hey everyone. sorry about the long wait AGAIN... i had two significant losses in my family and everything has just been crazy lately with visitations and ceremonies. but i'm back! and i wanted to say...

MERRY CHRISTMAS!

i hope you guys have an amazing holiday! i also hope you guys enjoy this chapter. i spent a lot of time on it trying to get it perfect for you all!

enjoy :)

Chapter 12

I shiver involuntarily into my robes, thankful that I wore an extra coat tonight. The weather has gotten substantially colder, especially at night. I find myself acting like an eight-year-old, blowing air out in front of me just so that I can see my breath.

I roll my shoulders back and check the time on my phone: 10:05. It's unlike Alison to be late to something. Or, at least, it seems like it would be. To me, she just seems like the kind of person who's always on time no matter what.

"Emily," her voice warms the air around me. I turn around when I hear her voice, unable to keep the smug smile off of my face. She runs her fingers through her hair and bites her lip.

"You're late," I smirk. She rolls her eyes in response and walks down the stone steps until she's next to me. She doesn't sit down, though. Instead she leans against the railing behind her, her blue eyes sparkling under the crescent moon.

"I was busy," Alison retorts, but there's no malice in her voice. It wavers with playful annoyance.

I hold my hands up in mock surrender and pretend to shake with fear—really it's just because it's cold out. She rolls her eyes again.

Silence washes over us like a wave, causing me to shudder again. I pull my knees closer to my chest and wrap my outer coat around them. Alison watches my movements with an arched eyebrow and evident curiosity.

"So," I begin, becoming a little uncomfortable under her gaze. She shakes her head and snaps out of whatever daze she was in.

"Well, I found out all I wanted to know," she smiles and finally takes a seat, using the wall as a backrest. She leans against it, resting her head back, facing me. "And now everything is okay. We can go back to normal. Well, sort of. I guess normal is pretty different now."

"Okay," I nod, waiting for her to continue. She smirks and bites her lip.

I don't know exactly where she's going with this. I don't understand Alison at all. One day she's nice and is flirtatious, and the next she's cold and snaps at the smallest thing. Then, after that, she says that she's just acting, pretending to be angry. Well, damn, give this girl an Oscar for Best Actress; she really fooled me. I thought for sure that she was mad.

And what the hell is going on with those two potions?

"Paige McCullers," she tells me in a sing-song voice, as if it's supposed to mean something.

"Huh?"

"That's who was in the bathroom," Alison clarifies. She watches my response, probably to see if that name sparks some kind of reaction.

But it doesn't.

"Why would she care?" I ask.

"Oh, she hates me," Alison says, as if it's the most obvious thing in the world. She shrugs it off and smiles. "She'd do anything to ruin my reputation or to hurt me."

Who… does anyone not hate her? Besides me, that is.

"Why would she hate you?"

"Ugh," Alison groans. She clearly didn't want to talk about it, but she continues anyways, "I used to give her a hard time in elementary school. But she was asking for it! She creeped me out. She was always staring at me."

I feel the heat rise in my face as I try to brush away the fact that I'm always staring at her, too. Alison cocks her head to the side and watches my face turn red.

"So you made fun of her?" I try to take the spotlight off of myself.

"Yeah," Alison nods. I wince a little because sometimes it doesn't seem like she understands what's wrong with the way she used to act.

I blink a few times and try to focus back on the significant details.

"So what does that have to do with anything?" I prod.

Her face tenses up, especially around her jawline and her temples. I can almost see the gears grinding in her head as she contemplates what to say next or how she wants to say it. I watch her expectantly, waiting.

"Cece and Mona have been planning to 'overthrow me' for a while, now," Alison begins. Disgust flashes across her face for a moment, but she swiftly recovers and resumes her sweet demeanor as if nothing happened.

"Oh," is all I can think of to say. I mean, I guess that doesn't surprise me in the least. The only surprising factor is that Alison is saying it out loud; anyone can tell that it's been on their minds for a while.

"I used that as an excuse to hide the way I've been feeling," Alison says, her lips thinning into a line.

"About?" I'm not sure exactly what she's referring to.

"This."

"What?" I shake my head; that didn't clarify anything.

"This," Alison repeats, using her right hand to gesture between the two of us, lingering on me each time. "Whatever 'this' is."

There's a this? Ugh, Alison is more confusing than Arithmetic.

"So," Alison continues, as if she can read my mind and see my confusion, "that's the real reason why I was being mean to you before. I tried to convince myself that it was because I didn't want to lose my social status, but it's not. It never was about that for me, really."

She sighs and looks out over the water into the dark abyss.

"Alison," I say, my voice strained slightly, "I'm not following. And it's not because I can't, it's because you aren't making any sense."

She furrows her eyebrows and then scoots closer to me until our knees are touching. My eyes flicker down to the contact.

"The whole time you and I have been friends, I've told myself that I'm tired of being something or someone that I'm not," she explains. "That's one of the many reasons that I love hanging out with you. I finally can look in the mirror and recognize the girl staring back at me; I am finally myself. I don't have to lie about anything; you accept me for me. I love the person I am whenever I'm around you, because I know that it's the real me. There aren't any masks or façades; it's so real."

She takes a deep breath and glances down at my hands, which lay motionless in my lap. Alison reaches out and lightly grasps my hands, intertwining her fingers with mine, and slightly smiles.

"But if I was to say that that was the main reason I was being harsh to you, it would be a total lie," she admits quietly, staring at our hands. My eyebrows knit together and I wait for her to continue.

"I was—am—scared," her voice is low.

"About?" I ask with the utmost care.

"This," she repeats, and looks up from our hands to makes eye contact. Her eyes convey something that I'm not sure that I've ever seen before.

"Oh?" I squeak.

"I tried to convince myself that this was a game," she says. "But it's not. I tried to pretend like I was leading you on and I honestly didn't care about you like that. I pretended you were just another pawn in my game of chess and I was going to throw you away as soon as I had used you all up. But I couldn't lie to myself. Especially not regarding you. Not when you're the one who has shed so much light on my life."

She goes silent for a moment, but I don't even think to fill it.

"You've been a lighthouse to my life," she smiles at me, and it reaches her eyes. "I feel like I'm a captain at sea, and my life is one huge storm right after the other, complete with monsoons and tidal waves. But then, when I see you, it's like a reminder that I'm almost to shore and almost to safety. And your light guides me the rest of the way until I'm home, and I'm where I'm supposed to be."

"Alison," I start.

"I'm so scared about the way I feel about you, Emily," she admits, breaking eye contact. I watch her, my heart pounding. I know that she can feel the sweat accumulating in my palms, but she doesn't say anything.

"I've tried to think of so many excuses and reasons why I shouldn't admit my feelings for you. I'd lose my popularity, my friends, my family," she begins to list, but trails off slightly. "But then I realized how much of a hypocrite I was being, since that was what you and I originally bonded on. I could be honest with you and tell you that I didn't even want any of those things. And then I realized I needed to be honest with myself, too."

I swallow as noiselessly as possible.

"I was being a total idiot," she chuckles a little. "I could get everything I want, but I was also afraid of that. What if I do get everything I want, but then I'm not satisfied?"

I open my mouth to speak, but don't.

"That's impossible, though," Alison says seriously. "As long as I have you in my life, I'll always be the happiest and most satisfied."

I want her to keep talking, but I don't know how to ask.

"So, to clarify the potions," she sniffs the air and raises her voice a little so that it's more confident. "The potion we made in Potions was a sleep spell. I gave it to Cece so that I could get Mona alone to talk to. When alone, I slipped Mona the potion that Wren gave me, by putting it in her tea. It was a truth serum, so I could ask her anything and everything I wanted, and she would have to tell the truth. Wren also added a dose of some potion that would make Mona obey one order that I gave her."

"Okay," I say slowly.

"So Mona admitted that it was Paige who narked," Alison says as a short summary. "And she also admitted the other plans that she and Cece had to take me down; whatever relationship you and I have is what they're going to use as their main fuel. And then I gave her the order, and I headed down here to see you."

"What did you say?"

"I told her to do it."

My eyes widen.

"It's what I want, isn't it?" she tilts her head to the side. "Why make it more complicated than it needs to be? This is my way out! I shouldn't back out because I'm scared of the way I feel. I need to accept the gift that life is giving me and just run with it."

I try to speak but am at a loss for words.

"I'm taking a risk, Em," Alison breathes out. "But it's totally worth it. There's this one quote that my grandmother used to tell me all of the time whenever we would talk about what true love really was. She said: 'Love is giving someone the ability to destroy you, but trusting them not to.' It's all about taking risks, Emily. And you're worth that risk for me."

I can't fight the smile that makes its way onto my face. I nod a few times, but can't find the words to describe how I'm feeling.

"So, here you go," Alison smiles. She searches the pockets of her robes and pulls out a small, wrapped box, no bigger than her hand. "Merry Christmas."

"It's November," I correct her, eyes on the box. She hands it to me without another word.

"Wouldn't matter if it was March," she shrugs. "I'm still giving you the same ability by giving you my heart."

I nod wordlessly.

I open it carefully, pulling the wrapping paper off with ease. I lift the top of the box off and furrow my eyebrows. Inside is what looks like a mini sketch book, the size of a sticky note. I glance up at her only to see that one of her eyebrow is quirked and she's biting her bottom lip.

"Go on," she encourages me.

I open the sketchbook up to the first page. It's an ink drawing of Alison, sitting among a few other people in what looks to be the library. I glance up at her and she nods her head to continue.

I flip the page, and the picture is altered slightly. After a few more page turns, I realize that it's one of those moving picture books where if you flip through it quickly, it makes it look almost like an animation.

So I do. I flip through until Alison has walked out of the library, and the Emily in the drawings is following her. I flip through until the two girls are in the bathroom, facing each other. As each page turns, they get closer and closer until they're finally touching by means of a kiss.

I glance up at Alison, who watches me with a small smile on her lips.

"I drew those using the pen you gave me," she tells me.

"I didn't know you could draw," I say as I flip through the book again, admiring each picture.

"There are a lot of things you don't know about me," Alison answers, and I can't help but look back up at her. She stands up and holds her hand out for me to help me up. "Do you want to find out what they are?"

"I'd be an absolute idiot not to," I respond, accepting her hand. She pulls me onto my feet, but doesn't let go of my hand even when we're both standing.

She starts to pull me in the direction of up the stairs, but I stop dead in my tracks. When she notices I'm not moving, she looks back at me with a confused expression.

"Thanks, Alison," I say. "For the book and for being honest. But, if I'm being honest, too, you don't need to worry about any 'destruction' or whatever."

A slight blush invades her cheeks.

"I know. You don't, either," she smiles. "Come on."

I grin and step up until I'm on the same stair that she's on. We don't release our hands, but I do let her lead me blindly.

yay! so alison is giving up her old life so that she can start a new, honest one with emily. hollaaaa how romantic :)

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