A/N I decided to update this, because clearly even a travesty to writing should continue. Seriously, if you read this new installment you only have yourself to blame...

George Huang reluctantly knocked on the office door of ADA Casey Novak. After the whole 'frape' debacle he worried about what would come next.

"Come in," a voice called.

George swung open the door and was surprised to see Novak hanging from the ceiling via a shoulder harness.

"What's going on?" He asked, backing away slowly.

"What does it look like," Novak glared, "I'm suspended."

"I'm not sure that's what suspended means…"

At that moment, Arthur Branch walked in, "Ah, Agent Huang, can I help you with anything, I had to suspend Novak."

At times like this, George wished he had an extra hand. A double facepalm just wasn't enough.

"Are you sure you understand what a suspension is?" He asked.

Branch frowned, "sure I do, I froogled it, or whatever it's called."

"Can I come down yet?" Novak pouted, swinging slowly at add a mournful effect, "I need the bathroom."

"No!" Branch yelled, "just cross your legs or something! Where's Cabot?"

"Here," Alex Cabot called from the corner of the room, startling George for a moment, he hadn't realised she was there.

Branch smiled, "I made her stand in the corner."

"For how long?" George asked, feeling slightly concerned.

"I can't remember, can't even remember what they actually did, I should probably stop drinking in the office," He said, whipped out a carton of juice from his pocket, "goddammit, no straw!" He steamed, "I'll be back, I've got a convenience store working to arraign…"

And with that, Branch stormed off. At least George understood why. He too had experienced the pain of purchasing a cartoned beverage, only to find the straw missing. He closed his eyes, blinking back the tears evoked by the painful memory.

"Great! Now you can get me down!" Novak said, pointing hopefully at the ladder in the corner.

"And you can get me out of this corner!" Cabot called.

"Can't you just leave the corner and help me retrieve Casey?" George asked.

"No," Cabot sighed, "Branch glued my shoes to the floor."

"Take your shoes off?" George suggested. After a pause, Cabot did just that, and quickly dashed over to George, a giddy look on her face.

"Wow! I never thought of that! You're really smart, did you go to college?" Cabot asked.

"Didn't you?" George asked.

"No, I bought my law degree on the internet," Cabot said.

"Explains a lot…" George muttered under his breath, "lets get Casey down from there."

"Wait!" Cabot yelled, grabbing Novak's baseball bat from her nearby desk, "lets play 'Novak Pinata'!"

George quickly relieved the deranged lawyer of her implement, "lets not."

"Awwww," Novak sighed, "I always wanted to find out if I'm actually filled with candy."

George decided to say no more and instead simply retrieved the ladder and set about releasing the potentially insane ADA.

"So, we better get going!" Novak said, once she was back on the ground, "we're late for the wedding!"

"Wedding?" George reluctantly queried.

"Goddamit, of course!" Cabot chimed in, "Elliot and Olivia decided to get married!"

George looked surprised, "really? When?"

"Elliot proposed in the squad room yesterday, I think he was high," Cabot replied.

"So they're getting married today?" George asked.

"Yep, Donnelly said she'd do the honors, so they'll be at the courthouse right about now."

George was torn between feeling slightly hurt at not getting an invite, and confusion over how on earth they'd managed to hitch together a wedding in just a day, "I guess we better show our faces…"

The courthouse was a short drive. Thankfully.

Novak had thought it would be amusing to attach a large sign to the top of her car with the word "Influence" on it, to see if she would get arrested for driving under it. They hadn't been.

The dash into the courtroom just in time to hear Elizabeth Donnelly starting the ceremony,

"We're gathered here today, because I was bored, and these two want to get hitched, I'm not sure if I can legally marry people, but whatever," Donnelly reeled off, seemingly more interested in her smartphone than proceedings.

"Big forehead cop, do you want to get married?" Donnelly muttered.

"Sure, why not." Stabler said.

"And Benson, you?" Donnelly continued.

"More than anything in the world!" Benson gushed. For reasons unknown, she was dressed in an army uniform. Perhaps obtaining a wedding dress at such short notice had been difficult.

"Great," Donnelly said, finally pulling her attention away from tweeting, "oh, I almost forgot, does anyone know of any reason, you know aside from the obvious ones, why these two should not be married?"

A voice called out from the back of the courtroom, "I do, I'm carrying Elliott's child!"

It was Cabot. George looked over as she stood up.

"Seriously Elliott, I can't believe you made me babysit Elliott Junior," Cabot frowned, gesturing to the child in her arms.

"Anyone have any legitimate reasons?" Donnelly growled, stressing the fourth word. George rubbed at his eyes, wishing he hadn't decided to turn up. This could go on forever.

Of course, another voice chirped up, "Hey, I do, I'm actually pregnant with Stablers kid."

This time it was…

Tutuola.

George decided to step in in an attempt to move proceedings along, "Detective, I don't think that's possible."

Tutuola pursed his lips angrily, "oh really, what do you call this then?" He stood revealing a substantial tummy bump.

"Gas?" Novak chuckled.

"I thought about that," Tutuola mused, "but it's been like this for months, and it's getting bigger, and it all happened after I accidentally touched Stablers hand. So I gotta be pregnant."

"Seems legit," Novak agreed.

George stepped in again, "it's possible you're experiencing a 'phantom pregnancy', which is where…"

Tutuola, cut him off, "so you're telling my I'm gonna give birth to some ghostly undead shit? Hell no, ain't nobody got time for that!"

Donnelly interrupted the both of them, "ah screw it, I don't really give a damn if anyone objects, sign here and you're hitched."

Benson squinted at the papers before her, "this says we'll both be married...to you?"

Donnelly shrugged, "you said you wanted me to marry you two. I thought 'well that's a bit kinky' but hell, why not? I've not really got anything better to do."

"We wanted to marry each other," Stabler said.

Suddenly, the doors burst open, "nobody move!" yelled the interloper.

The room spun around to see Kathy Stabler, dressed in combat fatigues, assault rilfles in both hands.

"Kathy?!" Stabler yelled, quickly hiding behind a nearby table.

"I'm here to take my husband back, and shoot everyone else!" Kathy screamed squinting one eye in a crazed manner.

"Why do you always have to be such a crazy bitch all the time?" Cabot asked.

"Eh, I prevent the whole Olivia/Elliott thing from happening. Everyone hates me," Kathy shrugged, "anyway, time to start this party!"