Valentines Day.

A day to celebrate the love you have for that someone special. A day to gorge on chocolates, receive or give out presents, and possibly grope your girlfriend or boyfriend in their private places just because you're feeling frisky on this particular day. Of course, there are always those specific clichéd couples who act all mushy together, what with their overly clichéd present of roses and speeches on how they have met the love of their life and how they'll be together forever.

Ah yes, Valentines Day, the day of amore.

.

.

Oh how Belphegor hated it.

.

.

The very notion of love made him sick to his stomach and gave him the strong urge to throw up every organ he had in his body, especially his heart. How could such an organ, which pumped blood throughout his body, be used as an icon for such a ridiculous holiday? Honestly now, who came up with this idea? He should drag them back from the dead and cut their heart out to prove a point. No one liked receiving bleeding hearts at their doorsteps. He should know.

He's done it before.

Granted though, he was bored and wanted to freak out the victim he was to assassinate, but back to the topic at hand. Valentines Day. Yes. He hated it, despised its very essence and meaning, and if he could, he would murder every last living couple surrounding him.

.

.

Well, at least he got to shoot them with a paintball.

.

.

"Holy shit, Bel, you just shot that man in the crotch."

"Accidents happen, commoner."

"Accident my arse. Oh god, he's crying now. You made a man cry and possibly wet his pants. Are you proud of yourself?"

"It got him to shut up and stop bragging to his ugly girlfriend so yes, I'm very proud of myself. Shishishi~!"

He grinned widely at the unimpressed female, dodging a ricocheting paintball as he did so. With all the things that Lussuria and that Curious Bird woman could have forced the blonde male to do with the white haired female on Valentines Day, he was glad it was paintball and not something ridiculous like a romantic walk on the beach. With paintball, he actually got an excuse to shoot people painfully with a ball without getting into that entire lawsuit business.

Still, he was going to murder that bird woman and bury that bastard Lussuria six feet under when he got back to the mansion.

Crack.

Belphegor twisted his body and pulled the trigger on his rifle. A red paintball shot out and hit a man in the center of his chest, sending him toppling backwards from the motion as a cry ripped from his throat. Beside the golden-haired assassin, Umi was shooting at people from behind a large stonewall, her expression irritated when she kept missing this one man who kept leaping from one spot to another.

"Bloody wanker," she cursed, reloading her rifle as she glanced at Bel, a stoic look on her face once she caught sight of where he was aiming, "No, Bel, shooting your own teammate in the face doesn't count for anything other than you being a dick."

"Tch, then what fun is paintball if I can't shoot my own teammates?" Belphegor spat in annoyance as he shot another player down without bothering to look at them. He held back the urge to repeatedly slam the butt of his rifle into someone's face just for the sake of doing something worthwhile and fun. He really should have stabbed his knife into Lussuria the moment the Sun Guardian came up grinning to him.

Umi rolled her eyes at the scowling blonde. It wasn't like she wanted to go paintballing with him of all people, and on Valentines Day no less. She had actually wanted to go with Enma since he's never went to a paintball arena before – and admittedly, he's too adorable to not want to hang out with – but damn if she was going to let a free pass into an expensive paintball arena slip out from between her fingers, even if it meant putting up with a certain Varia's whining and an endless assault of gropes that came by 'accident' from any man that passed by her. Huh. Maybe she should take up Belphegor's suggestion of shooting people in the crotch. It'd certainly be hilarious enough to distract her from wanting to kill her own teammate.

"Hear that crazy talk coming from your mouth, Bel? That's penis repellent for girls right there."

"I can get laid with just my sexy looks, commoner."

"Right. And it's a wonder why you're still single. Oh, that's right!" Umi gasped like she just had a sudden realization, "It's because you repel chicks from your dick with your words!"

The moment she finished her sentence, she rolled out of the way as Belphegor pulled the trigger on his rifle, narrowly missing getting shot in the face with a yellow paintball. She rolled into a crouch and glowered at him.

"The commoner should watch her tongue when speaking to royalty." Belphegor sneered, still pointing his rifle at her.

Umi gave a snort, "It's not my fault what I said was true."

She paused then, blinking owlishly at one area where there was a group of barrels. She narrowed her heads as she leaned forward to get a better view of what she thought she saw before she nudged the blonde assassin beside her who was still irritated. "Hey Bel, I could've sworn I saw long silver hair coming from that direction along with a giant frog hat and feathers. You don't think the shark hippie, Franny boy and Lussuria are stalking us, right?"

Belphegor glanced briefly in the direction the white haired female was pointing to and grinned. "Ushishishi, it seems like the peasants are keeping an eye on us."

"Huh. Wonder what for."

"Who cares? They're stalking us, commoner."

"Well, I know you stalk people. I never expected Squalo to do so, or even Franny boy for that matter."

"What about the gay peacock?"

"Lussuria," Umi corrected with a glare, "And I actually half expected him to be a stalker."

"They're irritating me. No one should be stalking the prince."

"Let me guess, you want to shoot them now, don't you?"

The unusual laughter of Belphegor's was enough as a yes to the female and she shrugged her shoulders, already aiming her rifle at the barrels. "Crotch or face?" she asked, steadying her aim as Belphegor kneeled beside her behind the large stonewall, his rifle pointing in the same direction as hers. He grinned.

"Doesn't matter so long as it hurts."

"Crotch it is then."

And the onslaught of paintballs began, Belphegor's laughter echoing in the background as the balls hit the barrels and followed after the three other Varia members as they moved out of the way. Eventually, the familiar scream of Squalo's rang out through the arena before he landed in front of them with a very angry look on his face.

"VOI! WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU SHITTY BRATS DOING?" he yelled, hitting the female across the head in irritation.

Umi glared at him and pointed her rifle at his face. "TASTE THE BLOODY RAINBOWS, ARSE-HOLE!"

"Bel! You were meant to have taken Umi-chan out to a romantic dinner by now!" Lussuria pouted. He spent a whole two days planning out their date, making it as perfect as possible. Honestly though, he really should have expected them to not go by the plan he set out.

"Romantic dinners are boring and not worth a prince's time."

"Huh? Surely you're not talking about yourself, Bel-sempai, because you're a fake prince." Fran piped up with that usual monotone voice of his.

"Brat." Belphegor grinned angrily as he started firing away at the young adult. Behind him Squalo and Umi were having their own fight, clearly trying to shoot each other as painfully as possible.

"FUCKING SHRIMP! I'LL SHOOT THAT FUCKING FACE OF YOURS OFF!"

"I'M GOING TO SPLATTER THAT HAIR OF YOURS THE COLOR OF THE RAINBOW, SHARK FACE!"

Suffice to say, by the time all of them got back to the Varia mansion, they were all covered in paint. Xanxus' reaction to most of his guardians ditching out on work during Valentines was not the best, but thankfully Lussuria brought back the best tequila around to bribe him. By this point, it was already nighttime and the Varia had nothing better to do so decided to settle for a movie.

This brought on a lot of arguments on what to watch.

"Alright guys, what shall we watch tonight?" Lussuria asked, facing everyone who was splayed out on the couches and floor. Umi raised her hand up with a grin on her face. "Let's watch High School Musical!"

Belphegor slapped her head. "Why the fuck would we watch something as shit as that?"

"Because Zac Effron is a sexy piece of arse, that's why! Lussuria agrees with me, right?"

"He certainly is very good looking~!"

"VOI! FUCK THAT! WE'RE WATCHING JAWS!"

"But shouldn't we watch something that has at least a small inkling of romance in it, seeing as how today is Valentines?" Fran asked.

"See? Franny boy agrees with me!" Umi said, glaring at Squalo.

"No, not really. I think High School Musical is cliché and stupid."

"What? And you think I love it?" Umi snorted, grabbing the bowl of popcorn off of Belphegor.

"Then why the fuck did you suggest it?" Squalo snapped, taking the bowl from the younger adult before she could even grab a handful of popcorn to eat. Umi scowled at him and snatched it back, muttering a few swear words in Italian as she did so.

"Because, as I said before, Zac is sexy. Besides, the plot is so overly cliché and random, it's hilarious to watch – "

"The prince wants to watch Saw." Belphegor cut in as he moved and sat beside Umi on the floor with a grin.

"You just want to watch it because it's full of torture!" Umi whined.

"And he gets off on it too. Besides, I want to watch something funny." Fran added just before a few dozen knives impaled themselves into his back. An argument broke out among them on what movie to watch, knives flying everywhere as a sword swung around to slice off any body part it could come across, insult after insult being thrown at each other as Lussuria tried his best to calm everyone down.

Eventually, after about thirty minutes of murderous intent from everyone, they all decided to watch 'The Godfather'. They were all comfortably seated, watching the movie intently and throwing in their own comments whenever they deemed necessary.

This lasted for only half the movie before everything went to hell again.

"VOI! SAY THAT AGAIN YOU BRAT?"

"I SAID GET YOUR ARSE LAID ALREADY, YOU CRANKY OLD SHARK! YOU'VE GOT TWO DICKS! USE THEM ON A WOMAN ALREADY AND MAKE SOME BABIES!"

"FUCKING LITTLE SHIT! I'M NOT A FUCKING REAL SHARK! AND WHY DON'T YOU GO AND MAKE SMALL PSYCHO BABIES THAT EAT KNIVES, HUH, YOU FUCKING TRASH?"

Umi gave him a horrified stare and jabbed a thumb in Belphegor's direction while the blonde assassin was laughing at the situation. "Make babies with him? Bloody 'ell, are you kidding me? This guy probably has aids or herpes or some other sex disease from screwing so many prostitutes already! And seriously, it's Bel. I'd rather have my tongue run over by a truck then have the Joker from the Dark Knight cut my mouth open."

"Shishi, I could cut your mouth open right here and now, you little disrespectful commoner," Belphegor grinned, already leaning over from his spot to hold a knife to the female's neck.

"Ah, Bel-sempai, you shouldn't be so close to Umi-sempai like that. It's sexual harassment."

Lussuria was quick to take a photo then of the two 26-year-old adults and he squealed happily. "Oh my~! I'm sure our readers from our column would love to see this photo of you two so close together!"

Belphegor and Umi stared at him for a moment, glanced at each other, then back at the grinning Sun Guardian.

"Hey Bel, hand me one of your knives. I'm having the sudden urge to stab someone."

"Ushishishi, you aim for the stomach, I aim for the face."

"Deal."

And the rest of Valentines Day was spent with Lussuria screaming for help as he ran from Belphegor and Umi who were hell bent on taking back that camera and stabbing the man to death.

And somewhere in Australia, Miss Curious Bird had the vague feeling that something bad was going to happen to her…

THE END

I don't know what happened. I can't do romance. I'm inept at that stuff. I apologise for the awfulness that is this February Special Event ending. But thank you for still putting up with this fanfic ; u ;

Edit: 24/03/13

Urgh, I completely forgot to say thanks to the people who gave me these ideas! jbalasjdslnai'mawfulsob

LOTS OF THANKS AND LOVE GOES TO:
Kanako Arichi
Mina Monster
Titania
XxxBloody HimeXxx

AND thanks and love goes to Madame Kri because I used a line from her 'Varia Dating Service' fanfic that 'Squalo' wrote as a reply to one of Umi's ridiculous questions that she sent him, ahaha. It was the line 'WHY DON'T YOU GO AND MAKE SMALL PSYCHO BABIES THAT EAT KNIVES?' that Squalo screamed. Aha. I love you and your humour Kri-chan! ; u ;