Um, I just want to say, I might not be able to update very frequently due to exams coming up but I do promise that I finish everything I start (this statement is not applicable to homeworks) so patients may be required. And if you guys have any ideas for the direction of this story I'd be more than happy to hear it. Just PM me or drop a review.
I forgot to mention, Quinn didn't sleep with Puck but her dad kicked her out for attempting to expose his affair, her mom quickly threw him out instead and took Quinn back in and they are trying to heal their relationship.
DISCLAIMER: I don't own glee.
Rachel Berry was sixteen years old and had already experienced some of the worst parts of human nature.
She was a full year -if not more- younger than her peers as she had skipped a grade in elementary.
She had never been wholly accepted anywhere, apart from at home with her fathers' whom she hadn't seen in over a year.
All her life she had been picked due to her parentage, her appearance, her talent and her personality.
When she had started high school she actually believed things might have been different. She was dressed like any other teenager, (jeans, t-shirt, chucks), and she had made a friend in the form of Miss Quinn Fabray.
Rachel had spotted the girl wandering around helplessly and took it upon herself to assist the damsel in distress. This was the very moment Rachel's crush began.
Throughout the day, Quinn had been lovely, complementing her Spring Awakening shirt and telling her how grateful she was to have met someone so welcoming. That day Rachel had hope for the first time in years.
The next day all that hope was gone.
The next day, had Quinn on the Cheerio squad. Rachel knew that Quinn wasn't the one who led the slushy assault on her. Rachel knew that Quinn was placed on the spot when the rest of the girls turned to her for her contribution.
Quinn never threw a slushy but she threw an insult instead. A nickname that hurt her more than liquid ice ever could. "Fagspawn."
Yet, for some reason Rachel could never bring herself to hate the blonde, even as the insult got more personal and cruel, she still saw that shy little blonde that was her friend for six hours.
From that day forth, Rachel changed. Her regular clothes were replaced by that dreadful argyle and her walls went up. Rachel refused to let anyone get close to her and if that meant bringing out her Broadway Bitch? So be it.
However, all walls have structural weaknesses and Rachel's longing to be accepted was one of them. That's why Rachel whole heartedly pursued a relationship with Shelby. And that's why when Shelby abandoned her again, she hurt herself for the first time.
Rachel wasn't suicidal. She really loved life and was determined to live out her dream on Broadway. It was just that, sometimes her emotions got so overwhelming that she couldn't process them all and needed some way of bringing them back into focus. The one way she felt achieved this was through pain. The one emotion that slices through all else.
Rachel wasn't stupid. She knew that scarring would prompt questions. She knew that medical supplies would be expense and that cutting was essentially dangerous.
Rachel had no desire to make herself bleed out. She did pay attention in biology. She knew all the risks from blood loss and infection... That's why she used scissors. Most people think they are very sharp and very dangerous. They are actually rather blunt, (she conceded that this may be due to the brand and amount of usage, but nonetheless), it took more effort to break the skin. The stinging sensation of the blade dragging across her flesh is enough to satisfy her.
Usually, she ended up with those light scratches- you know the ones that go from white to a raised red line? On the odd occasion she had drawn blood but they were mere wounds not at all dissimilar to the injuries sustained from a cat attack.
If Rachel were to use razor blades, she would need disinfectant, medical gauze, sanitizer and honestly, that would be suspicious and the supplies rather uncomfortable to procure. Doing it her way, there was no need to dodge awkward questions and it allowed her to continue performing to the best if her ability.
Rachel wished she had a friend. Just one. She thinks she almost found one in Noah until they broke up. His words still stung her, "we weren't friends before..." she wished they could talk. She could hardly go to his house because Ruth would start up on how they were a lovely Jewish couple. She hadn't even been to the synagogue in months!
Rachel was furious when she had heard Kurt gloating about Karofsky getting a taste of his own medicine.
David had far more to worry about than Kurt. Kurt had everyone, the majority of the student body, the gleeks, Mr Schue (even if he was lame)...
Rachel could identify with David. Being gay was terrifying. Kurt couldn't hide it, and he embraced it, why couldn't he see that not everyone had such unwavering love. David clearly put up a front for his 'friends' just like Rachel put up a diva front for the gleeks. David had no support, and Rachel had been abandoned by the people who should love her most. They were both hurting and yet no one noticed.
Everyone rallied around Kurt when he got pushed into a locker- oh poor him- Rachel had been getting shoved into lockers by different members of the football team for the last two months-not a finger lifted. If Kurt thought that was bad, try getting tossed into a dumpster filled with slushy and locked in. Rachel had thought she was going to drown until fucking Jacob, of all people, let her out. (She still had panic attacks from tight spaces after that.)
Back to the matter at hand; Rachel recognised the footballer's struggle and was determined to approach him. It was Friday and the period before lunch that Rachel noticed the signs of something seriously wrong.
No matter what the words being said were Dave always gave some visible reaction, be it a twitch or a clenched fist. Today, there was no response. Rachel noted he seemed focused but not on the task at hand- no he seemed apathetic to everything except the clock on the wall. Rachel knew what that meant. She had one scar from where she used an actual blade. It was the day her fathers were no longer coming home and, by unfortunate coincidence, the day Shelby turned her back on her. The gleeks had been particularly uncaring towards her. Rachel had been so focused on ending it once and for all, but when the blood started to gush out, she realised the futility of what this would achieve. Fine, she wouldn't be around to feel any more pain but she also wouldn't be able to perform anymore, to feel the rush of the stage. Rachel had promptly grabbed a tea towel and wrapped it around the wound. It had then a trip to the emergency room, six stitches and a tale about faulty manufacturing of knife holders to put the ordeal behind her.
Rachel feared David wouldn't realise he would be making a mistake. So she followed him. She told him she understood. And she watched as he released the scalpel from his hand and let it clang to the floor.
Rachel smiled at the broken boy in front of her. They could heal together. Rachel extended her hand. Slowly, Dave took it.
"It'll be okay David. Together we aren't alone."
For the first time since freshman year, Rachel had hope.
Don't forget! Reviews and feedback are much appreciated.