sure–. He made sure to make some noise, not to startle her, and gave her a warm smile when their eyes met.

She smiled back then turned back around to the computers and worked away, searching for anything that could lead to Walter while tracking the names on Oliver's list. He respected her space and silence and chose to work out the tension that had kept him up at night. A few times he caught her wandering eyes on him, especially after his shirt had been cast aside, but didn't say anything afraid of reading too much into it.

Dig had shown up not too long after that, giving Felicity a grateful nod for her presence before joining Oliver for a sparring session.

It was a few hours later when they finally broke away and Dig hit the showers. Olive stayed behind, she could tell even without turning around to check. It was uncanny how aware her body was of his, as if she could sense his gaze on her, feel his warmth from a few feet away.

"Ken Williams. What do you have on him?"She refrained herself from jumping from her seat as his gravelly voice came even closer that she expected.

"Proof he's worthy of your notebook, apparently. His bogus corporation stole millions just in the last few years. Also I've got his location; he's at his main office."

"Great" he said almost excited while beginning to change into his vigilante suit.

"So, Oliver…" she threw in clearing her throat. "How do you typically board this type of situations? You know, evil guy to cross of your list."

At his silence she turned around and met his raised eyebrow. Her eyes lowered to the bow already clutched in his hand.

"I mean, if it's about the money I could easily transfer the stolen funds from here without the need for arrows or getting hurt."

"I'm going to be fine, Felicity. I don't usually get shot", he hesitated. "Last night was an exception."

"Yes, I know; your mother. Talk about a Shakespearean drama", she trailed off for a moment then met his inquisitive gaze again. "I actually meant Williams." His brow furrowed and she rushed to explain. "He's got a ten-year old son; a boy who has already lost his mother."

"Felicity, these people on the list, they're dangerous. You can't get personal."

"Well I can't just sit idly by while you orphan kids for the sake of justice either" she countered, her voice several decibels higher.

Oliver took a step back feeling like he had been slapped. What image did she have of him?

"There are casualties in this war, you said it yourself", his body coiled with tension. Having her around had kept him wound up all day and every bit of tension he had worn off working out came back with what she implied.

"Yes, but they are not coming from me." Her eyes bore into his, anger and determination matching his own. "Besides, I doubt he had anything to do with this undertaking thing or with Walter. He's a thief, granted a scumbag, but that doesn't mean he deserves to die."

"And you think I would take him out just because? Because I'm a murderer?" he voiced what was hanging between them.

His questions hanged in the air as she simply looked at him.

"I think I made a mistake, signing up with you."

Picking her stuff in a hurry she rushed to the door, passing a confused looking Diggle by the stairs. The door slammed shut behind her as Oliver closed his eyes in defeat laying the bow down on the table.

Diggle smiled knowingly. "I like her."

Oliver shot him a warning look, to which he just shrugged. "Hey, you wanted me to like her, didn't you?"

Diggle approached him with heavy steps, taking in his partner's behaviour. He had been on edge since the shooting.

"I see what you're doing, Oliver."

He turned around, his back to Diggle, shoulders now slumped crushed by the pressure of his constant fight to keep it together.

"You're trying to push her away, yet you want her around. I already gave you my piece of mind, what's safer for her, for you. Still she has accomplished more in a few hours that you have in weeks", he admitted while signaling to the computers.

Multiple searches ran simultaneously; every piece of intel they had on the undertaking together with cross-searches of targets from his list. A police frequency ran in another screen, alerting and deleting any evidence of the vigilante they stumbled upon. Oliver smiled at the sight.

"She's good, one of the best I've seen." Diggle's voice broke the silence again. "And she's got guts. Not everybody stands up against you."

"What's your point, John? If she wants out I should let her be."

"Cut the crap, Oliver. She didn't' walk away; you ran her out." They stared down at each other. "You have to make up your mind. Will you let her in or drive her away? You can't do both."

Oliver let out a deep breath and lowered his head. Diggle walked past him and, with a pat in the back, left him alone again in the emptiness of the lair.

The next day a box of Ferrero Rocher chocolates greeted Felicity at her desk in QC, a small card propped against it that simply read 'I'm sorry'.

There was no sign of him around but the distinct scent of his aftershave remained, so she knew he had delivered it himself. She smiled at the gesture though still not sure what to think of him.

The Oliver she knew back then was there, small signals like this one telling her that much, that he still remembered even the little things she had shared before he had gone away. Yet he seemed to be buried inside this shell, cold and distant, his moves carefully delivered. It made sense this Oliver being the vigilante; it pained her to imagine what he must have gone through in the island to make him like this.

Still that's not what had scared her off the night before. It was the intensity and seriousness she had seen in his eyes when suiting up. It reminded her much more of a soldier than to the Oliver she knew.

She wasn't scared of him but overwhelmed by who he was now.

She wouldn't be there. Oliver spent the whole night convincing himself of it.

Yet there she was. He felt scared, relieved, disappointed and grateful at the same time.

At twilight Oliver felt the familiar sound of the keypad and turned around meeting her blue eyes.

Felicity hesitated on top of the stairs for a moment, as if making up her mind, and then one step led to another until she met him under the light at the centre of the room. Silence overtook the room as he studied her, not sure where to begin. There was much he wanted to explain but words tended to fail him, especially when he was high on adrenaline.

"Hi" she muttered.

"Hi" he countered, hesitating on whether to send her away before she got hurt; either from a case or from him, she wasn't really safe there.

"I'm sorry" he offered then, "I wasn't thinking clearly yesterday. I know this is still new to you" eying his quiver on the table. Her eyes followed his and stayed on it, his new identity.

"Well this explains a lot. I knew something was going on with you, something had changed… just didn't expect this to be it."

"Trust me, when I left I didn't expect it either."

This was it, letting her in or driving her away. "If there is anything you want to know, just ask. I'll try my best to tell the truth", he let out making up his mind.

"Ken Williams?" her voice was a soft whisper, as if afraid of what his answer could be.

"He returned the money that he stole just in time to put his son to bed" his answer came calm and composed, unlike his defensive demeanor the night before. "Just a warning."

Felicity nodded and then hesitated, pondering what to voice next; the amount of questions she had for him were endless, her mind running wild as usual.

"How are you holding up?" the words left her lips after a short pause.

He looked startled, surely expecting 'why?' to be her main doubt; why was he this damaged man, why was he a cold-blooded killer. "It's just you were gone for a long time, Oliver. And ever since you came back it seemed like you were holding back, almost bearing it all too well. And now… now I see this other side of you, how much the island has changed you. It must have been hard coming back and pretending to be the same."

Oliver simply stared at her speechless; the easiness with which she read him was terrifying, but the fact the first thing that crossed her mind upon learning he was a wanted vigilante was his safety shocked him even more. Felicity was beginning to regret her question when the corners of his lips rose ever so slightly.

"It's been tough, lying to everybody I care about; even harder than I thought. Everything seems almost the same yet not right anymore."

"You've changed; your perspective. Not to take it as an insult, but you've grown up significantly. Everything seems different from where you're at now."

"It does." He looked down and she saw his brow furrow. "Thea's a teenager now."

"I know. I've seen her around the office sometimes" she smiled in return, Oliver's adoration for his little sister being one of her favorite traits of his. "I think Tommy's the same, though" she added, recounting their short run-in the other day at the mansion.

Oliver chuckled lightly at that, a sight that made her smile widen.

"Yeah, I'm not sure whether that's good or bad though." Worry clouded his features again as another thought entered his mind. "Did you know he hang out with Thea? They seem to be friends", he'd noticed furtive glances exchanged between them whenever they thought he wasn't paying attention.

"Not really. I haven't seen much of Tommy though. I think we've actually met only once before…" her voice lowered, a somber tone replacing her usual chipper one, "… at your funeral."

Their eyes met and he could see the pain behind the deep blue of her iris.

"I could tell he knew who I was. You told him about us, didn't you?" Her tone wasn't reprimanding but curious.

"He's my best friend" he answered. "If it mattered he knew about it."

"And we did, for you…" her voice barely a whisper, as if trying to convince herself of it.

Oliver nodded and hesitantly took a step forward reaching out before stopping himself. "Felicity…"

An alert came up on her screen, breaking the tension. "I know; it's complicated. And right now is not the time" she continued, already walking to her desk.

Oliver closed his eyes and took a moment before turning into arrow mode.

They would have to deal with this, whatever it was going on between then, sooner rather than later. She just had to stop running away from it.

Not a week had passed since Felicity had joined them when his deepest fear came true.

"Talk to me, Felicity", came Oliver's voice from the comm.

Her voice shook slightly as well as her hands over the tablet while she told him where the Dodger was. Diggle stood by her side, eyes carefully examining the bomb collar clung around her neck.

Oliver's hands clenched the handlebars of his bike in anger as he sped through the streets of Starling, the Dodger's car coming to view. She was getting out alive of this one. There was no other possible outcome in his mind. Too many had died on his account; she didn't deserve this, even if taking this case had been her idea all along.

He shouldn't have let her get this close; should have sent her home when she turned up at the auction; should have… He stored the blame game for later when the car came to a halt, his arrow having slashed its back wheel.

As ruthless as this guy was Oliver had dealt with worse and now, with a team by his side, the threat was promptly terminated. A breath of relief he didn't know he was holding left him as Felicity's collar beeped open.

"Felicity?"

"I'm okay" she breathed. "It's off."

Diggle drove her home after that, scurrying away before the police got wind of what had gone down and raided the place. Instead they would find the Dodger, arrowed hand and all, hauled up in an alley a few blocks away.

Felicity paced around her living room, a cup of chamomile tea untouched on her hand. On the way back Diggle had eased them into a light-hearted talk about his date with Carly, trying to keep her mind off of what had went on that night. She smiled warmly at the memory; having grown quite fond of him even though she was just begging to peel back the layers of who Oliver's trusty partner was.

She could have died today.

That thought hadn't sink in yet. Barely a few months ago she was just an IT girl, her life was normal. And then Oliver Queen had waltzed back into her life throwing her into a whirlwind of emotions she wasn't ready for.

She could have died today, but she couldn't say she would take it back.

Having gotten a taste of what they did, the difference that they could make, erasing people like this vicious murderer from the streets, she saw the light in the darkness that the idea of the vigilante painted in her mind.

Her phone chimed jolting her from her thoughts.

'You home?' it read under Oliver's name.

She sent a simple 'yes' and in a beat his answer came back.

'Can I come up for a moment?'

She thought it over for a second before making up her mind. Do you want to see him? Yes.

His knock came barely a minute after she had replied. Setting the mug aside she tiptoed to the door, not bothering to look through the peephole before opening it.

"You shouldn't do that. It's not safe" he said as a greeting.

"Hello to you too" she chirped back, a faint smile appearing in both or their faces.

She stepped aside, Oliver taking the cue and coming inside, eyes scanning her place. Though it had far more furniture than before, the same Felicity-feel remained in the room; bright colors and edgy designs contrasting with a homely vibe. He could see her personality bubbly and light, quirky and interesting.

Felicity came before him offering a warm cup of tea and a smile that didn't quite reach her eyes. He took it and watched as she tightened the sweater that looked two sizes too big for her, her gold sequined dress from earlier peeking underneath it.

She watched him think silently, how blue eyes travelled up her body, stopping at her neck for a while before meeting her own. Still, unlike many other times in that same place, they weren't dark with desire, eying her appreciatively; they were looking for any signs of harm. Another change this new Oliver displayed: deep and constant concern for other people's well-being.

"I'm okay" she offered at his inquisitive gaze.

"But you could have been hurt"

There it was; the weight he constantly dragged on; a guilty conscious, the one that still replayed Laurel's death. She didn't want to be one of those burdens he carried over his shoulder, making him heavy and spent.

"It's not your fault"

He scoffed humorlessly but met with her steely resolve decided not to comment on it. She was good, even better than he deserved.

"Still, I didn't mean to put you in harm's way. I'm sorry."

"Well I didn't exactly handle it in the best way either. I should have gone to you first, or to Dig."

"What you did was brave… not your smartest moment maybe" he added lightly, getting an amused look from her, "but brave."

"Yeah" she conceded as they shared a smile. "I should learn how to defend myself though, in case I need it again. Maybe Dig can teach me a thing or two, though doing an arm choke surely wouldn't be as effective for me with my arms…" she trailed off thinking of how gigantic Diggle's biceps looked, even with a suit on.

Oliver mind went to an opposite pole, thinking of her in danger, again. A knot formed in his stomach at the thought.

"Felicity." His serious tone drew her back to reality. "I need you to know you have a choice. I want you working with us, have from the start. But I can't ask you for this." She fell into silence at his worried demeanor, studying the pain in his eyes. "So know that you can walk away whenever you want" he concluded meeting her eye.

A beat passed as she contemplated the play of light in his face, a sullen mood taking over him. As tempting as an out would be for a sane person she was far beyond that point. She had crossed a line agreeing to work with him and, though still learning how to navigate it without giving up her morals, it felt right.

"You didn't kill him" her breathy response again took him by surprise. "The Dodger. You could've easily put an arrow in him, but you chose not to." Blue eyes were boring through his again. "You are a good man, Oliver. Despite the outfit and the menacing tone, you're not one of them, the people on the list. I know that much."

Taking a hesitant step forward she laid a soft hand on his forearm. "I'm not saying I won't have doubts or difference of opinions sometimes…but I'm in", she added, a reassuring smile on her face.

A half smile spread across his face in return.

Her hand lingered on him for a beat longer, fingers lightly caressing his suit before she looked away, afraid of getting caught up in the moment, in him; it was way too easy and far too good, she knew that much.

Oliver cleared his throat, his thoughts not far from hers. This wasn't the time to act on it, but soon he would, if she let him.

"I should let you rest." He said, though not with much conviction.

"Yeah" she conceded, and walked him to the door. "I'll see you tomorrow" she offered with a warm smile, one he couldn't help but reciprocate.

"Tomorrow."

That word carried hope of something more, of being in each other's lives, of sharing secrets and chasing after each other's ghosts. As Felicity leaned against the closed door she wondered what she had gotten herself into, thrilled yet terrified to find out.

Hope you liked it! If you wanna make my day leave a word or two with your thoughts or comments. Until next time.