Fullmoffu Metalopanic Alchemy
Description: The disturbing tale about how and why Ed&Al ended up as a tech-priest and his servitor, employed in a (marinade marine marauder) marines host club situated in not-so-medieval Europe.
Disclaimer: I own nothing, I have nothing, for I am but a mere beggar solely seeking entertainment.
Edward, together with Al, attempted the forbidden alchemy: Human transmutation! They were severely punished for this heretic act. After the failed experiment, they approached the Gate of Truth, which led to the Domain of the God of Humanity- the Emperor of Mankind. Suddenly the Gate opened. They passed through it. Afterwards, after a lot of excruciating pain, Edward woke up as a soul bound to his severed arm and leg, with his brother's soulless empty husk of a body lying nearby. Ed wasn't able to make out any of their surroundings, since he had no eyes at the moment. Or ears. Or anything. How was he even alive? - When that realization came, he passed out.
When he woke up, he had a mechanical body, with his original organic hand and leg attached to it. Hid brother was beside him, turned into a robotic body with a big gun and wheels and wires and robotic stuff, with blank eyes and an attached plate with the sequence "41ÞH0NS331R1C" written on it. When Ed saw this, a muffled scream came out of his throat. It felt awkward, as if it wasn't his body. Because it wasn't his body, duh. "Servitor 41ÞH0NS331R1C is to your service, master Tech-priest"- replied AI. -"where are we"- "in a ship"- "where is this ship?" "in the void"- Ed sighed heavily, or at least he tried, it came out like a trains wheezing. In the cold, grim, depressing metal wall a door suddenly appeared. A fluffy, cute, maroon, friendly mascot Bonta-kun came in, with a big gun and a venflon kevlar vest.-"Fumo fumo fumoffu!" It said, and gestured to Ed&Al that they should come with it. They followed, with bewildered cybernetic expressions on their reshaped fullmetal faces. They walked through the maze of dark corridors for a long time, when they finally reached the Chamber of Secrets, where an evil Silk Basil dwelled. "How was it able to grow in a place like this, with insufficient light?" wondered Ed. Apparently the Basil ignored the laws of nature, or simply they didn't exist beyond The Gate, who knows? Maybe the sky disappeared and the sun didn't even exist anymore? "Fumoffu"- said Bonta-kun, and then more Bonta-kuns entered, with gray fur instead of maroon. "I HAVE A MISSION FOR YOU, IN THE NAME OF THE EMPEROR!" said the Basil. -"Whaaaaat"-"fumo!"-" YOU SHALL JOIN THE INQUISITORIAL EFFORT AND GOURDED BY THE UNDERCOVER FUMOFFU AGENTS YOU WILL EXTERMINATE ALL HERETICS IN A CERTAIN PORTION OF TIME AND SPICE. This shall be your eternal punishment for breaking the universal rules of the universe!"-"But I have no gourds, and I've never been in Gurd, and I get it that since you're a basil you think that spices are important but I'm no good at gourmet and you're using tautologies ….. and WTH? I'm just a kid!"-""do nuit argue with me child! You're nuit a child,since you know words such as WTH, child! And also, do nuit forge the philosophers stone! I need you to binge it to me! And do not offend me, I am no simple basil, I am a basil lich!"- then the Basil shed it's slough slowly, to revel in revealing it's true shape: a demi-dracolich! When the fumoffu agents- Bonta-kuns saw what was happening, they disabled their camouflage options to reveal Ultramarine Power Armour! "Demon! Heresy! You deceived us, die IN THE NAME OF THE EMPEROR!" Then the Dracolich cast Planeshift on himself and disappeared, his last words were:" Furfill my diamonds! I will find you, pampers, wherever you goo, Elric brothers. MUAHAHAAAHAHA." "What a nutty basilisk"- thought Ed. "A faulty translation program"-thought Al's AI. The marines ran quickly to their emergency ship and flew away in pursuit.
We already know what became of them from the previous story, so let's focus on Ed&Al's fate.
T.B.C. soon
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